55 comments

Fiction Historical Fiction Romance

Tears flowed through my eyes while I clutched the letter that my mother had written for me from Venice. She was thinking there that I was serving the soldiers that were sacrificing their lives for their own nation, but I was not. Here I am seeing deep into the eyes of my victims and slitting their throats.

Why?

Because they were against my country. I am a spy. Serving my country in World War II.

Changing my role every day, hacking into the transistor room, and if I am close to getting caught, all I do is finish the witness. The war is on the verge of becoming a big curse to the world, and here I am stuck with some letters, photographs, and memories.

Last week I was conducting guerrilla warfare with my other spy mates in the ammunition depot of a German camp. We had orders to blast the bombs and destroy the war machinery.

In the deep forest, under the black sky, we were hoping on our light steps towards the depot. A strange fear had entwined our hearts and the patriotic blood was flowing through our veins. I was ready to die and kill for my country. A bright light shone from the depot signaling the ongoing strategies taking place in the camp. We camouflaged ourselves with the background and stepped into the camp with fairy steps.

A soldier was standing on the door of the depot guarding the war ammunition. His hands were placed on the gun and his fingers were on the trigger, he was ready for an unexpected attack. I have to silently kill him without any hustle, my mind was running in all directions, flipping through my mind to kill him in various ways.

“Isn't it strange,” Maria exclaimed.

“What?” I ask in dismay.

She replies, “It's such a crucial depot. Then why is only one soldier guarding it?”

She had a point that made me pause my thoughts for a bit.

“All the soldiers are tired due to their drill, there is a 2-hour rest schedule for everybody. We have to strike them now without any delay,” said Rob.

I smiled at him and believed his words without a second thought. He was my companion at the training camp. The first rule of the training is to trust your mate under all circumstances, which I did and which I shouldn’t have done.

I tiptoed towards the soldier from the back, he was whistling a song which would be soon stopped with the sharp edge of my knife. I blocked his voice with my palm and slipped the razor-sharp edge against his throat. A gush of blood flowed from his veins and soiled my blouse.

I dropped him on the ground, and dragged his body behind some barrels, and covered it with dry grass.

We sneaked up to the door and broke the lock.

A strange feeling overpowered my mind, my hands trembled, but I took a deep breath and opened the door which I shouldn’t have done.

Inside were men with loaded rifles who were as bloodthirsty as I was. They made my companions still with their merciless firing. All I did was watch them with my bloodshot tear-filled eyes.

“Anne, breakfast is ready,” said Rob.

I wiped my tears and gained my posture. The incident is darker and scarier than my nightmares.

“What made you happy by killing your colleagues?" I squeaked with my words.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around to answer me, even he had tears in his eyes.

“It was my job,” he humbly replied to me.

“Killing your mates, seeing their clothes soaked in their pool of blood and hearing their screams. How that made you happy?” I screamed.

“I was a German spy. It was my job to disclose your actions, it was my duty towards my country.” He gulped down his tears towards his throat with his reply.

“Then why did you remove me from my team before the firing? Why did you save me? You should have killed me with them." I screamed.

Tears were flowing down my cheeks and a strange silence crawled in my head and a hole consumed me.

I woke with a shrill pain in my head, three blankets were covering me, and I was sweating from head to toe. Rob was sitting beside him with a tense expression on his face. When he realized that I have awakened. He brought me a huge glass of water. I drank it with each sip, each sip reminded me of the incident again.

“You did not answer me,” I asked him with a smile this time.

“It was my duty like you were doing. Did you realize how many lovers, brothers, and fathers throats you slit in the name of your country?” There was a strange taunt in his voice.

“But they were strangers for me. I did not break their trust nor betrayed them.” I smiled at my answer.

“In this war, no one is stranger to us, because we all are bonded with link of nationalism and patriotism. By the way, my betrayal for you was a test to show my patriotism.”

His answer made me think about the way I had perceived patriotism.

He continued, “And I saved you because my love for you was greater than my country."

The silence was deafening between us. A strange wind was blowing in the room.

“Then why did you bring me here…” I removed a small pistol from the dress pocket and pointed it on his forehead and said, “because I may take the revenge of my mates.”

He smirked, and rubbed his chin, and looked deep into my eyes.

“Because I realized that you were the only purpose of my life. The day I had joined for the training, I saw you. Your green eyes showed me the hope that I had been yearning it during this war, your hairs reminded me of the wild rain of my town, your smile reminded me of my mother who died during the bombarding. Your actions, your words and your every move shows me that this war does not need your sacrifice.”

I threw my pistol away and pressed his lips on mine. Strange blood rushed within me, a memory surfaced within from my mind where I used to dream of wearing a beautiful white dress, with a bouquet of blue peonies and walking down the aisle, watching the love of my life waiting for me on the pedestal.

February 02, 2021 18:03

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55 comments

Radhika Diksha
18:05 Feb 02, 2021

I don't know if the story fits the prompt or not. This story came right away when I read it. I would love all of your feedbacks including the harsh ones.

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Nainika Gupta
18:15 Feb 02, 2021

Hey Radhika, amazing submission, as always! I loved the spy and espionage aspect because...it was amaZing! The story flowed really well, and you've gotten a lot better with grammar and tone! That being said, I wouldn't say this fits with the prompt if I'm being honest. Because the prompt is asking for two people who become almost like family due to something intense they both went through together. Your two characters didn't really go through something intense TOGETHER if you know what I mean. They did have to deal with their mates dying, b...

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Radhika Diksha
18:17 Feb 02, 2021

Ya, I got to know that my story does not fit in the prompt while I was writing. Thanks for the feedback.

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Nainika Gupta
18:18 Feb 02, 2021

No problem!

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Mango Chutney
02:38 Feb 10, 2021

Wow.. this is so awesome.. I would have never thought of this story for this prompt. And yours fits so well. Good one !

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Yolanda Wu
07:49 Feb 04, 2021

Oooh, I love how it's set during World War II, I think you really brought out the feeling that they were at war, and the anguish the protagonist has with having to kill these people she doesn't even know. I thought it was so interesting how you described and portrayed it. The ending was beautiful, I could so picture it in my head. My only bit of criticism would be in the beginning when you say, "Here I am seeing deep into the eyes of my victims and slitting their throats. Why? Because they were against my country. I am a spy. Serving my co...

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Radhika Diksha
11:06 Feb 04, 2021

Thanks for the suggestion, Yolanda. Your feedback is very valuable to me and I hope your school is going fine.

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Yolanda Wu
20:08 Feb 04, 2021

You're welcome! School is busy, but it's relatively all right so far.

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12:30 Feb 03, 2021

Historical fiction isn't usually my favorite genre, but you brought beautiful energy here that I don't see much inside of it. Everything felt matched in terms of action and drama, and your characters are completely developed, never out of beat.

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Radhika Diksha
12:37 Feb 03, 2021

Thanks ethan. How are you?

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12:54 Feb 03, 2021

Well, the new semester started, so I have less time to write, but I'm staying ahead. What about you?

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Radhika Diksha
12:56 Feb 03, 2021

Kinda bored, kinda busy.

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12:57 Feb 03, 2021

Same

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Radhika Diksha
12:59 Feb 03, 2021

Mentally I am exhausted too.

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Danny
06:35 Feb 03, 2021

Heyyy Radhika, great story! I really liked it :D I loved the ending....but like some others have said, the story doesn't really fit the prompt that well. Somehow, the ending did a great job of getting it closer to the prompt, though.. I also noticed a few grammatical errors here and there, but I mean, who hasn't had them every once in a while :p I can only imagine how much research you put into this (is this common knowledge? i dont really know). But you knowww, great job! Happy writing :))

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Radhika Diksha
06:40 Feb 03, 2021

Thanks for the feedback, Dan. Can I call you that? I have been down lately so not working hard for my stories. I will give a nice one next week.

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Danny
06:46 Feb 03, 2021

Yeah, of course!! I can't wait for it :DD What do you think the prompts will be about? maybe valentines-y stuff?

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Radhika Diksha
06:52 Feb 03, 2021

ya, I want it too based on valentine's theme. I want to dedicate a story to Eleanor and the park.

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Danny
06:53 Feb 03, 2021

Ahhhh really? I just finished reading it and I loveee it!

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Radhika Diksha
07:00 Feb 03, 2021

How did you like the ending?

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Writer Maniac
04:34 Feb 03, 2021

Hey! I liked the story, but I have some critique that I think will help you out: 1. "Tears flowed through my eyes" - doesn't make sense, a grammatically correct version would be ''Tears flowed from my eyes''. 2. " She was thinking there that I was serving the soldiers that were sacrificing their lives for their own nation, but I was not. Here I am seeing deep into the eyes of my victims and slitting their throats." - there are many grammatical errors here, a correct version would be - " She thought that I was serving the soldiers that were...

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Radhika Diksha
04:50 Feb 03, 2021

Actually, I showed her passing out as an effect of her mates getting shot. Ya, I am kind of lazy right now so did not work hard on the plot of the story. Thank you for the constructive criticism.

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Writer Maniac
04:59 Feb 03, 2021

No problem! I would appreciate some feedback on my latest story :)

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23:43 Feb 02, 2021

hi! i like this story a lot, I like how it jumps right into the action when it starts :) 2 critiques here: "Tears were flowing down my cheeks and a strange silence crawled in my head and a hole consumed me." I would replace the first "and" with a "while" so it would look like this: Tears were flowing down my cheeks while a strange silence crawled in my head and a hole consumed me. - "“It was my duty like you were doing. Did you realize how many lovers, brothers, and fathers throats you slit in the name of your country?” " I would take ...

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Radhika Diksha
02:22 Feb 03, 2021

Thanks for pointing out my errors. This type of constructive crisis has improved me a lot. Thanks for your valuable feedback.

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21:44 Feb 03, 2021

np! they weren't really errors, just some little tweaks to make the writing flow a bit better. :)

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19:56 Feb 02, 2021

OMG HIIIII I LARBED THIS!!! However (oops don't hate me): 1. I believe that there is a more specific way to show her standing in the spy organization, maybe even to research more about if she would've been in the OSS or MI6. Specificity is key. 2. Remember not to just state facts unless there's an emotion or underlying message behind them, which you should convey. You do this especially in the exposition in the beginning, so maybe alter it. 3. I would include more cultural references, especially related to differences in war efforts, as I'v...

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Radhika Diksha
02:17 Feb 03, 2021

I know my story is poor. It's just that I want to practice writing and lately I am a lot tired so did not go for a detailed story. But your feedback is helpful, I will keep these points in my mind in my future stories. Sorry a bit tired lately. And thanks for your constructive criticism.

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Radhika Diksha
02:17 Feb 03, 2021

I know my story is poor. It's just that I want to practice writing and lately I am a lot tired so did not go for a detailed story. But your feedback is helpful, I will keep these points in my mind in my future stories. Sorry a bit tired lately. And thanks for your constructive criticism.

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. .
12:47 Feb 03, 2021

Ah, no problem, and I can relate!!

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Aww, such a beautiful story Radhika!!! Great work, I loved the ending! Keep it up<33

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Maya
14:03 Feb 05, 2021

Amazing story, Radhika! You portrayed her thoughts really well and it's so cool to see you writing historical fiction! I loved the whole spy-theme and it was funny because this story could also probably fit the betrayal prompt for this week as well. I loved your descriptions and the story was captivating the entire time. My only suggestion would be for the line "I drank it with each sip, each sip reminded me of the incident again." I think maybe it would flow better if you said "I drank it, each sip reminding me of the incident again." That'...

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Radhika Diksha
14:13 Feb 05, 2021

Thanks, babe. Ya, I could put it in the betrayal prompt too. Thanks for the feedback though.

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Maya
14:17 Feb 05, 2021

No problem! I really enjoyed reading it!

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I love the historical fiction touch in this story Radhika. Your stories are always great. =)

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Kate Reynolds
21:26 Feb 02, 2021

Oh wowwww that was an ending I did not expect!!! I really liked it! Even though the whole "falling in love with the person who betrays you" thing is kinda cliche (at least in my opinion) I think you really pulled it off, so great job on that!!! As lots of people in the comments have said, it doesn't exactly fit very nicely with the prompt, but I do see why you choose this story for this prompt... Anyways, there were a few grammar mistakes, but it didn't really impact the story too much. There were a few sentences that I absolutely LOVED, but...

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Radhika Diksha
02:19 Feb 03, 2021

Can you tell me which sentences need more work and which you liked? Thank you for your valuable feedback.

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Kate Reynolds
13:37 Feb 03, 2021

At this paragraph: "Last week I was conducting guerrilla warfare with my other spy mates in the ammunition depot of a German camp. We had orders to blast the bombs and destroy the war machinery." Maybe you could add more detail about the guerrilla warfare, and some examples as well? And you're welcome!!!

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Radhika Diksha
14:51 Feb 03, 2021

I agree I will see.

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Kate Reynolds
14:54 Feb 03, 2021

Great story though!

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Kate Reynolds
14:54 Feb 03, 2021

Great story though!

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Not sure if this fits the prompt but.... wow that was intense Spy! Betrayed! SPY! XD You did a great job, sad and happy, I loved the part where you described the deathes of the teamates

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