31 comments

Thriller

I remember the first time I saw him. The glint in his eyes malicious as he took my brother. I was nine at the time. Nine when he walked into his bedroom, grey flesh slowly peeling from his forearms and neck as he slowly crept towards my brother. He wanted him, wanted him badly. He took my brother by his neck and slowly opened his mouth to reveal a wide smile and tongues as thick as my forearm. My brother was too shocked to speak as his tongues slowly slithered around his eyes, slowly drawing them out. They hit the floor with a thud, the loose artery's still attached to the eye seemed to be crawling away from the creature as he slowly plopped each of them into his hungry jaw.ย 

The eyes made a squelching sound as leftoversย oozed out from inside the creature's mouth. I watched the blood ooze down from crimson-stained teeth as it slowly turned around to face me. It didn't have hands. Its feet looked similar to stilts. It stood about nine feet tall. It reached out a swollen black tongue to caress my cheek before smiling at me.ย 

I screamed a bloodcurdling scream before closing my eyes and throwing my arms over my head. I opened them and the creature was gone.

I looked over at my brother to see a placid smile on his face, his tears rivers of red as I looked into black eye sockets. My parents came rushing in. I can't remember exactly what they said, but it had to be something along the lines of "what's wrong, Max?โ€œ I told them what I saw and they simply dismissed it's a nightmare. I remember screaming at them to look at my brother's bloody and nonexistent eyes. They told me nothing was wrong with him. That his eyes were fine. It was all in my head.

But still to this day, every morning I look into empty eye sockets of a living, breathing boy. There constantly flowing blood and it leaves a mess around the house. It gets all over my clothes and in my hair along with my food.

I can't get the metallic taste of blood out of my mouth.

The second time I met it I was twelve. I was walking to the bus stop when a four-year-old girl stopped dead in her tracks as the creature rounded the corner. She looked at it, in its pupil-less eyes as it stalked around its newly found prey. I remember the feeling as I realized that she could see it too. My parents couldn't and fellow passerby couldn't but she could. That meant that my brother could too. His last moments with eyes spent staring into a soulless creature. Sickening.ย 

This time though, the creature opened it's mouth and shoved its midnight black tongues down the girl's throat. She started to make a horrible gagging sound as the tongue fished around for its prize.

Moments later, the tongue extracted itself from the girl's throat, covered in blood so thick it was black. Clenched in its tongue was the girl's, still-beating heart. It throbbed in its tongue, dreams of escape lost before it was lost inside of the pitch-black darkness of its mouth.

The creature chomped the heart in half, the blood splattered on the pavement beneath the creature. The throbbing organ was lost in a mesh of teeth and tongues as the creature popped the rest of it into its mouth.

I stood there, mouth agape as I watched the girl slowly stand up. She shook her head, as if she had forgotten where she was going, and then walked in the opposite direction that she had been walking in previously.

The third time I saw one I was fourteen, doing a required reading for my private high school. I was in freshman year, and life was tough. More eyeless people, noseless people, and zombies of the same classification were slowly appearing more frequently.

I peered outside my window to see another young girl, nine or ten or so, strolling past a nearby light post when the came. It slithered out of a crevasse in-between mine and my neighbor's house and stood right in front of the little girl. At the time, the girl had an ice-cream cone in hand, which she dropped as the creature strolled into sight.

It sat there, taunting the little girl, before latching its tongues around her waist. I watched as she whimpered in pain as the tongue slowly cut into her skin, leaking blood out onto the sidewalk.ย 

The tongue kept on cutting, deeper and deeper into the girl's skin, a placid smile on its face until her spine was exposed. The tongue lifted up her torso off her body while a waterfall of blood painted the sidewalk crimson.ย 

The creature then proceeded to wrench the spine out of her body, its tongue memorizing the scent of every vertebra, before popping it into its mouth. I could hear from the window the deafening crushing that came from the creature's mouth.

I shuddered. The creature whipped around, almost as if sensing me, before smiling a crooked tooth smile and seeping into the woods behind my neighbor's house.ย 

I watched as the girl's torso slowly dragged its legs across the pavement, spilling blood wherever it went. The look of serenity on the girl's face was unnerving. The girl eventually looked over at my neighbor, who was now waving at her before she asked where she was. My neighbor kindly offered to escort the girl home.

Today Iโ€™m outside, mowing the lawn when I see snake-like tongues slither around the back of the house. I freeze as the creature staggers into view. I drop everything and stare at it as it towers above me. It toys with me as its tongues playfully swat at me. I try and beat them away but itโ€™s no use.

The creature's tongue grips my wrist. I pull away but I feel weak. I donโ€™t remember where I am. Who am I again? I fight these thoughts with opposing knowledge. I am Max. I am 16. This is my home. This creature is bad. Bad creature. You donโ€™t like the creature.

The creature's tongue travels up my forearm and starts to squeeze. I scream in agony as I feel my circulation start to diminish. The tongue slowly digs into my shoulder, deeper and deeper, until it finally saws through the bone.ย 

I canโ€™t feel the pain, but can only watch my arm as it gets led into the creatures awaiting jaws. He slips all the blood out of it, like itโ€™s a type of soup, the blood dripping down his chin as he chomps into skin and bone.ย 

I watch my own blood seep deep into my clothes. My feet buckle beneath me as I slowly die due to blood loss. The last thing I see is the creature's tongue slowly waving a very pitiful goodbye.


โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”


I wake up to a perfectly white room, blinding as I stare into what appears to be titanium. I blink and Iโ€™m back in the house. Confusion and wonder courses through my veins. I run into the bathroom to find a perfectly good arm in place of the old one.ย 

I exit the bathroom and bound down the stairs and find myself outside to find a halfway mowed lawn, and to my surprise no blood. My brother walks outside and Iโ€™m startled by his beautiful blue eyes. He looks at me, and then back down to my arm and smiles, as his features slowly contort.ย into that of the creatures. I scream.ย 

I bound back inside and stare at my reflection in the cool glass of the window. How is this possible? I blink again and that's when I see it. A crimson-stained toothy grin and peeling grey flesh. I turn to run but find that I canโ€™t.

I control you now.

I scream as my feet lead me outside, I try to resist but find itโ€™s impossible. The creature walks me down a few blocks before we reach a bus stop. There's a young boy there dressed in a blue blazer. He turns in my direction and his eyes widen as a pitch-black tongue willingly rolls out of my mouth.

May 26, 2020 22:48

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31 comments

Jubilee Forbess
03:39 May 29, 2020

Your stories actually scare the living daylights out of me, but that does mean you're doing a good job in your chosen genre. I have to debate with myself whether or not to read these before bed. I'm an impressionable creature and you are an impressive writer.

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13:30 May 29, 2020

Thanks, Rhondalise! I'll continue to write spooky stories so watch out! Sweet nightmares, A.

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Jen Park
13:05 Jun 12, 2020

I just literally felt like I listened to a creepy, dark music. Your words just rushed into my heart and finally digged into my soul! (Just like the black tongue of yours :D) I was breathless at the beginning, my bloods chilled at the middle, and finally got striken by a big hammer at the ending. This story is a true art. I loved it! PS. I know "tongue" is a symbol of "words" and "language". Is that what you want to symbolize through the black tongue?

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14:38 Jun 12, 2020

My stories are made to grip you from your core and send you spiraling inside out. They're made to fold you inside out until you're nothing but a barren slate of the magic of a good thrill. The story is up for your interpretation, but if you think about it the protagonist couldn't tell anybody about what he saw, so the tongues were a symbol of torture for our protagonist. Hope that helps or keeps you wanting more. Sincerely, A.

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Jen Park
14:40 Jun 12, 2020

Thank you for your reply! :)

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16:47 Jun 12, 2020

Welcome! -A.

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Jexica Marcell
21:17 Jun 03, 2020

Ok, this story was really good. And a little...scary, but thats a good thing!!! You are such a great writer, I wish i was as good as you! Great Job!!!

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00:34 Jun 04, 2020

I'm actually a beginner, these are some of my first published works, that being short stories wise. I'm actually a published poet. -A.

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Jexica Marcell
00:37 Jun 04, 2020

Still though it was really good!!! Could you read the new story I just posted? Please tell me whatI could improve on. Thank you, im writing ANOTHER story!

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00:39 Jun 04, 2020

You can never have enough stories hon. Never enough. -A.

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Jexica Marcell
00:41 Jun 04, 2020

I know, it so tiring, but really fun!!!

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00:53 Jun 04, 2020

I normally try to write an engaging plot in less than 2,000 words. It's my blessing and my downfall. -A.

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Ruth Porritt
09:25 May 29, 2020

Hello again, A. :) This may seem a bizarre comment for this story, but I think you may want to try writing (graphic) romance short stories. The level of sensory input in this story makes for an immersive reading experience. I would like to see what happens if you write romance. (I am definitely going to steal the style of pacing you have employed, for my own romance writing.) Anyway, you have genuinely taught me a lot of good writing lessons with this one. (I really mean this.) Going to catch up on your other pieces after dinne...

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13:52 May 29, 2020

Ruth, The reason why I changed my name from Anna to just A. was to prevent family and friends from discovering my writing. (I'm a bit of a shy writer, you see.) They all think I just write poetry... I've gone incognito. BUT, last week I was planning on finishing my story "Rooftops" with a bit of graphic romance. Then I remembered OH if my brother reads this and tells ANYONE that I know about it... It's the end. I'm done for. She's gone. Nice knowing ya, Anna. Anyway, though, I'd love to try it sometime.... we'll just have to wait and...

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Ruth Porritt
15:18 May 29, 2020

Hey A., Cool! ๐Ÿ™‚ I tried to have an alias that was markedly different from my own name, but that didn't work out. I may try again one day. :) Also, cool. (I totally understand not wanting all friends and family members to know everything in the stories that I write.) Catch you later, Ruth

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15:27 May 29, 2020

Thanks for understanding Ruth! Sincerely, A.

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Magdalene Lam
07:35 Nov 28, 2020

Are you even a kid?

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Ruth Porritt
07:09 May 29, 2020

Hello A., (I don't want to reveal your name, just in case you don't want that.) WOW! :) I am so glad I had a quick chance to catch up on your work. I think we were both thinking of dark material this week. YES! :) I'm not just saying this...you nailed the start, and I was glued to my seat till the end. (I think I stopped breathing! LOL.) "I remember the first time I saw him. The glint in his eyes malicious as he took my brother. I was nine at the time. Nine when he walked into his bedroom, grey flesh slowly peeling from his forearms...

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13:45 May 29, 2020

Ello Mate! Anna here! (Or, whatever my name is... quarantine got me a mess.) Honestly, Ruth, if you think this story is amazeballs I feel honored. Like... Nobel peace prize honored. I just finished up all my schooling so yay for me! (Please don't stop breathing....), A.

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Ruth Porritt
15:31 May 29, 2020

Awesome!๐Ÿฅ‡ So glad you are finished with schooling! LOL, I truly do think this story is amazing. ๐Ÿ™‚

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15:33 May 29, 2020

Thanks, Ruth! And thank the heavens for the burden of schooling being lifted. Sincerely, A.

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A. Y. R
06:56 May 27, 2020

This was so creepy! So griping! They say the best horrors are the ones that stick with you, and this for a fact will stick with me for a while - congrats!

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14:54 May 27, 2020

Thank you A.y.R! I really appreciate it! Sincerely, A.

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23:01 May 26, 2020

WOWWW! Amazing detail, and such a horror as well! Very descriptive, and I loved every bit of it!!!!! :))

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00:11 May 27, 2020

Inspired by hollogast from "Mrs. Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children." Yours Truely, A.

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00:20 May 27, 2020

Ohhh! I have read it, and loved it!! Nice!

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00:33 May 27, 2020

It became my favorite movie, Tim Burton added a certain flavor of horror to the fantasy element which I enjoyed. -A.

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11:36 May 27, 2020

Very cool! :)

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Magdalene Lam
07:34 Nov 28, 2020

Are you even a kid?

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Magdalene Lam
07:32 Nov 28, 2020

Now i am dreaming about a freaking black tongue and a throbbing heart every night. It scares the hell out of me

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Magdalene Lam
08:26 Nov 25, 2020

I had a nightmare the same night I read your story. It scared the hell outta me

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