Kinda Hurt. Okay?

Submitted into Contest #62 in response to: Write about a character putting something into a time capsule.... view prompt

158 comments

Sad

You said you loved me.

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Okay?

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I fell into that lie,

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okay?

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I knew it was lie, okay?

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All I wanted was it to be true,

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okay?

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Wrote poetry every day for the future,

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hoping you would overturn them for our future.

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Youโ€™re a liar,

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thatโ€™s for sure.

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I put down my walls for you

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just to be left behind?

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You said you loved me first anyways.

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Buncha weirdos!

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Though, I'm not the one to talk.

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I said I loved you back,

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I knew I didn't love you.

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When you left me behind.

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It started with the texts.

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You stopped responding.

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Why?

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To be told I was pretty was the best!

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It over wrote all the times I was called ugly. By everyone.

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To be loved was amazing!

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Yes!

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To be missed was glorious.

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Someone was thinking about me!

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But youโ€™re a lie.

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And you lied.

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Truth is, I only liked the idea.

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The idea of you.

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Summer break ended with a buzzzzz

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School started, and you left a trail.

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My messages were filled with love.

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And all I felt from you was distance.

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I didn't understand,

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did I do something wrong?

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3 weeks into school, I felt blessed.

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Had many friends, never stressed.

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Kinda felt burdened by you,

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you were thousands miles away, but I felt you pull away.

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Sighhhh

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Soon one day, I logged in.

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Instagram best place for friendssss.

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Posted a story and I saw you kinda viewed it.

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Okay?

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My 3-day old message was still unopened in the DMโ€™s.

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My heart kinda crushed, but still--

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Okay?

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I avoided the phone all day till the end.

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I looked at my views on my story.

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Once more.

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And I couldn't see your name anymore.

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Why?

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I checked once, youโ€™re a fool.

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Checked it twice, I'm a fool.

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Checked it thrice, I'm the besssst.

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I was blocked on your list.

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From that moment I knew I hated you.

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But I knew you were gone.

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You didnโ€™t care at all!

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Not from the beginning, not at the end.

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You never loved me.

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You needed me. You used me.

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Iโ€™ll never forget.

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My feelings left all at once.

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I told myself to calm down,

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shivers ran down my spine.

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Kinda heart broken...

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Okay?

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Kinda sad...

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Okay?

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Kinda mad...

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Okay?

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Kinda gone...

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okay...

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The only person I had was me.

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Who wiped my tears, but me?

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I only have me.

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Only me.

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I forgot that for a minute.

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I thought you would be there when I cried.

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But you werenโ€™t.

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No one was.

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I texted all my friends, tried to get them to talk.

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They never replied.

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Okay...I lied, they knew all along and tried to warn me.

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I didnโ€™t listen, because I already knew.

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But oh it was so nice to feel loved.

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I denied all the signs, on purpose.

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Iโ€™m not stupid. I knew youโ€™d leave.

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I told you, youโ€™d leave.

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But you told me โ€œneverโ€

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Sigghhh

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I enjoyed the moments,

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till he left.

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It's okay I didnโ€™t cry anyways.

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I went right home and laughed.

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Cause what would crying do?

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I cried for you once.

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Cried for you twice.

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I will never cry for you a third time.

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First time you lied,

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I was surprised.

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Second time you lied.

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You told me to trust you over my mind twin?

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Liar.

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I lied back and told you I trusted you.

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I thought I did. Back then.

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But nowโ€ฆI realized

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I didnโ€™t trust you,

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never did.

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I just didnโ€™t think you were that bad, I wrote these notes in my head.

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My reality and fantasy were fighting with each other.

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But you werenโ€™t even thinking about me, you never were

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You had other plans.

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just cause we werenโ€™t in the same class

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I guess you thought it was okay to go behind my back.

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Its too bad I have eyes everywhere right?

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Alright.

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Once we left the school 8th grade year.

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You claimed to be on a camping trip,

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You claimed you had to go.

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But posted on your story,

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ya think Iโ€™m dumb?

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Okay.

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Told me you were going to bed

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But that green dot donโ€™t lie.

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I texted over and over.

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Ignored to the max.

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Iโ€™m annoying? I got that long before you came along,

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I told you right?

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โ€˜Iโ€™m hard to handle, I do what I want.

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Are you sure you love me?โ€™

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And you replied.

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โ€œYes, I will never leave youโ€

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Kinda corny I know, but back then I thought

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Maybe now when I cry in the closet on my own,

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you would be one call away

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to tell me I would be okay.

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HAHAHA LIAAAAR!

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Donโ€™t get it wrong, Iโ€™m not depressed.

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Iโ€™m not sad.

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I just want someone to understand,

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to stay.

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sigh

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I wonโ€™t wish for that anymore.

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Iโ€™ll push them away, cause their too late.

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Where were you when I needed you?

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Now Iโ€™m talking to all of you!

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Iโ€™d text and no one would respond,

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BUT! When you needed me, you blow up my phone?

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Oh goshhhh! isnโ€™t that sweet?

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Go-to friend at its finest!!

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Iโ€™ll talk but I know you donโ€™t care.

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Fine.

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Iโ€™ll stop. Thatโ€™s what we all want.

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Stop telling people to rely on you if youโ€™re going to leave!

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I guess they donโ€™t want to seem rude,

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but child if you know you canโ€™t handle it

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SAY THAT!

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You know what its the broken people

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who know how to help the broken,

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No. That's not what I meant.

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Its the people with the most problems,

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who suffer so much that help others.

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Not saying that the people who donโ€™t suffer do not,

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but if you ever have that one friend who is always helping others

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who is always there for you. Never complains.

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That person is probably hurt. Deep inside.

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And the only thing that helps them is helping others.

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They know how it feels,

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so theyโ€™ll try to prevent it from happening to others.

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Well I can only speak for myself,

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For me, the things I do for others is what I wish to be done for me.

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I know, probably never going to happen.

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But still seeing them happy helps me.

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Seeing them smile makes me think

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โ€œGood, now someone else wonโ€™t have to suffer like I didโ€

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When you ask me how I am doing, Iโ€™ll say โ€˜Iโ€™m good.โ€™

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Cause we all know thatโ€™s what everyone wants to hear

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Its a rhetorical question fool.

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Reply accordingly.

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Back to the main topic at handโ€ฆ



The least you coulda told me was, why?



State your reason.



State your reason.


That was all I asked for before and after.


If you had given me a why, I probably wouldn't


blame and hate you so much.


I woulda understood if you told me...


But you didn't.


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Truth is, I hate you now.

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Cause you lied to my face.

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Butโ€“

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you also opened my eyes

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and showed me how alone I truly was.

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Surrounded by so many and yetโ€ฆ

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who would go for me the way I go for them?

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I donโ€™t know if this lingering hatred will ever go away,

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but I do pray they will.

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I simply want nothing to do with you.

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I wonโ€™t forgive you,

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you donโ€™t deserve it. Plus, I know my forgiveness does not mean crap to you.

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I know your not sitting there thinking about me.

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I know you donโ€™t care how much you hurt me.

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And thatโ€™s okay.

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At least now your not lying anymore.

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Right?

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All I want is to forget.

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Forget you, forget how happy I felt during those times,

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wearing my clown outfit.

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All I want is to forget.

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I know its impossible, in fact I wish it never happened

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but yeah

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Iโ€™m done talking about this. About you.

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This will be the last time you cross my mind.

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So l write my heart and mind out here.

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October 16, 2019.

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You left.

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October 16, 2020.

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Iโ€™ll bury this letter in the dirt of my heart.

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My time capsule.

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October 16, 2021.

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Iโ€™ll read you again.

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And again.

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Someone told me, that I canโ€™t do everything on my own.

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As much as I wanna prove em wrong.

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I am aware that they are right.

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So to that, I guess Iโ€™ll say,

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Emotionless forever,

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Till I find someone better.

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~ Ugochiโ€™s world. We are both living in it.


October 08, 2020 06:19

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158 comments

Thisss is a personal story and one that is very much true. Yup ya girl got hurt hurt๐Ÿ˜‚. Anyways..its about a guy who I ended up liking and he claimed to like me back...and he said it first which is funny cause he left first. MIND YOU, this guy messed with a ton of girls..and since we all knew him for such a long time I guess we believed him over the newcomers. But over time..we started to see it was actually him. ANNNNDDD I'm oversharing. ๐Ÿ˜ญWhatever. - I did NOT! date this guy (or anyone I plan on keeping it this way until I want to marry)...

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Amany Sayed
14:45 Oct 08, 2020

What what WHHHHHAAAAAAT! Tell me this disgrace's address so I can make sure he can't walk? Please? This was such a touching poem, and now I know why, because it was inspired by real raw FEELING. Ugh, no words. You making me jealous with your poetry skills ^^ Keep writing, and yeah, that guy 100000000000000000000000000% did not deserve you. Men be pigs. ~Ya girl, Sunny

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๐Ÿ˜‚You know I'd definitley tell you if I knew! Thankk you! I actually thought it was terrible poem, I spent days thinking is this gooodd! I read it over like 10000 times! So thank you that makes me happy! And your an awesome poetry person too!! Yesss! This is part of the reason I am obsessed with Romance books, it just seems so real there๐Ÿ˜Œ Oh and do you think the title is okay? I don't know I am still kinda iffy about it. - Snoowwwww!

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Amany Sayed
15:32 Oct 08, 2020

XD Yesss! It's awesome, you're welcome! Aw, thanks :) I actually put one of my poems in my bio if you wanna look lol. Mhm. Oh, yes! As I was reading, I was planning to tell you to title it 'Okay' or something like that and then I realized, oh, it already is. So it's perfect to me! :)

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Yeah I was thinking the same.. Well thanks anyways!! And yeah I will check it out!

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Goshhh! You got me shipping you and this person๐Ÿ˜‚ It was realllly nice! You should definitely do more poetry, your amazing at that too!

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Amany Sayed
15:55 Oct 08, 2020

Lol, you ain't the only one, the whole grade ships us... Tbh, I had a crush on him a couple years ago, but that was A COUPLE YEARS AGO. But yeah everyone ships us. Aw, shanks :)

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20:15 Oct 11, 2020

OMG, how dare he?!?! I'm sticking a club up where the sun doesn't shine if I ever meet him. Or I'll kick his butt. Actually, I'll do both ๐Ÿ˜‰ Your tone is so relatable and the messy thoughts that come after a friend leaving are accurately portrayed with an unnerving realistic touch. I'm sorry you had that happen to you, but you did learn an important lesson, right? And you got a nice poem out of it. And now you have the right to talk trash about him! That's always fun hehe ๐Ÿ˜ K, I'm signing off for now! TTYL! Keep writing! :) Toodles, Ria

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๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Thank youuu! And yes I did, I guess I learned that I personally shouldn't put all my hopes into one person, I think that I was relying on him to make me feel better about myself. And thats not exactly healthy...I just didn't like the fakeness of it all, like I always keep it a 100 (or more) with people I expect that back, not ignoring me..cause that hurts way more. Ya know?? And yes! I did! And yessss! Okay byyeeee! And omg!!! I thought I was the only one who used 'toodles' when I say it to my friends they say "Who says even that...

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Maya
04:05 Dec 10, 2020

That was such a heartfelt poem. Your writing was so sincere. It sucks that happened to you, but the story really was beautiful. I really liked the line, "But if you ever have that one friend who is always helping others who is always there for you. Never complains. That person is probably hurt. Deep inside. And the only thing that helps them is helping others. They know how it feels, so theyโ€™ll try to prevent it from happening to others." If you think about real people and characters in books that's sad but it really is true. Nice jo...

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Thank youuu so much Maya!! Yeah I love that line too! I look forward to reading some of your stories too!

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Maya
23:38 Dec 10, 2020

Nice job, and thanks. :)

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Lata B
19:00 Oct 10, 2020

This is so sad and when I read this was true it broke my heart. I HATE people who do this. It's so terrible. Girly I'm so happy that you and him are done. You deserve someone SO MUCH better. (Even tho idk you..I know you are so sweet and nobody needs to go through this.) he's an idiot! imma go fight this guy for you omg SUCH A IDIOT!!

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Aww thank you๐Ÿ˜ญ Same! I have always hated it, like don't people ever feel bad?? I just never expected it to happen to me. And I am too! It was lowkey suffocating...I think that was a 'me' problem. And its sweet that you think that I am sweet๐Ÿคญ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Thank you for reading!!! Means alot!

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C.J ๐Ÿค
18:49 Oct 10, 2020

Good story!.........I am sorry.....good poetry skills

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Thank youuu! And there is no need to be!๐Ÿ˜Š Thanks!

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C.J ๐Ÿค
22:34 Oct 10, 2020

Your welcome ๐Ÿค—๐ŸฆŠ

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Hope Reynolds
23:04 Nov 25, 2020

Never actually been in a legit relationship with a guy, but this poem is relatable in one way or another -- even if it's just my own twist on the words. I know what it is like to feel that you are more devoted to something than someone else is--dying to make it work but they are distracted and even if they are paying some attention feeling like it isn't enough. Some of what you wrote is just very out there - raw. Like I could relate or say the same things you said, but I do not always be that honest. Get that out. Even just the way you w...

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I agreeeee with everything you just said! And the way you translated it is perfectly how I wrote it to mean! I too have never been in a relationship with a guy- this was just a talking type of thing. Like I like you you like me, but we are not dating. Ya know. For the disappointed part I agree- I always act a certain way because I have been disappointed so many times. And that is such a nice quote. Everything else you said is sooooo relateable. And maybe we are Semi kindred haha! Thank you for reading Hope!! And leaving your opinions!

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Hope Reynolds
20:55 Nov 26, 2020

Oh my!! That is so cool. I love that. It makes me happy to know I wasn't twisting your words or something. And it is cool that we can relate. You're welcome. :)

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Radhika Diksha
07:34 Nov 24, 2020

Babe you and I have similar life and similar stories. When I read your poem I froze. Because in most ways you were describing my life through your words. The pain I felt has surfaced back. You write your poems which touch my emotions. I think you should read my first story on the same prompt. Heartbreaks never live us, keep writing.

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Aw no I am so sorry that happened to you! And I'll go check it out, I'm interested to see our similarities too! I'm happy my emotions reached you! And your completely right, heartbreak never leaves us.

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Radhika Diksha
07:57 Nov 24, 2020

Like he used me for his social status and pretended that he like me and when I was out of town dated my best friend. Literally, it's so disgusting. We never dated but we were entangled in words. And even never said that he like me but used to only disgrace me in public. Sometimes I think why was even I his friend.

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Yess I dislike people who do that. I use to have a guy friend who would like everytime he had a girl he liked he would constantly start saying all bad things about me. Like? For what? And eventually I got so upset that I started crying- it wasn't sad crying- it was more like I'm mad but I cry when Im mad. Its the worst. Anyways that was when he started apologizing but later on he did the same thing over. It was honestly just embarrassing and I too try to think, like why was I ever his friend? He never really valued me the way I valued him. ...

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Radhika Diksha
16:30 Nov 24, 2020

You and have identical twin lives. Sometimes even I think about why I was his friend ever? Why did I give him chance? Did you read my stories yet? Please give your feedback on it.

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Wow, he stalked you? I'm sorry to hear that. Seems like you have been through alot and I notice all your stories sorta relate towards love and heartbreak and things like that. After that guy you know, left without any explanation whatsever, I still always wondered why I was still attacted to heartwarming loving books and things like that. Then I realized, it was cause I wanted something like that to happen to me, or I was convinced that it wouldn't so I decided to make myself feel better by reading and writing. Yesss I have read some I wil...

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Radhika Diksha
16:29 Nov 24, 2020

No, I didn't keep in contact with them. I was in 10th at that time, and they left my school after passing hence I couldn't see them. The boy stalked me for two years after they broke up. That's another story by the way.

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R. K.
18:17 Oct 26, 2020

I got sucked and was so deep in the emotions it took me around 76% to realize that this was way too well-written, heartfelt and detailed to not be true. Then I saw your comment. Ugochi... no offense, but I'm not going to say I feel bad or "I'm so sorry about that jerk" โ€” it's not my style. Why should you, or I or anyone ever apologize for a person who belongs with the next pickup from the trash disposal? I've said this before and I'll say it again: I don't like giving pity, I like giving hope that you are going to rise stronger from this. B...

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Awww thank youu! I also don't really like giving pity so I definitely understand your point! And thankk youu! Yeah my friend --in real life-- he told me not to hate him, and rarely ever hate anyone butttt I am finding a bit hard trying to forgive him in my heart. But I can feel my hate decreasing since it HAS been a year so yeahh..as days go on I am able to let it go. But thank you for reading Ru!!

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I found this poem really deep and touching. Through the ~eMoTiOnAL~ aspect of it, you managed to tell a story about a guy who claimed to like you, but then dumped you, in turn breaking your heart. I'm just glad that this dude's gone from your life, because you definitely deserve someone better than him!

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Thank youu so much!! Yeah I'm really happy about that too! The whole thing was suffocating anyways๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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Tessa Takzikab
22:49 Oct 12, 2020

Wow! I love this poem so much, I almost don't want to say anything else. It gave me chills when you said you had chills, and I felt pulled along with the emotion of the story. I did notice a few things, like how you used the wrong your/you're or their/there/they're, and I would have put "that help others." on the line after "who suffer so much" just to show the contrast of hurting and helping. Great work! -Tessa

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Thank you sooo much Tessa!!!

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C.J Dunstall
23:35 Oct 11, 2020

awwww ๐Ÿ˜ญI'm so sorry. That story was so... well... truthful. Some guys are really horrible. They lie to you the entire time. I promise you this; There is someone out there who would go to the ends of the earth for you. I know you might not think that, but there is someone for you. There is someone for everyone. You just gotta look. Not all guys are bad. Some are actually total sweethearts an you could love them forever. It will be okay.

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Yolanda Wu
05:29 Oct 10, 2020

First of all, I love how the category is just labelled as 'sad', which is big fat mood. But the story, or I suppose poem itself was written so, so well! All the lines flowed off one another, and conveyed those feelings of angst and confusion so well - don't worry, I love anything angsty. And behind the dramaticness, I could feel the genuine heartbreak. So sorry that you were hurt by some guy, but hey, you made a wonderful poem out of it. I also loved the incorporation of sigh or besst, which is usually only seen in texting, I thought that wa...

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Thankkk you Yolanda!! ๐Ÿ˜‚Right! I just put 'sad' and called it a day. Yeaah I need to tell him thanks for that(joking) cause I actually liked this. YES! I knew I was not the only one who uses 'sigh' in texting. I was texting my friend and I put sigh..and he was like who does that! I knew I wasn't crazy!๐Ÿ˜‚ Thank you so much for readddinngg!!

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Yolanda Wu
07:36 Oct 10, 2020

What?! I use the sigh thing all the time, lol.

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Ahhh I knew I was not crazy cause somebody out there in the world had to use it๐Ÿ˜‚

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Yolanda Wu
21:40 Oct 10, 2020

Yeah, lol.

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Rayhan Hidayat
04:58 Oct 10, 2020

Wow I love this! Honestly so inspiring, I might write something in this style one day. It just flows really well so I didnโ€™t have to backtrack much, and there were even some little bits of rhyming in there which is always awesome. And Iโ€™m sorry this happened to you! I get that itโ€™s a personal topic but you really conveyed the stuff in your head well and it was both a fun and interesting read in the end. Not saying itโ€™s fun to be ignored by a guy of course, just that the writing itself is good ๐Ÿ˜‚ Awesome job as always! ๐Ÿ˜™

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Thaannk youu so much! I'm so happy you liked it! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚Yeah yeah I got it! It was a learning experience honestly after he left I started writing more..cause you know- kinda felt like I had to rely on myself so might as well write everything down. And I slowly became a better writer I guess.. Thank you! And aww you didn't make the deadline???๐Ÿฅบ Or is your time zone different and you still have time

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:20 Oct 10, 2020

Yeah us writers, I guess we get inspiration from everything, even the things that hurt... I managed to submit in the last hour! ๐Ÿ˜… Two stories, which is why I took so long

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OH! YAAAY! I'll have to read it tomorrow thought its about 1 o clock over here so I'm gonna go! Have a great day or night Rayhan! And thank you for reading!๐Ÿ˜Š

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Rayhan Hidayat
05:37 Oct 10, 2020

Oh thanks! And good night ๐Ÿ˜™

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Thank you soo muuucch!

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You're welcome! It's only fair, since you upvoted me!! :)

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Amazing job! This is so good!!!! :)

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Wow Snow!! this is awesome!! it should totally win! Btw can I know who this dude was, because Man, do i wanna punch him hard right now. Idiot. Pity the idiot, didnt now what he did. Stay Strong! Btw heres a quote if you are sad. Keep your head high Princess, if not your crown will fall... Life is tough, but so are you... - courtesy to Amany Things to say to idiots. 1. Sorry, what did u say? I didnt understand, you see, im not fluent in stupidity. but i am fluent in sarcasm. ;) Have fun!

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๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Well I would tell you! but honestly he lied and now I can't trust anything so who knows who he is๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ Whew lets take a breathh Sia- now lets not punch people๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Thank youu! I'll keep that in mind when I wanna lower my head for people! But right now I am not sad at all๐Ÿ˜Š on the bright side when all of this happened I was actually kinda happy when he left I felt free in a way. Ummm Winn!!? No wayyy! But I do think its good. And I am happy you feel that way. Nice quote๐Ÿคญ and thank you for reading!!!

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22:34 Oct 20, 2020

Ugochi, Your work is so beautiful! Your poetry skills are AMAZING! That totally sucks about that guys. What a jerk! :(

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Thank youuu! and yeaahh๐Ÿฅบ

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Anna Mosqueda
18:23 Oct 16, 2020

SO. FREAKING. RELATABLE. WOW First of all, the same kinda thing happened to me. I mean...the guy didnโ€™t do anything wrong but when you said โ€œI said I loved you back.โ€ and then went on to say that you knew you didnโ€™t. Girl same. I hate that I said I love you to my first boyfriend. But now Iโ€™ve realized the importance of those words and Iโ€™m never using them again until I get married. DATING TO MARRY!! gotta remind myself lol. Anyways, amazing poem! Iโ€™m lovin your stories! Also who is this man that thinks he can hurt you!?!?!? The sto...

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I'm so happy you found this relatable!! Well- sorta-๐Ÿ˜… But yess! Sometimes we don't realize the weight between those words and yeah I regret saying them to him too cause deep down I kinda didn't even know what those words meant. AND YES! I have the same goal to only say them when I am married. And yeahh I can't date but definitely in the future some day like when I am done with college and everything else..ya know? Thank you forr reaading! And YAY!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Lol who even knows๐Ÿ™„ And ouuu I'm gonna read it when I get timee! ~Ugochiiii!

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Anna Mosqueda
02:13 Oct 17, 2020

Alright!! Thanks:) It's one of my older stories and my writing has progressed so just be warned, it's got a lot of errors haha. I see what you mean too, glad we could relate about something ;))

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Hiyeeeee Ugochi!!!! Sup? I umm need some help... I'm writing a story with some romance 8n it.... so um its like this. Can you help? Its about 2 close frnds, who have a crush on 2 other boys but are unsure if they like them back..

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OUUU okay okay! Sooo like what you need me to help you with the plot...? Like how to start off?

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Umm no like the middle and ending...

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Ohhh! Um well since I don't know your story you could maybe make them split up..like the girl who likes whatever boy go with each other and the other the same. And you could make them confess, like showing the two points of views of the girls or the guys. And the ending I'm not exactly sureee...do you want a happy or sad? I hope that helps a little

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Aww thanks!!! I want the ending a little.e um happy this time?!

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Its um like a TRUE story about me and my close friend! So um yeah Lolll

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OhhHH! Wow interesting..okay- this changes everything. Hmm ummm..well first do you think that the guy your friend likes likes her? And what about you do you think the guy you like likes you back??

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Loll, yeah I guess he likes her back.... and for me well ummmm *blushes profusely* I dunno, I have a sort of doubt that he likes my friend then me but ummm yeah..... God life is complicated.Lolll Ugghhhhh this is harddddd

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๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚Its okay! Is your friend and who she likes dating?? And hmm maybe for your friend..well write their happy ending! And for yourself maybe write for what you wish to happen when you confess to him. So just let your imagination run wild and just write everything down.

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Ahhhh! How do you write so good?? First-line (+ title) captured me right away. This story was really sad, :( but you wrote it beautifully. I am so sorry they did this to you, you deserve so much better. And I like how it was a story AND a poem, it was super unique and fun!

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Aw Thank you so much Blair๐Ÿ˜ญ I'm glad it did!! And thankkk youuuu! Means so much!!

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Amany Sayed
16:31 Oct 12, 2020

YAY I MISS BELLE TOO :)\#greatestshipnameofalltime

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๐ŸคญGreaatteestt?? And yess I was gonna start writing today

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