Dare yourself!

“To be very frank with you, I do not think Durga has the academic acumen necessary to continue being in my AP Chemistry class,” my teacher said. 

The world was closing down on me and there was no longer a bubble of my parent’s protection around me. They were as clueless as I was. I couldn’t blame them for not knowing more about the American education system as we came from a suburban part of South India. We immigrated in 2008 and my parents enrolled me in high school to join 11th grade. I was one month into high school with 6 AP classes, which ranged from Biology to Calculus. I was doing well in all my classes besides Calculus and Chemistry. I had finished with one or two quizzes in each of my classes. Those quizzes had led us to a parent-teacher conference in my guidance counselor’s presence. My guidance counselor, AP Chemistry teacher, parents, and I were sitting in a tiny dim-lit cubicle to discuss how my first 2 quiz grades in AP Chemistry were a “D”.

My AP Chemistry teacher continued, “She can’t be in AP Chemistry when her Indian accent is so….”, she paused for a couple of seconds to think of a politically correct word and finally said, “prominent.” She continued, “Do you all understand what I am saying and trying to get at?” The silence was deafening.

My parents were disappointed, not with me, but with how our lives had changed in the past 3 months since our immigration. We wish we knew all of this, but we didn’t. There was no internet back at our old home in India. We used to have a dial-up internet connection that a family of 8 had to use for no more than 1 hour a month, where one webpage would take 10 minutes to load. We knew about immigrating but didn’t have any idea of what to expect. I had hated going to school for the past month, but I couldn't say that at home. My parents had their own issues to deal with, which were more important than a near-failing chemistry quiz grade. We had no income, my sister couldn’t immigrate from India with us, and we had no permanent home after immigration. I used to sneak into the library to eat lunch, because the lunchroom conversations of staying under 1200 calories a day for weight loss and vacationing in Florida for the summer bored me. There was one other Indian girl at my school and a few international visiting students from France and London. They were easy to talk to due to our shared experience of moving. The disparity in the questions they used to get asked amazed me as a teenager. I was never asked about the culture and notable landmarks of my country, but was encountered with questions such as “Do you dream in Indian?" I wish the 15-year-old me had the confidence to say that “Indian” is not a language. 

“Honestly, you do not have a strong background to be in advanced-level Chemistry. I also notice that you have received a D on your first Calculus quiz. It might be better to discuss that next with your AP Calculus teacher and drop out of that as well. There are 30 other students in AP Chemistry now, and 100 in regular chemistry. No one will even notice the difference. Once she has the academic acumen, then I can consider taking you in my class next year.”

After I reached our apartment that evening, I sat down to do my homework. My mother stepped into my room. She sat on the bed right next to the study table. I scanned her face to gauge her dissatisfaction. As upset and she was, I couldn’t ignore the look of fierceness on her face. She stood quietly for a few minutes. She finally said in Hindi, “No one gets to tell my daughter what she is or is not capable of doing. I did not move across the globe to hear someone tell me you cannot be good at Chemistry.” She left the room and I dared to prove myself. My dare was not to prove someone wrong for thinking I wasn’t good enough academically or to prove that I was an “academic star student”. Instead, my dare was to be capable of letting myself love and pursue Chemistry again. 

One year passed, and needless to say, I did not enroll in AP Chemistry during my senior year of high school. I just wanted to get out of high school, so I worked my hardest. I graduated with a near-perfect GPA. Through my extracurriculars and academics, I was fortunate to attend one of the best undergraduate universities in the country to study Neurobiology. 

Throughout my undergraduate, I knew I wanted to be in the healthcare field, but I couldn’t place a finger as to what exactly I wanted to do. Nursing, medicine, and dentistry all seemed great options. To explore what I wanted to pursue, I sent emails after emails to have an opportunity to shadow. For every 100 emails, I heard one affirmative response. But all I needed was that one yes. The joy of that one acceptance triumphed over the sadness of receiving all the rejections. I shadowed in cardiology, emergency medicine, patient transport, and gynecology. 

On my last day of shadowing at the private Obstetrics and Gynecology clinic, we received a call. It was a pregnant woman who was calling in regards to her medications. She was having a baby shower and her culture required her to apply henna on her skin during the ceremony. She wanted to know if it was acceptable and if henna interacts with her medications. The doctor wasn’t sure and forwarded the question to the pharmacist. I knew in that minute that I wanted to study pharmacy and learn about how medications interact with other substances while helping with disease state management. It amazed me how medications, which may be as small as a drop in the ocean, had the ability to make one feel better and improve the quality of life.

Today, I am standing outside a brown-brick building that reads School of Pharmacy. I officially graduate today with a doctorate in pharmacy, where I get to work in my community as a full-fledged pharmacist. My love for medicinal chemistry has only grown through these past 8 years of my graduate and undergraduate. My professors, research mentors, family, and friends, have helped me believe in my potential. I get to utilize my knowledge and skills to give back to the community that has given me so much. Dare yourself to do better, and not to prove others wrong!

I hope to use my knowledge to mentor and share my passion for pharmaceutics with future pre-health students to advance research and clinical development. But for now, I need to walk down that stage for my diploma.