190 comments

Crime Thriller

𝕁𝕠𝕝𝕖𝕖


I stare at the TV, my eyes sometimes flickering to Ana.

Her eyes are glued to the screen where a fighting scene is playing. Action music plays on a low volume in the background.

History books with faded covers and ripped pages clutter the clean wood floor of the living room. What Ana doesn’t know is these ‘history books’ are filled with techniques. Special techniques.

“Do you want a glass of water?” I ask, turning my head in her direction.

Ana doesn’t break eye contact with the TV, as if they’re having a stare-down. She clears her throat again, and I take it as a yes.

The kitchen light is off, and all is silent except for the silent hum of the refrigerator. I grab a glass of water from one cabinet and stride over to the glowing water filters. My eyes flicker to the bottle of poison hidden with the enormous bottles of vitamins.

If I wanted to, I could. I have a chance right now. No, I’m doing this myself. She dies of ‘natural’ causes. A heart attack. Panic attack. Maybe not.

I resist the temptation to poison her drink. She doesn’t trust me enough yet.

The sound of water dripping into the jar distracts me, and I call, “Ice or not?”

“Uh… I’ll take it with ice,” she says, her voice dull like a razor that’s been overused.

“Alright,”

I run back to the couch, passing her the glass. She hesitates and breaks eye contact with the TV, checking the water.

A frown forms on her face, and I grin, applauding myself for making the right decision.

“Is something wrong?” I say as I watch her.

Her eyes widen at me, and she shakes her head. “Nah.”

Her shoulder presses against mine and I hear her calm breaths. Neither of us says a word as she slides her arm around my shoulder like a snake. The movie continues, and I rest my head on her shoulder. I need to hurry this up.

I pull a knife out of my pocket and drive it towards her neck in a flash, my other arm tight around her neck like a python with a mouse.

Ana grunts in surprise, a gasp fleeing her crusty lips.

The needle from my pocket sinks into the back of her head and she falls to the floor, paralyzed. I lie on top of her, stroking her hair.

“I did like you,” I say, resting my face on her cheek for a second. “Still though, they sent me here, not to fall in love with you.”

I grab her by the arm and drag her into my closet, where she will remain until tomorrow.

My hands are blood-free, and I flop down on the couch again, wanting to sleep.

The annoying blare of my phone goes off, and I groan, standing up.

Now, I have to deal with the stupid guy outside.


ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕠𝕨


This’ll be a piece of cake.

I watch her make her way toward her cell phone and grin.

Her hand touches the phone for a second, but she hesitates as she sees the caller ID. Her hands shake as it hovers in the air, wondering what to do.

She ignores the phone, biting her lip, glancing around in alarm.

They tell me she’s dangerous, but she looks paranoid.

My knife calls my attention, and I put my hand over it in my pocket.

The thought of her blood splattered on the walls is a dream, but it’s about to become a reality.

I creep around the house, healthy, green grass tickling my feet the entire time. My eyes stay on the girl, never lose sight of her. Her name is Jolee Harper, she’s 27 and single, and she lives alone on 45 West Street.

The wind whistles in my ears as I look for an entrance, trying all the doors and windows. I come across one window that isn’t locked and open it.

Jolee’s house is pretty quiet, besides the whole horror movie in the back. I try to resist the urge to snicker.

She’s supposed to be the strongest fighter in this whole thing. No way, she’s just lucky. It can’t be.

My eyes adjust to the darkness, and I recognize this as Jolee’s bedroom. I make my way to the living room, knife in hand. When I enter, though, the room is empty. I sigh.

Guess this happens when you take your eyes off someone for a second.

Sharp pain shoots up my body and I let out a gasp. A hard blow to the back of my head makes me black out for a minute. I turn around to see Jolee. She stares at me with a huge grin on her face, a butterfly knife in one hand and her phone in the other.

“I don’t appreciate people calling me late at night,” she says, a feral snarl plastered on her face.

I roll my eyes, body shaking as I try to stand. “Put the knife down, you don’t know how to use it.”

Jolee’s eyes narrow, and she purses her lips, raising the knife above me. “Like hell I don’t!”


𝕁𝕠𝕝𝕖𝕖


“What the hell do you want, loser?” I exclaim, grabbing a knife off the dresser next to me and throwing it at him.

“You missed,” Harlow says to me, sliding out of the way.

I nod, stretching my arms. “I know, did that on purpose, stupid.”

“Where were you last night?”

My eyes widen, and I look up at Harlow. “Oh, I was... with my friend.”

“Sure you were. You don’t have any friends. Unless you’re talking about dead people,” - he glared at me, his arms crossed - “then they don’t count. So who were you REALLY with?”

“You know the answer, stupid. I was at the club.” I inhale the cigarette smoke and burst out coughing, waving the surrounding air. “Gosh, didn’t I tell you to stop smoking?”

I grab the knife off the table next to me and aim it at his cigarette. Then I pull my hand back and throw it.

Harlow’s eyes widen and he jumps back, but the cigarette is nailed to the wall.

“Shit, Jolee!” he exclaims, shaking his hand.

He storms toward me, his hand is the air. I don’t flinch at all, just stare at him as he stands above me.

His hand impacts my face and pushes my head to the side.

“I’m leaving.” Standing up from the couch, I shove him away, running out the door.

Harlow watches me, rolling his eyes. “Fine with me,” he says, sitting down where I was sitting down before.

“Gosh, I wish I’d killed you when I got the chance,” I mutter, my hands in my pockets.

“Right back at you,” he calls, and I slam the door behind me.

December 17, 2020 15:01

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190 comments

Raquel Rodriguez
15:30 Dec 17, 2020

~ Oof, I need a better title for this story. Any suggestions? ~ Also 25TH SUBMISSION WOOOOO! :D ~ My birthday is in TEN days! ~ Also, credit to Ash for the idea of this story!

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03:37 Dec 18, 2020

Oooh niceeee!! Wasn't expecting the switch from your usual style! Hmm Dead Friends Love you always, (not) I should have... 2. Yay!!! 3. I KNOWWW IM SO EXCITED XD

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Raquel Rodriguez
13:48 Dec 18, 2020

Thanks! Oh, I guess I like 'Love You Always' I keep having to change my already long bioooo! :) I'm excited too :D

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14:26 Dec 18, 2020

Cool! Yess lol Yess :))

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:26 Dec 18, 2020

:D

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15:31 Dec 18, 2020

Ooh, the new prompts are out! Wanna collab?

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Izzie Chan
17:41 Dec 17, 2020

oh wow this was really dramatic lmao but it was interesting to read! this isn’t your usual style, so I was shocked, lol wow u have a lot of stories (and all of them are amazing) HAPPY EARLY BDAY ROCKYYYYY 🥳🥳🥳

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:53 Dec 17, 2020

Lol, maybe that's why I think it's cringe... lol. Thanks! Ash (omg it's SO hard to call her that) gave me this idea, it's a song about two murderers. Yeah, I knew it was different from my usual style. Thank you! THANK YOUUUUUU! 10 DAYS AWAYY YEEEEE

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Izzie Chan
22:36 Dec 17, 2020

Hmmm interesting lol Yeah it is rly weird calling her ash lmao Yayyyy 10 days awayyyyyyyy mine is 6(ish) months lol

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Raquel Rodriguez
22:46 Dec 17, 2020

Lol, but she doesn't wanna use her real name for some reason. Whatever she wants for her name. Yayyyy! :D Ooh, wait... so... in May, June, or July?

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Izzie Chan
02:11 Dec 18, 2020

June lmao

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:24 Dec 18, 2020

Ohhhh. Alright, I'm gonna try to remember that... it's hard to remember birthdays oof.

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Lily Dawn
06:48 Dec 25, 2020

I honestly think you TOTALLY KILLED IT. What I loved most about the story is the similies and the way the story grabs you into the story (if that makes sense), right until the end. Great Job!

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Raquel Rodriguez
04:22 Dec 26, 2020

Thank you so much! Wow, you read fast, huh? It totally does make sense, nice to see someone who speaks my language. :)

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Lily Dawn
13:12 Dec 31, 2020

Oh goodness, I know right! I have been complimented for reading fast (smirk face). But I honestly loved this story

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:21 Dec 31, 2020

Nice! Thank you (again)!

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Radhika Diksha
06:12 Dec 20, 2020

It was different from your usual writing style. BTW I found the narration a bit confusing, I was like what the hell is happening? But the end was good. Keep writing

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:33 Dec 20, 2020

Thanks, I'm really glad you noticed. What do you mean? Would you mind explaining what you found confusing about it? I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude. Thank you so much! :)

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Radhika Diksha
01:39 Dec 21, 2020

The starting bit, where she murders the girl and all. Don't worry your story was really good.

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Raquel Rodriguez
12:45 Dec 21, 2020

Oh, sorry about that. I didn't mean for it to be confusing... Thank you!

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03:00 Dec 18, 2020

OMG HAPPY BRITHDAY Lol the ending- How are you? (Lucky b-day on December. XD)

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Raquel Rodriguez
13:36 Dec 18, 2020

Oh, lol. It's actually 9 days away, yay! I feel like Jolee's so sassy, lmao. Very sassy and smart. Oh, I'm pretty good, you? XD I love the cold, so yeah, pretty lucky!

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18:37 Dec 18, 2020

YAY You are right! Me too! 🥶

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:38 Dec 18, 2020

Lol, yesterday, I went outside in the snow, but my toes froze to death

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18:39 Dec 18, 2020

I tried to, my face is in the hospital.

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:42 Dec 18, 2020

wAiT- aRe YoU sErIoUs?!

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B. W.
00:18 Dec 18, 2020

ya wanna hear a joke?

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:23 Dec 18, 2020

Sure! :)

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B. W.
00:24 Dec 18, 2020

Knock Knock

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:21 Dec 18, 2020

Who's there?

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B. W.
02:24 Dec 18, 2020

Harry

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Raquel Rodriguez
02:25 Dec 18, 2020

Harry who?

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Lily Baker
18:24 Jan 06, 2021

Hey, This is my first time on this and this is the first story I've read on here, but man that was amazing! I loved ur story! The descriptions made me really feel like I was really there and made a perfect visual in my head. It was a bit confusing at first, I wasn't really sure who the characters were and why they killed that girl but the more I read it began to make sense. Your a amazing writing and I can't wait to read more of your work! :D

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:08 Jan 06, 2021

Hello! I really hope you enjoy your experience on Reedsy :) Omg, I feel honored that one of my stories was your first, I really hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much! Since you're new, I just wanted to say, there are downvoters and spammers on here, but don't get discouraged, there are SO many more good people here. Thank you so much, and likewise! I'm excited to see what you write on here (if you do, no pressure).

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Lily Baker
22:17 Jan 07, 2021

Thank you so much for the tips! And thank you for the amazing story, I really did enjoy it! :) Oh and thank you so much for being so welcoming, it's really nice to talk to someone through all this Covid-19 situation. I can't wait to read more of your AMAZING writing! Hope you have a good rest of your day! :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
03:18 Jan 08, 2021

It's no problem, we definitely need more nice Reeders on here! Oh, well, you can thank my brain and hands, lol. They did this, not me. I'm so glad you did :) No problem! I always love to welcome new people, because it would suck if they were greeted by a bad person and/or get a bad view of Reedsy because of others. Yeah, it is, really. I hate this whole thing and CANNOT wait for Covid to be over! For now, though, I guess I'm just gonna have to be alone, and that's sad to think about oof. Awww, thank you! I really appreciate your kin...

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Amaya .
02:31 Jan 12, 2021

hi! i love your bio u seem so sweet! I'm Amaya thought I would introduce myself :)

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Lily Baker
19:34 Jan 20, 2021

Hi Amaya! I'm so sorry I didn't respond sooner, I've been a little busy 😅 It's really nice to meet you and thank you so much for your kind hearted words ❤️ I'm very excited to read some of your stories! They sound like amazing writing! Thanks again for introducing yourself and I hope to hear from you again! :)

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17:08 Dec 24, 2020

noice mix of cRiMe and rOmAnce ya got there happy early b-day and merry Christmas! (if you celebrate) - Amethyst

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Raquel Rodriguez
04:27 Dec 26, 2020

Thanks! :) Thank you so much and Merry Christmas to you too! :)

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B. W.
08:56 Dec 19, 2020

what do ya think about me?

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:50 Dec 19, 2020

What do you mean? You're a really nice person! :D

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B. W.
16:31 Dec 19, 2020

read my bio, then come back and say something

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:47 Dec 20, 2020

Aw, you aren't annoying at all, Bee :/ We all know you mean well, and some people can be very sensitive at times :)

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B. W.
23:49 Dec 20, 2020

I aint?

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:54 Dec 20, 2020

No, of course not!

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B. W.
23:29 Dec 18, 2020

Heyyyy

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:58 Dec 18, 2020

Heyyy! Have you checked out my new story?

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B. W.
00:18 Dec 19, 2020

how are ya? and i will soon ^^

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:38 Dec 19, 2020

Good! Oh, and I did a collab with Luke, so he did Marcy's POV :)

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B. W.
01:03 Dec 19, 2020

Thats nice ^^ I also got another story out myself, maybe ya could check out "Loxie's Arrival" and then leave some feedback on it?

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Raquel Rodriguez
01:27 Dec 19, 2020

Have you checked out my story yet? Sorry, I just wanna make sure. You haven't commented on it or anything :P

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Kristin Neubauer
19:44 Dec 18, 2020

This is great, Raquel! You've got some really colorful characters mixed with vivid writing and an interesting plot. It reminded me a little of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but with your own special twist. In the comments, someone referred to Jolee as sassy and smart - right on, I love that. And also, really creative to take the idea from a song and storify it. Great work!

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Raquel Rodriguez
23:57 Dec 18, 2020

Thank you! I'm glad you liked the story! I've never heard of that before... but thanks again! Yeah, I wanted to make her like that. :)

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✨Abby ✨
18:53 Dec 17, 2020

Heyyyyy. I'm bored :/. lol

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:59 Dec 17, 2020

Lol same, I have three sheets of homework to do :P

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✨Abby ✨
19:01 Dec 17, 2020

oof. Yeah, im doing homework, but need a break. :/

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:02 Dec 17, 2020

Same, most are Mandarin, but I have social studies and coding, so yeah.

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✨Abby ✨
19:09 Dec 17, 2020

oh cool!

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:13 Dec 17, 2020

Coding homework is so boring, I hate it! I know it's supposed to be fun, but like- it really isn't, lol

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✨Abby ✨
17:45 Dec 17, 2020

Wow, this was amazing! It kept me entertained the whole way through. Keep writing, this was awesome! Happy 25th story!!!!! ~Abby

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:59 Dec 17, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm really glad! Like Izzie said, this style is a bit more dramatic than I usually write. Thank you! :D

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✨Abby ✨
18:09 Dec 17, 2020

Yeah! I really like this style as well. I like to write dramatic stories so this was cool!

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:58 Dec 17, 2020

Thank you! :)

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✨Abby ✨
19:02 Dec 17, 2020

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:06 Dec 17, 2020

:D

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B. W.
16:51 Dec 17, 2020

I don't have a lot to say, though I really liked what you did for it ^^ I don't get why you wouldn't really like this one. I'll give it a 10/10 :)

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:03 Dec 17, 2020

Thank you! I'm glad you thought the story was nice. I dunno... Ash gave me this idea, it's a song, but I feel like my writing here is different in some way.

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B. W.
17:05 Dec 17, 2020

Ash is the same IRL friend you mentioned, right?

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:42 Dec 17, 2020

Yeah, it's so hard calling her Ash, since it isn't her real name, lol

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B. W.
17:43 Dec 17, 2020

she? I thought they were a guy

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Raquel Rodriguez
17:49 Dec 17, 2020

Oh, no, lmao. Ash is a girl :)

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✨Abby ✨
18:56 Dec 17, 2020

Sorry to interrupt, but whose Ash. everyone keeps talking about her, I'm so confused.😂

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:01 Dec 17, 2020

Oh, lol. She's one of my IRL friends. That isn't her real name, of course. Izzie and Arham know her because we're all friends in real life, and she's like me, lol. She gave me the idea for this story, and she's one of the best editors for my stories.

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✨Abby ✨
19:09 Dec 17, 2020

Ohhhh okay.

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Raquel Rodriguez
19:11 Dec 17, 2020

Yeah, lol. That's not her real name, but that's what we're supposed to call her, lol.

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Ari Reynes
15:22 Dec 17, 2020

This story is awesome!

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:23 Dec 17, 2020

Lol, are you sure? I kind of thought it was cringe, but okay! Thank you so much! :)

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Ari Reynes
15:33 Dec 17, 2020

No problem!

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:37 Dec 17, 2020

:D

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Litlover 📖
14:16 Dec 18, 2020

I shared it with you!!!!

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:25 Dec 18, 2020

Alright! What's it called? I'll go on it now

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Litlover 📖
15:26 Dec 18, 2020

Raquel Story Collab

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:29 Dec 18, 2020

Alright, I'm on it now

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:13 Dec 18, 2020

I could go back on the doc, but I have to leave at 11:45. Is that okay?

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Litlover 📖
16:13 Dec 18, 2020

Sure!!

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Raquel Rodriguez
16:14 Dec 18, 2020

Alright!

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