Holes In My Story

Holes in My Story

“So what's the catch?”

“The catch is I can't get the clasp to catch. This is bad!”

“Nah, that's good.”

“Why is that good?”

“I really didn't want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane anyway. Makes no sense.”

“Okay, that's good then.”

“Nope, that's bad.”

“Why is that bad.”

“I'll never get my bucket list completed.”

“Oh, that is bad.”

“Nah, that's good.”

“How is it good?”

“There is a hole in my bucket any way. All my dreams and aspirations are slipping away.”

“Well, can't you fix it.”

“No, I left the flex-seal in my car.”

“Where is your car?”

“In my garage.”

“So go get it.”

“I can't. The garage is gone.”

“Where is the garage?”

“Gone with the wind. Carried away by a tornado.”

“That's too bad.”

“No, that's good.”

“How can that be good?”

“I always wanted an open-concept house. One whole side is opened up where the garage used to be.”

“Well, then, good news if having an open concept was on your bucket list. ”

“No, that's bad.”

“How so?”

“My bucket list got carried away, too.”

“Can't you rewrite your list?”

“Afraid not. No pen or paper, either.”

“Well, simply put it on your personal computer. Make a spreadsheet.”

“Can't do that. I haven't got a connection.”

“Oh, I see. Got taken out by the tornado.”

“Nope, got knocked out when the tree punched a hole in the roof.”

“Oh, that is too bad.”

“Nah, that's good.”

“Why is that good?”

“Now I can put in the skylight I have always wanted.”

“How wonderful! Something else you can cross off your bucket list?”

“No, that is bad.”

“Why bad?”

“My house got relocated during the hurricane.”

“Your house got hit by a tornado and a hurricane? That is bad.”

“It is all good. Couldn't see the tornado coming in the hurricane.”

“That is good. So where is your house now?”

“In the middle of the lake, I think.”

“Bad?”

“Nah, I always wanted lake front property.”

“Good. Remembered another thing on your bucket list.”

“Bad. It cracked the ice.”

“Why is that a problem?”

“That is where I was practicing my curling for the Olympics. My stone went straight to the bottom through a hole in the ice. Now I will never become an Olympian.”

“Another bucket list wish?”

“Doesn't everyone want to win a Gold Medal? It was the only sport I was any good at.”

“Oh, that's bad.”

“Turned out good after all. I had to go deep sea diving to retrieve the stone. Something else I was hoping on doing someday. Besides now I can finally have more time to travel the world.”

“That is good.”

“Nah, that is bad. I don't have enough money to travel the world.”

“That's too bad because you just remembered another bucket list wish. Right?”

“Right. But someday I can make it good by winning the Lottery. Always planned it that way.”

“That is good.”

“Unfortunately, it's bad 'cause I didn't buy a ticket. Again. Maybe I could win a short story contest.”

“Now you are thinking! That will be very good.”

“No. Bad. Trouble is there are holes in my story.”

“It's good you are recovering more of your list, though. Maybe you could go to Vegas. They have a lot of replicas of attractions from around the world. That would cross a lot off the list with just one visit.”

“That would be bad. My Ex lives in Vegas. I can't go back there. Left a hole in my heart.”

“That's too bad.”

“No, it turned out good. I have a much better marriage now. And it fulfilled a must-do one on my list. 'Epic love life'.”

“Sounds like you are getting them done even without anything being written down. What are you going to do about your car?”

“Well, I thought about renting a Corvette. That would take the 'drive a fast car' off the list.”

“That would be good.”

“No, turned out bad. The Corvettes were all out filling other people's bucket lists.”

“That's too bad.”

“Turned out good. They gave me a rusted-out Ford Ranger.”

“How could that be good?”

“There was a hole in the floorboard. My feet went straight through. Felt just like Fred Flintstone driving it.”

“And that was good?”

“Got to live like a movie star!”

“Good, good! Another one bites the dust.”

“No. Bad. That put a hole in my shoe leather. My best hiking boots. Now I can't hike the Appalachian Trail, either.”

“Too bad.”

“”No. All good. I have no business hiking the Appalachian Trail at my age. I can barely walk two blocks let alone 2000 miles.”

“So it is okay to cross that one off.”

“Definitely a hole in my head thinking I could do it. Maybe I can still get a round of golf in using a cart and get a hole in one.”

“Be sure to wear two pairs of pants then.”

“E-ewe, that would be bad!”

***

“Now about that catch. We better see if we can get it to clasp.”

“So what is the catch?”

“Just got word through the mike in my ear from the pilot. Seems there is a hole in the engine.”

“That's bad!”

“No, it's good. Looks like you get your chance to jump out of a plane after all. This one isn't so perfectly okay now. She's going down.”

“That will be good. I hope.”

“Sure it is good. One more thing off your list. Won't need to worry about the hole in your bucket anymore. Sounds like almost everything is done. Oh, by the way. Have you ever wanted to become an astronaut?”

“Well, of course. That has been on my list since I was a child. Why do you ask?”

“Looks like it's our turn to take one small step for man out of this hole in the plane and ONE GIANT STEP FOR MANKI-I-I-i-n-d>>>>>”

The End

P.S. A tribute and thank you to Archie Campbell for use of his good/bad comedy routine. Can cross it off my bucket list to try it.