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Write a story in the form of a list of New Year's resolutions.

Posted in Adults on Dec 29, 2023

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✍️ 53 stories

Monster Goals

Submitted to Contest #231

To the human living above me, I'd like to propose some changes.It’s been a year since you issued me your set of rules, and in that year, I’ve complied. You’re still alive, aren’t you? Your dog is still alive, yes? And if you’d bothered to check under your bed once in awhile, you’d know that it’s the cleanest it’s ever been (turns out dust bunnies and ants and snack crumbs make a delicious meal, thanks for that suggestion, by the way). Overall, I think I’ve made a really great monster-under-the-bed, and I do hope you'd agree.Now, I know one o...

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New Year, Same Me

Shortlisted for Contest #231 ⭐️

New Year’s Resolutions 2023 2024I, Ryan, am writing this list of 2023 2024 New Year’s Resolutions to get my ass in gear. If I put it on paper, I guess I might be able to manifest them a little bit better? You know, speak them into existence or whatever Lynda tried to tell me. I am reusing my list from last year, with some modifications, because let’s face it, I didn’t accomplish a goddamn thing in 2023. Not with everything that happened. Although, I am still breathing which says enough in and of itself.1.    Keep the apar...

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The Final List

Shortlisted for Contest #231 ⭐️

I yawn, trying not to close my eyes. It’s three thirty in the morning, I’m tired, I’m sick, this job was a bad one, this one did not go as planned. Now here I am, driving down this obscure, dark, bleak road, in the middle of nowhere USA, trying to find a place where I can clean up. As I turn the curve, I see this old, dilapidated building a little way down on the right. Pulling into the gravel lot, I look around and of course no one is out currently. I’ll take a chance.&nb...

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Shakespearean New Year's Resolutions

Shortlisted for Contest #231 ⭐️

HAMLET1.    Finally answer the question of "to be or not to be."2.    Kill Claudius, forsooth.3.    Finally go to Wittenberg for art school.4.    Convince Ophelia to run away with me to art school.5.    Whatever I do, do not fight a duel with Laertes.6.    Avoid getting involved in pointless wars.7.    If I see my father's ghost, seek a grief counselor.HAMLET'S FATHER'S GHOSTConvince Hamlet to avenge my ...

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Resolutions for a New Hare

Submitted to Contest #231

I’ve decided that I’m a little too competitive.In the new year, I’d like to be less competitive. I’d also like to win more races. Not because I’m going to be competitive, because I won’t be, or, at the very least, I’ll be less competitive, but ideally, I won’t be competitive at all, and so competitiveness will have nothing to do with the fact that I will absolutely dominate every race I enter.Less cutthroat enthusiasm, more trophies.More winning.And so I am resolved.I’d like to befriend more tortoises. I currently have no tortoise friends, a...

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Moving On

Submitted to Contest #231

CW Mention of deathMy New Year's resolutions.Margery underlined the words, then went over them again with her black biro, as though making the words more dominant would make them harder to refute. She sat at the dining table, with a mat under her writing pad to not scratch the wood. You can't do anything important in a comfortable chair, or in slippers, she thought.1 Take down all the cards, before twelfth night.I’m being organised, Margery told herself, not ungrateful. There weren't that many cards, not as many as she'd expected, although e...

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Being Better, One Cranberry at a Time

Submitted to Contest #231

Number 1 - Stop holding grudgesSome random woman in a supermarket blocked the dried fruit and wouldn’t move. It was a week before Christmas, I was stressed, supposed to be working full-time, shopping, hosting, planning, preparing, wrapping, being civil, having good will, being happy, not stabbing people’s faces with sporks in the queue for fish and chips. I had my niece, Whisper (yes, I told my sister it’s a stupid name, especially when shouted), in tow. But they’re excuses, I know that my behaviour was extreme and entirely my responsibility...

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Best Intentions

Submitted to Contest #231

Best IntentionsEditor's note: The Reedsy format wasn't receptive to the Word cross-outs, so this may appear a bit messy in places.)December 31, 2023Resolutions for the New Year- The beginning of a new and improved Herb Farkowski.      1.    Lose 20  15  10   5 pounds by July 1st   October 1st  December 31st, 2024.-       Accomplish this daring feat with fat-free   fat-reduced   not all-fat die...

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T'was Three Nights

Submitted to Contest #231

T’was three nights before New Years, and I decided it’s time to write my resolutions and this year make them rhyme. Is there a task so fulfilling, as that of resolve? The future’s so thrilling, my list I’ll evolve. Searching my mind, and the depths of my soul, to change for the better, this time, I know. The instantaneous edification washes over me, as I prepare to become self-aware, leaving behind 2023. I feel so empowered, so fresh and renewed, as I pen all my promises of goals to pursue.  First, I will promise myself to take much bet...

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New Year and New Lies

Submitted to Contest #231

New Year and New Lies Every year, I list resolutions on New Year's Eve. Usually, I only try five, hoping to manage all, but I break at least one within a month. I know it's not just me. Living up to the resolutions we set is tricky. My list is always the same: 1.       Save at least $1000 2.       Lose at least 15 lbs. 3.       Get organized 4.       Call friends and family when they pop into my mind 5....

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The Trouble with Resolutions

Submitted to Contest #231

***Content warning, Adult Themes***One glass1) Lose weight.(You need to make your goals specific and measurable.)(OK, how’s this then?)1a) Join Weight Watchers—Actually follow the program this time.1b) Lose 10 kilos by Christmas, (that’s less than 1 kilo a month, that’s doable right?)1c) Keep the weight off this time.(How are you going to manage that?)(With my second resolution.)2) Join a gym.(Specific and measurable, remember.)(***sigh***)2a) Pay for a year’s membership at Fitness First Gym.2b) Sign up for two classes per week.2c) Sign Kels...

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NY Resolution: How to be Cool 2024

Submitted to Contest #231

Hi Both,As the year draws to a close, it's that time again - time to jot down our resolutions. I'll be honest; I've never been too keen on this task. But this year, why not share my vision for a dazzling 2024 with you both?Resolution 1: Unleash the New MeReinvent me entirely. How hard could it be? Isn't that what resolutions are all about?Resolution 2: The Eternal Diet StruggleWhy is it that every New Year, I find myself chanting the same mantra - go on a diet? It's like my excess weight only becomes visible with the turning of the calendar....

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67 Resolutions To Follow After Your Funeral

Submitted to Contest #231

After your funeral, I hereby resolve to do (or not do) the following 67 things...one to commemorate every year of your miserable life:1.         Attend fewer funerals, unless it is HERS, then wear that new red dress and matching heels I bought the day after your funeral.2.         When no one is looking, dance on her grave.3.         If she doesn’t die soon, occasionally leave bags of the Snoopster’s poop on ...

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Dear Journal

Submitted to Contest #231

January 1, 2024, I hereby resolve:·      To go to the gym four times a week. (Resolutions look so cool when written by fountain pen!)·      To stop procrastinating and wasting time scrolling online.·      To keep my diary every day. It’s therapeutic, or so they say.·     To clean out closets and get rid of stuff I don’t need.·      To not shop for new clothes unless essential since the world is bein...

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Dinosaurs

Submitted to Contest #231

I had such a hard time at the funeral. My mom, God rest her soul. Now I just feel so empty, wandering around this empty house with piles of old things waiting to be thrown out. You hardly know what to keep and what to ditch. I’m scared that I will throw out things that matter to me. Even though I have forgotten what they are!I hated school. But I saw this grade 3 assignment that I did with Ms. Woodrow before she went on sick leave so long ago. Was it twenty years ago? Ran into it at the bottom of a pile of elementary school things. By no mea...

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