A half-giant, a witch, a ghost, and a normal person walk into a pizzeria.

Submitted into Contest #65 in response to: Start your story with two characters deciding to spend the night in a graveyard.... view prompt

24 comments

Contemporary Funny Teens & Young Adult

It is a well-known fact that I absolutely suck at singing. My voice is just not flexible enough, and there’s always a voice break every time I switch octaves.

On top of that, pizzerias aren’t all that great for such things.

I remember being at one of my local pizza places enjoying a delicious slice of thick-crusted cheesy goodness. It was a regular Halloween. I had no plan to celebrate. 

There was a girl at the table closest to the exit. I should have noticed things were off, but I hadn’t then yet taken hindrance to the fact that she was eating her pepperoni pizza with a fork and knife. A very sharp knife, at that. 

Then a large, lumbering sort of a man walked in. His meaty hands were clamped in fists, and his clothing was ragged. He wasn’t holding anything that was potentially dangerous, but I decided he didn’t need weapons.

Maybe it was my overactive imagination that was getting the best of me, but I saw the two look at each other and nod.

I may have forgotten to mention that this was actually my first time at this specific pizzeria. I was here alone on a rather bleak Saturday afternoon. Large men and knives were uncommon on such days. 

However, I continued dining. If something bad was about to happen, I didn’t want to be a part of it. I quickly devoured the last slice and gurgled my coke. Then I rushed to the trash cans and threw the cardboard box away. 

I was out the door when I realized my backpack was still inside. I would later regret the decision I made, as the moment I stepped inside, the knife flew and pinned my sweatshirt to the wall. I didn’t want to know what would have happened to me if I was wearing tight-fitting clothing. 

A desperate scream escaped my lips. I could see my life flashing before my eyes. I saw myself growing older. Older and older until I finally--

“You’re not going to die.” The girl muttered. It was now that I got a good look at her since my attention was on the dagger--and only the dagger--earlier. She had long dark hair that was tipped with purple streaks. Her almond-shaped eyes were squinting in a furious expression. Her black clothes told me that she wasn’t a typical always-happy kind of person. She looked so strange. . . almost unnatural in a way. The large guy did too.

I had to shake off a trance before I could reply. 

“Uh. What? No, I’m not? But the. . .” I pointed at the dagger, unable to say the word out loud. 

His voice was lighter than I imagined it would be. “Stop stalling. Say something already.”

I did not get what the large guy meant. I had talked. Did he want me to sing or something? I started to feel lightheaded. 

Yes. He wanted me to sing him some good ol’ Taylor Swift hits. And so I sang. I didn’t know all the lyrics of “Bad Blood,” so I started at a random part.

“Now we've got problems, and I don't think we can solve 'em. . .” I muttered, shaking my head to the beat. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was wondering what I was doing, but that tiny voice was drowned out by a wave of mental foggy water. 

The two looked at each other and gasped. Someone else stepped in. 

“You’ve found her?” 

Was he floating? The old man looked like nothing more than a depressed hologram. Yet I didn’t react as he floated to the other two. That foggy water knew what it was doing. 

“Hey there.” I murmured. Then I felt the strange urge to burst into song once again. This time it was a line from one of Halsey’s songs. 

“I would have followed all the way to the graveyard!” 

It was so strange. Pizza? Yes. What? No! 

Then the light, airy, bubbly feeling disappeared. I felt myself hit the floor with a thud, but only after one last verse: “Do you want to build a snowman?”

↢〰〰〰↣

I opened my eyes to the sight of a field full of dead bodies. The tombstone closest to me had “R.I.P Albert Gigelwithy” written on it, even though it was hard to see very well because of the dark and my horrible eyesight. I scrambled for my glasses as I looked around. 

Ow. My head. 

Was I alone? It seemed like it was the middle of the night. I was at a graveyard in the middle of the night?! On Halloween! How long was I out?

I almost felt happy when I noticed my new “friends” a few yards away. They had changed into their Halloween costumes. The girl was dressed up as a witch, the large guy as a medieval-looking dude, and the hologram as a. . . as himself. I stumbled to greet them and tell them I was awake. It took a few seconds to stretch my aching muscles. 

At first, they didn’t seem to notice me. Then Big Guy turned around. “Hey! He’s awake!” 

“She.” I corrected. “Can’t a girl have short hair?”

“Whoops. I meant to say she.”

The witch looked at me. “Why aren’t you in costume?” 

“I was unconscious! And anyway, I’m not dressing up this---” 

“But you’re the oracle!” The hologram interrupted. 

I now realized that I was talking to a hologram. Did those even exist yet? 

“How. . .” I asked. 

It was enough. They understood that I had no idea what they were talking about. And an oracle? If only it were true. 

The witch smacked her head. “What did you do this time, Aggie?---”

“Aggie?! My name’s Grace!”

“Stop the disguise already! It’s been sixteen years! We haven’t seen you since then!” 

“What do you mean? I’m only fifteen.” 

“STOP IT! We see you now and you didn’t even tell us who you are, and now you’re acting as if you’ve forgotten me!”

“I’m so sorry, but I’ve never seen you before.”

There was a moment of quiet. 

Then the ghost spoke up. “You’re not Aggie, but you are the Oracle?”

“Oh, no. No!” The large guy muttered.

I didn’t know what he meant, but I had the sickest feeling in the pit of my stomach. They knew someone. Did that person resemble me in any way? I knew these people were strange. Not at all normal. Maybe even. . . supernatural. I had always been skeptical of the paranormal, but today was Halloween. This was crazy. 

I sighed, plopping down on the floor. 

“You are Aggie, Grace. Or, at least, you were.” The Witch said in a profound (sort-of) way. “I’m Eleanor.” 

↢〰〰〰↣

“Are you saying I’m someone’s reincarnation?” The idea sounded scary. I wanted them to say “Just kidding!” but instead Mark, the ghost, an actual, dead ghost, explained.

“Everyone is.” He said. “Well, almost everyone. I’m a ghost!”

“So does that mean I am some kind of Oracle?”

“Yes. Aggie would burst into poetry that way too,” Paul replied. He was half-giant.

“Why are we even in a graveyard?” 

“Your prophecy, remember? We must spend the night here, or else we will have problems that we can’t solve. Something about snow as well.” Said Paul.

“That was me being crazy. I don’t even know what was happening.” I said as I got comfy on the ground. Spending a night in a graveyard with strangers talking about magic and stuff? Sure. I could deal with that. I didn’t hesitate as I pulled off my socks and curled my toes. I wasn’t one of those people. The others didn’t seem to really mind. I kept my distance from them however. Just in case. I hadn’t showered that day, since I usually showered in the evenings, and my evening was spent unconscious. I was hoping I didn’t smell bad. 

Then I asked, “How did y'all even meet?”

Eleanor sighed. The conversation was going in a very roundabout manner. I couldn’t understand anything. Before this day, I didn’t even know witches existed. Magic wasn’t real, but these guys were. “Here, have some food.”

My stomach was too hungry to deny the offer. Instead of arguing about her ignoring my question, I dug into yet another slice of pizza. It looked dull and dark in the moonlight, but it was still as delicious as ever. 

“By the way, sowwy for knifing you at buh peace-ah pwace.” She said through enthusiastic bites. Then when she was done chewing, she asked me if I had any more prophecies.

“Um, it’s alright I guess. And please don’t ask me about that prophecy thing. It’s just so strange. Now that I think about it, that feeling I get has always been there. I thought it was just a natural urge to sing, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Don’t worry. Peace.” Paul pronounced. 

“Thanks.” 

We ate the rest of our dinner in silence, and because I was wiped, I may or may not have fallen asleep right after. 

The last thought of mine before I went to sleep that was that the strangest night of my life had just passed, but that more was to come, because, to be honest, this day was quite uneventful. 

Author’s Note: Thanks so much for reading if you have gotten this far. Just a couple of things I would like to say. One, I know it doesn’t have much of a plot (again!), but I’m really just coming up with these on the go, and this one’s not really my best. Two, this was supposed to be a comedy, so please tell me if you found it funny. :) Three, I will probably add more parts as well, because this is incomplete right now.

October 29, 2020 15:57

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24 comments

Zea Bowman
16:32 Dec 03, 2020

Hey! Zea again. Just stopped by to say I made yet another story...sort of like "Zombies Sound Safer Than My Family." Might be one of the last ones, so if you come to check it out and let me know what you think, that'd be super cool. If not, it's all good. Just letting ya know :)

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Anii ✨
21:56 Dec 04, 2020

Oh, I'd love to read it! Thanks for letting me know. :)

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B. W.
00:06 Oct 30, 2020

I don't really have a lot to say and I'm sorry if ya wanted a lot of stuff with this but I still think that this was pretty good and ya still did a great job with it ^^ I'll give it a 10/10 :)

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Anii ✨
00:38 Oct 30, 2020

Don't worry! It means the world to me that you read every one of my stories, so thank you for that!

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B. W.
00:42 Oct 30, 2020

No problem ^^ maybe i'll put you in one of my stories or novels :)

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Anii ✨
00:54 Oct 30, 2020

Oh, that would be really nice! I'll put you in one of mine too! What name would you like to go by?

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B. W.
00:58 Oct 30, 2020

No problem ^^ well i could just go by the name B ^^

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Anii ✨
14:58 Oct 30, 2020

Okay!

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Unknown User
17:10 Feb 27, 2021

<removed by user>

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Anii ✨
18:24 Feb 27, 2021

Ooh! That sounds fun. I can be Doctor Strange! And thanks!

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Unknown User
18:26 Feb 27, 2021

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Unknown User
19:04 Feb 27, 2021

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Anii ✨
20:58 Mar 01, 2021

Yes! I totally forgot. I shall do it now. . .

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Anii ✨
21:23 Mar 01, 2021

Yea, sorry. I thought it wasn't working, and then everything went kinda weird.😅

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Unknown User
21:36 Mar 01, 2021

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Anii ✨
14:38 Mar 08, 2021

lol thanks!

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20:58 Jan 07, 2021

“By the way, sowwy for knifing you at buh peace-ah pwace.” LOVE THIS. The characters are the greatest, funniest, fantasy-est people I've seen all day. I'd love something like this to happen to me so my life can be less boring. :)

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Anii ✨
19:31 Jan 13, 2021

Haha, thank you so much! That means so much! And honestly, don't we all? XD

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14:52 Jan 14, 2021

LOL yeah.

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Unknown User
21:52 Mar 14, 2021

<removed by user>

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Anii ✨
20:05 Mar 17, 2021

That sounds cool! I'd love to read your story when I have free time. Thanks!

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Unknown User
21:23 Mar 17, 2021

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Anii ✨
22:55 Mar 17, 2021

Don't worry, I'm totally fine with that!

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