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Advice- 5â” Â $5.00If youâve ever wondered what happened to Lucy Van Pelt of âPeanutsâ fame, youâve come to the right place. If the topic never concerned you, well, maybe youâll stumble across the subject in a late-night, free-wheeling Trivia game, and you can impress your friends.Young Lucyâs business model mirrored Lincolnâs reflection on the legal profession- her time and advice were her stock in trade. Children from all over the neighborhood sought her counsel on a w...
The Beavis and Butt-Head Self-Help Program for the Socially AwkwardPre-school.âErnie, have you met the new girl, Melissa?ââNo, Miss Finn.ââWould you like to meet her?ââNot really.ââWell, you should want to know everyone in our group. Ernie, this is Melissa. Melissa, this is Ernie.ââOh, I know her! Sheâs the one who farted in church last week.ââEarnest!ââWhat? She did fart, Miss Finn. Didnât youâŠMelissa? Tell her how you farted right in the middle of Father Johnâs Homily...
CoolHigh school. The land of the haves and the have-nots. The cool kids and the outcasts who gather at the nerd table in the lunchroom. The quarterback and the 3rd trombone in the school band. The Petrie dish for the natural evolution of separations within a species long before sociologists wrote about tribes and caste systems. Calvin knew where he was, and he knew he didnât belong there.He fit in, but he hated where he fit in. His âf...
The MentorOff-key crooningâŠâThe green leaves of summer are starting to fall, and thoseâŠâââEnough with all the melancholy end-of-summer stuff, Sawyer!ââHow about something a little more upbeat like a little âSummer Nightsâ from Grease, Jesse?ââOh my God, no. If I hear about Sandy and Danny one more time Iâm going to toss my cookies. You need to move on. Summerâs over. We had a good run, but school starts tomorrow.ââYeah, I know, but I sure am going to miss those lazy,...
Attaboy, Joey!âAttaboy, Joey! Nice swing. You can do it!âTruth be told, Joey couldnât do it.Strike three.Joey slowly walked off the field with his head down. His Dad understood the hurt and put his arms around him.âItâs okay, Joey, youâll get âem next time.âTom didnât really believe that, but thatâs what dads say.You may have heard a coach say something like, âWhat a kid lacks in talent can be made up for with hard work and desire.â Donât believe it. Joey had ...
âPenâ Pals âThe guy is a genius, Matt.â âHowâs that?â âYouâll see. Watch and learn.â ---------- Dear Martha, I hope this letter finds you well. The days become longer and harder here. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of holding you in my arms the day I leave this terrible place. Love, Old School P.S....
No ReturnsMr. Arnie Irk Customer Relations                                                                     &nb...
OverdueThe small, snuggly town was named Life Magazineâs #1 Place to Live in America a stunning seven years in a row. Maple Grove defined quaint, rural, and rustic. Its streets werenât tree-lined; its trees were street-lined. Happy smiley faces everywhere, children and adults, a Ward, June, Wally, and Beaver behind every door.Everyone knew everyone. The barber was the butcherâs uncle, the fireman was the bakerâs brother, and the teacher was the studentâs aunt. The children all played together i...
Heavenly Do-Over Duel Circumstance, coincidence, and fate always play a role. If King George hadnât been quite so greedy, if the first shot had not been fired at Lexington Green, and if Alexander Hamilton had not married the daughter of Philip Schuyler, there might not have been a story. But these three stepping stones did fall into place to lead to the fateful events of July 11, 1804 in Weehawken, New Jersey, and the additional extraordinary events that followed.Hamilton and Aaron B...
One Night Out on the LakeThe best time to fish for walleyes is the last half-hour of sunlight. Every fisherman worth his weight in nightcrawlers knows that. It is also the best time to be out on the lake for any reason, or even better, for no reason- the wind dies down, the temperature drops, the sky presents a tapestry of extraordinary colors, all is quiet and still, and it is enough to just be there. Marty knew this better than any man alive, and he took full advantage. He was there so of...
Get Your Kicks on Route 66âYou sure about this, Zak?ââA little late for second-guessing, Cal.âThe â55 Chevy was packed to the gills, and the wheels were already rolling out of the driveway of Zakâs parentsâ home within a stone's throw of Lake Micigan in Evanston, Illinois.âItâs just such a big step.ââNo kidding, Cal, but youâve had like 50,000 hours to think about it. Thereâs no turning back, partner. California here here we come!âAnd so the sky blue Bel A...
Dreams of the FatherâIt is a wise man who knows his own son.â                                 - William Shakespeare, Merchant of VeniceIt was one of the first things imprinted in Charlieâs mind as a child, an integral part of the foundation of his memory and a guidepost for the path to be followed...
Hollywood HackThe cameras were rolling, the actors were ready, the director was sweating, and the producer was a nervous wreck. The studioâs planned summer blockbuster, âBrash Bags the Bad BoysâŠAgainâ, was behind schedule, over budget, and the company was fending off a looming writersâ strike.EXT. L.A. CITY STREET - NIGHTEmergency vehicle lights are flashing. The beautiful Honey Muffin, in full police garb, leans over a man lying on the sidewalk. Brash Bradford approaches...
Defenestraphobia Moves in Next Door(Satirical references to certain phobias; indelicate treatment of the subject of "plus- size" people.) The day after the âFor Saleâ sign came down, a crew was at the two-story colonial boarding up all the windows. Kenny, the keen-eyed neighbor next door, couldnât help but notice.âMargie, take a look-see on whatâs going on next door. The new owner is having all the windows boarded up.ââWhat? Oh, my God, that is strange....
The Dehumanization of Adam Longtree(Language.) 1. White-collar criminals out on bond get to wear white-collar attire to court. Adam Longtreeâs attorney, a salaried Public Defender with a questionable commitment to the task, had him dressed in a dark blue suit with a white shirt and a bright red tie. Add clean-shaven, with every hair in place, and an endearing smile, Adam looked more like a figurine on top of a wedding cake than a hardened criminal. Unfortunately for Adam, the jury base...
Dartmouth, then Law School followed by years in mind-numbing law practice; now have more time to write. "Brevity is the soul of wit."
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