97 comments

Thriller

Do you want me to tell you a story about a girl who was captured? I bet your first thought was that she was chained or locked in some room, but no, she was trapped inside of her own mind.




She was standing still. The blood was pounding in her ears so that every sound around her was muffled. She was barefoot; she could feel gooey and tick pound of liquid beneath her feet. A sound of a siren went off. The same sound was giving her a headache while the blood pounding hasn’t stopped. The taste of metal began pinching her tongue and palates. All the sounds were becoming less clear; until all she could hear was wheezing.

Voice One - You are going crazy Lilith… - The eerie voice was scratching through her ears, at least, that’s how she felt. There were several similar voices, going over each other. They were all saying something.

Voice Two - Run away, run away… - Another voice said.

Voice Three - She won’t get there in time… - The third voice of a woman spoke. 

I am not strong, I am weak, I can’t move… - She was saying to herself. Her blood pressure was getting higher. Her heart was beating faster. Where am I? 

Voice Two - You are in hell darling; this is how hell looks like… 

Voice One - No, she is not in hell! Lilith, don’t listen to her, she is… - she coughed - crazy! - All three voices began laughing.

I am not crazy; I am not crazy… - She wanted to convince herself, but she couldn’t. The voices were too strong to fight them off, even her own self-doubt was too strong.

She was cold; tiny snowflakes were burning her light and bare skin. Her skin was exposed to a darkness that covered the sky above her. She raised her gaze and looked at the moon that was shining down on here. I am not crazy; this is just a dream… Still unable to believe her own words Lilith felt her beating heart going weaker.

Voice Two - She won't survive… 

Voice One - No, she won't… 

Voice Three - She is too weak

She fell on her knees, hitting them hard on the cement floor. She raised her hands - they were red, soiled with blood. Her whole naked body was covered in traces of blood. Am I to blame? 

Voice One - Of course you are! Look at yourself!

Voice Three - Poor Lilith, she doesn’t even know what she did. 

Voice Two - Can you hear us, Lilith, why don’t you listen to us? 




Lilith could hear those voices, she made them, they were coming from her head. But these voices were new and unfamiliar. She didn’t know those womanly voices. She was scared of them, they were scary and distant. Lilith was now trapped with other voices that appeared just now, now that she was stuck in the middle of the street covered in dead’s man blood.




- Why am I here? Why did you bring me here? What do you want from me? - She was asking, speaking in a low voice. But no response, there was nobody that could hear her questions.

Voice One - She is going mad… 

Voice Two - Who is she speaking to?

Voice Three - She must be going crazy.

Voice Two - She is already crazy, but who is she speaking to? 

Please tell me, where am I? Why is there blood on my hands? - The cold wind was slapping her face and burning her skin like tiny snowflakes that were landing on her dirty and bloody skin.

Everything before her eyes was unclear, especially the body that was lying in front of her in the same pound of blood that her bare feet were sunken into. She could hear the murmurs around her. She was looking at people’s faces looking back at her. She couldn’t understand what happened and why she is in a place like that, bare skinned around blood.

In the distance, there was black glass.

Voice One - If you look deep into that mirror you will reveal the truth, Lilith.

Voice Two - Don’t trust her Lilith! She is speaking madness!

She looked at her reflection looking back at herShe raised her tiny hand closer to her cheek. She could see the frightened little girl in that glass. Is this me? A man appeared behind her. The man in the glass reflection placed his hand over her shoulders. - Don’t be scared… - a mysterious man said. - I am here now.

- I knew you would come!! - She cheered in excitement.  

Voice Two - Who is he?

Voice Three - What does he want with her?

Voice One - Lilith, tell us, who is he?

Then two burly men in gray suits came behind her back. - Come with us. - One of them said. They grabbed her by her arms and handcuffed her. A smile appeared on her face revealing bloody teeth. She began laughing, like a mad man.

Voice Three - Why is she laughing?

Voice Two - Why didn’t she escape?

- You know what you did. – One of the two men spoke. But she didn’t know what she did. She had no clue of the events that occurred. The only thing she knew was that she was free. – You are coming with us now. 

Voice One - Where are they taking her?

Voice Three - Lilith, where are they taking you?

But Lilith hasn’t said anything. She was quiet until she let out an ominous laugh. She once again looked at her reflection. There was she, and beside her was a man looking back at her while two burly men were taking her towards the black smoke. 

Voice Three - Lilith! Don’t leave us! Lilith! 

- Thank you... – Lilith said quietly, still gazing towards the glass. This time, there wasn’t her reflection anymore, just a reflection of a man she thanked. The voices were gone too, they disappeared the moment she disappeared. 




Lilith had to do it. She needed to set herself free. Even though the poor girl didn’t know what she has done, everything was too much that she couldn’t bear the life she had anymore. The only way out was this... 




- What happened here? – A woman asked when she came closer to the crime scene. 

- Young woman killed a man and then she killed herself by stabbing a knife into her chest. People who witnessed her suicide say that she was „crazy“ and that she was constantly speaking with someone even though there was no one around here speaking with her. As our witnesses say, she looked at the glass near her and thanked someone before she stabbed a knife into her chest. They say that she seemed like she was possessed like she didn’t know what she was doing. She really must have been mad. 




Lilith killed herself so she could finally be free. The poor girl was so oblivious that she didn’t know that by stabbing herself she would kill herself. She only wanted to live a normal life, without eerie voices and illusions. She found that escape in a suggestion made by an evil man, a voice, and a reflection. Lilith is now gone, impaired, and feeble soul was sent to the other side by two men who took her to the black smoke. She’ll never come back. Lilith was forever gone; her name could be heard just as whispers screaming through the air in dark. 


July 26, 2020 13:25

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97 comments

D. Shikha
02:46 Aug 26, 2020

Awesome story! Would you mind checking out my first story?

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Nancy Drayce
13:22 Sep 13, 2020

Thank you! 💜💫 As soon as I read it I will let you know what I think! 🤗

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Lily Kingston
01:11 Aug 17, 2020

So this so good, but so tragic.

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Nancy Drayce
11:42 Aug 18, 2020

Thank you!! 💜✨

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Syeda Fatima
01:04 Aug 12, 2020

Omg! the starting came out so shocking and twisty, I had to read the whole story. you are extraordinarily awesome in designing self-trapped characters who are the heroes and the villains themselves.. cool!

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Nancy Drayce
07:59 Aug 12, 2020

Thank you so much! That means so much to me!! 💜✨

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Zilla Babbitt
13:16 Aug 10, 2020

Here for the critique circle :). Intriguing and well done! The ending is so sad but also impactful. There are a few grammar problems/typos with commas and quotation marks, but I think the main thing is the ending. It's too quick! Her death is condensed into one paragraph. Draw it out, put in more dialogue or demon-talking so it doesn't seem so rushed. Good job with the name Lilith... it's significant to madness/demons. Keep it up!

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Nancy Drayce
07:58 Aug 12, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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Keerththan 😀
06:45 Aug 10, 2020

Fantastic. Good job. Keep writing. Would you mind checking out my stories too?

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Nancy Drayce
07:58 Aug 12, 2020

Thank you! 💜✨ As soon as I read it, I'll let you know what I think! 😊

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Abbygail Esparza
05:42 Aug 07, 2020

You are so goooood

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Nancy Drayce
06:18 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you!! 💜✨

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Yolanda Wu
00:44 Aug 06, 2020

Argh, this story destroyed me, just reading about Lilith's internal battles between the voices. The descriptions were also amazing.

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Nancy Drayce
05:06 Aug 06, 2020

Aw, thank you so much! 💜✨

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03:24 Aug 04, 2020

Wow poor Lilith. Great job. I like the use of the voices

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Nancy Drayce
13:44 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you! 💜✨

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Asa Frederick
14:05 Aug 03, 2020

I always love a story about madness, especially when it has been well depicted and is engaging, and yours certainly is. Nice work.

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Nancy Drayce
14:52 Aug 03, 2020

Thank you! 💜✨

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Aditya Pillai
19:19 Aug 02, 2020

I love this! The voices in her head, her desperation, the gradual descend into full on madness and psychosis- great stuff. Unique and thrilling, with that pathos at the end. Great work indeed. Would love it if you could check mine out too!

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Nancy Drayce
19:22 Aug 02, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨ Of course! 😊

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Abhishek Todmal
12:05 Aug 02, 2020

A lover of crime fiction, this was something right up my alley. I like the dark background and the voices, that seem haunting. Great job !

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Nancy Drayce
12:06 Aug 02, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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Tariq Saeed
02:42 Aug 02, 2020

Story is sad but good.it changes the mood upside down, twisting.

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Nancy Drayce
05:29 Aug 02, 2020

Thanks! 💜✨

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Love it. Very similar to a story I wrote back in 2006, which I was reminded bore some resemblance to Poe's Telltale Heart. https://dungherder.wordpress.com/2017/11/15/the-guessing-ghoul/

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Nancy Drayce
17:04 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you! 💜✨ Cool! I'll check it out!

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Deborah Angevin
01:24 Aug 01, 2020

Loved the story, Nancy. The buildup to the ending was great and well-paced! Would you mind checking my recent story, "A Very, Very Dark Green?" Thank you :)

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Nancy Drayce
09:21 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨ I would be glad to read it! 😊

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Isabelle ~~
10:59 Jul 31, 2020

Nice :) I haven’t thought about the character being trapped in her own mind, this is a brilliant idea. I love it

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Nancy Drayce
11:59 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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San T.
08:52 Jul 31, 2020

Wow!!

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Nancy Drayce
09:32 Jul 31, 2020

🤭💜✨

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A. S.
21:41 Jul 30, 2020

Great job! I really liked how your did the voices inside her. Your words made the surroundings so vivid! I would love to hear your opinion on my newest story “On The Edge”!

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Nancy Drayce
21:47 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨ I am on it! 🤗

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16:36 Jul 30, 2020

Captivating! It captures the reader from beginning to finish. Look forward to reading more of your writings.

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Nancy Drayce
16:40 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you so much! 💜✨

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19:14 Jul 27, 2020

Awesome!

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Nancy Drayce
05:10 Jul 28, 2020

Thanks! 💜✨

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Skyler Woods
19:23 Nov 15, 2020

I was looking for some subscribers for my new YouTube channel. ❤ https://youtu.be/7kmQOnrZuQc

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