Beatrix is in the front seat of her mother's car, chewing gum and scrolling on Instagram posts.
She hesitates for a moment before sinking her phone into her pocket and leaning in, "Mum, why are we going to Grandma's house?"
Mrs Lemons sighs and glares at Beatrix in the side-view mirror. "I told you already Bee, I have a conference I can't cancel so you're staying over at Grandma's."
"But it's going to be boring!" she moans.
Mrs Lemons shrugs grimly. "You can play a board game with Grandma." she shrugs as she parks the car into Grandma's driveway.
Mrs Lemons presses the doorbell firmly. The doorknob twists and Grandma Lolla's face appears. "Martha, you're here!" she smiles brightly at Mrs Lemons. "Ah, Beatrix has come too hasn't she?" she smiles warmly at Beatrix who manages a small hurried smile back.
They enter the house, staring at the jumbled kitchen and the taped boxes lying on the floor. They had been there ever since Grandma moved in and stayed there ever since then. Chipped and cracked plaster make up the walls along with paint that looks like it was splashed and scrape marks.
Grandma Lolla beams excitedly. "I've got an old family recipe for making brownies," she says happily, clutching a cookbook and bestowing it in Beatrix's face, cheerfully.
Beatrix forces on a strained smile and settles on the couch, whipping up her phone again. "Maybe later, Grandma," she replies, grinning at a text message on her phone and replying to it at once, her agile fingers shifting up the keyboard on her phone.
"Maybe we can go check out photo albums? You know, the ones when you and Grandpa Larry married? I've never seen a photo of him before," Beatrix suggests again, looking up hopefully at the two grown-ups.
Mrs Lemons and Grandma Lolla exchange dark looks as she brings Mrs Lemons to the door. They whisper something and Grandma Lolla's smile is now forced and strained. "Well, how about I teach you how to knit?" she smiles extravagantly, picking up a pair of socks with enormously large holes in them.
Beatrix groans. "Uh, Grandma, why can't we see Grandpa Larry's photo albums? I've never got a picture of him before. And besides, I already know how to knit." she pushes eagerly.
Grandma Lolla swallows nervously. "Um,”
The phone in her hand quivers and she looks relieved as she quickly hurries to answer it, glad to get away from Beatrix. Grandma Lolla wipes her wet, damp hands on her apron and hastily makes her way to the front porch, answering the call and pressing the phone to her ears.
Beatrix rolls her eyes. She is getting suspicious. Quickly, she glances at Grandma, now engaged comfortably in the front porch, clutching her phone.
Beatrix tip-toes up the stairs and pushes Grandma Lolla's room door.
The room smells of heavily scented perfume and old roses. The curtains are drawn and the dressing table is crowded with talcum powders and shiny brooches. The second half of the room is covered with medals and awards. Ones that Beatrix suspected were awarded to her mother.
The floor is dark walnut and the soft rocking chair planted at the side of the room is a delightful beige colour. The wallpaper is studded with maroon and violet polka dots and there is a scented aroma coming from the direction of the scented candles fixed in the bathroom. There are silky gold-coated pillows on her bed and a couple of high cupboards on the left.
Grandma Lolla usually deposits her special things up in a high cupboard. Beatrix grabs the dressing table stool and reaches for the shiny brown cupboard standing proudly in the middle. She wrenches open a drawer.
There are a few old letters stamped easily and some deftly decorated cards stocked at the bottom that Beatrix had given to Grandma for Christmas.
After a few minutes of digging around in the cupboard, Beatrix comes across an olden photograph, blanketed in shiny dust and coveted in a golden frame.
Grandpa Laurence.
He looks neat and was a thin, smooth, well-made man in his twenties. He is thick-lipped and his hair is drowned in some shiny gel. Grandpa Larry is grinning into the photograph, but there is something odd about his smile.
This must be taken before Grandpa Larry was married, Beatrix realizes thoughtfully.
But what she doesn't understand was why Grandma Lolla keeping his photograph a secret. There must be something, a reason why she acted hesitantly before changing the subject.
It was almost as if, as if, she is ashamed. Ashamed, of something Beatrix yearns to find out.
A faint burrow of footsteps pounds against the wall of Grandma Lolla's bedroom. Beatrix quickly tucks the photograph in her shirt and pulls it hastily over it, as it is tucking out of the pockets.
She slams the cupboards, returns the stool promptly and stands still, awkwardly. Grandma Lolla frowns and stares at Beatrix and at the cupboard.
She stutters, before tucking the phone into her pocket, looking miserable. "I know what you're looking for. And I want to give it to you as badly as you want it, Bee. It's just that...just that, I c-can't." she sobs.
Beatrix is startled. She hugs Grandma and ushers her awkwardly to a couch before bringing out the photograph of Grandpa Laurence.
Grandma Lolla gasps and stands promptly. She moves a pace back. "Get that man away from me," she demands
Beatrix, astonished, tucks the photograph away before Grandma Lolla hesitantly perches on the couch. "Something happened. Tell me, Grandma."
"I can't Beatrix, I can't. It's a family secret." she stammers.
"I'm part of the family aren't I?" Beatrix asks, surprised.
Grandma nods. "I know, but you don't understand. I meant to tell you when you were older." she weeps, burying her wrinkled face into her knobbly hands.
Beatrix sighs. "I'm fifteen, Grandma. You can tell me." she cries.
Grandma looks at the kitchen. "What about those brownies eh?"
Beatrix forces a smile. "You're changing the subject." she reminds her.
Grandma gives her a strained smile before closing the curtains and leaning over hesitantly.
"Can you keep a secret?"
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104 comments
Charles Strucker is kind of my role model on reedsy, so there is no way I am going to read this till the end without dropping suggestions. I know that this contest has ended but I still wanted to drop suggestions for you. Firstly, I can see that this story was well written and edited and your punctuations are on point. Good work. So most of my edits maybe on sentence structure. So here goes. In the sentence below, the dialogue tags does not convey your message well. Though I think you did it to sound a little poetic. [Grandma Lo...
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Hi Princemark, first of all, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment really helpful and constructive feedback here. However, my story's already been approved and as much as I want to alter and correct my mistakes, I can't. :( Thank you so much for helping out, though, and I'll really try to apply all these feedback in the next story I do!
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Love the story. Great job! :)
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Thank you!
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Dear Niveeidha Thank you for speaking up against downvoting. We have all suffered. Thanks a ton. :)
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Hi Pranati, I appreciate how concerned you are with the downvoting. We all are and most of us have suffered quite a lot. I really hope this downvoter will be caught, as it's unfair to most of us who have been earning our points by hard work.
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This story needs a follow-up! There are some grammatical errors and some phrases could be substituted to make the words flow smoother, but it's a great story regardless! Keep it up! You are a talented author! Mind checking out my stories? Thanks!
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Hi Adrienne, thank you so much for leaving detailed feedback on my story! Of course! I'd love to check out yours! Going there now!
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Hi Adrienne, just to let you know, that a Part two of this came out, and I was wondering if you'd like to read it and give me feedback!
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I don't know WHERE you found my quiz lol, but I make the collages using an app called Montage. There's no templates or anything though, I arrange the photos myself. yep, that's it, bye
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Hhahahahah, I actually found in your bio. Thank youuu!!!! wow you certainly have a talent for arranging collages....they're coool!!! I also saw the one in Wattpad (I have a wattpad account, cause I needed to read your stories 😂)
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Oh yeahhhh, forgot I put it there lol. No prob! Awww, thanks! Lol, glad you like em!
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I really need a part two of this! I'm so glad I read this. I had a few grammar suggestions but Amany already pointed them out. Overall though, this was beautifully written! Loved it so much!
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Hi Doubra, thank you so much or commenting, it means a lot to me. Stay safe! And of course, don't worry, I will be planning to do a sequel on this, so I'll tell you when it comes out! :)
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Kk I’d love to know when it comes out. And it was my pleasure! Whenever you’re free would you mind checking out my story?
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Of course! Going there now! ;)
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Hi Doubra, you asked me to inform you to tell you when a sequel would come out. I just posted a new sequel a few days, ago, and was wondering if you'd like to read it. :)
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yeah sure! I'll make sure I get around to reading it.
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:)
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Noooooooo! I need a part two right now! 😉 But for real, though. Just kidding! Anyways, the way you interpreted the prompt was amazing, and your description was beyond my personal abilities. I was really able to see everything; you did a great job with show-not-tell. Oustanding job, Niveeidha! Keep writing and stay safe, Your Reedsy Friend-Brooke
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Thank you so much, Brooke! It really means a lot to me, commenting on my story! Stay safe too! And, of course, for the "part two" thing, don't worry! I'll do a sequel on it for sure! ;) Your Reedsy Friend-Niveeidha 😉🤗
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You're welcome! Yay! Please let me know when you submit it!
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Of course!
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Hi Brooke, just wanted to let you know that my sequel came out. Was wondering if you'd like to read it! :)
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Thank you for writing this letter. I confess I read this story and "Dead Letter Department" in reverse order (the 2nd story first, and the 1st story second). Sorry about that. At least I now understand the secret part in the 2nd story better. I'm glad I read both stories. It's never easy hiding a secret, because it can be revealed by someone else (and usually when you really wish they hadn't revealed it). Kind of like keeping feelings suppressed until they finally boil up and explode anyway.
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Ah, no worries at all, we all make mistakes. Yes, very true, it never easy to hide a secret.
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This is great, Niveeidha! What a mystery. I absolutely love your description of Grandma Lolla's house....I could see it in an instant. Fantastic writing, great suspense. I'm heading over to the sequel now!
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Thank you so much Kristin. Your comment is much appreciated!
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Hey, Niveeidha would you be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time
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Hi Prathamesh, I already watched it. I'm a Harry Potter fan too!
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Thanks
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No problem!
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Hi Niveeidha, I liked your story. It builds up he tension well, then ends on a cliff hanger! I look forward to seeing the sequel and finding out what the secret can be about this lovely Grandpa! One of the things I did think when reading it was the phone in Grandma's hand that she answers to avoid answering the question. Was that a mobile already in her hand? I felt it was a mobile, and thought this seemed out of character for someone her age to actually carry her phone. She also walks away so Beatrix can investigate. It was a minor point...
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Thank you, Andrew, for taking the time to comment on this story! Oops, I must have made a minor error. Thanks for spotting it! Yes, I see it now that it would have been more realistic that way. Thanks for leaving feedback and happy writing too!
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You're welcome Niveeidha, I'm glad it was helpful! I wouldn't say it was an error, just a minor tweak that adds to the plausibility of the story. The story is good so the only thing I can suggest is fine tuning :)
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:)
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The last line is the best! Some grammatical issues. that's alll
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Thank you Amogh, do you mind telling me what grammatical errors so I can change them?
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It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story
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Hi Amogh, of course, I will, but it seemed like you didn't really read my story. If you please, I don't mean to be rude or offensive but I will prefer constructive feedback! Thanks! 😊
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I will give but I am busy now afterwards
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Uh, okay!
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I love the story Niveeidha ! I love the way you brought in the suspense, The ending was not something I expected... Waiting for your next !
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Thank you so much! I will be doing a sequel on this, and I'll let you know when it comes out ;)
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Nice story, Niveeidha:) Would you mind checking out my first story?
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Hi Deepshikha, thank you so much! Of course! I would love to! Going there now!
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Great ending! I'm dying to know what happened!
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Thank you so much Mary! :)
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Hi Mary, just wanted to let you know that my sequel to this story is out! Thought you'd be interested in it!
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Welcome back Niveeidha! Hope your exams went well. This was very well-written! That last line was quite a cliffhanger. A sequel on the works? :D
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Hi Roshna, thank you so much for inquiring. Yes, they went well :). Thank you so much! And of course, I'm working on a sequel, but the prompts this week don't seem to fit, so I'm struggling a little. 😅
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Ha ha. Good to know the exams went well. I will keep an eye on that sequel ;) Meanwhile have a look at my latest one too. :)
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Of course! I would love to check it out!
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Hi Roshna, I wondered if you're back on Reedsy now. We're all missing you so much. :( Just wanted to let you know (if you have time, don't trouble yourself if you're busy!) that the sequel for this came out! I was wondering if you'd like to check it out. :)
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I need Part 2! I repeat: I NEED PART 2222! lol. PS - Do you mind checking out a few of my stories? Thanks!
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Thanks! Don't worry, I'll be doing a sequel on this. Of course, I'd love to! Going there now!
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Hi Zenisha, just wanted to let you know that Part 2 came out!
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Loved this! Would definitely love to read a sequel. :)
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Thank you Beth! (If I can call you Beth?) I'm planning to a sequel on this so no worries!
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Beth is fine, and I'm excited to hear that. :)
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Hi Beth! Just wanted to let you know if you'd be interested in my latest story, which is a sequel to this! ;)
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Wow! Great story! I loved it! Amazing job!
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Thank you so much!
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You're welcome!
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:)
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