'Tis a Lie!

It’s 9:45 am and Dr. Ingalls’ next client will arrive in 15 minutes. He’s a new client – this is his second session following a first session that went something like this:

Dr. I: So tell me, what’s on your mind?

Client: I know not how to respond to so general a query.

Dr. I: Is there something specific bothering you? What’s brought you to psychotherapy?

Client: With the greatest respect, sir, that ‘tis a familiar question from one I have only just met.

The interview proceeded as such, leaving Dr. Ingalls with the following notes to review as he waits for his client to arrive.

Note: Prefers to be called “General”, not “Mr. President.” 

Note: Avoids handshakes.

Note: Presents as extremely reticent. 

Note: Presents hyperawareness of his personal sense of dignity.

Note: Deep circles beneath his eyes, stifled yawns. Trouble sleeping???

A small light illuminates above Dr. Ingalls’ office door indicating the client’s arrival. He is the only person in the waiting room, standing stiffly, hands behind his back. He cuts an imposing figure with his navy coat, buff-colored breeches, black riding boots, sword and iconic white hair.

Dr. Ingalls automatically offers his hand despite having just read his notes. “Good morning, General.”

George Washington stiffens and says, “I am a Virginian and I do not take hands. But I bow in your honor.” He inclines slightly. 

“Yes, of course, I forgot. Please come in.”

Washington sets himself on the couch, feet firmly planted on the ground, back erect.

Dr. Ingalls’ settles into his chair with his legal pad, studies the client over his spectacles and scratches out a few observations.

The second session goes something like this:

Dr. I: It’s nice to see you again, General.

GW: It is my honor to be here, sir.

Dr. I: There is something I’d like to ask you, General. During our session last week, I observed that you seemed quite tired. I’m drawing the same conclusion this week. How have you been sleeping?

GW: That ‘tis a private matter, sir.

Dr. I: It sounds as though there are some things you may not be ready to discuss yet.

GW: The manner of a gentlemen’s respite is one reserved for his most familiar relations.

Dr. I: I do understand your reluctance, General. Psychotherapy can be an unusual and intimidating process for many of the historical figures I see. Just last week, I had a client who ran Cuba for the last half century. Historically, he was known for being particularly loquacious and revolutionary. But here in my office, he couldn’t say a word. He sat in that exact spot, looked out the window and smoked cigars for the entire hour.

GW: I know not of whom you speak.

Dr. I: Well, no names of course. But the point is that we can start wherever you want. We don’t need to discuss sleep or slavery or democracy. But we do need to discuss something. Is there anything, even something small, that has been on your mind?

Long pause.

GW: There is one matter, sir, that has been quite vexing to me of late.

Dr. I: What is that?

GW: Mr. Jefferson has informed me that there is a falsehood regarding my youth that has been made known to the public. A bookseller by the name of Parson Weems wrote about an incident of a cherry tree when I was a boy of six years.

Dr. I: Yes, of course. Your father’s cherry tree, hatchet, you cut it down, said “I cannot tell a lie.” Yes, a very famous story.

GW: ‘Tis a lie!

Dr. I: And how does that make you feel, General?

GW: This is a cause of great upset to me.

Dr. I: Can you describe that distress?

GW: ‘Tis a disappointment I have not felt since Mr. Mason declined to sign the Constitution in seventeen and eight-seven. I regret that did great harm to our friendship.

Dr. I: Did you know the author? Parson Weems?

GW: I did not.

Dr. I: What exactly about the publication of the story upsets you so greatly?

GW: It is a story about my character and my philosophy of honesty that ‘tis untrue.

Dr. I: It sounds like the hypocrisy upsets you.

GW: My good Dr. Ingalls, I hold the noble virtue of honesty in the highest esteem. I stood as a steward of the public trust and I endeavored in public and private life to provide an example of character. But, alas, there are times in war and in politics where the value of an honest statement must be weighed against the benefit or injury it may bring to the whole.

Dr. I: So you’re saying that sometimes you have to lie for the benefit of a higher ideal.

GW: I am afraid that ‘tis my conclusion.

Dr. I: Are you an honest man, General?

GW: ‘Tis a question for deep reflection betwixt my God and myself. I will admit, however, that the War of American Independence could not have been won with pure honesty.

Dr. I: What do you mean?

GW: Are not spies a form of deception?

Dr. I: Well, yes, I suppose so.

GW: Secret missions?

Dr. I: Yes, but necessary.

GW: Inflated troop reports?

Dr. I: Do you regret those decisions?

GW: This presents a quandry. But I have my own arc of thinking and it is as clear as the Sun in its meridian sky that those actions had to be taken.

Dr. I: Yet the story of the cherry tree still bothers you.

GW: I must ask you a question that is burning.

Dr. I: Certainly.

GW: How may I inform the public of this falsehood?

Dr. I: The cherry tree story?

GW: This is correct.

Dr. I: What do YOU think, General?

GW: I have a bias for action. Deeds, not words. I must speak to the newspapermen!

Dr. I: I think that may raise more questions than it answers.

GW: An imperfect something is better than a perfect nothing.

Dr. I: Not in this case. Let me Google something. Hang on a second. Ok, look at my phone, General.

GW: What is this?

Dr. I: It’s a little complicated to explain right now. But do you see this list? “George Washington Never Chopped Down a Cherry Tree”, “George Washington’s Cherry Tree Tale Debunked”, “George Washington didn’t confess to chopping down a cherry tree,” and on and on. These are all articles about how the cherry tree story was made up. At one time, the country believed it. But now, I think most people know it’s fake.

GW: Remarkable.

Dr. I: General –

GW: Sir, I feel a great weight has been removed from my shoulders. Might I now address another area of great upset? It is a subject I most sincerely regret. An abomination. Slavery.

Dr. I: General, we are out of time for today. We can pick this up next week.

GW: It is indeed my great honor, nay, my privilege, sir. I am your humble servant.

Washington bows and leaves.

Dr. Ingalls returns to his desk and reviews the file of his next client.

Client: da Vinci, L.

Note: Routinely fails to complete work

Note: Excessive time dedicated to planning

Provisional diagnosis: ADHD…..