44 comments

Suspense

I looked up at the stars knowing that my family would try their hardest to comfort me through the tough times. Today was the first time I had felt alone in years. My mother had left us and my father didn’t know what to do.

I had two younger siblings that were clueless when it came to something serious. My mother and father were always fighting but no one could have predicted her leaving. She had always been around when we needed her most. Everyone was acting as if nothing had happened. 

This was probably the most serious thing to occur to my family. Do you know that family you see in the park who are always playing games and laughing? That was my family. Nothing could break us, we were stuck together.

Ever since yesterday(the day she left), my father has been trying to cheer us up. So far he has made Jasmine, and Corie laugh so hard milk came out their noses. Nothing has even made me giggle. 

There was one thing on my mind. One thing that my mother had promised me. It probably sounds selfish and obnoxious but she promised to take me to Paris on my seventeenth birthday. Of course, she had to leave right before my birthday. It was tomorrow. The reason I wanted to go so bad was because she named me after the city. Yes, my name is Paris. She used to say, “It’s the most beautiful place I have ever seen. So it reminded me of you.”

She always cheered me up with her words. Tomorrow would be the first birthday I would have without my mother. As hard as I tried not to think about her, the thoughts just came rushing back to my head. 

There was nothing my father could do to cheer me up. I needed my mother. I was never going to see her again. Looking up at the night sky and stars made me feel a bit better. It reminded me of how beautiful the world was. 

I would have fallen asleep if my father hadn’t called me. “Paris! I know what will cheer you up! I finally found out why you are so sad. Well, actually Jasmine told me,” There was a small pause. I knew I should have never told Jasmine about my problems. “I bought us two tickets to Paris! I know your mother promised to take you. I know it’s not the same, but you’ll get to see the place we named you after!”

I was happy, but not too happy. I got to see Paris, but without my mom. At least it would give me a chance for some time alone with my father. He told me to pack quickly since our flight was tomorrow. 

I packed all the clothes I thought I would need. We were staying for two days so I didn’t need too much. There was something I definitely knew I needed to bring. My mother had bought me a shirt the day she said she was going to take me to Paris. 

It was my favorite shirt, but I had never worn it. I was saving it for the special day. I was pink and said Paris in bold black letters. It was the perfect size for me. I had never tried it on, but I knew it would fit. The tag was still on it, and I decided I would take it off when we got there. 

Once I finished packing I brought my bag downstairs and told my father I was finished. He told me to get some sleep since we would be leaving early tomorrow morning. I went back up and tucked myself in. I immediately fell asleep. I didn’t know how tired I was. 

Instead of having a dream that night, all I saw was black. Nothing but black. It was relaxing and calming. Nothing to frighten me or over excite me. 

I woke up to the smell of pancakes. Was my father cooking? Last time he did that the fire department had to come! I needed to get down there. I quickly dressed in my favorite pink dress and brushed my hair into a high pony-tail. I brushed my teeth and went downstairs. “Paris! There you are! You up for some pancakes?” 

“Um...sure?” I didn’t know if this was some kind of trick. Maybe we weren’t going to Paris after all, and he wanted to get me in a good mood. 

“Is this a trick?” I tried not to sound rude, but I needed it straight.

“A trick? Of course not! I just want this to be the best day of your life! So eat up we’ve got a plane to catch in about thirty minutes.”

“That’s not a lot of time! Shouldn’t we get going now?” I said. I had never seen my father acting so… chill.

“Don’t worry! We’ll get there when we get there.” Did those words really just come out of my father?

I ate my pancakes as fast as I could. They were actually good. Usually, my mother was the cook of the family. Then I remembered, my mother was the one who first taught me how to make pancakes. I suddenly felt tears build up in my eyes. My father clearly noticed.

“Come on! Paris time! Let’s go!” I whipped my tears away and suddenly felt happier.

A couple of minutes later we heard the honk of a car. The taxi was here! It was time. We said goodbye to Corie, and Jasmine and then walked out the door to the taxi. 

***

When we finally arrived at the airport we had to run to catch our plane. I knew we should have left earlier.

We finally reached our gate and boarded the plane. It took a long time but we finally reached Paris! On the way over I watched a bunch of movies with my dad. 

We got off the plane and I couldn’t be more excited. It was already late so we had to go straight to our hotel. Paris was beautiful at night. Even though it was night there was so much light. 

Our hotel wasn’t far from the airport so we reached it in about fifteen minutes. It was fancier than I expected. They had the biggest lawn out front. I looked around and I couldn’t get my smile to fade. I knew mother would love it. “Hey, what do you say we just stay outside for a little and look up at these amazing stars?” So that’s what we did.

For the next hour, we stared up at the beautiful Paris stars. 

November 02, 2020 22:03

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

44 comments

I think you did an excellent job writing this story! :)

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:27 Nov 02, 2020

Thanks so much!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Kathleen March
00:37 Nov 03, 2020

There is good suspense here and the writing style is solid. However, the end kind of leaves the reader waiting for something to happen or fo some other wording. It would be fine if this is part of a larger piece. Also, just two days in Paris isn't really much time. I hope it's really a longer stay.

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:08 Nov 03, 2020

Thanks so much for reading! Glad you sorta enjoyed it!!

Reply

Kathleen March
03:41 Nov 04, 2020

I did. Now keep writing! That’s why you’re here.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
13:52 Nov 09, 2020

Happy Belated Birthday Sihia!

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
05:28 Nov 07, 2020

Hey, i saw what ya said in your bio. Now im not sure how long that had been up for though I will say this, happy Birthday!! ^^ Though sorry if this is kinda early or late

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:33 Nov 07, 2020

Thanks!! My birthday was yesterday, but sorry I forgot to update it!!

Reply

B. W.
22:50 Nov 07, 2020

no prob ^^

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
22:36 Nov 02, 2020

WOOWWW!! I am so happy you followed me cause I got to read such a beautiful story. It was really really nice and sweet. I really enjoyed reading this, it wasn't really sad- the way you wrote it wasn't sad it was pretty much a girl telling her tale with no emotion. At least thats what I felt when I read this. I imagined her with a straight face until the end where she finally breaks into a smile. I really really enjoyed this Sihia! AMAZING JOB!!!!! KEEP WRITING! You clearly have talent!

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:07 Nov 03, 2020

OMG thank you so much! That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing!!!

Reply

22:41 Nov 03, 2020

You deserved it!! And your bio, you have a lot of siblings! But I understand since I have seven!!😂 Its good to know I'm not the only one with a big family

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:43 Nov 03, 2020

You have seven siblings? YAY!! Another person with a big family, I always feel like I'm the only one with a big family!

Reply

22:45 Nov 03, 2020

Yess everytime I tell someone they are like wow!! and get all surprisedd! Oh and I meant to say it yesterday but I completely forgot! BUT WELCOME TO REEDSY!!! My name is Ugochi as you probably already know and I personally love to write wholesome Romance and also touchingly sad stories. I hope to read more of your stuff in the future and hopefully you read mine if ya want!! Nice to meet ya!

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
23:11 Nov 03, 2020

You too! I hope we can be friends here! And I'm excited to read your stories!!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
He!do I.A.P.N
22:34 Nov 02, 2020

Wow that was good! I loved the way you made sure to keep the mother in her thoughts and connected to everything. Idk if you are taking suggestions, but just a very minor teensy tiny thing that in my opinion might make it a lil better was if you made "Nothing has even made me giggle." it's own paragraph to emphasize it, but that's just me lol you definitely don't have to do it. :)))

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:35 Nov 02, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
B. W.
05:12 Nov 15, 2020

hey

Reply

Show 0 replies
Felicity Anne
21:21 Nov 11, 2020

Wonderful story!!!!! Thank you for the update on Evelyn! Happy late birthday!! I hope it was amazing!

Reply

Show 0 replies
B. W.
21:52 Nov 04, 2020

hola amiga

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:32 Nov 07, 2020

hey!!

Reply

B. W.
22:50 Nov 07, 2020

how are ya?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Bailey D.
11:48 Nov 04, 2020

Awesome story! I loved it!! I cant wait to read more of your stories!!! -Bailey

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:32 Nov 07, 2020

Thanks so much, Bailey for the sweet comment!!

Reply

Bailey D.
04:02 Nov 08, 2020

Its my pleasure!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
23:10 Nov 03, 2020

Aw, this story was beautiful, Sihia! Your character development was incredible considering this was a story story. I enjoyed the tragic event of Paris's mother leaving balancing out with her father taking her to Paris. Overall, your writing style is breath-taking, and I would love a sequel! And just more of your writing in general! :D -Brooke D.

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
23:13 Nov 03, 2020

Awww, Thank you so much, Brooke! You are so nice!!

Reply

23:18 Nov 03, 2020

You are so welcome! And thanks!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Avery G.
22:41 Nov 03, 2020

Hey! I wanted to check this story, out, and I'm glad I did! This was pretty good, and I liked it! I do like your writing style; it's very unique. Great job, and welcome to Reedsy! P.S. You have eight siblings? Wow!

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:42 Nov 03, 2020

Thank you so much, Avery!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yep I have eight, two are adopted! It's really fun though, to have a big family.

Reply

Avery G.
22:43 Nov 03, 2020

No problem! Wow. It seems like that would be awesome! You pretty much can have a lot of fun!

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:44 Nov 03, 2020

Ha yeah! And I'm never bored!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
B. W.
22:37 Nov 03, 2020

Hey, first welcome to Reedsy ^^ I saw you comment on one of Brooke's stories (she's one of my best friends on here so i found ya after reading the new story) so i decided to check ya out. I really liked what you did for the prompt and some of the characters names, i basically just sorta liked everything in this story. I don't have a lot of advice besides that you should continue to make more stories on here when you have the time, and ill also give this story a 10/10 :)

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:41 Nov 03, 2020

10/10? Really? Thank you so much, you are so sweet! I hope we can be good friends and I love your stories btw.

Reply

B. W.
22:49 Nov 03, 2020

Yeah a 10/10, you deserve it ^^ well I was wondering with my stories, if you could go and leave some critique/feedback on them? I'd love to see what you have to go and say for them, my latest story is "Saving a friend"

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
23:12 Nov 03, 2020

Oh yes of course!!

Reply

B. W.
23:25 Nov 03, 2020

thanks ^^ im excited to see what ya think

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

This was pretty good! Nice job Sihia! And welcome to Reedsy! :)

Reply

Sihia Sunrise
22:07 Nov 03, 2020

Thanks so much!!

Reply

ℂ𝕁 𝕄.
16:25 Nov 08, 2020

Wow! I can’t believe how much followers and likes you have after only one story! I have four stories and only 10 followers, 😝 and the most comments I have gotten on a story is 7, and the most likes I’m pretty sure is 5, pls go check out my stories! - CJ

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Ari Berri
20:49 Jan 06, 2021

Nice story. Also, happy belated birthday.

Reply

Show 0 replies
14:28 Nov 14, 2020

Aw, I just read your bio. Thank you for including me!

Reply

Show 0 replies
RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. 100% free.