395 comments

Crime Suspense Thriller

She saw him.

She saw him get killed.

She saw the life drain out of his eyes.

She heard his screams of pain.

She heard the footsteps of the murderer as they ran away.

She felt a tingly sensation course through her.

She felt a tight knot form in her chest.

She witnessed it all.

But no one believed her. Not a soul.

But she knew it had happened. Her eyes couldn’t have betrayed her. She wasn't dreaming nor was she hallucinating. The rasping of the man’s finals breaths and the crimson blood were all too vivid for it to be a figment of her imagination. She was there. She was watching. She was witnessing.

She had approached the body, hands trembling. The man lay in a pool of his own blood beneath her feet, his body peppered with bullet wounds. His glassy eyes were rolled back, showing only the bloodshot sclera of his eyes. 

Her fingers were numb as she had dialed the number of the police. Her breath was shaky, and her voice was uncertain. She told the officer on the phone what had happened.

"May I ask what your name is?" The officer had questioned.

She responded softly. A moment went by. Her eyes widened as the officer started to laugh.

"Nice try. Don't joke that much. We all know murders are implausible." The officer had drawled before ending the call.

The phone fell out of her hand and landed with a thud on the ground. What was the officer talking about? She clutched her heart with both of her hands and fell to her knees. What is going on? Her head was spinning. The ground around her started to spin as well. The lifeless body was still in front of her, her clothes and hands now soaked with blood.

No. Something was wrong. Something was missing. Why did the officer hang up so abruptly? Why was the officer so ignorant? She stood up and started to walk away from the body. She needed help. She needed to ask someone else. As she turned around she saw a young man walking by. Her feet dragged her towards him.

"Please help! Please help me!" Her cries were loud, and she collapsed onto her knees. The man immediately turned his head.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his eyebrows cocked in annoyance.

"Please! There has been a murder. Someone has been killed! I saw it all!" She begged, her voice desperate and cracking.

The man's eyes lingered over her for a moment. He scoffed. "This isn't funny. Joking about death is despicable." He shook his head as he walked away.

“...Please!” She called out weakly, grasping for the man’s hand. But it was out of reach, and her hand fell to her side.

Tears streamed down her face. They tasted like salt and regret. Stop. Stop it. Stop crying. She kept scolding herself as she slowly stood up. Stop being weak. Make them believe you. They must believe you. She hurried back to the scene of the crime. The knot in her chest tightened even harder each time she saw those lifeless eyes. It was as if they were chiding her, tormenting her. She grabbed her phone from the ground, making sure it was still functional.

She wanted to call the police. She should call the police. But what if she got in trouble. What if they didn’t believe her again. She shut her eyes as pain filled her body. Her words had failed her once again. Her mouth refused to open. Refused to fight back. How weak she was.

She crumbled to the floor in tears. After all, that was what she was best at. Crying. All she could do was cry. She couldn't even stand up for herself. Couldn't even prove something. And she hated herself for being so useless.

Her mind was swirling with thoughts. She couldn't swallow nor could she speak, her throat was dry and hoarse. She still knew she wasn't dreaming. This is real. She is real. It had to be real. But why didn't anyone believe her? Why was she never given a chance? Her breathing started to slow down. Her tears lessened. 

What if it is a dream? But in my dreams, who am I? Where am I? Her reality felt distorted and warped, nothing seemed real yet nothing seemed fake. She reached up, trying to grasp something, trying to find something tangible to provide her some certainty.

Maybe she was nothing. Nothing at all. Maybe she was as thin as air. No, thinner than air. As unreachable as the heavens, as unbelievable as the gaping chasm of hell. No. No, she had to stop. No, she knew this was real. She couldn't push the truth away. She still had to face the truth, truth is something no one can evade.

What was wrong with these people? Were they just merely stupid? Or oblivious? Or did they just not care? Why did they not believe her? What had she done to make them so against the thought of murder? She had so many questions but no answers. But there was only one way to elucidate these questions.

Slowly, she dialed the police again with trembling, frail, bloodied fingers. They picked up.

“Hello? I’d like to report a murder,” She begins once more, telling her story.

“Alright. What’s your name, miss?” The officer asks. But before she can respond, the man cuts her off with a chuckle. “Just kidding. We don’t need your name for a prank.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but the call ended. Slowly, she pushed herself up, wobbling a bit. She took a moment to stabilize herself, then inhaled sharply. Her eyes were closed and her face was pointed towards the blue, blue sky. Her eyes slowly opened after a brief pause, glimmering under warm rays of sunlight.

“My name,” she began quietly, swaying gently with the wind. “Is Elora Bathory.” She giggled, then disappeared into the shadows of an alleyway, twirling a gun in her hands.

November 08, 2020 00:37

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395 comments

Mishty Bansal
22:06 Nov 14, 2020

OMG I can't- She was the murderer the entire time??? The story was so well written you legit wouldn't expect it! You're so talented!

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Riddhi S.
22:07 Nov 14, 2020

Ahh! Thanks so much! ;D

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i have no words the twist at the end caught me completely off guard. i had to reread it just to make sure i was reading it correctly. i loved this story thank you for writing it!!

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Riddhi S.
23:02 Dec 31, 2020

omg, thank you so so much! :D

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Pallavi Mallik
06:54 Nov 14, 2020

This story is amazing. PERIOD. I had a whole emotional rollercoaster reading this! Can't wait to see more of your stories! :))

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Riddhi S.
06:57 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you so much! It means a lot to me :)

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Nora K.
14:51 Nov 16, 2020

Wow!! This story was so intriguing!! Once I started reading, I couldn’t stop! Not to mention the major twist at the end!! Incredible story and definitely worthy of winning!! :)

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Riddhi S.
17:02 Nov 16, 2020

Omg! Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

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Nora K.
17:49 Nov 16, 2020

Of course!! :)

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Radhika Diksha
05:50 Nov 16, 2020

Amazing story with a great plot twist. I loved the ending and your sentence formation is on point. Keep writing and thrilling us.

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Riddhi S.
17:02 Nov 16, 2020

Thank you for reading, Radhika! :D

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✰ Jennie ✰
02:16 Jan 03, 2021

WOAH I LOVE THIS!!!! It kinda reminds me of an agatha christie mystery!!! Great job! I HAD NO CLUE!! It was elusive, revealing nothing, but not so much at a time to seem out of place. GREAT JOB!

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Riddhi S.
02:20 Jan 03, 2021

Thank you so so much, Jennie! PS: Agatha Christie is awesome :D

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✰ Jennie ✰
02:22 Jan 03, 2021

no problem! P.S: SHE IS DA QUEEN! such amazing writing

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✰ Jennie ✰
02:17 Jan 03, 2021

btw do you need upvotes?

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Riddhi S.
02:20 Jan 03, 2021

Omg, sure! That would be really nice of you :) I was also wondering if I could join the "Marshmello Team"?

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✰ Jennie ✰
02:22 Jan 03, 2021

OH YEAH!!!!! for sure!!! help stop the downvoters!!

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✰ Jennie ✰
02:26 Jan 03, 2021

plus, if you want you can copy and paste the Marshmello statement in my bio into yours. (you dont have too... but i've been doing it :DDDD)

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Riddhi S.
21:17 Jan 03, 2021

Alright, thank you so much! :D

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✰ Jennie ✰
21:41 Jan 03, 2021

Hiii! I wasn't able to find you because you are off the podium for some reason. do you want me to upvote you back on?

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Nandini Shukla
04:48 Nov 17, 2020

I am guessing she was acting all innocent to prove she didn't do anything? Also please read my story too... I would love to hear your words on it. Your story is amazing!

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Riddhi S.
04:51 Nov 17, 2020

Thanks for reading, Nandini! Sure, I'll check yours out! :)

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Jeffrey Pope
21:30 Nov 16, 2020

An interesting read, I especially love the twist in the end. Totally got me by surprise.

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Riddhi S.
22:59 Nov 16, 2020

Glad you enjoyed it, Jeffrey! :)

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Jeffrey Pope
07:23 Nov 17, 2020

Hey! I'd be thrilled if you could just spare a little of your time to read my story under same prompt, and maybe you could leave a comment too. I'd love to hear your thought about it.

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Riddhi S.
17:06 Nov 17, 2020

Sure! I'll do that :)

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Beautiful thriller! I just believe in some places you should have changed something, “Alright. What’s your name, miss?” The officer asks. But before she can respond, the man cuts her off with a chuckle. “Just kidding. We don’t need your name for a prank.” “Alright. What’s your name, miss?” The officer asks. But before she can respond, the man on the other end cuts her off with a chuckle. “Just kidding. We don’t need your name for a prank.” Other than that, there was an amazing twist at the end. ;). The way you expressed the woman's ...

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Riddhi S.
04:37 Nov 15, 2020

Thank you so much for the feedback! :D

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Ashona Arlos
06:37 Nov 14, 2020

This story was super entertaining to read! The plot twist had me STUNNED and I literally don't know what to say. It was perfect I'm telling you, all the grammar and punctuation was perfect too! I loved it, and thank you for creating this wonderful story!

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Riddhi S.
06:38 Nov 14, 2020

Thank you so much, Ashona! ;)

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Omg! The plot twist!!!!!!! This story is amazing ;D

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Riddhi S.
17:32 Dec 02, 2020

Thank you so much, Selina! :)

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Food Good
00:14 Nov 14, 2020

ew boring

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Riddhi S.
00:19 Nov 14, 2020

That's the reaction I was hoping to produce! Thank you :)

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Jaecar .
19:36 Feb 17, 2021

I completely disagree with Food Good. It was vivid and so well written with an amazing twist.

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Asha Boyapati
19:45 Nov 10, 2020

UR AMAZING AT WRITING

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Riddhi S.
19:46 Nov 10, 2020

Whaaat?? You're too kind! :)

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Asha Boyapati
19:45 Nov 10, 2020

!!!

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Asha Boyapati
19:45 Nov 10, 2020

WOAH

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Riddhi S.
19:47 Nov 10, 2020

:))

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Kaylee Lin
22:16 May 12, 2021

Wow! This is one of the best things EVER!! First of all, the first few sentences were terrific, and then the plot is just....I can't explain. Then lastly, the last sentence was a huge shock!

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HAPPY 1K PT EXACTLYY

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Oh my gosh, nooo, just saw your bio...we’ll miss u <333

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Veda Vivek💎
21:57 Mar 23, 2021

the plot twist was so insane! great job!!!!

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Woooow! That is so good! I love the twist ending! Could you give me any tips? I'm new to Reedsy. :)

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Riddhi S.
00:40 Dec 29, 2020

Omg, hey! Welcome to Reedsy, Jade! By reading your bio, I can already tell that we are going to be great friends! First off, thank you so much for reading my story :) Reedsy is a great platform to make friends and share new stories! Every week, they give out a few prompts and choose a winner at the end of the week! There are also these things called karma points. These points can be gained from writing stories, getting likes, and commenting on peoples' stories. If you have a lot of karma points, you can even get on the leaderboard! Some tip...

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Thank you, Riddhi! I'll make sure not to downvote, and I'll submit a story really soon! I'll check out the leaderboard sometime, to see who's on it. Thank you for your tips, I'll check out more of your stories soon! :) Just wondering, how many can you submit per week? It seems like you can do more than one, but I just want to make sure.

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Riddhi S.
18:06 Dec 29, 2020

You may submit as many stories as you can write per week! Have a great time here at Reedsy! :)

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I sure will! Working on one now, about gamers getting lost in the woods.

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Riddhi S.
18:34 Dec 29, 2020

Ooh, sounds interesting! Let me know when you finish it, so I can read it :D

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Abigail Romick
17:32 Dec 20, 2020

Nice twist, but I have to ask, why would she try to report herself and why did no one take her seriously?

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Riddhi S.
20:20 Dec 20, 2020

To be honest, I have no idea lol! It just came to my mind that way. Thanks for reading! :D

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