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Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.

Posted in Funny on Mar 30, 2021

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✍️ 110 stories

Zombies Sound Safer Than My Family

Submitted to Contest #60

Most people are scared after and during an apocalypse. Am I?Nah.I basically run around with LOSER tattooed on my forehead; I'm sure a few zombies aren't scarier than half the bullies at Gire High School.I'm that Harry Potter nerd. The computer nerd. The Percy Jackson nerd. Guess what?I'm a nerd.You know, in case you haven't noticed.Want to know what's ironic? My best friend is captain of the football team. Boy, does that have its advantages. My bestie can beat up Andrew Vanderwalk, Jake "The Pit (DON'T ask, you'll regret it)" Jackson, and ab...

144 likes 172 comments 172
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Home Sweet Hideout

Submitted to Contest #60

NightCrawlers: Victims of a Parasite that turned into Nocturnal Cannibalistic Hunters whose only instincts are to kill and eat.This was the dream. No more standards, no more rules, no more needing to put on acts to impress every idiot who judged her because of her black skin (it’s because they are all dead now.) In Onyx’s opinion, the best part is that no one cared about which bathroom she used because they didn’t work anymore! All of that stuff was gone, and all that was left behind was pure chaos.Sure it came with new dangers and the risk ...

96 likes 35 comments 35
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A Crazy Zombified Bad Romance

Submitted to Contest #60

I remember the first moment I saw her…Her beautiful blonde hair glistening in the sunlight.Blue ocean eyes twinkling like diamonds.Well, her beautiful eye…I guess I probably should have mentioned she’s a zombie. Yup, with grey patchy skin, bloodied black nails, and large yellow fangs. Her human days were definitely something in the distant past. The really distant past, but she’s still my girl. Who cares if she has a missing arm and maggots in her eye socket? Love is blind, goddamn it. And if I want to date a zombie, I will do it. ...

54 likes 26 comments 26
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The New Deal, But Wrong

Submitted to Contest #60

           Adults weren’t lying when they scoffed at the youth for not knowing how to use rotary phones. Mish thought rotary phones were like VHS tapes and individual slide projectors: nostalgic items for her parents and teachers. Yet here she was, in an actual government office, trying to figure out how to dial a rotary phone as two very tall suited men stood intimidatingly over her desk and requested to speak to the person in charge of tax returns.      &n...

49 likes 13 comments 13
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Dating at the End of the World

Submitted to Contest #60

I’ll be honest—the dating game’s gone downhill since the end of the world.And it’s not like it wasn’t already tough for someone like me. Average-looking guy with an online gaming addiction and mild paranoia issues? It all worked out great when the world went to hell—I was hunkered down in my apartment, surrounded by canned food, long before the disease spread.Finding a girl, though? Give me another apocalypse.I’d tried the whole online dating thing, too, where ‘someone finds love every 14 minutes.’ Yeah, right. If that were the truth, I woul...

47 likes 23 comments 23
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The Rise of the New Era

Submitted to Contest #60

Thud. Thud. Thud. You hear as the Botulinum toxic drops like fresh dew drops by leaves. Only difference is that the drops are deadly to humans, if they even existed, and the plants are long gone.  There is no trace of life here. Now, there is no atmosphere you can spot in Earth, it is called GBGP 3000. That is the short form of the real name garbage planet and life ended here in the year 3000. The last scientist named the planet like that, before dying, those were his last words. Fortunately, he was al...

45 likes 3 comments 3
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Spies + Zombie Training = Really Big Bonuses (Part 2)

Submitted to Contest #60

Author's note: This is a part 2 to my story "Spies + Zombie Training = Really Big Bonuses (Part1)". So if you haven't read that story yet, maybe check it out because there will be spoilers. If you don't want to, have no fear, a recap, and a fantastic day! Thanks for reading :)Recap: Agent Lincoln and Agent Connors are secret agents that work for rival organizations. They were both dumped into a zombie farm along with other agents to prepare for a possible zombie apocalypse with a warning to be out before night. They had a contest, killing ma...

40 likes 13 comments 13
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Karmageddon

Submitted to Contest #60

In a final dramatic bid to eradicate Humanity, and the root cause of suffering, spam emails, flame wars over climate change, and endless Hollywood remakes plaguing the Universe, the Enemy command redirected its computer-generated intelligence to orchestrate an unprecedented three-pronged attack to wipe out Planet Earth. Combining top military strategies from Mars and Jupiter, with the best Area-51 conspiracy theories from 8chan to QAnon, these Alien forces unleashed the ultimate trilogy of destruction, as never before attempted on any theatr...

40 likes 11 comments 11
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Mr. Hoover's Nephew

Submitted to Contest #60

Ron Hoover’s love of classical music didn’t fit well with his rough-around-the-edges persona, but he didn’t care. He woke up early in a dark room on the second floor. Waddled out to the hallway, past the empty guest bedroom, into the bathroom. Turned the light on, groaned in pain as his eyes shrunk to raisins. Why do they sell such damn bright light-bulbs? He brushed his teeth, shaved, and went back to his room. Got dressed in the dark, always a plain t-shirt and jeans. Skipped breakfast, it didn’t fit well with his lanky figure, then headed...

39 likes 27 comments 27
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Just One Yesterday

Submitted to Contest #60

Bang."God help us."Bang."We're going to die."Bang."Guys, they're going to eat us."Bang."When I die, watch, my cat. You know... what's rest of her."Bang.We-"Wow. Even in a post-apocalyptic world you still find a way to be overly dramatic. We are fighting for our lives, and you are breaking into a monologue, Maya, truly amaze me. Do I even want to know what the sound effects are for this time?"Oh, Aaron, my darling, sweet, stubborn friend. Only you can try to make everything so dark. Come on! You know what they are this time.""No, I'm afraid I...

38 likes 72 comments 72
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Coach, the Cockroach

Submitted to Contest #60

My body didn't want to answer my brain anymore. The fact that I couldn't think nor sleep was making me very distressed. My swollen floppy legs were failing on me — they weren't moving. My mouth was dry (I desperately needed to drink some water, any kind of water. I would even drink pee). My mind was confused and anxious. My head was aching a lot, and my concentration difficulties were finally really annoying and disturbing me. I never thought that I'd die in that way and in that place. He was going after me; he was chasing me. I'd die beca...

38 likes 1 comment 1
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The World From Above

Submitted to Contest #60

Engineers.  Inventors.  Nomads.  Survivors.  There were many names for those left of humanity, but they called themselves Clingers.   They clung desperately to the last vestiges of hope, of survival, too stubborn to quit.   When the apocalypse had come that fateful day so many years ago and the ground became too dangerous to live on, they rose into the air on their blimps, their planes, anything.  Anything to get away.   They had made an oath that day.  That day they would survive, ...

33 likes 16 comments 16
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Small Potatoes

Submitted to Contest #60

The doctor was staring at the meatball sitting in front of him. His flesh was loose, the belly was perfectly round and squishy, but it definitely had a little elasticity to give an extra level of pleasure to the person who would tap on it. The doctor didn't touch him, but his long experience told him all that. He knew his patient was an overweight guy who didn't even seem to care about it. He came here for acute knee pain. Who would say to him that his obesity is the root of his problems? But the fluffy man was not at all ashamed of his bad ...

31 likes 10 comments 10
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Finding it Funny

Submitted to Contest #60

There were many (and for a while I was one of them) who thought we would never, ever, get a TV network running again after the Bad Business. Radio was back relatively quickly – it never really went away – but TV was another matter. It was hardly seen as a priority when people were scavenging, and cities lay in ruins, and fields were laid barren. And just the practical side of it seemed impossible. But in the tenth year after the Bad Business, we went on air. Yes, I was part of the team. So Yah Boo Sucks to anyon...

29 likes 9 comments 9
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Because I Care About Art More Than You Do

Submitted to Contest #60

“Alright, quiet on the set.”“Rolling.”“Background.”“Action.”The cast and crew stand motionless, except for the director, who is pantomiming direction to the background actors, despite the fact that they are incapable of movement.“Reset. Still rolling. Action.”The scene is being filmed on location at an amusement park, which is where most of the film will conveniently take place. The ones who were outside when the Pause occurred have remained uncorrupt. Alive but inanimate, without bodily function or the need for nourishment. Everyone who had...

29 likes 8 comments 8
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