152 comments
By Caden Hill,
“Gimme the next one!” Tyler roared. He was on his fourth drink so far, and had vowed on #3 that he would get past seven.
“Ok, I’ll give you this one, but ya gotta promise it’s the last one. Just quit the dare.” Louis was not so enthused about his friend’s caffeine high.
“What are you talking about? Last one? I’m only just getting started!”
Tyler snatched the latte from Louis’s hand and began pouring it into his mouth, promoting an “Eeeew!” from the third person at the table.
“Who the heck names their fall-themed coffee drink ‘Pumpkin Spider’?” Grace said. She was rather grossed out, but watching a middle-school boy chug a solid 800 milligrams of caffeine and then go nuts was always entertaining.
“Woohoo! I’m on a roll!” Tyler sucked down the last bits of insect-flavored foam and hurled the empty cup across the room.
The trio was at Flake’s Coffee Shop after school, their backpacks hanging on the chairs. Run by Archibald Flake, the eclectic little shop was adorned with the trappings of Halloween: fake spiderwebs clung to the stained glass windows, the old wooden tables now sported cardboard cutouts of Frankenstein and Dracula, and in the corner, by the bathrooms, a medical skeleton did it’s best red-carpet pose. At best of times, the coffee shop resembled an old stone chapel, but right now, it was more like an antique shop of horrors.
While Louis walked to the counter to order Tyler’s next punnily named beverage, Grace sat back in her chair and folded her arms.
“So genius, you want to answer a few questions for me?”
“Sure.” The hyperactive preteen answered.
“What’s four times four?”
“Twelve!”
“The year Columbus sailed?”
“1776. Give me a hard one!”
“How many legs does an ant have?”
“Easy! Eleventy-one!”
The caffeine was clearly inhibiting Tyler’s ability to think.
“Ok, I’m gonna give you a real brain-boggler, you ready?”
Louis returned with the next drink, something called a ‘Cinna-Organ Swirl’. Louis had considered trying a sip, but recoiled at the sight of mutilated gummy bears dancing in bloody looking fluids.
Grace put her forearms on the table. “What is thirteen times blueberry??”
“Gummy bears...” Came the muffled reply from inside the coffee cup, whose dripping lid was now lying on the floor a dozen feet away.
Grace smirked at Louis, who raised his eyebrows with a knowing look.
“Tyler,” Grace commanded, “Look at me.”
A sticky, dismayed face emerged from the foam cup.
Grace pulled a notepad and pen from her backpack. “When you stole my science workbook last month, where did you hide it?”
“Underneath my bed.”
Grace wrote on her notepad. Louis’s jaw dropped, and his eyes popped open.
“What about that time with the note on Jenny Dougal’s locker? Was that you?”
“Yes.” Tyler returned to gulping his Cinna-Organ Swirl.
It’s like he’s drunk! Louis thought.
“Did you put glue thumbtacks to the underside of Jeffrey Harding’s desk? So when the teacher looked for gum she’d poke herself?”
“Yep.” Tyler replied dreamily, face covered in shredded gummy bears.
“Now Tyler, I need you to focus.” Grace implored. “What is the worst thing you’ve ever done?”
“Oh that? I took Louis’s favorite teddy and flushed him. He really needs to grow up and stop cuddling with plushy toys.”
Louis went white, and then purple, and launched himself over the table at Tyler, who was flung backwards by the ferocity of the assault!
“Yaaah!” Louis cried, “No one touches Booshie and lives!”
“He was begging to get away from your hugging!” Tyler spat back.
The two began rolling around on the floor, smashing into chairs and table legs alike.
Grace walked up the counter and laid a fat fifty on the weather pine. She peered innocently up at the thin face of Archibald Flake, “This is for the coffee...and the damage.”
A loud snap, and the sound of something heavy falling made Grace wince.
She put another fifty next to the first and said hurriedly. “This is for anything else they might break.”
The spidery old man took off his thick glasses, wiped them with a cloth from his pocket, and returned them to their imprints on his face. Then he bared a toothy grin, framed by cracked lips.
“Are you kidding?” He wheezed, “This is the most fun I’ve had in years!”
Grace smiled. She walked back to her seat, slung her backpack over one shoulder, and walked out of the shop. Behind her, the two boys kept fighting.
And at the counter, the old man Archibald Flake sipped a Zombuchino and laughed.
Author's Note:
I decided at random to write this story this morning--thought it might be fun. Please comment!
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152 comments
Extra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra WordsExtra Words ok, for reals, this made me laugh. belly laugh. Tyler is ma kind of guy!
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Lol, cool.
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lololololol
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Glad you got some laughs out of it! Which parts in particular did you find funny?
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“So genius, you want to answer a few questions for me?” “Sure.” The hyperactive preteen answered. “What’s four times four?” “Twelve!” “The year Columbus sailed?” “1776. Give me a hard one!” “How many legs does an ant have?” “Easy! Eleventy-one!” The caffeine was clearly inhibiting Tyler’s ability to think. “Ok, I’m gonna give you a real brain-boggler, you ready?” Louis returned with the next drink, something called a ‘Cinna-Organ Swirl’. Louis had considered trying a sip, but recoiled at the sight of mutilated g...
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XD
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"'He was begging to get away from your hugging!'" And how would you know, my dear sir. Unless.......you hugged him yourself.
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Make of this what you will, I don't care. XD
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Hilarious story by itself, but the Extra Words were the funniest. Is Leo Greer your pen name?
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also, I found someone you're not following (hehe): https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/chet-mchenry/followers/
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Yes, Leo Greer is my pseudonym. ;) I just changed it this morning, so I might still recant my decision. This must be remedied! I must follow everyone!
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It's hilarious. I remember doing a dare in school, much like this one. Only with alcohol, lol. I think I said enough of the world's history that day because the very next day, I could barely talk. Lol. Your writing is relatable. It's good. This isn't your usual style, I guess. It's too funny to want to critically assess it so I won't. Good job
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But why the extra words below it? I'm still trying to get the reason.
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Because Reedsy won't let you enter your story if it's under 1,000 words (this turned out at about 700). As I wrote this on a whim, and the story was finished, I figured it would be better to put it on Reedsy, and maybe not get approved, than to not. And yeah, this was a break from my usual style for some fun. :P Thanks for the read!
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Well, hey, props to you for trying something new! I liked this one a lot, maybe because I like funny stories more than the other ones you've written (as much as I did like the bird one) and your dialogue is much better in this.
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Yeah, this one was definitely an experiment on creating humor. Glad to hear it worked, lol.
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Great story! Loved the humor and light-heartedness...the extra words were funny too XD
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I decided to click on this story because I could most relate to it (which is seriously a problem, lol.) Seriously though, this was so funny! I'd suggest putting the author's note in a comment, and adding a few more funny scenes to get rid of the Extra Words part. This way, the story might also have a chance of getting approved :).
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Yeah, this one was for the last contest--actually did approved. I've got no idea how. Btw, read your story "Moonlight Reflection" (or whatever it was, can't remember) and I'm writing a review of it now. :)
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Yess. I got the review. Thank you so much, Leo! (Or can I call you Caden?)
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You can call me either one (Caden). I'm one of those people who gets his real name confused so much that I don't care what people call me. :P I get Caleb, Camden, Kate, Katy, Cadis, etc, etc...
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Really? I hate when people call me by wrong name. When I was younger, my friends started calling me Avs, which annoyed me a lot.
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When it happens as much as it happens to me. ;) There's one particular old guy who still calls me Cadis. XD
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You made me laugh at the end. Keep it coming!
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By reading your comment, you made me smile. Thanks!
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Liked the story. Question... would you mind reading my latest story? I tried a new style and I'm eager to get some feedback on it. Thanks!
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Sure. :)
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Amazing! I really enjoyed reading your story:D
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Glad you liked it!
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:)
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Title got me here, and am glad it did! (◍•ᴗ•◍)
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i really enjoyed reading this story. lmao:)
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Hey there! Nice story. It made me smile, and laugh. I like how you took a situation, that would've normally been quite adult, and made it innocent. Nice that you incorporated halloween things, it being this time of year and all! I would love it if you could check out my stories too!!! Elsa
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Aaah! So funny, haha! I was rereading it and spotted a typo: “Tyler,” Grace commanded, “Look at me.” --> “Tyler,” Grace commanded. “Look at me.” Oh well. Too late to fix it, anyways. Is the profile picture you? It looks great, but very different from the first one... XD
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Yes, the profile pic is the real me. :P
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Who was the person in the other picture? I mean, if you don't mind me asking :D
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Also me. XD
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Oh, haha~
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Lol, sunglasses go a long way...
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Ahahaha this story was very amusing, and the interrogation was great. I read somewhere else in the comments that the extra words were bc Reedsy doesn't allow you to have less, but today before I posted my submission I was experimenting with the submission functions and either it was a glitch or just a loophole, but if you initially submit within the word count then edit to just what you want (for example deleting the extra words at the end after you submit) and it lets you edit the submission to more or less than the word count. (mine was...
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Yes, I learnt this afterwards. ;) Sadly, Reedsy doesn't like it when you put up stories outside the word boundaries--I actually had another one, but Reedsy deleted it 'cause it was too short. For some reason they didn't delete this one. XD
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Ah okay, at least they didn't delete this one :D
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This is hilarious. Thirteen times blueberry equals gummy bears! I love it! I get that it wasn't long enough otherwise, but I do think the "extra words" detract a little from the story. You probably could have added a little more somewhere else to make up the deficit. Or maybe not. Sometimes, a story is just done and doesn't want any more.
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Yes, this was the kinda project that was like, "Iwrotethisintwohoursbeforeschoolanddon'thavetimetowritemore!"
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Yeah, I know that kind of project.
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😂😂😂😂 This made me laugh out loud. Remember those Gordon Korman books? This sorta reminded me of those.
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Glad you liked it! :) I've actually never read any Gordon Korman. (Besides one or two books in the 39 Clues series many, many years ago. :P)
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who do you think the down-voter is?
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Probably someone who's lower ranking on the leaderboard, with no stories. There are actually people high up on the leaderboard with no stories as well. I would also hypothesize that it's more than one person down voting, as I've seen instances where multiple people received downvotes at the same time. It's potentially even a small group of them, sending huge streams of single letter comments and upvoting each other, while working as a whole to downvote everyone else.
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Huh, yeah your kinda right about that. a while ago i was getting down-voted and a friend said they were getting down-voted at the same time.
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Yeah, I'm seriously thinking that it's these people you never see commenting, that have no stories, yet are still on the leaderboard.
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I don't get why a lot of people decide to just delete all their stories
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No clue either. One of my stories got deleted 'cause it was too short, but the judges did that. ;)
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Hey there! I loved this story! Man, it was so funny! I looked at the comments below. Your goal is to follow everyone? Nice! Anyway, great job! This was really lighthearted and hilarious!
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Thanks for the read. ;)
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You're welcome!
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This was a funny story. You did a good job of making it seem chaotic
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Thanks. ;)
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I really like the idea behind this story, and now I'm curious to know if it would work. Not that I want to try it, but if someone's brain is that scrambled, would he know how to answer the other questions too? Also, I saw a few other mistakes: “So genius, you want to answer a few questions for me?” -Grace is using 'genius' as Tyler's name, so it should be capitalized. I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after So, also. “Did you put glue thumbtacks to the underside of Jeffrey Harding’s desk? So when the teacher looked for gum she’d p...
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Yeah, my concept was that he'd be so wound up he would never notice what was coming out of his mouth. ;) This story is really only meant for a few laughs, so I didn't put too much thought into the logic. ;)
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That makes sense. Both seem like reasonable responses, I just wonder if they would be coming out of the same person's mouth. It is pretty funny either way. If getting drunk on coffee isn't actually a thing, you can always claim it's an alternate universe, right? ;)
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Lol, the power of writing....
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