Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.
Posted in Funny on Mar 30, 2021
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✍️ 114 stories
“Something Strange in the Neighborhood” by Kate Winchester
I woke up, but my eyes remained shut. I listened. I was still. Hearing nothing but the beating of my own heart, I carefully opened my eyes and looked around without moving my head. The sky was its familiar blue with a few clouds dotting its expanse. Seeing nothing else, I sat up. It wasn’t easy; however, as there was this sticky, white substance all around me and on me. It was everywhere and even in the gutter where I’m...
“#128” by Lina Oz
“Diary of a Survivor” Location: Former United States of America (abbr., U.S.A.) Archives: September 2432 The following is a transcription of a diary entry from survivor #128. It is one of few archival materials recovered from the Great End era. Discovered by Dr. Owen Matherson, Archaeologist [Specialty: Documentation of the Great E...
“There’s a Zombie Outside Your Door” by Aisa M
I never imagined that I would ever be at a time of Zombie Apocalypse, let alone be stuck with a Parakeet in an unprecedented time like this. Of all the animals in the world, why a Parakeet? It could be a dog, who can help me fight the bloody zombies, or a cat, who will just sleep in one corner, or a Gold Fish, that won’t make a single sound and a potential meal should I starve in case of food shortage. &n...
“Nuclear Horses” by S. Closson
Back when I was a kid, I would always hear all of these excitingly horrifying anecdotes about the apocalypse. It was like some lonely writer was crouched over their computer just typing away as they concocted the zaniest theories that one could imagine, then they spread the theories throughout the lunch room in middle school to both entertain the students, and freak out their parents.For the most part, it was a lot of fun, trying to figure out how humanity would kick the bucket. Everyone had their own ideas of what would...
“CR:” by James Offenha
The humans always said we’d be the ones to survive the apocalypse and they were right. There’s no more pesticides, which is good, but we’re the only ones left, so there’s little to no food, so we have to use the CAN method, which humans thought were vulgar, but they’re dead, which means they didn’t know better. So, the CAN method. I’m a male CR, so I find a female CR and we mate. She gets pregnant, has...
“Food Report No. 321” by Kendall Defoe
From the files of the Dark Hunters (Hudson Walter X’s Reports):Since the crisis occurred, I have kept as accurate a record as possible of the changes that have taken place within the greater society and the world as a whole. Notably, I have seen the worst possible behaviour in my neighbours and friends and responded by trying to bring a level of sanity and decency back in our lives, with or without assistance. Naturally, this has been a very difficult task, especially for a man who once was responsible for nothin...
“Laughing All The Way” by Bareera Samra
Dr. Fatsber was busy in his giant Laboratory working on a project when Dr. Solomon entered. He glanced around and saw upturned test tubes on the white floor of the lab. Beakers stood empty and the usual clean and neat lab was reeking of a noxious smell. Dr. Solomon turned in surprise to Dr. Fatsber and saw the worst of him. His normal tidy hair were standing on his head and his white coat...
“Post - (for some) apocalyptic.” by Len Mooring
Post - (for some) - Apocalyptic.Donelle Trimp surveyed what she had wrought and thought it good. As the President of the Amalgamated Republican States of Earth - ARSE - she had thought to bring light to the people of recalcitrant countries by way of flattening all of their buildings to let the sun shine upon them. She had tried talking to them, albeit rather roughly, but that was the kind of talk they understood. Well, possibly they hadn’t understood the message this time, but the next t...
“How to Survive the Apocalypse” by Julie Ward
HOW TO SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE And High School at the Same Time By Remi Julian Here’s the thing about the apocalypse. It’s basically a giant game of dodgeball. Nobody really likes it but everyone has to play. If you want to walk away unscathed, you have to think strategically. At first you...
“Panic, Schmanic” by Vanessa Kilmer
I have two towels. I’m rich by today’s standards. Right now, they are pinned together to form a poncho that’s keeping me warm. It’s the end of spring. The first few generations after The Event, no one kept track of time, days or years. Heck, the world was so bleak and black that no one could keep track of the seasons. You couldn’t tell the difference between winter and summer. Someone in one of the large...
“Thou Shalt Not Kill” by Kathleen March
By definition, we rarely - or never - think of a post-apocalyptic world as something that resembles a comedy. I mean, what’s to laugh at? The world as we, or the victims of such a situation, knew it, is gone. Everybody feels lost, disoriented, uncertain, frightened. However, let’s look at what ‘apocalypse’ means. After that, we can discuss what post-apocalypse means. Warning: We did our homework. We cons...
“The Twisted Shack” by Connor H
“Hey, hey calm down. We have a lovely little pen for you. There are plenty of other people for you to socialise with.” The figure carefully marched over the second smaller one moving slowly as she was trying hard to get away. “I’d rather be left alone and survive in the real world, stupid Zombie.” “Now that is rude, we prefer to be called alternatively alive. We don’t call you humans, do ...
“Just Another Day” by John Del Rio
She looked over at him and gave a silent look of reproach. He saw the look; he always saw the look. He asked her “What?” And she told him, “you’re a little too close to the line. You always park a little too close to the line.” “You’re kidding me, right?” He said to her; at which point she simply opened her door and pointed to the painted line that delineated the edge of that particular parking spot.
“Good Girl” by Lizzy Burt
The inside of my eyelids glow orange, pulling me out of a vague dream. I crack my eyes open to see a beam of sunlight streaming in through the gap in the boarded window. I turn my head away from the beam, blinking to adjust my vision. My pack is still asleep, curled up underneath their faded and ripped blankets. I stand up with a big yawn, stretching the stiffness out of my legs. My master hasn’t noticed ...
“Lousy Narrator” by Tannistha Nandi
Cold air bit into my lungs as I thrust foot in front of foot on the ground, running so fast my head was hurting. My calves felt like they were burning. I wasn’t used to running so fast. A small exclamation escaped my lips as I spotted my destination in front of me. I sighed in relief. There they are. Two burly men were standing tête à tête, spitting venom at each other through their...
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