247 comments

Horror Mystery Thriller

Red. Red like blood. Blood red. Dripping down the walls, spinning, spinning, never stop spinning.

She grabs her cheeks and holds them hostage in her bloody fingers; her nails sliding down like blades. She screams gleefully, laughs, and slaps her legs raw. Her cheeks now have blood marks on them.

Fire. Covered in the fire. Red, bloody fire.

Blood vessels burst open in her legs and blood rushes to the surface of her pale skin. 

“What a great friend!” she screams, banging her fists against the icy cement floor. Red, yellow, and blue bruises appear where her fists hit the ground. 

No answer, and everything is silent. Still. 

Amaline nods and a loud, raspy sound erupts from her cracked lips.

“Didn’t answer me,” she says to the air, turning around. Nobody responds. “Now he shuts up. He spoke every second of the day.”

“He wants me to come...”     

Red walls spin around her, she stands up too quickly for her liking. Her vision gets cloudy and static-like snow blinds her. She stumbles on one leg until her vision returns to normal and she walks toward the door of her room. Her blister-covered feet lead her, she has no control of herself as she nears the door. 

Amaline grimaces, coming close to the door. Her nails claw at her palms, and her hands are curled into fists. 

She passes right through the door. 

The building is silent, the only noise is the sound of cockroaches shuffling on the floor.

Amaline walks down the hallway, lights flickering above her head. Glass shatters with every step she takes, and it acts like confetti, showering over her. Blood draws from where the glass hits and it drips down her face.

Red. Deep red. Everything is red, covered in blood-

The blood drips into Amaline’s mouth and she grins, licking it away. More blood comes, dripping down, on her teeth.

She bangs on every wall, door, and window, waiting for a response. Something.

She turns and sees a small girl staring at her with wide eyes.

Amaline walks towards the girl, her face expressionless, not revealing anything. She advances closer to the girl, walking in small steps.

“Please!” the girl yells, her eyes wide.

Amaline stands in front of the girl.

Snap!

With one hand, she reaches out and snaps her neck in half.

A moan comes out of the girl’s mouth, along with a pool of dark red liquid.

Amaline, still holding the girl’s body and head, stumbles back to her room.

Red is all around. Blood, dripping, dripping, slipping down, more and more.

She forgets.

Bodies and heads surround her in a circle, all with snapped necks and wide eyes.

She sits in the middle of it all, smiling a small, innocent smile. The environment is like a sinister peacefulness.

Her mind is cleared. She forgets.

Every day she laughs her honey-like laugh. Every day, she speaks to people who aren’t there. Every day, she walks toward the door. Every day she grimaces. Every day, glass breaks. Every day another neck is snapped.

She’s trapped. She has no clue.

“Just let me help you!” a man pleads, holding his hands together above his head. He’s on his knees, begging, bartering for his life.

Amaline stops and looks at the man. She walks towards him and bends down to his level. The man stares at her, his eyes wide. His breath catches.

Amaline cocks her head at the man, her expressionless face staring deep into him.

“Please...” a whisper comes from the man’s lips, and he reaches out to brush Amaline’s hair back.

She dodges his touch and kicks him across the room. His back hits the wall, and he coughs up blood.

“Please...” he repeats, his hand on his chest, as if it’s the only thing holding him up. His breaths sound more like wheezes and gasps as he watches Amaline come closer to him.

She grabs him by the throat and drags him to the red room.

Snap!

Dead.

Neck after neck, head after head.

She’s looking for someone, someone who wronged her.

Someone she trusts. They did this to her. But she can’t- she forgives them. She always will. Yet she will always hate them and hate what they did to her. She doesn’t know what to do, because they don’t come back.

Countless bodies piled on top of each other. Filling the red room.

The people who know her die. She has nobody. Nobody who knows her. Slowly, she begins to fade.

Her eyes are gone, now just holes in her head. Huge, gaping holes. Her lips wither away, and soon she doesn’t have a face at all. She’s nothing more than a faceless girl who wanders around the building.

People keep coming. Suicidal, normal, insane, all dead. Heads snap off. Choke to death. Thrown. Concussions. Bleeding inside. Dead.

Blood coats every surface of the room. The floor is covered in bodies.

Yet she doesn’t remember. Everything is gone.

Her feet have blisters from being dragged across the rug floor of the hallway countless times. She’s waiting. Waiting for her lover.

She had awaited his arrival for days, weeks, months, now. Wanting to drag him by the hand down the hallway and ruffle his hair like she did every single day.

Amaline remembered none of it. None of the killing, wandering around, nothing.

In between the three gaping holes in her head, nothing showed. Just pale holes in an albino head.

Even the sight of her makes people scream and beg for mercy. She hates that.

You didn’t give me mercy when you killed me!

She’s torn between forgiving or raging. So she picks the latter option, not wanting to be seen as weak.

“Please, I have-"

Snap!

People plead with her, try everything they can. Bringing her roses, sprinkling her with holy water, cutting her neck off.

Dead. Amaline’s neck grows back almost instantaneously, but the other necks, well... not really.

Neck after neck, head after head.

She sits alone, wallowing in her own loneliness, not knowing she creates it.

Red covers their pale flesh, dripping, down, down never stopping.

She gets more depressed each day, truly believing her lover is gone.

Neck after neck, head after head.

It becomes clearer.

Amaline laughs loudly, the holes in her head wider. Her laughs turn into moans of despair, which turn into screams of agony.

Loneliness fills Amaline to the brim, and she hates it. She hates that feeling. It is devastating, and she knows she has people. They are all around her.

Still laughing, her mouth wide open, she rubs her bloody, dirt-covered hands together, reaches up, and gently places them around her own neck.

Snap!

It doesn’t matter.

October 21, 2020 18:11

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247 comments

Scout Tahoe
19:38 Oct 25, 2020

*Exhales* Wow, this was scary, more than mine. I'm shaking from the way you described blood and Amaline. Creepy name, too. I have no words because your story frightened them out of me. This was really good, keep it up. ;)

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:41 Oct 25, 2020

Dudeeeee, nooo! Your story had more emotion and day-in-the-life, that's what made it scary too! Thank you! :) Lol, yayy! Thank you again, I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :D

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Scout Tahoe
19:42 Oct 25, 2020

You're welcome.

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:10 Oct 21, 2020

Sure, girl

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:13 Oct 21, 2020

So, this story is inspired by 'The Haunting of Bly Manor' on Netflix. (SO GOOD) Sorry if it's trash, I submitted it right after I wrote it. Thank you, and hope you enjoy! :)

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Serine Achache
23:38 Oct 25, 2020

WOW! This is really good! I liked how you kept it all a mystery, and those short sentences tell just how broken she is! The ending was unexpected too! Although I felt like the words red and blood were used a little bit more than necessary, it did help paint a scary picture. Well done and keep writing!

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:40 Oct 25, 2020

Thank you, Serine! Maybe you're right, I'll try to watch out for that next time, so thank you for the advice! :) Thank you, and you too! Have a nice day/night, wherever you are in this world :)

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Ash M
22:08 Oct 21, 2020

This was pretty good, I liked how you were able to capture Amaline going insane. I've read stories where this kind of thing felt forced and unnatural; however, this was different. Although, I do feel like you could try more of showing and not telling (I would give examples but I'm really bad at show not tell). There's not really a plot to this, but I'm pretty sure that's part of the point. Overall this was pretty good, I'm looking forward to reading your future works.

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:39 Oct 21, 2020

Wow, thanks Ash! I totally need a THIRTY-minute video on how to 'show, not tell' lmao. Ha! I actually got a compliment out of you! I wanted this to be different, so >:) Thank you so much, talk to you later! ;)

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Ash M
02:59 Oct 24, 2020

Bruh I sent it to like everyone, and it was if you wanted to watch it. B r u h.

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:32 Oct 24, 2020

Lol, I believe you, I know you would! ;)

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Lilly Alves
01:24 Oct 28, 2020

I’ve never read anything like this before. Had me on the edge of my seat the whole time!! So many questions! Great work :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
03:26 Oct 28, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! :)

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12:30 Oct 26, 2020

New thread!

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Raquel Rodriguez
12:47 Oct 26, 2020

Okay! I'm in ELA rn, and we were talking about how stressful our homework is

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14:20 Oct 26, 2020

What's ELA? But yeah lol. We do get a LOTT of hw

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:28 Oct 26, 2020

Oh, English Language Arts, lol They have 9 homeworks due today, but I only have to do three because I sacrificed my life to do 6 of them yesterday >:)

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15:37 Oct 26, 2020

Ohh yass I do that soo much!! Lol May I ask which grade r u? If you don't wanna say, then its okay ! No hard feelings!

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:40 Oct 26, 2020

Oh, I'm in middle school :)

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03:39 Oct 26, 2020

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh Ohmigoshhhhh this is soooooo creepy. Yas I love horror stories SO MUCHH I ABSOLUTELY LOVED ITTTTT

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Raquel Rodriguez
03:44 Oct 26, 2020

Lol, thank you! :) I wanted to make it good for Halloween! :D

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04:19 Oct 26, 2020

Hehe, looking forward to more!

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Jade Young
22:28 Oct 25, 2020

OMIGOSH THIS STORY IS SO AMAZING WTF :O I've mentioned this before (and I probably won't stop until the day I stop reading your stories, so like, never) but I'm in love with your writing <3 Every word packs a punch. So does every sentence. I love how you structured it with some sentences just being one or two words so that it's more impactful. You painted such vivid descriptions through your choice of diction that I am once again feeling what your MC is feeling and experiencing every torturous moment that Amaline is is feeling. OMIGOSH A...

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:45 Oct 25, 2020

Thank you so much, I'm glad you like my story! :D Lol, thank you so much, and same (I'm in love with your writing!) Thank you, I've been experimenting, so I'm really excited that you like it! ;) You're WAY more talented than I am, I need to take lessons from you Thank you so much!!!! :D You just made my day, girl! Keep up the motivational, inspiring messages! :D

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Jade Young
22:53 Oct 25, 2020

What are you talking about, I need to be the one learning from you! I've always tried making my sentences as impactful as yours and end up flopping lol. But needless to say, I'm a huge fan of your writing, so hearing that you're a fan of mine has made MY day ;D

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:00 Oct 25, 2020

Yeah, but your world-building and characters are all so realistic and well-rounded! Mine are pretty flat, so I guess we're even! Maybe we could do a collab one day! :D :) Yeah, I'm a big fan.

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Jade Young
23:04 Oct 25, 2020

Omisoul I would be so honoured :D

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:09 Oct 25, 2020

Lol, I love that! Yay, I'm so exciteddddd > V <

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18:39 Oct 24, 2020

Aaaah, this story is so chilling!! Super great, but sent shivers down my spine!! Also, I LOVE Melanie Martinez! What's your favorite one of her songs?

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:59 Oct 24, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm glad since it's October and Halloween is coming closer! :) Yesss, Melanie is so good and she's really pretty. Oh my gosh, the entire Crybaby (especially 'Sippy Cup') album, umm... 'Recess' 'Fire Drill' 'Playdate' And the whole 'After School EP' album! She's so good!

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:16 Oct 24, 2020

Oh, and AHHHH! How did you knowwww?! I was listening to Melanie before and still am :P

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20:31 Oct 24, 2020

My favorite is Dollhouse, I LOVE it!! Haha, that's crazy!! I just checked out your bio!!

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20:42 Oct 24, 2020

BTW, I also love Nicki Minaj!

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20:53 Oct 24, 2020

Check out my bio!!

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L.A. Nolan
07:05 Oct 23, 2020

Hi Raquel, I enjoyed this read immensely. The choppy narrative lends itself well to the disjointed feel of the overall tone of the story. Quick, sharp sentences like whip cracks, very good. I, myself, am not a reader who needs or wants everything explained in finite detail, don't need the back story. I think your presentation plays well to that end. Your prose is almost adverb free, well done. If you can vividly portray a scene without them, all the better. You did tend to lapse into a passive voice now and again, one of the biggest ch...

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Raquel Rodriguez
12:15 Oct 23, 2020

Hello! Thank you so much, and I'm glad that you liked the short sentences. I try not to use adverbs, but I think 'slowly' can be useful sometimes. I always try to lower my adverb usage, but this time I think it's a bit different, I dunno. Oh, I'm sorry! Yeah, thank you! :) I wanted to keep it consistent. Thank you so much! What's NaNoWriMo? I've never heard of it, but it sounds interesting.

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L.A. Nolan
12:38 Oct 23, 2020

November is international novel writing month. NaNoWriMo is a web site that thousands of writers use to track their daily progress. They set up writing camps and groups. It's fantastic. Do a quick google search. If you are seriously thinking of trying a shot at a novel, it's a brilliant resource.

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:07 Oct 23, 2020

Okay, I'll check it out! Thank you so much! :)

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Wolfy 🐺
18:29 Oct 22, 2020

Wow, the ending rly got me. O_O I love it tho!!!

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:41 Oct 22, 2020

Lol, thank you! I was reading a Reedsy article for 'writing a novella' and I saw that it said I should try to write from the perspective of an unreliable character, which sounded really interesting, so I wanted to try it. Thank you, but I don't know how well it worked out for me, honestly. :)

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Wolfy 🐺
20:47 Oct 22, 2020

I think you did a great job- I love ur content!

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Raquel Rodriguez
20:50 Oct 22, 2020

Thank you so much! :) Heading over to your page now!

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Raquel Rodriguez
21:00 Oct 22, 2020

I commented on your new story! :)

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B. W.
05:38 Oct 28, 2020

heyyyy

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Raquel Rodriguez
06:06 Oct 28, 2020

Heyy, I'll talk to you in the morning, sorry :)

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B. W.
06:20 Oct 28, 2020

thats fine ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
11:38 Oct 28, 2020

Okay, what's up? :D

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B. W.
14:37 Oct 28, 2020

im bored and i just wanna talk

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:59 Oct 28, 2020

Alright, which topic? :)

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B. W.
23:56 Oct 26, 2020

Hola amiga ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:03 Oct 27, 2020

Hey!

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:04 Oct 27, 2020

Como estas, que te pasa, niña?

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B. W.
02:13 Oct 27, 2020

I have no idea what ya just said in spanish

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Raquel Rodriguez
05:07 Oct 27, 2020

Lol, I can't believe I didn't have to use Google Translate right there, I said, 'How are you, what's wrong, girl?'

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B. W.
05:31 Oct 27, 2020

Just sorta a lot of things at the moment

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B. W.
04:06 Oct 26, 2020

I just finished giving you some more points though I'll probably do some more ^^ I could also use some help with something else if that's alright.

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Raquel Rodriguez
11:24 Oct 26, 2020

Sure, what is it? :)

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B. W.
02:27 Oct 26, 2020

upvote spree for upvote spree? ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:30 Oct 26, 2020

Sure, how many points?

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B. W.
02:45 Oct 26, 2020

how about around 100 or so?

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:48 Oct 26, 2020

Alright, starting now, I'm at 1,672 and you're at 10,358 (lol wow you're much greater than I am)

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B. W.
02:49 Oct 26, 2020

I'm not better than ya, i think your better than me ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:58 Oct 26, 2020

I went 2 points over, lol. Whatever! Enjoy your points!

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B. W.
16:28 Oct 25, 2020

ya wanna hear a joke or something?

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:43 Oct 25, 2020

sure! :D

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B. W.
16:47 Oct 25, 2020

Knock Knock

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:03 Oct 25, 2020

Who's there?

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B. W.
17:14 Oct 25, 2020

tank

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:18 Oct 25, 2020

Tank who?

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B. W.
02:20 Oct 25, 2020

this is kinda a random question but, how would you describe me?

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:56 Oct 25, 2020

Um...hm...

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:57 Oct 25, 2020

I would say that you're really extroverted and you like writing. :)

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B. W.
16:13 Oct 25, 2020

:)

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B. W.
00:34 Oct 25, 2020

so, how is it going with your story ^^ I also finished another story so could you check out "Ghostly fun times" and leave feedback?

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:39 Oct 25, 2020

Oof, I had to start over again

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:40 Oct 25, 2020

Sure, I'll check it out! :)

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B. W.
00:55 Oct 25, 2020

why? what happened? and thanks, remember to leave feedback ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
01:06 Oct 25, 2020

Oh, I got signed out, lol

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B. W.
01:31 Oct 25, 2020

oh, you started over on it then right? how many words do ya have at the moment?

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Raquel Rodriguez
14:58 Oct 25, 2020

I have four little paragraphs.

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B. W.
17:30 Oct 23, 2020

heya

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:46 Oct 23, 2020

Hey, what's up?

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B. W.
17:47 Oct 23, 2020

I just wanna talk to someone, i'm kinda lonely.

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:55 Oct 23, 2020

Oh, alright! :) What do you wanna talk about?

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B. W.
17:56 Oct 23, 2020

my novels

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:06 Oct 23, 2020

Are you feeling down? :/

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