Author’s Note: This story is good as a stand-alone, but if you want to know more about the backstory, go read “One Thing Leads To Another”. Also, there isn’t good grammar here because it’s all diary entries. Thanks! :D
Today I went to Charity’s Coffee with Bua, my best friend. We were talking like we normally would when she brought up Sinsi, my brother. It is relevant for you to know that the rest of my family has either passed away or separated themselves from me. Sinsi is my last family member. Bua told me that Sinsi said that I was the reason that Carmen Diaz died. This is true but Sinsi was the only one who was supposed to know. And before you start calling the police and say I’m a murderer let me explain. I was four years old and Carmen was my babysitter. She took me out for ice cream and on our way back to my house I was singing loud to Disney songs. I had started saying Carmen’s name over and over when she was trying to turn. She did turn but was distracted by me and another car wasn’t paying attention and rammed into Carmen’s side of the car. She died instantly. I lived with only bruises and scrapes. Tomorrow I need to talk to Sinsi to see why he would say that. Tonight he’s working the late shift at the clinic. -Emilia
I talked to Sinsi today. He admitted to telling Bua my secret. I’m furious at him. I packed an overnight bag and I’m staying at Karsilama’s house. She’s my other best friend. I’m laying on the bed in her spare bedroom right now. It’s not comfortable. It’s not my bed. I can’t get over the fact that Sinsi would do this to me. He was my rock. Now I have no family members. It’s lonely. Even if I do still have friends. I don’t have a family. -Em
Welp. It’s official. I have clinical depression. We all knew it weeks ago but after my appointment today I am officially diagnosed. How fun. Now everyone is going to label me as that lady with depression. I am but it’s still a depressing thought. I guess every thought is depressing since I have depression. It’s a wonderful life I’m living don’t you think? Oh who am I kidding? My life is just a pit of darkness, loneliness and sadness. -Lady With Depression
No. No. Gosh no. It can’t be true. It can’t. I haven’t talked to Sinsi since the day I left the house we shared. And now I’ll never get the chance. SINSI IS DEAD. I can’t believe it. It’s… it’s just unimaginable. But it’s true. I’m going to his funeral in exactly a week. I’m nervous. I don’t know what I’m going to do. -Emilia
Yesterday I went to Sinsi’s funeral. I couldn’t stop crying. I was so selfish. I refused to talk to him for months. Seeing all of those people there for him reminded me of how loved he was. How much I loved him. He was my brother. My best friend. He was the person that I leaned on when times were rough. He was always there for me. Even though he was five years younger than me he was always more responsible than me. It was embarrassing at times. But he was at my defense every time. It was wonderful and now he was gone. Something is tugging at my heart. I know it’s my sadness. My depression. It’s bringing me down. I don’t know how to stop it. I have an idea. But I’m debating it. I don’t know if I want to do it. But I do. Life is too hard. -Em
I have my plan. I’ll be in San Francisco in two weeks. In San Francisco, there’s the Golden Gate Bridge. You can connect the rest of the dots. I think I’ll write a letter to my friends to make sure that they all understand. I’m nervous that someone will find out what my plan is and try to stop me. I really hope not. But it could be possible. That would be a worst-case scenario for sure. It’s so nerve-wracking. UGH! -Depression
I’m leaving for SF in a couple of days. I did write a letter for my friends so they can understand me. Well I hope it works. If it doesn’t and they try to stop me then I don’t know what I’ll do. But I doubt they’ll be able to stop me because I’ll probably already be gone. Ah who am I kidding? They don’t care about me. They won’t care that I’m gone. Yeah. I’m not going to give them the letter. There’s no reason to. -Friendless
I’m in SF in my hotel room that I won’t need. I think I’ll do it tomorrow. My friends are going to be calling me today to make sure that I got here. I don’t want them rushing over here cuz I didn’t answer so yeah. Oop! Bua is calling me now. -Emilia
This is Karsilama. It is November 22. A body was just found in the Pacific Ocean on the coast of California right by San Francisco. They put the young woman’s picture on the news. I know who it is. It’s Emilia. And I know it wasn’t an accident. Emilia comitted suicide. There. I said it. I’m still trying to process it all. I don’t understand why she would. It just doesn’t make any sense! I wish she could tell me why.
Today (December 8) was Emilia’s funeral. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. A good hundred or so people were there for her. Karsilama and I agree with each other that we want to know why she did it. We all thought that she was doing better. I guess not. My life won’t be the same. She was my best friend. I miss her so much. So much.