The Dragon Warrior-Part 2

Submitted into Contest #58 in response to: Write a story where the power goes out on a spaceship or submarine.... view prompt

182 comments

Fantasy

 Author’s note: This is the continuation of The dragon warrior. This can be read as a stand-alone story. But, for a better understanding, you may want to read the first part.


After the tough battle with the Kaals I received the warrior’s trophy from the President. After all, I am the Dragon warrior. But, after receiving the trophy, I was given the police job. But, not inside the air conditioned police station, instead in the scorching sun as a watchman. I was saving the city from rogues and thieves. They were the only criminals I knew here and they would run away if they saw me.

On a bad day, I had come to my duty and was sitting in an old, broken chair.

“Hey, Flame. Did you see Mr.George?”Miles,the sub inspector of police,asked me.

“Hey, Miles. I didn’t see him. Where did he go?” I said.

“Okay, Flame. Carry on with your job. I will make a call,” Miles said.

He went inside the station and came back after some time.

“Hey, dude. Don’t panic, Flame. He said he was ill yesterday. I completely forgot that,” Miles said and started scratching his head while I rolled my eyes.

My routine was to be awake at mornings and nights and talk to the police in the afternoon. They were my only support and family.

That day, the news flashed,”Weaponized submarines of the country to take off tomorrow. Officers in charge, Inspector George and sub inspector Miles.”

They had left me alone again. Miles was very excited and started to frustrate me. But, I didn’t take those things seriously. 

The next day, George came to the police station.

“Are you fine?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Aren’t you excited?” Miles asked.

“Very much,” he said happily. He was the happiest man I could have seen in that city.

“Please take me with you,” I said.

“No, Flame. That’s not possible,” Miles said.

“Okay. George, call me if there’s any problem,” I said and went to sit on my old chair which would break anytime.

Then a huge car came in front of the police station. The policemen were amazed. A man came out of the car. He was a fat and a bald man with gold rings on all ten fingers. He was the President. 

“Get in, George and Miles,” he said.

“Wow!” exclaimed Miles.

They got in and Miles taunted me. In my anger, I wanted to take my dragon sword and chase him.

The car took off at a high rate of speed,leaving me alone in the scorching sun. On that day, there were no thefts or mistakes happening in the city and I was bored. But, not for long.

George called me, ”Flame, we need your help. The power has gone out in the submarine and a shark is threatening us. Please come as soon as possible.”

That was the one I was waiting for. I donned my red dragon warrior suit and made my keychain into a skateboard. It can change into anything.

I raced fast to the nearest beach. George had sent me the coordinates of where he was. I just followed the google maps and dived into the waters. I would do anything for my friends, even for that annoying Miles.

Wow! It was so cool to be swimming in the water after being in the scorching sun. I found the fishes, in all colours floating with their fins with ease. But, then I saw a large fish, which was attacking the old, blue submarine. No one had maintained it for years.

It was the shark. I turned the keychain into a sword. The submarine's engines were stuck. I pushed the submarine as hard as I could. The metal was very rough as it was an old submarine. But, using all my strength, it moved forward slowly and the engine started with a loud “Vrooooooooooom.”

Then the shark dreamt of a nice feast. But, it didn’t know that I would have the feast. I slashed my sword and cut it lightly on the face. It tried to attack me but I gave a kick in its eye and scared it away. It groaned in pain and went out of my sight.

I opened the upper door in the submarine and went in. Just a small amount of water came in. Okay, a lot of it came in. 

“Thank you, Flame and I am sorry for the mocking,” Miles said.

“Welcome, my friend. Don’t be sorry because I am also inside this submarine,” I laughed.

There was completely no light in the submarine and the ocean was also very dark. Miles started to get the generator ready. It would help us for a few hours until we got out of the waters.

“Thank you, Flamey,” George said.

Flamey, that name I knew. But, I couldn’t remember and I didn’t get the time to recollect. George punched me with his fist and I was transported to some other place. It was full of dragons and the ground was raging with fire.

Then George touched his chest and transformed into a man with a great physique about my age. He was dressed fully in black. He had the dragon mark on his hands. 

“Do you remember me, Flamey?” he asked me.

“WHERE IS GEORGE?” I yelled at him.

“Answer my question, Flamey,” he replied calmly.

And then I remembered.

“You are my mate on Dragon planet. Your code name is Shape Shifter. And your name is Aqua,” I said.

“Wow! You still remember me. But, from now, you are the one who would be remembered,” he said, taking out his dragon sword. That was not as powerful as mine. But, it was powerful, too. He was a great fighter.

“Hey, wait. How did you escape? I had stabbed you. Then the Kaals had attacked and destroyed the whole planet,” I said.

“I knew it. You are a betrayer. You had killed every warrior and would have killed me. I transformed into a Kaal and have been travelling with them for a few days. I arrived on earth and George interested me. So, I transformed into him,” he said, ready to fight. He was correct. I was a betrayer and a merciless person who killed all the warriors.

“But, the Kaals had tricked me,” I said.

But he diverted from the topic. 

“I know that your weapon is much stronger. So, I took some powerful weapons from the submarine,” he said. He was my best friend from childhood. I couldn’t imagine myself getting killed by my friend.

“Stop it, Aqua. I was tricked by them that you were going to destroy the planet. So, I made a decision to kill you guys. After I killed you, they had destroyed the planet,” I said.

“THAT IS THE TRUST YOU HAVE FOR US,” he shouted and took out a rocket launcher from his bag. He fired it on me without second thought. I acted fast and made the keychain into a shield. It blocked the rocket for quite some time.

“No, wait. I realised my mistake. I had saved the earth from them and travelled in their spaceship. And the power signal got cut, which made it easier for me. I slashed every ship with my sword and destroyed all the Kaals. Sorry, that I had no trust in you. But, you knew it right? I have always been cheated my whole life,” I said.

“Yeah, you have been cheated the most number of times,” he laughed and embraced me.

”Where is George?” I asked him.

”I kidnapped him and hid him in the police station itself,” he said.

”Let’s go and rescue him,” I said.

That was my friend. We touched his ring and went back to the submarine. 

Miles looked at us, "What just happened?" Aqua and I started laughing as we left the water for the sands."

The military force, along with the police, were there waiting. So was George - the real George.

"ARREST THEM," he shouted. 









September 08, 2020 17:40

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182 comments

Karen Kinley
23:06 Sep 29, 2020

Very nice story! I like your descriptions. I would caution you about your dialogue. You have a lot of it. Much of the conversation between characters can be shortened or explained within the narrative. Good luck with your writing!

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The Cold Ice
01:49 Sep 30, 2020

Thanks.I am glad you like the descriptions.I will work on it.Thank you for reading.(would you mind liking my story.

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Barbara Eustace
09:12 Sep 29, 2020

Oh, I love superheroes. Such an escape from the normal humdrum of the world as it is today. Hey, can he beat this virus we've got at the moment? Just asking. Keep writing.

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The Cold Ice
09:23 Sep 29, 2020

I am glad you loved the superheroes .Thanks for the idea Thank you for reading.Keep writing.

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Karin Venables
10:08 Sep 28, 2020

I have to ask, and I know it's nosy, is English a second language for you? You've done a good job of telling an action story here. Concepts of loyalty, integrity and bravery are brought in through good dialogue. And of course, the recipients of a hero's help are less than grateful in the end. Good job.

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The Cold Ice
12:42 Sep 28, 2020

Thanks.Thank you for reading.

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Regina Perry
02:42 Sep 27, 2020

Great story! It's a really cool idea to have a keychain that can transform into things. Convenient for carrying around, too. The tension between friends was well done. You showed that not all friendships are perfect, and that friends often annoy each other, but that they can still be friends. One technically thing I feel that I should point out- you don't need to put a comma after the word "but". The words will flow better without it.

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The Cold Ice
03:07 Sep 27, 2020

Thanks.Ok,I don’t have time to edit.

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Regina Perry
03:11 Sep 27, 2020

You're welcome. Yeah, I know. Just keep it in mind for future stories.

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The Cold Ice
03:12 Sep 27, 2020

Ok ,I will keep it in mind.

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Andrew Krey
00:12 Sep 27, 2020

Hi Sahitthian, I liked your story, you have a great imagination and the story was very fast paced. In terms of suggestions - be careful with the spaces between your words/punctuation as sometimes they were missing. I would also say that to make the dialogue more realistic, I would use the characters names less; for example when talking to your friends, you both know each others' names so you wouldn't keep saying them, but is an easy habit to fall into as a writer to make our writing clearer. I hope my feedback was helpful, happy writing!

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The Cold Ice
03:09 Sep 27, 2020

Hi Andrew I am glad you liked my story.Thanks. I don’t have time to edit.I will work on it. Thank you for reading.

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Andrew Krey
11:18 Sep 27, 2020

You're welcome, I'm glad it was helpful.

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The Cold Ice
03:41 Sep 28, 2020

Yes,it was helpful.

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Skyler Woods
07:34 Sep 26, 2020

Wow! That was awesome! I loved it! 💟😘

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The Cold Ice
07:43 Sep 26, 2020

Thanks.I am glad you loved it.

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Skyler Woods
07:33 Sep 26, 2020

Wow! That was so cool! Loved it! 💟

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The Cold Ice
07:43 Sep 26, 2020

Thanks.I am glad you loved it.

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Melissa Hassan
06:25 Sep 26, 2020

Hey as requested read both part 1 and 2. It's a great story. You might want to polish up on your grammar a bit though. Good job. Keep writing.😊👍

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The Cold Ice
06:27 Sep 26, 2020

Thanks.Keep writing.Would you mind liking my story.

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The Cold Ice
06:28 Sep 26, 2020

Thanks.for liking my story.

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Hi! This was a great second part to "The Dragon Warrior". Is there going to be a part 3? The ending was a bit of a cliffhanger, so it would be tragic not to continue the story. Keep writing Sahitthian! -Peachy

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The Cold Ice
15:32 Sep 25, 2020

Thank you. I am writing a part 3. Thank you for reading and keep writing.(would you mind liking my story)

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Kate Ulrich
14:00 Sep 25, 2020

Hey! You asked me to read this one, and it's a great story. I have a few suggestions: '“Hey, Flame. Did you see Mr.George?”Miles,the sub inspector of police,asked me. “Hey, Miles. I didn’t see him. Where did he go?” I said. “Okay, Flame. Carry on with your job. I will make a call.' I feel like the dialogue got a little choppy there. When people speak in real life, names aren't used as often, so you might want to change that part. You could change it to, "'Hey, Flame. Did you see George?" "I didn't see him. Where'd he go?" "Never mind. Carry ...

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The Cold Ice
15:33 Sep 25, 2020

Thank you. I will work on it. Thank you for reading.(would you mind liking my story)

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Kate Ulrich
16:03 Sep 25, 2020

Sorry! I forgot to do that.

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The Cold Ice
16:06 Sep 25, 2020

No problem.

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C.j 🤍
16:38 Sep 24, 2020

Awesome story!!!

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The Cold Ice
16:42 Sep 24, 2020

Thanks.(would you mind to like my story).

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Greg Gillis
14:06 Sep 20, 2020

Watch your punctuation and spacing. Other than that, it was an entertaining read.

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The Cold Ice
14:42 Sep 20, 2020

Ok ,I will work on it.Thank you for reading.

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Cal Carson
23:54 Sep 19, 2020

I enjoyed reading this. 😁 I think what I said about your first story still holds true to this one, but it's a solid sequel. One thing specifically would be that when Aqua changes his mind and doesn't decide to attack Flame, it seems a bit abrupt. Maybe a few lines depicting Aqua's inner struggle to forgive Flame would help smooth it over. Maybe something like, "Aqua's eyes were full of torment as he stared at Flame." Or, "with a great, heaving sigh, Aqua set down his sword." I dunno, just the transition from angry and hostile to fri...

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The Cold Ice
04:40 Sep 20, 2020

I am glad you enjoyed this.I will work on it.Yes.Thanks for upvoting me.I will do for you also.Thank you for reading.

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Anja Z
11:25 Sep 18, 2020

Great story … keep writing : 0

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The Cold Ice
12:02 Sep 18, 2020

Thanks!

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Alby Carter
02:28 Sep 18, 2020

You write suspense very well! I liked how you put a cool spin on the prompt. One thing that you might consider changing is not putting their names in the dialogue so much? Anyways, I really liked it and am looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

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The Cold Ice
02:40 Sep 18, 2020

Thanks! I am glad you liked it. Yeah, I need to work on it. Thank you for reading.

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Alby Carter
02:24 Sep 18, 2020

Woah! Your story is the perfect amount of detailed and I liked how you put your own spin on the prompt. Great job!

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The Cold Ice
02:26 Sep 18, 2020

I am glad you like how you put your own spin on the prompt.Thank you for reading.

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Alby Carter
02:28 Sep 18, 2020

Sorry! I commented again because I wasn't sure if I'd posted this one.

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The Cold Ice
02:38 Sep 18, 2020

Ok.

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Doubra Akika
08:41 Sep 09, 2020

Hey! Your story is really great. It’s definitely better than the first so it’s amazing to see that you’re improving! The structure improved and I loved the characters! Great job again! Suggestions... I have always been cheated in my whole life,” I said. I think you should take out the ‘in’. It reads better. “Can you say what just happened?” Miles asked. I think this may be better as what just happened But those are just suggestions. You can leave it like this if you’d like. Anyway I really enjoyed it! Hope you’re staying safe ...

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The Cold Ice
09:02 Sep 09, 2020

I have changed all the mistakes. I am glad you love the characters. Thank you for reading.

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Doubra Akika
09:04 Sep 09, 2020

My pleasure!

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Javith Hussain87
07:02 Sep 09, 2020

It's a wonderful story very good

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The Cold Ice
07:03 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Akshat .
06:03 Sep 09, 2020

Awesome sequel! Maybe you could describe the part where Flame fights the shark a bit more. Overall, I enjoyed reading it! Keep it up! 😀

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The Cold Ice
06:15 Sep 09, 2020

Yeah, added some detail. Thank you for reading.

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Akshat .
06:18 Sep 09, 2020

You're welcome!

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Katelyn T
23:43 Sep 08, 2020

This was wonderful! Well crafted and excellent characters! Great Job!

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The Cold Ice
01:27 Sep 09, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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