104 comments

Mystery Fiction Suspense

Beatrix is in the front seat of her mother's car, chewing gum and scrolling on Instagram posts.


She hesitates for a moment before sinking her phone into her pocket and leaning in, "Mum, why are we going to Grandma's house?"


Mrs Lemons sighs and glares at Beatrix in the side-view mirror. "I told you already Bee, I have a conference I can't cancel so you're staying over at Grandma's."


"But it's going to be boring!" she moans.


Mrs Lemons shrugs grimly. "You can play a board game with Grandma." she shrugs as she parks the car into Grandma's driveway.


Mrs Lemons presses the doorbell firmly. The doorknob twists and Grandma Lolla's face appears. "Martha, you're here!" she smiles brightly at Mrs Lemons. "Ah, Beatrix has come too hasn't she?" she smiles warmly at Beatrix who manages a small hurried smile back.


They enter the house, staring at the jumbled kitchen and the taped boxes lying on the floor. They had been there ever since Grandma moved in and stayed there ever since then. Chipped and cracked plaster make up the walls along with paint that looks like it was splashed and scrape marks.


Grandma Lolla beams excitedly. "I've got an old family recipe for making brownies," she says happily, clutching a cookbook and bestowing it in Beatrix's face, cheerfully.


Beatrix forces on a strained smile and settles on the couch, whipping up her phone again. "Maybe later, Grandma," she replies, grinning at a text message on her phone and replying to it at once, her agile fingers shifting up the keyboard on her phone.


"Maybe we can go check out photo albums? You know, the ones when you and Grandpa Larry married? I've never seen a photo of him before," Beatrix suggests again, looking up hopefully at the two grown-ups.


Mrs Lemons and Grandma Lolla exchange dark looks as she brings Mrs Lemons to the door. They whisper something and Grandma Lolla's smile is now forced and strained. "Well, how about I teach you how to knit?" she smiles extravagantly, picking up a pair of socks with enormously large holes in them.


Beatrix groans. "Uh, Grandma, why can't we see Grandpa Larry's photo albums? I've never got a picture of him before. And besides, I already know how to knit." she pushes eagerly.


Grandma Lolla swallows nervously. "Um,” 


The phone in her hand quivers and she looks relieved as she quickly hurries to answer it, glad to get away from Beatrix. Grandma Lolla wipes her wet, damp hands on her apron and hastily makes her way to the front porch, answering the call and pressing the phone to her ears.


Beatrix rolls her eyes. She is getting suspicious. Quickly, she glances at Grandma, now engaged comfortably in the front porch, clutching her phone.


Beatrix tip-toes up the stairs and pushes Grandma Lolla's room door.


The room smells of heavily scented perfume and old roses. The curtains are drawn and the dressing table is crowded with talcum powders and shiny brooches. The second half of the room is covered with medals and awards. Ones that Beatrix suspected were awarded to her mother.


The floor is dark walnut and the soft rocking chair planted at the side of the room is a delightful beige colour. The wallpaper is studded with maroon and violet polka dots and there is a scented aroma coming from the direction of the scented candles fixed in the bathroom. There are silky gold-coated pillows on her bed and a couple of high cupboards on the left.


Grandma Lolla usually deposits her special things up in a high cupboard. Beatrix grabs the dressing table stool and reaches for the shiny brown cupboard standing proudly in the middle. She wrenches open a drawer.


There are a few old letters stamped easily and some deftly decorated cards stocked at the bottom that Beatrix had given to Grandma for Christmas.


After a few minutes of digging around in the cupboard, Beatrix comes across an olden photograph, blanketed in shiny dust and coveted in a golden frame.


Grandpa Laurence.


He looks neat and was a thin, smooth, well-made man in his twenties. He is thick-lipped and his hair is drowned in some shiny gel. Grandpa Larry is grinning into the photograph, but there is something odd about his smile.


This must be taken before Grandpa Larry was married, Beatrix realizes thoughtfully.


But what she doesn't understand was why Grandma Lolla keeping his photograph a secret. There must be something, a reason why she acted hesitantly before changing the subject.


It was almost as if, as if, she is ashamed. Ashamed, of something Beatrix yearns to find out.


A faint burrow of footsteps pounds against the wall of Grandma Lolla's bedroom. Beatrix quickly tucks the photograph in her shirt and pulls it hastily over it, as it is tucking out of the pockets.


She slams the cupboards, returns the stool promptly and stands still, awkwardly. Grandma Lolla frowns and stares at Beatrix and at the cupboard.


She stutters, before tucking the phone into her pocket, looking miserable. "I know what you're looking for. And I want to give it to you as badly as you want it, Bee. It's just that...just that, I c-can't." she sobs.


Beatrix is startled. She hugs Grandma and ushers her awkwardly to a couch before bringing out the photograph of Grandpa Laurence.


Grandma Lolla gasps and stands promptly. She moves a pace back. "Get that man away from me," she demands


Beatrix, astonished, tucks the photograph away before Grandma Lolla hesitantly perches on the couch. "Something happened. Tell me, Grandma."


"I can't Beatrix, I can't. It's a family secret." she stammers.


"I'm part of the family aren't I?" Beatrix asks, surprised.


Grandma nods. "I know, but you don't understand. I meant to tell you when you were older." she weeps, burying her wrinkled face into her knobbly hands.


Beatrix sighs. "I'm fifteen, Grandma. You can tell me." she cries.


Grandma looks at the kitchen. "What about those brownies eh?"


Beatrix forces a smile. "You're changing the subject." she reminds her.


Grandma gives her a strained smile before closing the curtains and leaning over hesitantly.


"Can you keep a secret?"







August 18, 2020 07:30

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104 comments

Amany Sayed
13:59 Aug 18, 2020

Nice one! I enjoyed this story! PART 22222 NOWWW Anyway, though it was well written, I have a couple suggestions: " Ones that Beatrix suspected was awarded to her mother." Here you should probably change was to were. And you also say " photograph in her photograph" which doesn't make sense. The whole story felt sort of stiff, I don't know how to explain it. It might be because you used present tense, I don't know. Overall, well written! Keep writing! ~Amany~

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Niveeidha Palani
21:52 Aug 18, 2020

Hi Amany, thank you so much for giving me honest feedback! I'll go edit it now! :) And of course, I'll be planning to do a sequel on this, so don't worry, I'll tell you when it comes out! :)

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Niveeidha Palani
21:54 Aug 18, 2020

Okay! I've edited it and corrected the mistakes! :)

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Amany Sayed
22:02 Aug 18, 2020

No problem! Good job! :D

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Niveeidha Palani
22:07 Aug 18, 2020

Thanks! :)

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Niveeidha Palani
06:54 Oct 13, 2020

Hey Amany, just wanted to let you know that I recently posted a sequel for this story! Thought you'd wanna check it out!

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Nirosha P
07:34 Aug 18, 2020

I love this story! It kept me hooked until the end. I really hope you're going to make a sequel for this! ;)

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Niveeidha Palani
07:38 Aug 18, 2020

Hi Nirosha, thank you so much! And I feel so relieved, I finally managed to submit a story! 😅 I was planning to do a sequel on it, but I'm still not so sure, 🤔😥

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Batool Hussain
10:31 Aug 18, 2020

Oh C'mon! You can't really leave us readers hanging. We want a sequel. This is so good. Btw, I just posted a story too:)

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Niveeidha Palani
10:45 Aug 18, 2020

Well, I'll post a sequel then and I'll go check it out now!

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Niveeidha Palani
06:59 Oct 13, 2020

Hi Batool, just wanted to let you know that the sequel to this story is finally out! Thought you'd like to check it out!

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Unknown User
08:21 Oct 05, 2020

<removed by user>

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Niveeidha Palani
10:34 Oct 05, 2020

Hi Waverley, thank you so much! It's very much appreciated! :)

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Mohsen Baqery
18:20 Aug 26, 2020

And that's how you end it. Well done Niveeidha. (Hope to read more from you)

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Niveeidha Palani
01:35 Sep 12, 2020

Oops, sorry Mohsen, I was just going through the comments on my story and realized I hadn't replied to this comment. Funnily enough, I don't remember this comment appearing in my notifications, so I must have missed it. Thank you so much though!

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The Cold Ice
03:42 Aug 26, 2020

Good story.I loved the story.Great job👍keep it up. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior?”

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Niveeidha Palani
07:58 Aug 26, 2020

Thank you Sahitthian. Of course! I would love to read your story. :)

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Amogh Kasat
12:25 Aug 24, 2020

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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Niveeidha Palani
21:53 Aug 24, 2020

Thanks! Of course! I'll be glad to read your story. :)

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Amogh Kasat
05:03 Aug 25, 2020

I would be waiting for your comment and like

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Niveeidha Palani
06:20 Aug 25, 2020

Hi Amogh, I already commented on your story :)

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Amogh Kasat
06:38 Aug 25, 2020

Ok

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Keerththan 😀
02:29 Aug 24, 2020

Wonderful story. Well written, Niveeidha. I liked the ending. Amazing job. Can’t wait for your next.... Would you mind reading my new story “Secrets don’t remain buried?”

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Niveeidha Palani
07:10 Aug 24, 2020

Hi Keerththan, thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my story. Of course! I'd love to read your story. Going over there now!

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Evelyn ⭐️
21:21 Aug 23, 2020

Great story Niveeidha! Keep up the great work!

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Niveeidha Palani
21:56 Aug 23, 2020

HI Evelyn thank you so much!

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Pragya Rathore
13:28 Aug 22, 2020

How beautifully penned! I love your writing style, and this was such an awesome story. Please write more, I'd LOVE to read more of your works! I think the best thing was how realistically you portrayed the characters. Such a sweet and lovely story. Great job! Please check out my stories too :)

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Niveeidha Palani
02:01 Aug 23, 2020

Hi Pragya, thank you so much! It means so much to me! Of course! I'd love to check out your story!

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Pragya Rathore
02:03 Aug 23, 2020

It was my pleasure :)

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Niveeidha Palani
02:57 Aug 23, 2020

:)

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Deborah Angevin
12:30 Aug 21, 2020

Ahh, I want to know the secret! I want to read more of this! P.S: would you mind checking out my recent submission, "Yellow Light?" Thank you :D

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Niveeidha Palani
22:26 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you Deborah! Of course! I'd love to check it out! Going there now! ;)

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. .
02:46 Aug 21, 2020

Niveeidha~ This is soooo good! Please do a part 2!!!! I MEAN I REALLY NEED ONE! It really got me hooked and I'm not kidding how much I love this!!!! Okay well, enough caps fo now. I really enjoyed this and plu- lease do a part 2, it was so good!

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Niveeidha Palani
06:54 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you so much Sarah! It means so much to me! And of course, I will be doing a sequel on this! I'm gonna go check out your story now! :)

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. .
07:46 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you! AHHH I can't wait for the sequel!!

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Niveeidha Palani
22:38 Aug 21, 2020

:D

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Hriday Saboo
13:09 Sep 22, 2020

Hey niveeidha. Cool 😎 story. Would you mind checking my new story

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Niveeidha Palani
12:59 Sep 23, 2020

Thanks Hriday! No offence, but I would rather prefer constructive crticism so that I can improve! Of course, I'm a little busy right now, so I'll check it out later if it's okay with you?

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Hriday Saboo
15:33 Sep 23, 2020

Yeah

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