The secret of power

Submitted into Contest #51 in response to: Write about someone who has a superpower.... view prompt

277 comments

Fantasy Suspense

Nobody noticed Jake's absence during the English class in the only college in the city. Jake loved technology. So, he took the computer science stream. 

Mrs. Norwich, the English lecturer for the class, had switched on the television in the class when a college staff member came and whispered something. She was a tall, young woman with black hair and large spectacles.

The news flashed,"The Big Jumper is having another encounter with the Trapshot".

"Wow!", shouted the excited students. The Big Jumper was a hero in that small city and could make large leaps.   

Many times the encounter had happened between The Big Jumper and Trapshot. Nobody knew the reason why they were fighting and who they were. 

The bell rang for the college and all the students ran to witness the fight between the hero and the villain.

Trapshot, though not his real name, looked terrifying with self-made advanced technology weapons. Nobody knew his real name. People thronged in the devastated street to watch this encounter. The Big Jumper in a green-blue attire which he dons all the time while he fights, to hide his identity. Trapshot looks like a cowboy on his brown outfit and black boots.

"Give me that suit," shouted Trapshot.

"Not possible, Trapshot," replied The Big Jumper.

" What…," before Trapshot could finish his sentence, The Big Jumper packed a punch on Trapshot's face which sent him flying. Trapshot escaped on his Superbike which could also fly and the crowd applauded The Big Jumper for the gallantry act. He signed some notebooks and took photos with his admirers. At that time, many police cars came to the street. A bank robbery had happened in the nearby bank. Then The Big Jumper ran into an empty street and touched his chest. Suddenly, the suit started disappearing and there stood Jake. He was a strong man with large fists and the suit made him more powerful. He had silky brown hair with blue eyes. He walked into the empty college to take his backpack, but it was not in its place. He went home, keeping his head down. It was his favourite backpack and he had kept it for five years. He was the only child to his parents and they showered all their love on him. They were very friendly towards Jake and never used to chide him. The teachers liked him even though he barely attended the college nor did he secure good marks but for his socialising attitude. 

Meanwhile, people witnessed Trapshot going into the police station and having a conversation with the police. People living near the police station were afraid that Trapshot had got the police in his hands.

….

The following day, Jake decided to attend college. On that day, a new student came to class.

 Mrs. Norwich introduced her as Jane to the entire class. She had curly black hair and she shone brightly like the moon. No one could take eyes off her, but she saw Jake admiringly. She went and sat on the bench where the academically bright students sat. 

At lunch time, many gathered in front of Jane to get a chance to go out with her. But she didn't seem interested. She found Jake standing in the shade of the tree outside the class and started walking towards him. 

"Hi, would you be interested to accompany me to the cafe?", She asked Jake.

"Sure," Jake said while the other students looked at him in surprise. 

As they were chatting while sipping coffee in a cafe nearby, a woman cried,"somebody catch the thief. He is taking my purse".

Jake thought to himself "this looks like a job for The Big Jumper". He took this as a chance to impress Jane. He put down the coffee glass on the table and went into an empty street where no one could see him. He changed into his suit and started chasing the thief. As he could take huge leaps, he caught the thief in no time. He changed into Jake and handed over the purse to the woman. Then he saw some guys trying to kidnap a small girl. Jake remembered Jane waiting for him in the coffee shop. He called the police station near him to come and save the girl and ran to the cafe. But when he returned to the coffee shop, she was not there. He had missed a nice chance to be with her. As he walked in disappointment he saw Jane talking to the same woman whose purse was stolen. He rushed to talk to her.

“Sorry for leaving you in the middle of a conversation. Do you know that woman, Jane?”

“It's okay. Jake, what you did was awesome. No, I was just asking the route to the shopping mall nearby to her,” she said, trembling in surprise.

“Thank you for saving my purse, young man,” the woman said.

“It’s my pleasure,” said Jake.

“Okay, Jake. I have to leave now,” Jane said and walked away. Jake’s mood got better.

On his way to his house, his phone rang. It was his friend, Collins. 

"Hey, Jake," Collins started.

"What's the matter, Collins?", asked Jake.

"That new girl Jane is going out with your archenemy, Jake Hutchins". 

"What?"

"Yes, I saw them go out".

Jake sighed.

"Don't worry, Jake. You come to college and talk to her again".

"Okay, Collins. Bye," said Jake and hanged the call. His frustration knew no bounds.. He put on his suit and started jumping building after building. Hutchins and Jake were college mates, and they didn’t get along with each other. He was another handsome man.

….

On the following day, Jake went to the college and to his surprise saw that Jane was waiting for him. This time he knew he wouldn't miss the chance to go out with her. He decided to reveal his identity to get her attention better. 

"Let's go to the coffee shop again," invited Jake.

"Okay, but before you run away, say the reason to me,” said Jane.

"Okay," said Jake with a smile. They were happily chatting, but this happiness didn't last long. Everyone in the streets started running. They were afraid of something. Jake and Jane went to see what was happening. It was the Trapshot again. 

 She called the police immediately. But, Jake started running away.  

"What are you doing, Jake?", shouted Jane. 

“I am afraid of Trapshot. I am going home,” he replied. But soon The Big Jumper swung into action. This time the police had come on time.  

“ You cannot escape today, Trapshot. The police have come to arrest you on time,” The Big Jumper said, triumphantly.

But Trapshot just gave a wild grin and the police started attacking The Big Jumper. Jake was very confused. 

He fled the scene and found a place on a tall skyscraper to think what was happening around him. Suddenly, he saw a poster saying “Please defeat Trapshot. He has got the police in his hands”.

Jake thought,”that could also be the reason for the police attacking me. Today I will end his story”. Suddenly he remembered some familiar faces. The woman to whom he had given the purse and the thief were among the police force. He was very confused. 

 He thought he had to talk to Jane to clear some of his doubts as he trusted Jane a lot. 

Jake called Jane to meet him in his house.

Jane arrived in an hour and sat down to talk with him. 

"Okay, Jake. What is it?", Jane asked eagerly.

"Who are you? Can you say something about yourself,” Jake asked.

“What is it, Jake? You appear tensed up”.

“I trust you, but, I want to know more about you”.

“Hmm, okay. But do you know that people are talking about Trapshot coming to the police station and having a strong conversation with the police?”Jane asked, to divert him from knowing about her.

“Really! This explains a lot”, Jake exclaimed.

“What does it explain?” she asked.

“Nothing. Just an expression”.

 “Okay, why did you call me, Jake?”  

" I have to say one important thing to you, Jane".

"I am The Big Jumper”.

“What? Are you joking! Jake".

He touched his chest and his suit appeared. 

“Now do you believe? I have to touch this button on my chest to become The Big Jumper,” Jake said, delightedly waiting for her response.

“Wow!”

Jake made his suit disappear and said,” I have to tell you another important thing”.

“You are full of surprises, Jake”.

“Andy and I were childhood friends," Jake started.

"Who is Andy?"

"Wait. We loved technology, but I didn't take any effort to innovate things. But he did. He was an ardent boy. At the summer holiday of 11th grade, he started to make a suit. I was eager to find what suit it was. He revealed it to me and it was a jumper suit, which I use right now. I liked it very much and I wanted to own it. But Andy refused to give it to me. So, I stole the Jumper suit. From then on, I am using his suit to save people and he started to do terrorizing things to get back his suit. He doesn't want to be a villain, but I had made him one. He isn’t the kind of person who blackmails people as I know him. I never shared this with anyone," Jake said with a sigh. 

“It’s okay, Jake. Don’t worry,” Jane said and embraced him. But Jake felt something on his hands. It was a handcuff.

Jane touched her ear and then only did Jake notice that she had an earpiece in her left ear. 

"Confirmed, Sir. You may come.", she said. She stood up and showed her identity card to him. She was a police officer.

" What did you do right now?"Jake asked, panicking.

"I am a spy. Trapshot aka Andy had come to the police station. We were afraid and took weapons for our defence. But he had come unarmed. He lodged a complaint against The Big Jumper. We were surprised when we heard that The Big Jumper had stolen the jumper suit from him. We didn't believe him so we started to investigate it. He also said that every fight was planned by The Big Jumper and that it was an attempt to distract the police and the people to do other crimes like robbery and kidnapping. It was a valid point that he had given and he was not wrong. You were the one who planned the robbery and also the kidnapping of the small girl to distract the police. He said that he had saved the girl from the rogue gang. You are not the hero, Jake. Andy is. He also said that The Big Jumper's name was Jake. He didn't remember the last name so we were a little confused. So I was sent to know about you and Jake Hutchins. The thief and the woman’s purse getting robbed was all our set-up to find out your real identity. Now we have found out the secret of your power and you were right about his character," Jane explained.

“You gave me a big surprise, Jane,” Jake said, ironically.

 Many police cars were standing in straight rows to take Jake to prison. Andy was also there. 

"Come back as my friend, Jake," Andy said.

Jake was taken into the police van with dozens of policemen to make sure that Jake cannot escape.

….

The head police officer decided to say that they had arrested Trapshot so that Andy would continue to win the trust of people as The Big Jumper.

A wild grin came on Jake's face as he knew what was going to happen next.


He knew that from then on he would be a disturbance to the world.



July 23, 2020 14:28

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277 comments

Ryan Lieb
22:36 Aug 10, 2020

You're off to a good start, kid! There's definitely room to improve on the grammar and overall story-telling, as some comments have already mentioned, but the best thing you can do is just keep writing. Wish I was confident enough to submit stuff to contests at your age! Best time to just put the hours in. The first thing I would work on, if I were you, is efficiency. As someone else already said, try to avoid stating the obvious, and also try not to be repetitive. For example: "Mrs. Norwich, the English lecturer for the class, had switc...

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Keerththan 😀
02:15 Aug 11, 2020

Thank you for commenting. I make small grammatical mistakes but, I will learn from them. I will try to improve myself. I will definitely try Google docs. Thank you for reading and taking your time in commenting.

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17:35 Aug 10, 2020

Loved it! the action scenes were great! And the plot matched the story even though it was fast. I also loved the twist at the end! Good job!

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Keerththan 😀
02:16 Aug 11, 2020

I am glad you loved my story. Thank you for reading.

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Thom Brodkin
15:21 Aug 10, 2020

Did you know that superman originally couldn't fly? That's why the intro would say able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. As I read your story that similarity made me smile. I really enjoyed it. I was a little confused, were there two people named Jake? I would like to hear how the story continues. I hope you get that chance soon. Great job.

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Keerththan 😀
02:19 Aug 11, 2020

Wow! Superman couldn't fly. I didn't know that and thank you for informing. There are two people named Jake. One is that Big Jumper and other is Jake Hutchins. Jake Hutchins is not very important as he comes only in a single paragraph. Sorry, if you had some confusion. Next time I will try to sort it out. Thank you for reading.

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Thom Brodkin
02:23 Aug 11, 2020

Unless there is a specific reason to have two characters with the same name you may want to avoid that. Especially if you start writing longer pieces. You don’t want the reader going back to try to figure which is which. I still really enjoyed your story I just wanted to give you some advice. 😀

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Keerththan 😀
02:25 Aug 11, 2020

Thank you for your advice. He is not actually needed. But, it is also for a confusion to make a twist at the end. Thank you for commenting again.

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Rayhan Hidayat
14:28 Aug 10, 2020

Solid take on the superhero genre, fast pace to keep it exciting, and nice little twist at the end. Keep it up and you’ll be going places 😁

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Keerththan 😀
15:07 Aug 10, 2020

Thank you for reading, Rayhan. Would you mind liking my story?

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Audrey Winter
09:18 Aug 05, 2020

Hi! You asked me to read your story so here I am. You have an interesting and creative plot here and I loved the twist. Keep working on your grammar and language. What helps me is I usually let my story rest for a day or two and then read it with fresh eyes - that way, it's easier to catch even small mistakes. Great job and looking forward to reading more from you!

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H. W. Autumn
19:45 Aug 20, 2020

Same here! =) This story was super captivating, and the twist at the end really got me. I would recommend rereading your stories to look for grammar errors, as there were a few. It also helps to get someone else to proofread your story, so they can point out any error you right have missed. Overall, a great job! Can't wait to read more!

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Keerththan 😀
03:33 Aug 06, 2020

Thank you for reading. I will keep working on my grammar. Thank you for taking your time in commenting.

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Keerththan 😀
06:53 Oct 14, 2020

Thanks for coming! I am glad you loved the twist! I will keep working on my grammar. Thank you for reading.

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Len Mooring
23:36 Jul 31, 2020

There's just no rest for superheroes.

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Keerththan 😀
00:53 Aug 01, 2020

Ha ha. But he should be a real superhero. Thank you for reading.

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Jewels 🌊🐅
17:30 Jul 31, 2020

You asked me to read your story, so I am. I like this Story a lot, Gave me lots of grins. The one this you should work on is Details. Details make the story more interesting. Maybe describing Trapshot, or Jane. That would make the story a bit more interesting. Other than that, Very nice story. Stay Safe :D

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Keerththan 😀
17:35 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you for reading. I am improving my descriptions and my writing skills. I am glad you liked my story. Stay safe and stay healthy.

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Jewels 🌊🐅
22:32 Aug 03, 2020

You To :D

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Leya Newi
16:50 Jul 31, 2020

I thought this was brilliant. There were several twists throughout the story. One note, I thought that the two Jakes were a little confusing. It made sense for the story, but I had trouble telling which was which at some points. Otherwise, well done!

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Keerththan 😀
17:34 Jul 31, 2020

Thanks. The other Jake was not the main character, so I didn't give him much importance. Sorry if you had confusions. Thank you for reading.

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Leya Newi
17:38 Jul 31, 2020

You’re welcome!

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Mry M
09:50 Jul 31, 2020

Nice and wonderfully written story.

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Keerththan 😀
12:21 Jul 31, 2020

Thanks.

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Basil Boi
09:12 Jul 31, 2020

The plot twist!! Liked this story lots! Keep on writing!

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Keerththan 😀
09:13 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you for reading. Glad you liked my story.

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Jade Young
08:23 Jul 31, 2020

Very interesting story :) I'm glad I read it!

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Keerththan 😀
08:24 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you for reading. I am glad you liked my story.

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Shyam Aravind
04:54 Jul 31, 2020

Amazing story keerththan. Well done

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Keerththan 😀
04:55 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you for reading, Shyam.

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Jane Andrews
20:15 Jul 30, 2020

This was an engaging story that was fun to read (and hopefully fun to write as well). There are some technical errors, but the more you write, the more you will start spotting these yourself and editing them out before you post. The real text of a good story is whether or not people enjoy it and you have an amazing number of likes and positive comments, so you should feel proud of yourself for creating a story that so many people really like. Love the twist at the end and I’d be interested to see where Jake’s storyline goes next.

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Keerththan 😀
00:48 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you for reading. I think I have to get rid of the technical errors. I have an idea to continue this story. Thank you for reading.

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Victoire Debaecker
17:46 Jul 30, 2020

A solid plot with fast paced actions and well written dialogue... Worth the read!!!

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Keerththan 😀
00:49 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Smera P
16:51 Jul 30, 2020

This was amazing! The dialogue was so well written and I was intrigued throughout the whole story! Great job :)

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Keerththan 😀
00:49 Jul 31, 2020

Thank you.

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Avery G.
16:27 Jul 30, 2020

I liked this story. It had a lot of good dialogue! It was fast paced and that kept the story moving forward! Overall, great job.

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Keerththan 😀
00:49 Jul 31, 2020

Thanks.

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Avery G.
01:44 Jul 31, 2020

You're welcome!

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Willow Bird
14:29 Jul 30, 2020

A very fast-paced and action-packed story. You did a great job of keeping the story moving, and the twists and turns in the plot kept me reading. The only thing I would recommend that you do is work on the fluidity of your dialogue. It sounded just a bit forced. It can be hard to balance this out when you have such a good plot, which you without a doubt do. Other than that, it was really well done! Great job, and keep writing!

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Keerththan 😀
14:31 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you for commenting. I would have to frame good dialogues in my next story. Thank you for reading and taking your time in commenting about my story. Would you mind liking my story? Thank you for reading, Helen.

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Willow Bird
14:53 Jul 30, 2020

Of course :)

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Keerththan 😀
15:04 Jul 30, 2020

Thanks.

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Riyad Gh
10:33 Jul 30, 2020

Great story. The way you emerged the truth was perfect. Plus, the character development helped to create the basic emotions a reader can find in superheroes. 👏

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Keerththan 😀
12:30 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Phebe Emmanuel
22:00 Jul 29, 2020

This is a great story! Maybe you could try to show instead of tell. For example, instead of "Trapshot looks like a cowboy on his brown outfit and black boots," you could say " The spurs on Trapshot's black boots catch the light along with the brown of his outfit." See? Otherwise, this is a great idea!

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Keerththan 😀
01:04 Jul 30, 2020

Wow! That's very catchy. I would try making it like that in my next story. Thank you for commenting. Keep writing and stay healthy.

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Phebe Emmanuel
02:53 Jul 30, 2020

Yeah, you too!

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This story had an interesting premise and was very well-paced. The trick ending was also very well executed. There were just a few things I thought would make this story even better. One was the dialogue's flow as it seemed a bit forced. I know some stories can be overtaken by dialogue, but you did a good job of moderating the ratio of dialogue to narration. I like to talk out the conversations my characters are having and I find that to help make my dialogue more realistic, not that I am a pro or anything. The last thing was just a s...

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Keerththan 😀
01:02 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you for commenting. Very valuable points. I will try to correct all my mistakes in my next story. I will try the thesaurus too. Thank you for reading. Keep writing and stay healthy.

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