400 comments

Crime Suspense Thriller

She saw him.

She saw him get killed.

She saw the life drain out of his eyes.

She heard his screams of pain.

She heard the footsteps of the murderer as they ran away.

She felt a tingly sensation course through her.

She felt a tight knot form in her chest.

She witnessed it all.

But no one believed her. Not a soul.

But she knew it had happened. Her eyes couldn’t have betrayed her. She wasn't dreaming nor was she hallucinating. The rasping of the man’s finals breaths and the crimson blood were all too vivid for it to be a figment of her imagination. She was there. She was watching. She was witnessing.

She had approached the body, hands trembling. The man lay in a pool of his own blood beneath her feet, his body peppered with bullet wounds. His glassy eyes were rolled back, showing only the bloodshot sclera of his eyes. 

Her fingers were numb as she had dialed the number of the police. Her breath was shaky, and her voice was uncertain. She told the officer on the phone what had happened.

"May I ask what your name is?" The officer had questioned.

She responded softly. A moment went by. Her eyes widened as the officer started to laugh.

"Nice try. Don't joke that much. We all know murders are implausible." The officer had drawled before ending the call.

The phone fell out of her hand and landed with a thud on the ground. What was the officer talking about? She clutched her heart with both of her hands and fell to her knees. What is going on? Her head was spinning. The ground around her started to spin as well. The lifeless body was still in front of her, her clothes and hands now soaked with blood.

No. Something was wrong. Something was missing. Why did the officer hang up so abruptly? Why was the officer so ignorant? She stood up and started to walk away from the body. She needed help. She needed to ask someone else. As she turned around she saw a young man walking by. Her feet dragged her towards him.

"Please help! Please help me!" Her cries were loud, and she collapsed onto her knees. The man immediately turned his head.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his eyebrows cocked in annoyance.

"Please! There has been a murder. Someone has been killed! I saw it all!" She begged, her voice desperate and cracking.

The man's eyes lingered over her for a moment. He scoffed. "This isn't funny. Joking about death is despicable." He shook his head as he walked away.

“...Please!” She called out weakly, grasping for the man’s hand. But it was out of reach, and her hand fell to her side.

Tears streamed down her face. They tasted like salt and regret. Stop. Stop it. Stop crying. She kept scolding herself as she slowly stood up. Stop being weak. Make them believe you. They must believe you. She hurried back to the scene of the crime. The knot in her chest tightened even harder each time she saw those lifeless eyes. It was as if they were chiding her, tormenting her. She grabbed her phone from the ground, making sure it was still functional.

She wanted to call the police. She should call the police. But what if she got in trouble. What if they didn’t believe her again. She shut her eyes as pain filled her body. Her words had failed her once again. Her mouth refused to open. Refused to fight back. How weak she was.

She crumbled to the floor in tears. After all, that was what she was best at. Crying. All she could do was cry. She couldn't even stand up for herself. Couldn't even prove something. And she hated herself for being so useless.

Her mind was swirling with thoughts. She couldn't swallow nor could she speak, her throat was dry and hoarse. She still knew she wasn't dreaming. This is real. She is real. It had to be real. But why didn't anyone believe her? Why was she never given a chance? Her breathing started to slow down. Her tears lessened. 

What if it is a dream? But in my dreams, who am I? Where am I? Her reality felt distorted and warped, nothing seemed real yet nothing seemed fake. She reached up, trying to grasp something, trying to find something tangible to provide her some certainty.

Maybe she was nothing. Nothing at all. Maybe she was as thin as air. No, thinner than air. As unreachable as the heavens, as unbelievable as the gaping chasm of hell. No. No, she had to stop. No, she knew this was real. She couldn't push the truth away. She still had to face the truth, truth is something no one can evade.

What was wrong with these people? Were they just merely stupid? Or oblivious? Or did they just not care? Why did they not believe her? What had she done to make them so against the thought of murder? She had so many questions but no answers. But there was only one way to elucidate these questions.

Slowly, she dialed the police again with trembling, frail, bloodied fingers. They picked up.

“Hello? I’d like to report a murder,” She begins once more, telling her story.

“Alright. What’s your name, miss?” The officer asks. But before she can respond, the man cuts her off with a chuckle. “Just kidding. We don’t need your name for a prank.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but the call ended. Slowly, she pushed herself up, wobbling a bit. She took a moment to stabilize herself, then inhaled sharply. Her eyes were closed and her face was pointed towards the blue, blue sky. Her eyes slowly opened after a brief pause, glimmering under warm rays of sunlight.

“My name,” she began quietly, swaying gently with the wind. “Is Elora Bathory.” She giggled, then disappeared into the shadows of an alleyway, twirling a gun in her hands.

November 08, 2020 00:37

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400 comments

B. W.
20:09 Dec 19, 2020

Heya

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Riddhi Shedge
20:25 Dec 19, 2020

Hey! How are you doing?

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B. W.
20:31 Dec 19, 2020

Half and half

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Riddhi Shedge
20:38 Dec 19, 2020

Oh. I see. Also, I noticed your bio, and to be honest, I haven't really known you for that long, but I really don't find you annoying or anything, so I'm not sure why you would think that people think that?

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B. W.
21:22 Dec 19, 2020

I think the two of us have only known each other for a few days or maybe a week? I've just always kind of thought like this for a few years to be honest, and not just on here.

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Riddhi Shedge
07:27 Dec 20, 2020

Yea, that's true, but why do you think people hate you? Has anyone set something like that or something similar to you?

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Beverly Riddle
20:27 Dec 06, 2020

This story is eerie, and has just the right amount of drama. Great job!

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Riddhi Shedge
01:03 Dec 09, 2020

Thanks for reading, Beverly! :)

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Lilliane Wei
17:37 Dec 02, 2020

Oh my gosh! The twist at the end was so unexpected! I really love your story telling. You were able to write one scene in so many words! Happy writing! -Whirl

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Riddhi Shedge
17:41 Dec 02, 2020

Thank you so much for the kind words! :)

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08:32 Nov 27, 2020

wow... just wow

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Riddhi Shedge
18:37 Nov 27, 2020

Haha, thank you! :D

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Elisia Meehan
16:16 Nov 20, 2020

Hello wow interesting. You are repeatedly used the same word not wrong in his you used it . I just wan to encourage you to branch out "She" can also be her. Live the read great job. Hope you can continue.

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Riddhi Shedge
17:00 Nov 20, 2020

Thanks for the feedback, Elisia! :D

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Sunny 🌼
13:24 Nov 20, 2020

Well heck! What a twist! This whole time I just thought she was a really upset lady just trying to get people to take her seriously and then BOOM, turns out she was the killer.

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Riddhi Shedge
04:01 Nov 28, 2020

Thanks for reading, Sarah! :D

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Llind Kam
12:59 Nov 19, 2020

I feel stupid to ask this: could you answer some questions for me? 1. Was she actually pranking or is she involved? 2. If she was involved,why was she calling the police? 3. Why was the police not taking her seriously? Anyways great writing. You had my attention the whole time.

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Riddhi Shedge
16:09 Nov 19, 2020

Well, she was bipolar. So, one side of her was saying that she wasn't the murderer while the other side of her actually killed the man. The police weren't taking her seriously because they believe that their town was too "perfect" for murder. :D

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Llind Kam
18:24 Nov 19, 2020

Cool. Thanks! Great job.

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08:23 Nov 19, 2020

Oh wow!! I totally did not see that coming!!! Amazing writing!! Totally loved it!!

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Riddhi Shedge
16:06 Nov 19, 2020

Thank you so much, Akshaya! :)

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17:04 Nov 19, 2020

My pleasure! If u don't mind, could you give my story, "A delicious adventure" a read and give me your feedback? It is kinda similar to your work actually, and I'd like to know how to improve😅

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Riddhi Shedge
17:42 Nov 19, 2020

Sure! I'll check it out. :D

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14:32 Nov 20, 2020

Thank You so much!! :)

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Ashlyn Anderson
03:09 Nov 18, 2020

Can you give me some pointers? I kinda want to be an author of best seller some day and change the world through writing.

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Riddhi Shedge
03:37 Nov 18, 2020

Sure! I'll check out some of your writing when I'm free (PS: I'm not the BEST at writing hehe! :))

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Ashlyn Anderson
03:06 Nov 18, 2020

Sweet plot twist.

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Riddhi Shedge
03:37 Nov 18, 2020

Glad you got surprised, Ashyln! :)

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Megan S
20:32 Nov 17, 2020

I really enjoyed reading this! I definitely did not expect that ending!

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Riddhi Shedge
20:36 Nov 17, 2020

Thank you so much for reading, Megan! :D

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A. Nelson
17:08 Nov 14, 2020

Could you explain the ending for me😅 This is in fact an AMAZING story though✨💗🙌🏾

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Riddhi Shedge
18:25 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you for the kind words! The ending is kind of like a plot twist where the woman was actually the one who killed the man. (She was the murderer) :)

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Katy Clements
16:46 Nov 14, 2020

You are an incredible writer! The descriptions and the way you meld all the aspects of your story into one perfect whole is amazing. Great job! :)

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Riddhi Shedge
18:24 Nov 14, 2020

Omg, thank you so much! :D

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Angelina Tran
01:16 Nov 14, 2020

Oh my god!! This was amazing! The plot twist had my jaw permanently attached to the floor! The beginning was great as well, loved the way the story is structured. I have nothing to critique because there IS nothing to critique :)

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Riddhi Shedge
01:20 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you so so much! It means a lot :)

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Kate Reynolds
00:34 Jan 16, 2021

Oh wow....... THIS STORY WAS SO GOOD!!!!!!!! I FREAKING GOT GOOSEBUMPS READING IT!!!!!!!!!! That ending though... it surprised me so much!!! I did find one small error: "But what if she got in trouble. What if they didn’t believe her again." Maybe put question marks so its "But what if she got in trouble? What if they didn’t believe her again?" Other than that it was fantastic!!! Also, how are you??

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Coco Longstaff
02:32 Jan 08, 2021

I thought that the officer who didn’t believe her was the murderer! OMG this was so unexpected! Great job!

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Riddhi Shedge
02:33 Jan 08, 2021

Thank you so so much, Coco!

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Coco Longstaff
02:34 Jan 08, 2021

You’re welcome!

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