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Write a story in the form of a list.

Posted in Narrative on Dec 22, 2023

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✍️ 60 stories

The Lop-it-off-a-me List

Winner of Contest #230 🏆

The Lop-it-off-a-me List Count money in the envelope one more time. Make sure Marcel has his itinerary. Ask Alex if she will come by to feed Odin. Buy extra cat food and litter so Alex doesn't have to. Give her the spare key next time I see her. Kiss Odin and tell her she is the best cat in the world, even if she has always been destructive like her namesake. Fill out the final paperwork and mail it to the surgeon. Go to the post office on Tenth Avenue and put a stop mail hold in place. Stop worrying about the pain. Stop thinking about th...

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How to win a Writing Contest in 2027, in 199 Easy Steps

Submitted to Contest #230

Log in to Windows. Wait for things to load. Wait more. Click HumanWrites icon. Double-click HumanWrites icon. Give it admin privileges. Give it camera privileges. Give it microphone privileges. Give it keylogging privileges. Give it mouse tracking privileges. Wait for it to connect. Wait for it to crash. Frown. Look online for help on crash. Find the official forums. Get swept up in forum drama. Witness Godwin’s Law in action. Find interesting but off-topic discussion. Follow link to Wikipedia. Click around. Stumble onto French rococo archit...

70 likes 78 comments 78
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The Gumshoe's Grocery List

Submitted to Contest #230

What I Need from the Supermarket A pineapple so beautiful it’ll make a man mad. Drive him bonkers. Send him right over the edge. The kind of pineapple that shows up in your life one day when you least expect it. Places itself right on your counter and dares you to carve it up for all that delectable nectar that’ll have you at church the next day asking for forgiveness. A pineapple you can make a smoothie with or an upside down cake. Your choice. But be careful. Choices have consequences. You know that all too well. Two onions. One’s for ...

38 likes 21 comments 21
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For My Classroom

Submitted to Contest #230

#1 = More crayons #2 = More pencils too while you’re at it, they never return them #3 = Actually a new sharpener too since the classroom one is still broken. Probably a non-electric one. Kids like Dom will probably sharpen their pencils when you’re in the middle of a lesson #4 = A new little trash bin too. You have to remember to stay vigilant. Last thing you need is for Tommy to push Beth into the trash bin again and break the new one #5 = Little chair for the timeout table. Current one still wobbly, as Dom and Tommy so pleasantly r...

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20 questions younger me should have asked my mother

Shortlisted for Contest #230 ⭐️

1.    If Santa is magic, why does he need a budget?2.    If human babies come from storks, where do stork babies come from?3.    When you say, ‘all vegetables,’ qualify exactly what you mean? Follow up queries:a.    Are vegetables weighted equally? (Two brussels sprouts must be worth at least thirty peas. That’s just rudimental cruciferous equational-modelling mathematics.) b.    What is your stance on potatoes? Do they count as a vegetable? (...

30 likes 21 comments 21
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January 1973 - A List Written by a Northern Irish Mother

Submitted to Contest #230

Don’t forget to: Take the decorations down, wrap them in tissue paper and box them up to be stowed away under the stairs until next year. Carefully take down the crepe paper decorations so they don’t tear. Keep the Christmas cards and fill out the address book with anyone we missed this year. Send belated Happy New Year cards to any we did forget. Get some iced fingers from the bakery for whenever Joan calls round for a cup of tea. Get fruit soda for breakfast and a Belfast bap to go with some stew this week. Pay the milkman and the ...

22 likes 8 comments 8
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Checklist for Time Travel

Submitted to Contest #230

1.    WWDBD: What Would Doc Brown Do?2.    Polaroid picture of yourself surrounded by immediate family members3.    Men’s lightweight packable puffer jacket in red4.    Pick-up lines proven to work on Margot Robbie (P.S. Make sure the writing room has determined that these really work, no time to waste here)5.    If Rachel McAdams is your wife in an alternate timeline, don’t screw up that timeline—also, why is Rachel McAdams always the wife in...

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Reasons to Live

Submitted to Contest #230

(TW – depression, suicidal thoughts)---Reasons to not kill myself – Dec 22, 19811.  It would ruin Christmas for my family.---Reasons to not kill myself – Dec 23, 19811.  It would destroy my mother.Even though I once told my mother I was considering killing myself and she didn’t take me seriously, it is still the only reason I can think of to not actually do it. It would destroy her. And she doesn’t deserve that. It does seem a bit pointless to stay alive for the sole purpose of another person who doesn’t ev...

19 likes 15 comments 15
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Groceries

Shortlisted for Contest #230 ⭐️

Black ink on yellowish paper, careless scribbles; my mother would have turned it around and decided it to be art, paper raw but somehow still too soft for my own hands, they had started growing thorns lately, even my neighbour’s cat was not willing for me to touch her anymore.FROZEN VEGETABLES. Christmas eve. I was eleven years old and she allowed me to help make dinner for the first time. Explosion of colours in the pit of my stomach, excitement only a child was able to feel, something that gotten lost somewhere between that first bad maths...

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Cheeto fingers.

Submitted to Contest #230

How to stay single when surrounded by eligible men. An 18-step program: 1.     Cheeto fingers. Keep Cheetos on hand – literally. If you eat the little orange twigs with your fingers and take the opportunity to like the unnaturally fake orange cheese from your fingers, it will paint your fingers to the color of a faded sunset. 2.     Overthink everything. If he says that he likes Marvel, assume that he has dolls, figurines, and life-sized character cut-outs in his bedroom. Imagine yourself goi...

17 likes 14 comments 14
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Today I Will Wake Up

Submitted to Contest #230

“Goal setting is so important, it helps to break the impossible tasks into possibilities. Write them down, have a plan, have a goal. Tick things off the list as you go. You will be surprised at how much you can achieve,” said my therapist to me.“I know.” And I did know, I just never did it. But I will today.Today I will:1) wake up and I will get out of bed. I will do it without groaning or moaning. Nothing will hurt. I will be refreshed and rejuvenated. I will have energy to face the day. It will be a great day.2) get dressed and I will look...

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The Shopping

Submitted to Contest #230

1. Set your work backpack down. On the meticulously clean table is a printed “Heavenly Halibut” recipe. Next to it is a piece of stationary that poorly-drawn, fair-skinned, hand-holding children obnoxiously smile out of. The grocery list. Groan when you see it. You were planning on watching the season fifteen finale of a badly-written soap and had forgotten you’d agreed to make dinner.2. The soap lets you forget about Katharine’s shrill voice, her perfectly-piled curls, her expensive taste, her uppity parents, her badgering: it’s only you an...

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The 3-Way Conversation

Shortlisted for Contest #230 ⭐️

Once upon: 1) a time 2) a fork in the road 3) a frozen river I came across: 1) royalty 2) a traveler 3) an Olympic skater Who told me: 1) "Kneel down." 2) "Which way?" 3) "Don't fall." And I replied: 1) "Yes, sir," while whispering, "to tie my shoe." 2) "No road is without potholes, but..." 3) "With ice, there are no guarantees, except that you are bound to feel something while you are skating." The person transformed in that instant to: 1) a butterfly 2) a dinosaur 3) a sparrow 4) a mermaid 5) a wizard 6) an hourglass 7) a prophetes...

16 likes 6 comments 6
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Promotion of a Pimply Teenager

Submitted to Contest #230

"You've only been here for two months," Gary, a middle-aged man in a white, button-up, grease-stained shirt, said. "I thought of that, and so I wrote down several reasons you should promote me," Brice, a pimply teenage boy wearing a red Captain John's Seafood work shirt, replied. Gary pinched the bridge of his nose with resignation. He was on hour sixty-five of an eighty-hour work week and had no energy to resist. "Alright, let's hear them." "First, I want to thank you for the opportunity to present my reasons for promoting me as the n...

15 likes 4 comments 4
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Have You Seen Me?

Submitted to Contest #230

CW: This story contains elements of child kidnapping.  The following is a collection of missing children’s reports found on the back of milk cartons. All reports were being investigated by the Marble County Sheriff’s Office and the Penny Hill Police Department. Blanks indicate missing information that was illegible. [A picture of a young boy wearing a blue and white striped shirt. His teeth are crooked and yellowed. Brown hair is cut short. In the background of the picture are the torsos of two adults, their heads cropped off.] Thomas O...

13 likes 5 comments 5
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