It Was A Good Day

Submitted into Contest #53 in response to: Write a story about another day in a heatwave. ... view prompt

57 comments

Adventure Funny

Drip.

"Help me."

Drip.

"I'm dying."

Drip.

" Guys, I'm drifting away."

Drip.

"When I die, feed my cat."

Drip.

"I-


"Maya are you done being dramatic? We know it's hot, but seriously, you're making it worse. What's with the water sounds? It won't make you any cooler." Aaron exclaims.


"Oh, I'm sorry that my pain annoys you, Aaron, I can't help but express how I'm feeling. And the sounds aren't intimating water, - it's the sound effect of the sweat dripping off me, - for your information."

"Girl, you are too much, - wait, do you even have a cat?" Natasha chuckles. "Oh yeah, that’s right, Sprinkles died like 2 weeks ago. But you know what, her spirit still lives." Natasha laughs while Aaron rolls his eyes.

"Today is like the hottest it’s been all week and I'm wondering why God is punishing me. I've been somewhat nicer to my brother and I've ignored my chores a little less than usual. I'm practically a whole new person. So, I ask God, why me?" I complained.

"Do you hear yourself when you talk?" Aaron remarked. "That's just how she is Aaron, you should be used to it by now." "Thank you, Natasha. Shut up, Aaron."

"Now onto particularly important matters, what are we going to do to get through this heat? I feel like I'm about to pass out." " We could go to the public pool," Natasha suggests. "Are you crazy? Do you know how many germs the pool carries? Not to mention I hate people." Aaron protests. "Looks like that's out of the question because Aaron's an antisocial germaphobe," I commented. "I am not! I just enjoy clean places and no people." "Dude you kind of sound like a serial killer," Natasha adds. Before Aaron can protest more, I interrupt. "Anyways, what else can we do? "I would suggest using the water from the fire hydrant, but I heard they are out of order. Figures." Aaron sighed. "Hey, you know what? Maybe we should go over to the lake we went to as kids. I doubt anyone would be over there since it was you know, a secret."

"I'm cool with it," Natasha replies. "I have some doubts, but you guys will peer pressure me into going anyway, so I'm in." "Then it's settled, get ready folks, we are preparing for an adventure." Aaron rolls his eyes once again which makes Natasha let out a laugh.


The lake was about 8 blocks away from us so it would take us a little while to get there, but in this part of New York, it'd be anything but boring because our neighborhood has the most unique people. They make this neighborhood the best it can be.


"Great, here comes Ms. Brinkman, - she's so.... weird," Aaron commented. "Come on, she's not that bad. Natasha exclaims. "Not to mention she's super-nice," I add. Aaron shrugs and says "whatever." "Hello, Ms. Brinkman, how are doing on this sizzling day?" I say cheerily. "Oh, what a joy it is to see my three favorite young people. I'm doing quite well darling, I sensed you guys would be coming by here today, perhaps to see the old lake?"


We all turn and look at each other. Meet Ms. Brinkman, our neighborhood psychic. Even though we know her well, we get shocked by all the new things she tells us. Cool, and weird.


"Never gets old does it?" She says looking at our shocked faces. "Nope, you never keep days dull Ms. Brinkman." "Doesn't mean you’re still not weird," Aaron mutters. Natasha elbows him in the stomach. "Ow! What'd you do that for?" Ignoring Aaron's loudmouth, I continue. "Well we should be getting on our way now, it's always a pleasure talking to you." " Oh, you’re a doll Maya, - here, the three of you should take some water since you forgot yours at home." She exclaims. "Ha! You're wrong! I have the waters in my book-bag, see their right- damn it! How do you do that?!" "It's a gift darling, now run along, Mr. Johnson is around the corner, he’ll want to talk to you all as well."

"Still weird," Aaron says walking away. "Sorry about him Ms. Brinkman, the heat is really getting to that big head of his," Natasha says running towards Aaron and playfully pushing his shoulder. "He means no harm, it's a defense mechanism, the spirits told me so." I smile, wave goodbye Ms. Brinkman, and walk around the corner where sure enough, Mr. Johnson is waiting.


"What's up, Mr. Johnson? Pretty hot outside today huh?"

"Yes, but really when isn't it? July usually gets very humid out here, I hope y'all are staying cool." "Trying to." "Natasha replied.

Meet Mr. Johnson. He's an old school, chill guy. He's always playing smooth jazz on his saxophone and telling old stories about his past. He’s awesome. He's like one of the coolest adults you'll ever meet.


"You got any stories for us today, Mr. Johnson?" Aaron wondered. "Yeah, but this one, I'll keep light and sweet. When I was your age, I had a friend group like yours, -Denise and Phillip. We used to go to that a secret place - Mount-shore lake. The one y'all fixing to go to. We had so many good memories but one day, we got into a fight and we never spoke again. The light of our friendship blew out and never went back in. I don’t even remember what the argument was about. It’s a shame we let something so small take over what was big, - each other. What I'm trying to say is never forget how important your friend is because one day they'll slip right out from in front of you if you let them. Friendship is part of the key to life; with them, you share some of life's greatest moments if you keep them close to ya."


"Don't worry Mr. Johnson, these are my friends for life. They'd never leave me if they could." I say this putting my arms around both of their shoulders. "She's not wrong," Natasha says leaning into me. "I wish I could retort but unfortunately, it's true." Aaron groaned. Mr. Johnson chuckles. "He knows he loves us," Natasha added. "Love is a strong word. I'd more say that I tolerate you both." "Shut up!" Natasha and I saw in unison.


"Also, how does everyone know about this lake? Or that we are going there? So much for this being a secret." Aaron scoffed. "You do realize that you guys are only teenagers, right? I've lived here for 50 years, so I know this place a lot more than you do. And I knew you’re going there because this is New York, word gets around fast." "I see your input; well we should go before the rest of the world finds out where we are going too," Aaron says mockingly.

"Yeah, we should go before Aaron whines anymore, see you around Mr. Johnson. I chuckle. "Remember what I said." Mr. Johnson calls out.


Further along, we talk more and more with our other neighbors like Mr. Chestnut our goofy science teacher, Mrs. Malcolm, the flower shop lady, we even greet Jessie and Bessie the local stray dogs that everyone takes care of. As we get closer to the lake, we begin to forget how hot it is and enjoy the day, mainly because of each other's company.


"Finally, we're here. I've so been looking forward to getting in the water." Natasha cheered. "Do you think we've been followed? Everyone we know frigging knew where we were going without us even saying it." Aaron retorts. "We aren't in some spy movie, what is anyone going to gain out of following three teens to a 'secret' lake. They're doing their own thing. They aren't worried about us." I respond. "If you say so."


We spend our time swimming in the lake, talking about how we'll finally be seniors, and how we'll take over the school. We laugh and tell jokes, smile, and play games. Aaron even loosens up. And you know how tense he gets. The sky darkens a bit, and we start to see the sunset. When Aaron and Natasha get up and explain how we should get ready to leave, I stop them.


"You guys, wait." "What does the impeccable Maya want now?" Aaron jokes. I make a funny face at him and continue. "I've been thinking a lot about what Mr. Johnson said and realized that we don't have many pictures together. I know I am dramatic and goofy sometimes, but I do appreciate you guys, I hope we stay friends forever." Natasha smiles." Aw, I love you guys too." We turn to Aaron and he looks like he's on the verge of tears. "Aaron, are you crying?!" I say shocked. "What, no! I just have some water in my eyes from the lake. How preposterous of you to assume so." "Oh, shut up you big teddy bear. You know you love us." I say this while hugging him, Natasha joining in. "Fine! I admit it, you guys are what makes me bear this ridiculous world, I suppose I do 'love' you both. Now please release me, my lungs are starting to give out." We both let go and laugh, Aaron, sneaking in a soft chuckle.


"Let's take a picture to capture one of our many memories to come. On three say Maya is the best, one, (Aaron) I will not say that. two, (Me) yes you are, three! (Natasha), I said this before and I'll say it again, Maya you are too much. "You know it!" I cheer.


After we went home, I walked to the mirror and looked at the picture frame of the three us from when we were in elementary school and smiled. I thought to myself how glad I was to have found them. On hot days like this, the heat could never break the cool bond that we all had. And for that, I’m forever grateful.


August 06, 2020 00:39

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57 comments

I love the story! We all have plenty to learn from Mr. Johnson. I was going to point out a few grammar mistakes, but I can see that others have already done that in previous comments.

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Thanks.

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Orenda .
11:37 Aug 06, 2020

Heyy, a funny and overdramatic beginning 😂😂 Great job, Melony!!

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Thanks, I’m glad you thought so.😁😂

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Orenda .
12:01 Aug 06, 2020

:))

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Your characters have very believable relationships with one another, and their group dynamic and individual personalities are well matched, which makes their interactions fun and believable.

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Thank you! That was what I was aiming for.

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Velma Darnell
15:56 Aug 16, 2020

I enjoyed reading your story, Melony! Your characters and dialogues are amazing, and I loved how you began the story, describing that heat and Maya's dramatic phrases. The friendship topic is one of my favorite, so I'm glad I read this story :) Keep writing!

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Thank you so much Velma! I’m glad you thought so.

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Kristin Neubauer
16:07 Aug 15, 2020

Such a sweet story, Melony. I loved the opening and how you let the reader accompany Maya, Natasha and Aaron in their meetings with their neighbors. It let me feel kind of a vibrancy and energy to the neighborhood. I don't really have any critiques, but if this story is ever something you expand upon, I'd love to see some more description about the neighborhood itself as they walk through on their way to the lake. I have an image in mind, but given how well you write, I'd much prefer to read your description. Great work - looking forwar...

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Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.😁🤟🏾

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Karin Venables
14:37 Aug 15, 2020

I love this story. Friendships like that are so precious. Mr. Johnson is right. There are only a couple of little mistakes in here, and I'm sure you'll find them. The confusing thing, is all the dialogue piled together in the paragraphs. For ease of reading they need to be on separate lines. I had a tough time learning that lesson too. I still have to remind myself to separate out the dialogue lines so people can figure out who is talking easily. Otherwise great story. I liked the easy banter between them and the distinct personal...

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Thank you.

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Writers Block
13:53 Aug 14, 2020

I liked the friendship tagline and the sound effects toward the beginning. I could sense it was pretty toasty outside.

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Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Yolanda Wu
05:55 Aug 14, 2020

I love the dialogue exchanges in this story. You really had me at the beginning with the whole 'i'm dying' thing. Honestly, as a fellow dramatic person, I can say that I can relate, because that's how I get when it's hot too. I love what Aaron says at the start, "We know it's hot, but seriously, you're making it worse. What's with the water sounds? It won't make you any cooler." Just really made me laugh. Amazing work!

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Thank you so much. And welcome to team dramatic because that’s my daily on hot days too.😅

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Yolanda Wu
06:02 Aug 14, 2020

Haha, yeah relatable :)

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Grace M'mbone
21:25 Aug 13, 2020

The beginning had me laughing. Beautiful story Melony. Friendship. Wow. It would be a real honour to me if you'd take a look at even one of my stories ❤️❤️ I liked the beginning of this and the ending. Realistic. Yes. Even about the psychic part.

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Thanks so much hun😁🤟🏾. I’ll go check all of your stories now. Thanks for reading mine. It’s honor that looked at mine.💕

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08:04 Aug 13, 2020

This was such a sweet story. I really enjoyed it.

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Thank you so much ;).

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Roshna Rusiniya
08:13 Aug 12, 2020

Great story! I loved the way how it started. Very well-done!

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Thank you so much!

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Charles Stucker
01:55 Aug 12, 2020

"Nope, you never keep days dull Ms. Brinkman." Is this how teens talk now? The sentence seems clunky with "dull" where it is. If it was, "Nope, you never make days dull, Ms. Brinkman." then the make changes it so it flows smoother on the page. But I don't know NYC kids... I smile, wave goodbye Ms. Brinkman, ---should that be wave goodbye to Ms. Brinkman? Natasha and I saw in unison.--- say, not saw Is Maya impeccable or implacable? It sounds like she gets what she wants (implacable) rather than she is ultra fastidious (impeccable- ...

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I appreciate your long and lengthy comment. Your compliments mean a million. I'm gonna keep writing until I'm confident that I'm growing and becoming better. You are absolutely right with the corrections too! Thank you for not repeating, and bringing up new things for me to work on it makes me happy to continue. As for the mystery, and horror part, man, coming on here I wanted to turn whatever prompt I could into horror somehow but I will admit I've had a bit of trouble getting the motivation to do so. As for the title, I got the feeling of ...

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Anoushka Jain
18:19 Aug 08, 2020

Your story was amazing! Loved the beginning, what a start! The characters were quite realistic, and in my favorite kind of story, I always feel the character's emotions very vividly, and this story definitely passed that test. Anyway, just one thing, your dialogue could be changed a few places so that it flows easier if you know what I mean. And, as another commenter pointed out, you don't need dialogue tags after each line, but keep a healthy balance instead. Other than that, fun and interesting read!

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Thanks.

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Aditya Pillai
07:51 Aug 08, 2020

I enjoyed this so much! The character dynamic is really engaging, the dialogue is great. The beginning hooked me in! A charming, pleasant read. Would really appreciate it if you checked out my latest! :)

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Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'll go check out your story now.

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Jonathan Blaauw
07:24 Aug 08, 2020

Nice story. I was waiting for something dramatic to happen, some hook for the reader, but your story shows that isn’t always necessary, especially with the creation of such well-rounded characters. You were going for a pleasant recollection type story and it works nicely, especially with the way you round it off at the end. I see from the comments you’ve already been advised on how to format dialogue for clarity. Even though I noticed that while reading, it didn’t make the story, or dialogue, confusing, which means with proper formatting,...

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I'm glad you saw it that way. Thank you so much for reading.

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Verda H
06:32 Aug 07, 2020

Strong and dramatic start. I liked it

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😁

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Leya Newi
00:48 Aug 07, 2020

I loved the beginning; it immediately hooked me in like a fish. ;) One note, remember that each time someone different speaks you need to make a new paragraph. This just helps it clearer who’s talking and makes the story flow better. Otherwise, super enjoyable read. I loved the story, I loved the characters, and I loved the message you left us with. Keep writing, Melony!!!

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Thank you so much, I hope you keep writing as well! As for the paragraph situation, someone else reminded of that I’ll definitely keep that in mind for future stories.

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Leya Newi
01:13 Aug 07, 2020

No problem!

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Doubra Akika
16:56 Aug 06, 2020

Loved how dramatic the beginning was 😂. A really funny story!. Beautiful friendship they had too. There were a few grammatical errors though but overall you did an amazing job!

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Thanks a bunch.

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Doubra Akika
20:24 Aug 06, 2020

My pleasure! If you’re not too busy, I was wondering if you could take a look at my recent story.

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No problem I’ll go read it now.

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Doubra Akika
20:33 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Deborah Angevin
10:39 Aug 06, 2020

This is a sweet story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! Would you mind reading my recent story out, "(Pink)y Promise"? Thank you :D

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No problem! I’m glad you thought so. I look forward to reading it.🤟🏾😁

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Amany Sayed
01:19 Aug 06, 2020

I loved this Melony! It was so sweet! There were some small grammar errors that took away from the story, and I recommend Grammarly, something I myself use, to help get rid of them and make the story more enjoyable. Also, don't forget to start a new line of dialogue every time someone new speaks. The hopeless romantic in me was waiting for something to happen in between Aaron and one of the girls, but that's my problem, haha. Overall, really enjoyed this, great job! PS. I just submitted a new story, would you mind checking it out and le...

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I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm gonna go back in a fix whatever I can, I figured someone would say something about wanting a romance scene. I did consider it when I first though up the story but honestly I got lazing about writing it. But also, I wanted to make a friendship story minus the romance, the friends are kind of based on my real friends. But fun fact, obvious choice would've been to put Maya and Aaron together but had i added romance I probably would've put him with Natasha. I'd love to check out your story, thanks for reading.

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Amany Sayed
02:26 Aug 06, 2020

No problem, I enjoyed it! And yeah, although I would've wanted Aaron and Maya together, I expected Aaron and Natasha to be together and Maya to have a crush on Aaron **Sigh** Thanks so much!

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😭. Your too funny. Honestly it really could’ve went either way, because the way I envisioned each character they are both compatible with Aaron. However there is a chance that Maya and Aaron could end up together. If I wrote more about them they’d most likely be together in the long run because they balance each other out.💕

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Amany Sayed
03:34 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you for the compliment! **Bows Dramatically** Yeah, I agree. ☺

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😂😀

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Skyler Grey
20:41 Sep 08, 2020

I would have added a twist and put Aaron and Natasha together but... *drumroll please* Aaron and Natasha are both secretly crushing on Maya, and Maya doesnt give a flip, lol

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LOL! That would be hilarious.

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