164 comments

Science Fiction Drama Sad

13/06/2096


--


Hey, sweet pea. Just got your message.


Not sure if you’re being genuine about what a sunrise looks like from space or trying to make me jealous (if you were, you’ll be pleased to know it wasn’t in vain), but it almost makes me want to get enlisted as well. So, the sun’s white up there but yellow down here because the Earth’s atmosphere filters out the other colors? Yes, I know that’s a shameless regurgitation of what you said, but I’m not the one with a degree, or on a military base orbiting the planet.


Anyway, I’ve been keeping our ritual alive; every day before breakfast I drag Ma up the hill and we sit there, dew-flecked grass kissing our fingers as the night leaves like a weight off our chests. Admit it, you cringed at that. Too much poetic elegance for your leathery skull. Well, you knew what you were getting into when you breezed into the library cafe and wondered how my dainty little fingers could flutter over the keys so fast. Us writers will either turn red as pomodoro sauce and slam the laptop shut, or dive into a starry-eyed monologue about why everyone and their pet goldfish should give a damn about our characters. You charmed me enough to do the latter, though I’m still not convinced you were paying attention to anything other than my hips. Okay, if I’m being perfectly honest, I was admiring yours too, but if ogling each other’s pelvic region means I get to gaze at the stars every night and know you’re shining alongside them, then I’m glad I let you pay for my Matcha frappe (with extra whipped cream).


Sorry, memory lane’s probably not where you wanna be when a drill sergeant is screaming bloody murder at you, huh? Where were we? Sunrise, the hill, Ma. Ah, yes, Ma. I get the feeling she’s only making the climb because she thinks I’m, what, grieving or something? Says I need to cope with the fact that you’re being trained to fight literal aliens, because her spine can’t. Please tell me you’re not siding with her. I promise, sweet pea, I’m fine. I just want a hand over mine when I watch the pinks and golds chase the darkness away like watercolor bursting across a canvas.


I just want to pick up where we left off when you come home. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?


It’s been a week and I miss you like hell, sweet pea.


Anyway, here’s me signing out. Hope you still have time to look drop-dead gorgeous between all those bench presses and cold showers.


P.S. Tell me if that Miranda bitch steals your shower sandals again, so I can stow away with the vacuum-sealed meatloaf aboard the next cargo ship and wallop her ass all the way to Jupiter.









20/06/2096


--


Guess what blotted out the sun today? If your answer is “The Paladin, a mountain-sized star cruiser that I’ll be cooped up in for months when they whisk me away to Mars,” then you’re spot on. Yes, I know it was just an exhibition to ease public tension, but I honestly can’t care less about getting plasma-bombed into a fine mist by whatever alien tech we’re supposed to be afraid of these days. I mean, come on. Ma and I aren’t the ones about to be sent to meet the source of those bombs. I suppose safety isn’t exactly in a Space Marine’s job description, but they’d better be treating you like a human being up there. 


Ugh, I still can’t believe it. You don’t belong in that floating hunk of metal. You need freedom on all four sides, ample space to gallivant from one whim to the next like the beautiful, feral creature you are. You need dirt and asphalt to kiss the soles of your trainers.


You need me, sweet pea, not those stone-faced instructors that’ll rip you to shreds for leaving a crease on the bedsheets. What was that thing the counsellor said? A tidy bed is a symptom of a stagnant relationship? I suppose that’s why we rented a motel the first few months. They’re paid extra to get rid of the stains, right?


You know, these days, I can’t help staring like a bug-eyed child at those sleek metal bodies slicing through the clouds as they do their training maneuvers. Will that really be you one day, owning the sky like there isn’t enough room down here to spread your wings?


Heh, I must sound like Ma, and you’re the last person that needs a parental mucking up their life. She’d enlist in my stead if it came to it. Guess I should be glad it’s you with a rifle on her shoulder and not Ma and her wobbly knees, huh?


The point is, I hope you’re having a blast up there. I don’t mean that sarcastically. And I don’t mean the plasma bombs either.


Signing out now. Ma and I are watching the broadcast tonight. Hopefully things are calming down, and then they won’t need you up there anymore.


P.S. Gloucester still curls up on the welcome mat every evening. See, I’m not the only one waiting. Or keeping our traditions going, on that note.


P.P.S. I swear I’m not trying to discourage you, or make you feel too homesick. You didn’t have a choice—none of us did, really, so all I can do is be proud. It’s just that there are cracks in that pride, and those cracks are filled with tears.










23/09/2096


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Sweet pea, how’d your first reconnaissance mission go? Did you nail any of those gel-skinned freakazoids? Will I get to trace my fingers across a badass battle scar one day and brag to my writer friends about how you got it?


Just kidding. I know your cohort isn’t allowed to spray bullets willy-nilly just yet, at least not until you complete advanced training, but it already feels like you’re some kind of war hero and it’s only a matter of time before they’ll erect a twelve-foot tall, polished-bronze version of you for tourists to ogle in a park somewhere. Wait, that’s what they do for people killed on duty, isn’t it? Crap. Sorry.


Speaking of parks, you know the one by the old-fashioned theatre? The one where we tried to take Gloucester for a walk, only to discover that strapping a leash onto a ten-pound Persian with the personality of a volcano is a surefire way to get blood on your brand-new sundress? Well, I saved up for a pair of sneakers, some fancy Japanese brand that molds around your feet for an ergonomic fit (I hear they’re doing some crazy things with virtual reality down in Tokyo, by the way) and I’ve started tracing paths around the big lake every other evening before bed. Figured I might fill in the void you left behind with my own awkward proportions, you know? I can’t believe it took you literally blasting off into space for me to realize how therapeutic this is, the night wrapping around my shoulders like a blanket while that sweet, sweet ache in my calves reminds me what it is to be alive. And just to ease that one overprotective bone in your body, no, I never go out without mace spray, and yes, I always stick to paths that have plenty of security drones.


I think it’s the moon I keep coming back for, sweet pea. Can’t get enough of it, that gigantic, bottomless milk bowl sitting primly in the middle of the lake like it’s waiting for me to dive in and have a taste. And maybe I will, if it means joining you up there with the stars and the otherworldly sunrises and the night that never leaves your shoulders. For now, I’ll have to be content with it smiling back up at me every time I catch my breath and sip some liquid chlorophyll. It’s a white pupil against a black iris, always there, always watching. 


Does the Earth smile back when you look down, sweet pea? Or are you busy watching a different planet?


I throw pebbles, sometimes. Never learnt to skip them; you can thank Ma’s signature parenting style for that, which shouldn’t come as a surprise considering she moved in the second you moved out. They plunge into the milk like fists, sending ripples scurrying to the shoreline, and the moon blurs for a few moments. It always comes back, though.


Always.


P.S. It’s funny how even the moon, bright and glorious as it is, can’t resist having its beauty captured down here, on the surface of a lake on boring old Earth.










13/01/2097


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Hey, sweet pea, I’m here. You can stop spamming the heartfelt concern (or not, because, y’know, I’m not exactly complaining). Sorry I went AWOL for a few days; kinda hard to get a signal when you’ve been herded a hundred feet underground and boxed in by walls of lead and plate steel.


I mean, you probably know more than any of us down here, but I still can’t believe one tiny craft slipping past the barricade caused so much destruction. Nowhere me and Ma frequent, thank god, but I think I’ll be having my sunrises with a side of smoke on the horizon for the next few days. It doesn’t really sink in until those live broadcasts start mentioning the city you live in.


I can’t believe that’s what we’re dealing with. I can’t believe that’s what you’re dealing with. And you’re already halfway to Mars, ready to go in guns blazing as soon as you touch down?


I know your batch is just reinforcements, but thinking about it snuffs out that little spark in the pit of my stomach. I’m not about to go all Ma on you, so I’ll sign off with this:


Give ‘em hell, sweet pea.


P.S. Do you think I’d be able to drift through space for months on end without losing my marbles? I always figured the change in scenery would vanquish my writer’s block once and for all, but still…










29/02/2097


--


We saw the broadcast. I’m literally jumping for joy. Ma just gave me a good scolding for picking her up and twirling her across the kitchen. I’m not sure which one of us knocked the coffee machine over. Or stepped on poor Gloucester’s tail.


So, that’s it, then? You pushed them back to their Mars hideout? You helped the survivors on our side evacuate?


That means you’re not needed there anymore, right?


Right?


Please reply ASAP. And you can’t use the twenty-minute communication time delay between Earth and Mars as an excuse.


P.S. I haven’t seen Gloucester this angry since the leash incident. Or the coffee machine, for that matter. Man, I miss the days when those things didn’t wish you good morning.











05/03/2097


--


Okay, since the world is right again, there’s something I’ve been wanting to bring up, and I haven’t managed to pull the cork off that bottle until now. Yes, I know, I should probably wait until you’re back, but isn’t it nice to have something (or someone!!!) to look forward to on the journey home?


I’ve been paying her a visit every weekend after book club. You remember that feeling we both had when we walked into the shelter and immediately gravitated towards a certain Persian lardball? Imagine that, but amplified a billion times over. You’d love her. She’s sweeter than honey and sugar and agave syrup combined. She’s got my eyes and your complexion—apparently, one donor was Korean, and the other Ghanaian. She’s perfect.


Obviously, nothing’s official just yet, which is why I need you by my side so we can finalize everything and celebrate your duty to the planet the proper way.


Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve felt this satisfied signing off.


P.S. Her name is Artemis, as in the Greek goddess of hunting. Wait ‘til she grows up and learns her mommy was the coolest alien hunter in the entire galaxy.










07/03/2097


--


Sorry I missed a day, sweet pea. Needed some time to process your last message.


What do you mean, you’re staying? Okay, I get that an all-out assault on their Mars hideout might stop the attacks for a while, maybe even for good, but why throw yourself into the line of fire when you’re given the choice not to? Why not let the other volunteers kiss Mars dirt when you could be on your way home to meet your future daughter?


I’m not saying your reasoning isn’t sound. I mean, the world is literally at stake, and I’m flattered that you acknowledge I’m a part of that world, but what about my world? When does my world get saved, sweet pea?


I… oh, fuck, I don’t even know if you’re listening.


Please don’t do this to me, sweet pea.


P.S. “Art” for short.










10/03/2097


--


You’re coming to your senses, right, sweet pea? That’s why there are tumbleweeds on your end?


Ma misses you too, but respects your decision; says you’re an adult who knows what matters.


Aren’t we what matter?


P.S. I chucked the biggest stone I could find into the lake yesterday. The ripples wouldn’t die down.









20/03/2097


--


Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god.


So, we won. Biggest broadcast to date, by far. But, “heavy losses on both sides”?


Sweet pea, you know I was just joking about that war statue, right?


P.S. Gloucester is waiting. We’re all waiting.










01/04/2097


--


Sweet pea, for the love of god, SAY SOMETHING.










06/05/2097


--


Hey, sweet pea. Sorry I missed two whole months; the words just wouldn’t come out, and it’s not like you’d hear them through the tears. I should really be trying to keep our ritual alive now that one of us isn’t. They broke the news a few weeks ago, and the words were hailstones on the front porch, shattering with the sort of finality that leaves you gasping for air and wondering if all this isn’t just a bad dream.


Ma and I still watch the sun rise every day before breakfast. That’s the whole point of rituals; you do them even when their intended purpose peters out and leaves you in the dust. They’re like cicada husks, a remnant to remember the life once squirming inside after it’s long gone. People tell me it’s silly and futile, hanging onto something that doesn’t exist anymore. But I can’t help it; not when the sun does it every single day. Not when the sun is there to remind me that, once upon a time, there was a warm hand over mine as I sat in dew-kissed grass, and that was all that mattered.


Gloucester stopped napping on the welcome mat. I think she can tell, somehow. The whole neighborhood can hear her caterwauling.


I can’t bring myself to look into the lake.


P.S. If by some miracle you get this, just know that I’m not mad at you. I never was. I never was.










23/05/2097


--


I think Art would’ve loved you.










13/06/2097


-- 


You know what my favorite part about daybreak is? It’s when the sun is still grasping for a foothold on the horizon, and one of its clumsy amber hands finds its way onto a cheek; the gentlest of slaps, to banish the ghouls rattling around in my skull, to remind me that life is a treadmill with no apparent off button.


At least, that’s what I want to believe. To me, the sun stopped rising a long time ago. After that, who else but the night has been kind enough to drape a blanket over these cold, hollow bones?


I’m staring into the lake after finally mustering the courage, and the moon stares back like it’s accusing me of not coming to join you.


I have nothing against our rituals, mind you. It’s just that they’re only sparks in the dark, flickering into existence in the same breath that they fizzle out. Momentary light. It’s never dark around the moon.


Maybe I can reach you in the sky if I let the water take me, pull me down so that I can fall up.


Maybe there’s something at the bottom of the milk bowl, and maybe you’ll be there, ready to regale me with your war stories while I trace your battle scars with my fingers.


And maybe there the sun won’t have to set ever again.






























P.S. Ma, when you find this, just know that I love you, and give Gloucester a scratch on the chin for me, the way she always likes it. I haven’t seen my sweet pea in a year and I don’t want to keep her waiting.




November 21, 2020 04:31

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164 comments

Amaya .
20:05 Dec 17, 2020

ogre form princess fiona really is beautiful

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:40 Dec 18, 2020

Finally, someone with good taste

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Amaya .
03:59 Dec 18, 2020

thank you thank you

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:41 Dec 18, 2020

Finally, someone with good taste

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:40 Dec 18, 2020

Finally, someone with good taste

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Orenda .
17:41 Dec 07, 2020

Rayy, I can't writee :( do you have time to talk? I just feel the need to talk to somebody. It's okay if you don't have time.

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:07 Dec 08, 2020

Hey, what’s up? I dont think I can go on docs today, but tell me what’s on your mind

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Orenda .
03:14 Dec 08, 2020

Hello. Well, I guess I just wanted to talk to somebody. I'd been feeling lonely the whole day. I don't know why. I mean, my friends might be busy with work, but I'm just alone lol. People here aren't always online, so it's difficult. And I can't write anymore. I did start a prompt, but just a few words and I'm ready for soiltary confinement. I just want to talk to people regularly. If possible, I'd ask you to come to doc every single day but that's stupid haha. My friend suggested a discord chat with strangers, but I don't want to and can't ...

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Rayhan Hidayat
19:49 Dec 08, 2020

Sorry for the late reply, I dunno if I can go on docs too often cuz life is a bitch lately. Maybe I can add you on discord though? It might come in handy Sucks to hear that though. I hope you’re just not in the mood and not giving up on writing entirely (you kinda make it sound like that lol)

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Orenda .
19:52 Dec 08, 2020

Hey, it's alright :) i know, right? This biss. I'd love that actually. I meant, temporary confinement. Of course. Thankfully, I'm close to finishing the story. I didn't back out this week, geez.

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Rayhan Hidayat
23:09 Dec 09, 2020

Ok, I’ll probably put my username or however you do it in docs Oh yay, that’s what I wanna hear!

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Amaya .
00:00 Dec 17, 2020

and you didn't talk to ME?! hmph

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Orenda .
02:57 Dec 17, 2020

Where? How? What? I'm talking to you right now, aren't I? 😉

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Amaya .
03:51 Dec 17, 2020

righttttt lmaooo

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Orenda .
03:52 Dec 17, 2020

Yesss so waddap!

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Orenda .
19:06 Dec 01, 2020

what's with your answers on the quiz? Some hilarious shit. Also, i like how you described an ideal friend, weird but funny. Too funny for my health, Han River.

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Rayhan Hidayat
04:04 Dec 02, 2020

Yeah sorry, couldn’t help it 😂 I do the same thing in Zilla’s quizzes too

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Orenda .
04:23 Dec 02, 2020

ew. No, I'm just kidding xD also, I have a thing for writing violence. What do I do?! Violent characters are so close to my heart, i can't think of anything but them.

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:11 Dec 02, 2020

Ooh are you writing for this week? Is it some of that crime show stuff? As a fellow sociopath, I love violence too, but I always try to use it in moderation. Juxtaposing violent scenes with calmer ones helps them hit harder (pun intended) and generally makes for a more compelling read. Or you could even hint to the violence without explicitly depicting it. For example, maybe the story starts with the main character staring at their bloodsoaked hands and a mangled body. Then the reader fills in the gaps themselves, which can make a more...

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Orenda .
05:23 Dec 02, 2020

yes i will. Not focusing the entire story on criminal psych as such. Not at all, in fact. yeah, you helped a lot! Thanks. Why are sociopathic brains so messed up? you know, we got a song dedicated to us. Listen to sociopath by StayLoose.

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:34 Dec 02, 2020

I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE A SOCIO PATH Awesome, I’ll be waiting for that then 😉

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Amaya .
00:00 Dec 17, 2020

you haven't changed the heart to blackkkk

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:28 Dec 17, 2020

I dont know what you’re talking about 🙄

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:28 Dec 17, 2020

I dont know what you’re talking about 🙄

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Amaya .
02:59 Dec 17, 2020

YESS YOU DID IT

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Orenda .
03:07 Dec 17, 2020

(In the meanwhile, Ray's smashing the button.) DON'TTT.

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Amaya .
03:52 Dec 17, 2020

lmaoooo

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:28 Dec 17, 2020

I dont know what you’re talking about 🙄

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Orenda .
18:43 Dec 13, 2020

Heylo, are you coming to O&R? My zombie braincells are pole dancing :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
21:28 Dec 13, 2020

I know I said I would but I’m super busy 😞 You’re welcome to kick off the party though!

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Orenda .
03:21 Dec 14, 2020

Lol. I couldn't write too. But it's okay :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
12:31 Dec 14, 2020

Wanna work on it today? I’m finally done with my assignment and I think I’ll be more free for a while

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Orenda .
12:32 Dec 14, 2020

I will. But I'm definitely not in a good mood. VAYD IS LEAVING 😭😭

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Rayhan Hidayat
12:40 Dec 14, 2020

For real? Oh no

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Orenda .
17:36 Dec 10, 2020

heyy, new story's finally up. Don't expect it to be great though haha.

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Rayhan Hidayat
20:44 Dec 10, 2020

FINALLY. I'll be there once I'm free

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Orenda .
03:36 Dec 11, 2020

Yay, sure. Thankss :-)

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Amaya .
23:44 Dec 09, 2020

Favorite bio: yours

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Orenda .
03:54 Dec 10, 2020

Noo. No, child. It's mine. Admit it.

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Amaya .
04:08 Dec 10, 2020

lmao

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Rayhan Hidayat
23:46 Dec 09, 2020

why thank you ;)

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Amaya .
23:49 Dec 09, 2020

welcome :) and i can relate to the asian (Indian for me) ending when it comes to the grades

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Amaya .
23:50 Dec 09, 2020

im also still trying to figure out if the madison beer part is a joke or not

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Orenda .
03:56 Dec 10, 2020

I have to agree she's gorgeous, but I saw a video of hers somewhere and she was screaming at a girl. Highschoolers, i believe. Was she a bully or something?

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Amaya .
04:08 Dec 10, 2020

idk...she went to a blm protest, then took her mask off at the protest and HAD A PHOTO SHOOT in the middle of the protest, holding up a sign, with her mask down. smhhhhh idk about that vid, I've never seen it

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Orenda .
04:29 Dec 10, 2020

Wtf I came across the video and I was like, "Beer is this?" She must be drunk all the time even without drinking it lol.

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Rayhan Hidayat
23:56 Dec 09, 2020

i mean, she's done some weird stuff, but c'mon, she's a cutie

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Amaya .
23:57 Dec 09, 2020

mmmm....... yes fine. im jealous, she's literally perfect. it's a me thing.

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Rayhan Hidayat
00:24 Dec 10, 2020

she is perfect. but I bet you're pretty in your own way :)

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Amaya .
23:58 Dec 09, 2020

it's weird because everyone hated her for like 2 months and now everyone loves her again also you should change the red heart to a black one

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Rayhan Hidayat
00:25 Dec 10, 2020

yeah the interent is weird like that oh lol i might when i get on my phone

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Orenda .
16:07 Dec 04, 2020

hii, do you want to hang out on the doc?

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Rayhan Hidayat
17:40 Dec 04, 2020

sure but I might not stay long if that's okay

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Orenda .
17:44 Dec 04, 2020

oh yes it's totally okay.

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Rayhan Hidayat
17:56 Dec 04, 2020

ok I'm on the doc!

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Orenda .
17:57 Dec 04, 2020

oh wait a second.

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Orenda .
08:05 Nov 24, 2020

dude, add "Raysins" under aliases on your bio :-)

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Rayhan Hidayat
11:13 Nov 27, 2020

Good shout 😉

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Orenda .
12:31 Nov 27, 2020

yesss haha. How you doin? Also, I sent you a hi on the doc :-)

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Rayhan Hidayat
15:17 Nov 27, 2020

I'm alright, just a lil busy lately. You? And I'm sorry I can't go on the doc tonight, I've got an assignment to focus on and then I might work on my novel a little. Maybe tomorrow? (I haven't forgotten the proposal to collaborate btw)

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Orenda .
15:25 Nov 27, 2020

same here ahaha. Oh no, no, it's totally okay. Tomorrow sounds perfect. Right, i haven't too. Got two requests already lol. Anyway, good luck! :'D

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Rayhan Hidayat
15:44 Nov 27, 2020

Haha I see someone's in high demand ;) Thanks!

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Ray Dyer
22:58 Nov 21, 2020

You got me right by the heart with this one. The narrator's words all feel so accurate, and you do such a great job being honest to their character. The daughter as a sort of desperate need to bring Sweet Pea home, the confusion over why Sweet Pea would stay. Early on in the story, I highlighted the line, "It doesn’t really sink in until those live broadcasts start mentioning the city you live in." It captures so much of what's wrong in the world, and particularly in my country of the United States, right now. Too many people don't seem c...

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:57 Nov 22, 2020

Wow, I hope you’re not trying to make me feel guilty about the tiny comments I leave on your stories 😅 I’m glad you could take away a bit of reality from this. In the end, stories are there to teach and to shed light. The narrator is indeed a woman, so don’t feel too bad 😉 Thanks for the generous comment as always! Seriously, you’re the best.

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Ray Dyer
02:05 Nov 22, 2020

No guilt at all - I love your stories, and I don't know how to shut up! LOL I'm glad my comments are well-received! I try to be constructive when I can, but to be honest, your stories are so much fun that I'm not sure how I would change them most of the time, aside from change for the sake of change, which benefits no one! Back at you! You're part of what makes Reedsy so awesome!

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Orenda .
19:32 Dec 18, 2020

RAY, WHERE YOU AT?? VANISHING AT SUCH AN ODD TIME IS ILLEGAL.

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:44 Dec 19, 2020

SORRY I DID THE THING AGAIN BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THE PERFECT ENDING YOU’RE THE BEST

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:44 Dec 19, 2020

SORRY I DID THE THING AGAIN BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THE PERFECT ENDING YOU’RE THE BEST

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Rayhan Hidayat
03:44 Dec 19, 2020

SORRY I DID THE THING AGAIN BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THE PERFECT ENDING YOU’RE THE BEST

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Zilla Babbitt
16:17 Dec 17, 2020

I tried out your Indie music playlist. I thought I was a superfan of that style. I recognized a grand total of one song on there. Rethinking...

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Rayhan Hidayat
16:53 Dec 17, 2020

Ooh, I’m curious, which song was that? The thing with indie music is that many artists are so obscure you’ll never find them; you have to wait until they find you 😉 I’m glad I could open your eyes!

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Zilla Babbitt
02:27 Dec 22, 2020

It was "Like a Raspberry" though I don't understand the lyrics... :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
15:06 Dec 22, 2020

Oh wow, did not expect that one. And yeah, neither do I, but there’s something so aesthetic about Japanese vocals that I can’t care 😝

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(S*x : all night long) Agreed. You hit all the weak spots with this story, loved the ending... *cry*

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Rayhan Hidayat
21:41 Dec 10, 2020

HAHA and thank you ;)

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00:28 Dec 03, 2020

Ur bio is sooo relatable uwu Love thisisisisiississsss

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:06 Dec 03, 2020

Haha thanks Celeste 😉

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02:58 Dec 03, 2020

:D I kinda feel like ur bio is ma spirt animal! (Celeste writin' this on her second account)

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Kristin Neubauer
04:22 Nov 29, 2020

I don't know how you do it, Rayhan. Week after week, you create these incredible worlds, characters, situations .... and you have me caught up in the story from the first sentence. It feels as real to me as something happening one block away in my neighborhood. I loved the technique in this one - telling the story and developing Sweet Pea's character all through the narrator's one-sided communication. That takes such skill....and it all flowed so naturally. I also loved that despite the future time period and all the crazy things happen...

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Rayhan Hidayat
11:39 Nov 29, 2020

Aww thanks! Yep, in all my sci fi stories I try to keep things as grounded as can be 😙

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Such a lovely story, great job!! :)

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Rayhan Hidayat
07:40 Nov 28, 2020

Thanks!

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Your welcome!

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Bianka Nova
17:39 Nov 21, 2020

I've been waiting for this all week 😅 Although I didn't imagine "that" when you said "romantic elements". "That" = dark, drama, depression. Thanks for the lighter and more hopeful elements, though, because I might've started playing emo music and cutting my arms by the end.🙃 That said, I hope it's just a story and no darker elements of it are inspired by any real life events. I can't find much room for improvement. Maybe shorten a bit the first two entries? However, I'm not sure about that. There's good stuff in there, so how do you c...

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Rayhan Hidayat
02:32 Nov 22, 2020

I was only partially lucid when I was writing this and almost didn’t submit it. I knew you’d whoop my ass if I didn’t 😂 My previous romance ended on a happy note so I figured now’s the time to switch gears. Sorry if I made you think it would end with a kiss haha. And no, I’m perfectly fine, thanks for the concern 😉 I am currently trimming down the first two entries, thanks for the scrutiny as always! This piece was a little more rushed than my other stories so I do believe I rambled. Omg, I tried to make the protag fun and bubbly, n...

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Bianka Nova
10:55 Nov 22, 2020

Haha, OK, if that's what you come up with partially lucid, I should try it sometime as well 😂 Although you didn't have to rush it, I'd never whoop ass for those kind of things. I'm also curious how people interpret things. At times someone finds the funny in what you wrote when you intended something to have a dramatic effect, and other times they manage to extract a deeper meaning from a part you paid no attention to whatsoever 😄 And here, not hearing the voice of Sweet pea led me to believe that she's concentrated on the calling to s...

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Rayhan Hidayat
13:52 Nov 22, 2020

That’s a relief 😅 So true. It’s so interesting to see everyone with their own unique take on it. I kinda see that now that you point it out—and since we don’t have the other half of the conversation I don’t blame you at all for interpreting it like that. But I might change some things to make sweet pea seem less... cold, I guess? I feel like that might be weird because noramlly it’s the partner that stays behind that’s unfaithful, not the one that goes to war. Thanks for the honesty! 😙

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Bianka Nova
18:06 Nov 22, 2020

Haha, I'm not a sadist :P If you want to have a better connection between the two, I'd have MC comment on some personal/intimate remarks by Sweet Pea (she's mostly mentioning the mission and space stuff). Like, at first there might be some "miss you"s, etc. And then SP might grow cold gradually. To quote a favorite author of mine, "just my two cents" 😉 P.S. I've listened to at least 1/3 of your playlist. Just my kind of thing. Gets a seal of approval ;)

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Rayhan Hidayat
18:15 Nov 22, 2020

Very good shout. I feel like that should’ve been obvious from the get go lol. Welp, let’s see how much editing I can get done before this gets approved Ooh I wonder who that favorite author is? 🙃 Omg and here I thought you couldn’t get more awesome. That’s the stuff that makes me write like hell.

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A.Dot Ram
07:46 Nov 21, 2020

Wow. That's all for now. The imagery, the reveals, the sun. You outdid yourself this week.

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Rayhan Hidayat
09:48 Nov 21, 2020

From you, that’s a compliment of the highest order 😉 And I’m sorry for not keeping up with your stories lately, I promise it’s not just you! I’ll check them out soon 😙

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A.Dot Ram
21:55 Nov 21, 2020

No worries. Though I'll admit I thought of you when i wrote Talk-to-Me Xeno. It's hard to keep up with reading *and* writing!

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B. W.
00:04 Dec 16, 2020

Hola

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Kate M
20:55 Dec 01, 2020

I loved this story, Rayhan. It felt so real to me...and I don’t know why but I was imagining the narrator as a man (haha). You can write, and you can weave words. This was a weaving of words. ❤️ This is the first story I’ve read of your work, since I’m new to Reedsy, but I’ve seen your 😙 in the comments as I was bouncing around on other people’s stories, and I was like, “I gotta read some of that person’s stories...” I’m glad I did! 😁 Great work!

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:13 Dec 02, 2020

Welcome to Reedsy, hope you’re staying! Thanks for the kind words, a lot of this story is up to the reader’s interpretation so it’s very interesting to see your insight 😙

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