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Thriller Drama

I live alone in a huge house that feels bare and eerie in the night. But I still stay, I don’t want to move. I suppose I have to tell you why now. 


My mum died giving birth to me. My dad was so grieved that he ( to say it politely) killed himself a week later. 


Yeah, my dad left this world and wouldn’t even stay alive for his daughter. So obviously, I was put into foster care. To summarise it, that place was rubbish. Moving on. I had sworn to myself I would buy this house as soon as I could. It was my family’s house. Where all my grandparents and parents had lived. I wanted something to remind me of my family. So I made an oath to buy it. And so did my sister. 


Oh no, why did I mention her? Now you’re going to start asking questions. Well, I guess I’ll just be honest with you.


My sister and I were close. That’s putting it lightly. 


When there was a problem, we always shared it with each other. From young we grew to love and protect each other. We always had each other's backs. We had a special relationship. There was a reason we were so close. I wasn’t the older one and neither was her. 


We were twins. Peas in a pod, as people used to say. 


We both had long sleek brown hair with blue eyes. We both had freckles on our face and had dimples everytime we smiled. I was just slightly taller than Kayla, my sister. 


We both had a funny naughty nature which sort of made us perfect to play tricks on the teachers. Oh boy, could I tell you the amount of tricks we played. We were, as you could say, inseparable. 


Okay, fine. You know. I’m just stalling. You can’t blame me though. No one likes talking about the death of a loved one. 


Okay, I’ll just tell this part as fast as I can. So as my sister was coming home from work, she was apparently walking at the edge of a cliff. She was standing too close to the edge. Well, you know the rest now. She trips, and plummets down into the deep vast ocean forever.


 She was never found. Ever again. In fact. I didn’t know my sister died. She only found out in the news. I grieved for the next few months. Not even wanting to come out of the room sometimes. How could I bear the news of my sister's death sister? 


I couldn’t even perform a funeral for her sister without her sister’s body! I wanted to believe it wasn’t true. But there were witnesses...


Over time, I managed to recover from the shock. Of course, my sister would always stay in my memory but I knew I had to move on. After a few years, I was almost back to normal. I loved my job. I loved my country and had good friends. But still… no family. It always dreaded me. But I was stronger than before. I stood up for herself now. Not like the past. But I still felt a part of me had gone when my sister died. 


Moving on from the past. 


Today was a ‘black day’ as I call a day when I knew everything would go bad. Today is a certain black day. Today is the fourth anniversary of my sister’s death.


 I can’t believe it. I have lived four years of her life without my twin sister. I have already marked the whole day as a ‘black day’ and I prepare myself for bad things.


 When I wake up, the sun is hidden in the clouds and it is raining heavily. I am not surprised. It is always like this, on all the anniversaries. I go down groggily to make myself a cup of tea. Well… lets just say it isn't a pleasant day and made her even more certain it was a black day. Later, I go to work. Late. 


My boss shouts at me and gives me an extra assignment. I sigh. I can’t wait for that day to be over. At twelve, I go to the cafe nearby which sells scrumptious scones and tea as usual. It is sort of like a routine. 


I push the huge glass doors open and the smell of delicious cakes and goodies fills my nose. Smiling, I take a seat in the crowded shop. (Yes, surprisingly, I find a seat.) After I ordered some scones and a cup of tea, I settle down to read the newspaper. 


Usually, I would go there with her friends, but this time, my friends couldn’t come. 


Normally, I hate reading boring newspapers, but today, there was an article about a gang of murderers who had murdered the president of another state.


It is all about a girl who was in the clutches of the group. Apparently, she had known the secret of the gang and escaped them and told the police. The gang was then put in jail. But you wouldn’t be interested in the news would you? Okay, I’ll just go back to the story.


 Halfway while reading, I feel a sudden urge to go to the washroom. I groan.. Everyone knows the toilets in that cafe were, well, to put it lightly, dirty. I know my luck would not last. Without any other option, I head for the washrooms. 


They are in a dark alley outside at the back of the shop. That is another reason I avoid the washrooms there. They are dark and spooky and eerie. I shudder as I make my way into the cubicles. I would get out as soon as possible.


 A minute later, I come out of the washroom, glad to get out. In front of me are two heavy built guys. 


They smile at me evilly. 


‘It’s her.’ One says. The other one nods. By now, I’m scared. 


‘What do you mean it’s me? Go away. You’re creeping me out.’ I say, as brave as I can muster as I try to creep away. 


‘Comes with us,’ the two men who are wearing gray suits say, grabbing me by the arm and handcuffing me. ‘You know what you did.’ But I have no idea. 


The men throw a large sack over me. I scream, then everything goes black. 


I wake up to a peculiar smell that fills the place. Or building. I don't know. 


After a few moments of adjusting my eyes to the darkness, I can faintly detect a computer at the side and a dusty table full of papers. I don't get to see more because a different burly man stomps in and sees me awake. He stomps out.


‘She’s awake sir.’ a gruff voice came from outside.


‘Good, we’ll begin the questioning now.’ another replies. Suddenly, the door bursts open once again.


I try to get up. I realize I'm tied up with a stiff rope. Panic flows through me. Who knew what these men were going to do to me? I struggle like crazy, trying to get free. 


‘Stop, it’s no use. Just listen’ taller of the two men say sharply. I stop. Not because I want to, but because I was scared of what they would do to me.


‘Untie her.’ he says. The shorter one moves forward to me and cuts her ropes with one strike of his knife. 


I immediately burst talking. 


‘Why did you bring me here? Who are you? I’m going to call the police!’ I shout.


The men just laugh.  


‘Stop pretending to not know us. You sure are daring, escaping us like that. You should have known we would find you at the end.’ they say.


‘WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU IN MY LIFE!’ I shout back in fury.


‘Stop acting dumb. I don’t have much patience left with you. Who else would know that we killed the president?’ he shoots back.


‘It was you! You are the guys who killed the president! You were in the news!’ I gasp, even more frightened now.


‘DUH! Now enough with the pretending. We’re going to get rid of you forever for telling them.’ he growls, uncovering a dagger.


‘What? I did not tell them! You’ve got the wrong person!’ I shriek, edging back, knowing what they are going to do.


‘Oh, I know it’s you. You’ve stayed with us for four years now. It’s so clear it’s you. With your long sleek brown hair, blue eyes and freckles. It’s you all right.’ He growls coming closer with the knife. 


Tears form in my eyes. Even though I expected things to go bad on a black day, I never imagined things like this would happen. 


‘Too late. You were warned. Yet you escaped and told. Now, you pay.’ the taller man whispered in her ear. He brought the knife close to her neck. I whimper in fright. 


‘STOP! It’s me! Don’t hurt her!’ A voice from the right says. 


I whip to the right. That voice… it was so familiar. I would know it anywhere. 


I set my eyes on the person. My head, mind and heart burst, holding too many emotions.


It is impossible. Long sleek brown hair, blue eyes and freckles. There was only one person I knew who fit that description.


‘Kayla?’





July 29, 2020 07:38

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30 comments

Niveeidha Palani
09:33 Jul 29, 2020

Hi Nirosha, this story was good! And I LOVED how you wrote the story as if you were pouring out feelings into a diary. Just one thing to check out: You kept on changing with tenses and it will make the reader feel confused, you can edit it if you prefer. :) One more thing, I don't understand. You said that the sister died in a car crash, but later on in the story, you said that she plummeted down a cliff. Which is which? Maybe you can edit the story a little, perhaps a minor mistake? I love the twist at the end! Hopefully you will do ...

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Nirosha P
09:38 Jul 29, 2020

Yeah, the tenses got me a bit confused too! 😅 Thanks for commenting :)

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Niveeidha Palani
09:50 Jul 29, 2020

No problem :)

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Anshika Goyal
17:40 Sep 12, 2020

I really liked this story, it is well-written, and you take the definition of show don't tell seriously. It is a perfect combination of actions, descriptions, and dialogues. Keep Writing!! P.s. Would you mind checking out two of the recent stories?

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Avery G.
23:06 Sep 11, 2020

Wow, this was soo good! It was really creative! Great job!

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Nirosha P
23:12 Sep 11, 2020

Thank you! Appreciate the comment :)

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Avery G.
23:17 Sep 11, 2020

You're welcome!

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נιмму 🤎
22:00 Sep 08, 2020

I can't believe i didn't read this sooner! I really like the style of this particular story, like the flow of the narration.

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. .
09:24 Aug 31, 2020

Lovely take on the prompt! The twist was so unexpected.

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Nirosha P
21:55 Sep 01, 2020

thanks!

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B. W.
13:06 Aug 25, 2020

So i decided to go and check out at least one of your stories (i might check out your other ones later.) so this one seemed interesting. I'm really not that good at giving advice but i'm just going to tell you that this is really good. Probably better than mine. You did an amazing job with this story (along with the other ones probably) and i'll be sure to try and check out some of your other stories later when i get the time. with this story though i think im going to give you a 10/10. keep writing ^^

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Nirosha P
12:17 Aug 27, 2020

Thanks you so much! It means a lot :)

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B. W.
13:22 Aug 27, 2020

No problem

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Deborah Angevin
12:32 Aug 21, 2020

This story was well-written! I loved the plot and the storyline, as well as the powerful ending! P.S: would you mind checking out my recent submission, "Yellow Light?" Thank you :D

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Nirosha P
22:14 Aug 21, 2020

thanks a lot :) sure i'll read your story :)

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12:27 Aug 19, 2020

Here as requested, and WOW! I loved this story!!! I love these characters, this plot, this terrific ending. One thing I noticed: sometimes, you switched from first person to third person, talking about this main character as a person other than the narrator. Like: I didn’t know my sister died. She only found out in the news. ‘She’ should be ‘I’: I only found out from the news. Also a part right after that: without her sister’s body! ‘her’ should probably be ‘my’. Lastly, I think there’s a mistake right here: ‘sister's death sister?‘ I...

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12:29 Aug 19, 2020

Okay, haha, sorry, turns out you asked me to read a DIFFERENT story of yours. Sorry...

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Nirosha P
21:57 Aug 19, 2020

It's fine :)

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Yolanda Wu
08:30 Aug 14, 2020

Oh wow, I mean you hooked me from the start, you used the present tense really well, it built up the suspense. And I enjoyed reading the voice of the character, especially when she's talking about her family members, I like how you wrote it like she was just talking to someone, that was really interesting. And yeah, that twist at the end, gotta love that. Amazing work!

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Nirosha P
21:56 Aug 16, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like my story. I wasn't sure my present tense was correct, thank you for reassuring me. :)

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23:09 Oct 16, 2020

Great story Nirosha, a very story full of suspense till the end, really enjoyed it !

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Nirosha P
07:37 Oct 19, 2020

Thank you!

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Megan Sutherland
19:37 Sep 07, 2020

You asked me to read, so here I am. :) I really liked the plotline of this story- very unique spin and I liked it. You did have a bit of confusion with tenses- pick one or the other. Past, present, or future. Overall, well done.

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Nirosha P
21:56 Sep 07, 2020

True with the tenses... Thanks for the feedback!

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Megan Sutherland
22:34 Sep 07, 2020

Of course!

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Sanjay Manchanda
14:18 Aug 06, 2020

Hi. I have been asked to give my comments. Wonder why...No experience to editing. All I can say is that it sounds more like you writing a diary and me reading it. But then I am not professional. All the best.

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13:01 Aug 05, 2020

I loved your style of writing. :)) A few mistakes, but i'm sure you'll get better if you practice.

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Nirosha P
09:50 Aug 07, 2020

thanks! :)

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19:09 Jul 31, 2020

Wow, AMAZING take on this prompt! 🤩🤩🤩 ~Ⓐⓔⓡⓘⓝ (ℙ.𝕊. 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕔𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪? 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤!

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Nirosha P
07:07 Aug 01, 2020

Thanks! I'll be sure to check out your story :)

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