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Funny Friendship Drama

Hurry up! 

It was Saturday morning and the chickens were arising,

Feathers ruffled and beaks slapped with bright- 

Croissant,

 NO, 

Crescent, 

NO

Cerulean?

Certainly not, 

Oh! the word is- 

CRIMSON 

red lipstick 

Because these chickens were ready 

And they were ready to party. 

They had been planning this trip since the beginning of time, whether that meant they were first chickens or first eggs, mind you, and the day was finally, brilliantly and beautifully here. What good was sitting alone in the chicken coop when there was a world awaiting them?

The geese went away for the winter, 

SO 

Why not the chickens?

There were three of them, see. 

The one with two feet was Lola and she sat at the far right of the coop. She was the queen. She ruled the land with a steel dose of gossip and an attitude of sarcastic tendencies so strong it would beat even the most savage of villains. Lola was the one with the ideas. 

The one with a broken wing and no left eyeball was Ruby and she was smack dab in the middle of the coop. She was, to put it quite simply, the sniveling coward of the coop, but only because she’d been torn to pieces near about by a coyote last January. Wouldn’t you be scared of every midnight noise after a thing like that? Yes, Ruby was the frightened one, but she had a mind sharper than two toothpicks at a welding shop and she was very keen on helping Lola, since Lola was the one who had ripped into that coyote and dragged Ruby away from most certain death. 

At the left of the coop was Tequila Cartini, and she was the unloveable skunk of the three. You would think that would be Lola, but NO. It was Tequila Cartini. She was wild and charismatic and the prettiest darn chicken you ever set a pair of eyes on, but she wouldn’t hesitate to cut the pen gate out and leap into town, disregarding everyone she left behind. That was how the coyote got to Ruby, anyhow. Tequila Cartini woke up with the Roosters every morning just so she could show them she was louder than they could ever hope to be. 

Yes, yes, and yes, there were three special chickens in that coop. The rest were regular old squabble heads, so pay them no mind. They don’t matter. They are not going to Florida for the winter. 

But our chickens?

Lola and Ruby and that treacherous Tequila Cartini? 

They were already headed towards what they imagined would be the best clucking weekend of their entire lives. 

You stupid cow! 

Lola tripped over Ruby and they both knocked forward into Tequila Cartini, who turned and gave them the meanest look since Farmer Bumps ran out of hair spray and poured orange juice down his scalp. Tequila Cartini called Lola and Ruby stupid cows all the time, which honestly didn’t bother them because they weren’t cows, they were chickens. And Lola and Ruby paid no heed to untrue labels, unless they were slapping them down on other folks in the coop, like poor Esmerelda when Ruby told Yolanda that she had seen the old girl listening to Liberace, not Bach. 

Bach, Bach, Bach! 

All chickens listened to it. 

It was common knowledge. 

The cows listened to Mozart, but of course with their accents it was pronounced MOO-zart and the insects all were terrific fans of the Beatles. 

Old MacDonald had a farm, 

Do re mi fa so la ti do

Back to the chicken churls, though, because they do get so upset when their narrator (hallo, gorgeous) gets off track. 

They were walking a bit off Highway Seven, where the gas stations rose to meet the top of the sky and the pickup trucks provided a new kind of thunder, what with all their incessant rumbling and roaring. Tequila Cartini thought trucks were stupid. She much preferred the other natural forces of the highway; motorcycles. 

There was a whole flock (Tequila didn’t know the correct terminology for a group of motorcycles) of them barreling by and she was enthralled by the sleek bodies and powerful engines. This, Tequila Cartini thought under her breath, was the new way to fly.

Hey Lola!

Tequila Cartini held out her wings to stop her friends from going any further. She turned around and did the face chickens do for smiling, which has a lot more to do with eyes than it does with lips. 

Why did the chickens cross the road? 

Lola clucked and said she didn’t know, but Ruby said, in her timid, whisper wash voice, 

To get to the vacation rental they found on Airbnbarnyard? 

YES! 

Tequila Cartini picked up Ruby and spun her around so violently that they both swung into a bush and collapsed into a fit of squawking giggles. My word, if you have ever heard a bush full of chickens giggling, bless you, sweet child. You will never forget that sound. It will resonate with you always; resound from the tips of your toes straight up to the cartilage of your nose.  (What a fine pair of eyes sit above that nose, young Padawan...never before have I seen such a- oh, never mind, the chickens told me to quit flirting with the readers. Shame, bloody shame.) 

What was I getting around to say? 

Oh right! Chickens cackling. Don’t set it as your alarm sound or you’ll be so shocked you’ll never leave the bed. Forget evil witch laughs, Jeff Bezos needs to giggle like Lola the Chicken. That, in my book, would earn him the spot as ultimate villain once and for all. 

When the horror movie soundtrack ended, the chickens emerged from the overgrown houseplant by the highway and continued walking. They didn’t know where they were going despite their Airbnbarnyard reservations. 

What a confusing life a chicken leads. 

Lola led the trio like a peacock with her head screwed on backwards, all high and mighty but having not a clue where she was taking her life. Like many college students and people in the midst of a mid-life crisis, she was stressed and drowning in it but all the same was managing to keep her neck above the slashing, tiring waters. She wasn’t struggling against the weight of student loans or the weight of student loans later in life once you have five kids and a house, though. She was a chicken migrating for the winter in hopes of finding somewhere warmer, more fun and free and tropically inclined. 

She wanted to be where the grass was so full of pesticides the worms in the soil would be considered poison. 

She wanted to settle down, but only for a night filled with sparkling corn cider and artificial palm tree filtered moonlight. 

Lola wanted it all. 

Soon they had walked over seventeen hours, and those hours were filled with banter and more wicked chicken chortling. I don’t want to go on and on about it though, because I’m only getting paid three coupons an hour to translate for these cluckheads and most of the coupons are for crappy toothpaste. Who needs toothpaste when my teeth are naturally glorious? 

I’m skipping to the good part. 

The signs in the city were all aglow with the shine of a neon moon; basking in the simmering multicolored lettering spelling out the best places to, well, to whatever the baked bleach beans you felt like doing. There was so much to do and see and feel and not feel and Lola, Tequila Cartini, and Ruby were elated to be smack bub in the middle of it all. There were cars zipping by at a speed so fast that if the chickens weren’t so lively, they’d be fried for sure. They danced in and out of the wheels like ballerinas trained by gazelles. It was very graceful. 

The CITY! 

Ruby threw one wing, the not shattered one, in the air and hopped crookedly. She was so excited for this vacation she could hardly keep herself (what was left) together. 

Lola beamed because it was all her idea. She pushed her friends forward until they reached a giant billboard. 

EAT MOR CHIKIN 

Maybe the cold was better than facing this reality. 

Cows… they weren’t friends. They were cannibals of a nature so drastically atrocious, it caused even Tequila Cartini to weep. 

The chickens had escaped the coop, but it was a jump out of the oven and into the meat processor. 

So much for a vacation 

Tequila Cartini sighed 

We paid eighty dollars in toothpaste coupons for a rental home in the most viciously anti chicken, or chikin, I guess, place in the whole USA. 

But it wasn’t just this city.

It was everywhere. 

The cows were oppressing the chickens with their propaganda, but the chickens were uprising. 

It was time for the cows,

To go home. 

October 12, 2020 22:41

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174 comments

B. W.
17:22 Oct 23, 2020

heya

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B. W.
00:36 Oct 22, 2020

heyyyy

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Sia S
14:29 Oct 21, 2020

Heyyo, btw love your pic!! Crush Crisis part. 2 out!!

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Sia S
08:55 Oct 21, 2020

Oh my god I just realized i hadn't followed you!! Gosh, I thought i did

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Amaya .
23:52 Oct 20, 2020

i love the poem in your bio sm :)

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B. W.
16:04 Oct 20, 2020

heyyyy

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Rhondalise Mitza
18:18 Oct 20, 2020

heyyy

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B. W.
18:26 Oct 20, 2020

how ya been?

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Rhondalise Mitza
19:07 Oct 20, 2020

Sad yesterday but alright today, thankfully! How've you been?

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B. W.
19:25 Oct 20, 2020

I've been good, though i think i got writers block

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Kylie Rudolf
02:05 Oct 20, 2020

I love how you describe the chickens! They do seem to be in a class all on their own, don't they?

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Rambling Beth
11:37 Oct 19, 2020

I loved this! Your humour is on point.

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Orenda .
18:31 Oct 17, 2020

henli, I edited my story. Feel free to check it now:D

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12:03 Oct 17, 2020

Hey, I was looking at the prompts page, and I noticed that this story doesn't show up when you click the prompt. (only eight do) Is this something about Reedsy that I'm unfamiliar with?

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Rhondalise Mitza
14:49 Oct 17, 2020

I think you might just be on the first page, there's always more than one.

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15:22 Oct 17, 2020

Some of them did have more than one page. (leaves on fire, coffee shop) but the others don't appear to.

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15:23 Oct 17, 2020

Ok, more are showing up--they must just come in as the Reedsy judges approve them.

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Rhondalise Mitza
16:05 Oct 17, 2020

Ohhh, okay! I didn't know that so thanks.

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12:28 Oct 16, 2020

This has been an entertaining journey of chickens. I love the names, and the personalities, and especially Tequila Cartini. The dialogue was a bit tricky to understand and separate from the rest of the text. I get that it's supposed to be "narrated" but it's also hard to understand at times. But still, great story, funny to the end. Based on this story, if I were a chicken, I'd probably be named Vodka Alodka. (Or just Jeff.) XD

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Rhondalise Mitza
12:57 Oct 16, 2020

Haha, yes! My father's name is Jeff and it makes me laugh to think of him as a chicken. About the dialogue, I agree. Not sure how to change it, but I agree it was hard to understand.

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13:00 Oct 16, 2020

Yeah, just blame it on Tequila Cartini. XD

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Avery G.
00:36 Oct 15, 2020

Hey Rhonda! Sorry to bother, but what is this "Shared Valentine" thing you have in your bio? It's okay if you don't wanna tell me, but I was just curious. :)

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Rhondalise Mitza
01:50 Oct 15, 2020

No worries! So basically it’s a group project to take down the downvoter by pretending we’re in love with him 😂it’s just a joke

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Avery G.
14:03 Oct 15, 2020

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious! Thanks for telling me!

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21:13 Oct 14, 2020

This is ridiculous and funny at the same time. :D Great easy read for a few laughs.

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Ariadne .
05:55 Oct 13, 2020

OMG, you mentioned me in your bio! I'm so happy - thanks! And yes, Operation Shared Valentine is hands-down THE best BEST ever scheme in the history of the world. Can't wait to see what else we come up with lol 😂 BTW, I don't want to be a nag, but could you fix the spelling of my last name? It's sorta bugging me...

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Rhondalise Mitza
18:01 Oct 13, 2020

Oh for sure, no worries! I hate it when people misspell my name (my real name, not the pen name) so thanks for letting me know!

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Ariadne .
18:19 Oct 13, 2020

Oh, thanks! Wait, Rhondalise is your pen name? Dang. First Vayd, now you... my brain can't keep up!

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Rhondalise Mitza
18:26 Oct 13, 2020

Yes, ma'am, I have to keep on my toes over here, can't be letting anyone track me down. :)

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Ariadne .
18:42 Oct 13, 2020

Wow...I'll tell you a secret then :)

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Rhondalise Mitza
18:46 Oct 13, 2020

double tricking Lord M, then, all the better

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Sia S
07:19 Oct 21, 2020

EXCUSE ME?!!!!!?!!?

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Ru .
19:21 Oct 13, 2020

Well in that case, it's a really pretty pen name

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Rhondalise Mitza
19:44 Oct 13, 2020

thanks! My real name is prettier in my opinion but I can't use it.

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Orenda .
03:56 Oct 14, 2020

bro, add me to the list, please 💅

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Ariadne .
04:03 Oct 14, 2020

Haha, for sure! I'm pretty sure nobody here on Reedsy is using their real name...except for maybe Aerin lol :)

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Orenda .
04:05 Oct 14, 2020

yup, Aerin is her real name, im pretty sure because she published her book with that name itself.

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Rayhan Hidayat
01:23 Oct 13, 2020

Omg this story is just 🐔🐔🐔🍗🍗🍗 PERFECTION

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Rhondalise Mitza
01:28 Oct 13, 2020

Haaaa thank you!

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Sia S
02:22 Oct 26, 2020

HAPPY BDAY RHONDA!!!

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Rhondalise Mitza
02:25 Oct 26, 2020

It's on Tuesday, 27th, but thanks!

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Sia S
02:31 Oct 26, 2020

😬😬, welcome!

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Oki so I started daily memes...🤷🏼‍♀️ https://forms.gle/AmTwc5ZSEhZ8iSut9

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Sia S
02:32 Oct 23, 2020

Hiya Rhonda!! Sup? I read in Vayd's new story that you're feeling down. So came over for a little chat.

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Rhondalise Mitza
02:49 Oct 23, 2020

Yeahhh it's been a rough week. Like two days out of this I've had a horrible time with weird plot twists popping up in this chapter of life and I'm like, "NO, I don't want you, go away!" I was bad on Monday, great Tuesday and Wednesday, and then today things fell through again. However I did chill out (look, my problems are academic based, not personal life most of the time) and realized my entire life didn't depend on certain classes or grades and that I'm still smart even if I screwed a few things up... the personal life things I care to s...

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Sia S
03:48 Oct 23, 2020

Yeah I know right! My past few weeks have been GARBAGE. Hehe lol, yeah same here. Ohh yeah I had school problems and stuff too. I was pretty pretty down when that happened. Stay strong! Top tip: look up funny quotes or sarcastic stuff, I ALWAYS do that lol.

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Rhondalise Mitza
04:12 Oct 23, 2020

:D Thanks! like your picture, by the way!

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Sia S
04:13 Oct 23, 2020

:) Welcome and Thanks!! I like your pic too! Especially your beautiful hair! I've always wanted curls, lol

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I don’t know. Did you do anything to anger them?

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Mark D
20:18 Oct 22, 2020

I liked it. It was written with the same fervor and lunacy that probably dominates a chicken's life. That was fun.

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