"Hey, bring that book here," Rudra says, pointing to the encyclopedia.
"Sure, sir," the white-dressed fairy says and lifts the encyclopedia in the air with her pink magic stick. The book slowly drifts in the air and goes towards Rudra.
With a little jump, 14-year-old Rudra catches the heavy encyclopedia.
Rudra flips the pages of the book at a high speed and stops.
"Got the word to the hospital."
"We should get going then," the fairy suggests.
"Pack my bags and take the water bottle, Deepshikha."
"Just a minute, sir," Deepshikha replies and shakes her magical wand.
Deepshikha is the most beautiful of all fairies. Rudra was given her as a companion because of his determination.Β
He is unsure if the omens of his birth were true. They said he would be king of the world.
*****
Deepshikha, holding a suitcase in each hand, says, "Ready, sir."
"Don't call me sir. Just call me Rudra," Rudra says, then snatches the luggage.
"Okay, Rudra," Deepshikha chuckles.
She waves her wand. "Fairky."
Then a portal opens.
Rudra walks into it while Deepshikha floats inside.
Other fairies greet them in their world, Fairky.
"Yo, Rudra is here," they chant.
He turns his face away from them and puts his suitcase down.
He takes his sword out to practice for the king of the world competition.
"You should not do anything," Deepshikha says.
"WHY DO YOU SAY THAT TO ME EVERY DAY?" he hollers, not waiting for a reply.
"The king of the world competition is changing this year. Nobody knows what it shall be!" Deepshikha replies.
"Probably practice makes man perfect. No matter what the competition is, it will be fighting," Rudra says, confidently.
He is a believer in hard work and doesn't want to lose the 'king of the world' post.
The king of the world can travel to any part of the world freely. He can also get special permission for certain things. Anyone can compete in the contest without regard to age or wealth.
"You know you are going to be the king, so why are you practicing?" Deepshikha asks Rudra.
"I don't believe in your words blindly. Nothing reaches you without hard work," Rudra replies, hastily.
"Then I am out of this. You may do whatever you want," Deepshikha says and starts crying.
Rudra throws his sword upwards and runs towards Deepshikha.
"Hey Deepshikha, I didn't mean to offend you," Rudra says and wipes away the tears.
"I appreciate your concern," she says feebly.
"Let's go to the hospital and look out for the announcement of the competition."
"Fairy Hospitalia."
*****
"My application for the competition, sir," Rudra says and bangs the paper on the desk.
"Okay, taken. This is the rule book," the doctor says, handing over a thin book of paper to Rudra. "And, most importantly, this year we have received some warnings from the main hospital that Chai has returned."
"Okie," Rudra says, not paying heed. He gives the book to Deepshikha for her to take a look.
"DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO CHAI IS?" the doctor yells at Rudra.
"Yeah, any problem?"
The doctor rubs his head and sits down. He swallows the blood pressure tablet. He is an old man and all his hair has turned white.
Rudra laughs at him. "Old man."
The doctor darts a look at him.
"Deepshikha, come on, let's go out of here." Rudra shakes Deepshikha, who is still staring at the rule book.
"Come on, now." He again shakes her.
"Rudra, there is no chance for you to win this time." She shakes her head sadly.
"Why?"
"It's an eating competition."
"WHAAAAAT?" Rudra shouts.
"Rudra, this is a hospital. Please control your anger."
"This doctor has done something," Rudra says, and gets teleported back to his house.
*****
"How should I win this?" Rudra asks hurriedly to Deepshikha.
"I have no clue. I don't think I can help you in this competition," Deepshikha explains to him.
"Okay, I should start practicing."
"How will you defeat Chai if he arrives there by chance?"
"Who cares about that? Let's go to the Fairy canteen and practice."
"Careless," Deepshikha murmurs in her breath.
"Did you say anything?"
"No, Rudra." She lifts her wand and shouts, "Food."
*****
They walk out of the portal into a large restaurant where food is flying everywhere.
"Four plates of doughnuts, eight plates of cream cake, twenty plates of chocolate cake," Rudra orders to the Fairy waiter, Clara.
"Will he eat that much?" Clara whispers to Deepshikha.
"Umm.. Who knows?" Deepshikha whispers back.
As the food comes, Rudra hurriedly starts eating.
*****
"I can't eat this much. How am I gonna win?" Rudra chokes out.
"Don't worry, my child. You are definitely going to win this," a divine, soft voice says from the back of him.
"Yo, Orenda. That is really nice of you, but how can I increase my eating capacity?" Rudra says, rubbing his head in utter confusion.
Orenda, the queen fairy with long brown braided hair states, "Practice," and teleports to Fairky.
"Don't I know that!" Rudra murmurs.
*****
He starts eating daily and improves day by day. Deepshikha is very helpful and buys him food every day from the fairy canteen.
"There is only one week for the competition," Rudra says to Deepshikha.
"Yeah, Rudra. I am going out to buy some food for you to practice." Deepshikha picks up her wand and gets going.
"Okay."
"I don't think I will become the king of the world this year," Rudra thinks.
*****
"Here is your food, sir," Deepshikha says, placing ten plates of doughnuts on the table.
"I told you not to call me sir. Call me Rudra," he yells at her.
"Okay, Rudra. I forgot."
*****
The day of the competition, Rudra starts practicing in the morning.
"What are you doing, Rudra? You shouldn't practice now. You may win only if you're going to the competition with an empty stomach," Deepshikha shouts at him.
"I can't win without practicing," Rudra says, hurriedly eating the doughnuts.
"Your choice then."
Rudra finishes his food and washes his face. He looks in the mirror with a lot of hope that he will win the competition.
"Let's go to the hospital," Rudra calls out to Deepshikha.
"Fairy hospitalia." The portal opens and both of them walk in.
*****
They arrive in the sky and they are flying in midair. The host of the competition, a handsome man with silky black hair, welcomes them.
"Where should I sit?" Rudra asks the host, Oliver.
"In the corner of the room where your name is written in bold words," Oliver says, pointing to the corner of the hospital.
Rudra walks slowly to the corner, with his stomach full.
Deepshikha floats slowly to Rudra's place.
"All the best. I should go to the fairy oath-taking ceremony," Deepshikha says.
"I will come with you," Rudra suggests.
"Oh.. Okay. We should go to the reception."
They start walking and reach the reception of the flying hospital.
All the fairies, including Deepshikha raise their hands at the shoulder level and start singing.
"We are the fairies.
We never cheat even with our enemies.
We are always true
And loyal to the order of blue
We fight for ourselves
Thank you to the fairies and Fairy Queen Orenda."
"That was nice!" exclaimed Rudra.
"Okay!" Deepshikha said with glee.
"I think it's time to go, letβs go."
"Yeah."
They advance at their full speed and Rudra gets seated in his place.
"Hi, I am Rakesh," the person seated next to Rudra says and stretches out his hand.
"Okay, I am Rudra."
"All the best."
"Thanks."
The host shouts into the mic, "Ladies and gentlemen, let the competition begin. Slow and steady always wins. The best food eater is the winner. Eyes on the prize."
Large plates of doughnuts and cakes are placed on the table.
"START."
Rudra starts eating as fast as he can.
"Eat slowly. You have a lot of time. See Rakesh," Deepshikha says.
He sees the young man with large arms and a weird moustache, eating one doughnut per minute and enjoying the food.
"Rakesh is eating very slowly."
"Yeah. He's gonna win it!"
"I am fast and furious."
"But the tortoise beat the rabbit."
"I don't care," Rudra says and munches on the yummy doughnuts.
*****
Rudra is full and his stomach can't take more.
"Deepshikha, please help." He presses his stomach hard and tries to eat more. But he couldn't.
"Only for your sake." Deepshikha grins.
"Please make it fast."
"Vanish-avia."
The food suddenly vanishes. Rakesh looks in awe with the doughnut in his mouth. And then the doughnut falls out of his mouth.
"Please," Rudra pleads.
"I don't care whatever you do, I came here just for the food, not for the competition," Rakesh assures Rudra.
Rudra heaves a sigh of relief.
"Next round, Oliver."
"Give that young man some more to eat," Oliver shouts, pointing at Rudra.
And another plate of doughnuts arrived in front of Rudra.
He blinks at Deepshikha and she vanishes the food again.
This happens many times and Rudra wins the contest.
"Thank you, Deepshikha," Rudra says before he gets lifted by the large crowd.
"HAIL THE KING OF THE WORLD, Rudra," everyone shouts in unison.
They let him down on the platinum throne made just for the king.
Oliver takes the golden crown and places it on Rudra's head.
"Finally, my dream has come true. I am truly the king of the world as said on my birth," he thinks.
"What do you plan to do, Rudra?" Oliver asks.
"You should have asked me," Deepshikha says and slowly her rich white skin transforms into brown scales. Her wings fall off just like that. And what stands there is an ugly creature with sharp nails and sharp yellow teeth.
The ugly creature snatches the crown from Rudra and places it on its own head.
"Hey, give it back to me. It is my dream," Rudra pleads.
"No way. This is my dream too. I was the most beautiful fairy when that stupid queen changed me into an animal and you gave me a name, Chai," Chai says, admiring the crown on his head using the long mirror.
"But, why did Orenda change you into an animal?" Rudra asks the admiring creature.
"Because I wanted this crown to adorn my head. She said fairies aren't eligible. That's why! So now this is mine," Chai says.
"WHERE IS DEEPSHIKHA?" Rudra hollers at Chai.
"Shoo. Shoo. I am the king, raise your voice, I will kill you. Find her yourself." Chai laughs and taunts Rudra.
"Okay, please tell me where to find Deepshikha?"
"King of the world? Ha! All you can do is depend on your fairy to pull you out of trouble. She was your crutch since birth and you never realised when I took her," Chai taunts Rudra.
Tears flowing down his cheeks he says, "I will find her."
"Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaar," Chai roars which made the crowd run haywire.
"This is not the time to fight him," Rakesh says to Rudra and they start running.
They stop at Rudra's house and lock themselves in.
"Yo, Rudra. Arrogance is the way for your ruin," the doctor says.
"Why are you here?" Rudra asks him.
"Your arrogance has paved the path to your ruin, you have lost both the crown and your best friend."
"Now, this is only between me and Chai. I am finding Deepshikha at any cost."
Rudra stands up and sharpens his sword.
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224 comments
Great story!! :)
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Thanks!
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I enjoyed your story, and thought it was a good setup for the next instalment :)
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Glad you enjoyed it! Yeah!
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This was really good, Keerththan! The dialogue was very well written and told the story nicely. The only thing I wish for is for a bit more descriptions. While dialogue is great, I always like to read what the scene looks like. Other than that, this was a fantastic story with well developed characters and had me gripped the whole way through. Well done! :)
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Thank you! I will make it more descriptive next time. Thank you for reading.
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Your story is very good.I liked it.I like the ending.I love how you write.Very good.Well written.Keep writing.Great job.
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Thank you!
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Amazing job with this story!!! (I saw your bio and I am upvoting you at the moment)
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Thank you!( wow! Thank you so much!)
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Also, I CANNOT express how much I LOVE your profile picture!!
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I love it too!
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Avengers....assemble!
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Avengers assemble!
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YES!!! Can ya check out my new story when you have time? Thanks so much!
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We should make an Avengers group on Reedsy!
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We can make it! But how!
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Just asking if u can submit me a story under 1200 words. Any topic for my podcast. https://forms.gle/mwRfwtLvKxjAz3tw9
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I like this a lot. I think you need to practice your scene descriptions a bit (that will help with the show not tell that everyone keeps harping on.) I have two questions: 1. Why do you always write in present tense? Is that easier for you? Most, although not all, stories are written in past tense. Present tense thus feels "off" to native speakers. (If English is not your native language, which is the impression I get, then your story is really good! I couldn't write as well in a second language!) 2. I'm really unclear why the hospit...
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I am glad you liked it. That's what I am struggling for. No, I don't always write in present tense. Only my 6th and 7th are present tense and 5 stories are past tense. You may check that out if you wanna read past tense. And its not my native. I don't speak English at home. 2. I have a lot of surprises with the hospital and doctor. Fairies need them too.... Thank you for reading....
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Hi Keerththan, remember me? :) Your last line really suited I well. Hopefully you will do a sequel on this? I'll be dying to know where Deepshikha and the crown went!
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Hi Niveeidha, yeah! Yeah, I will do a sequel. Thank you for reading..
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No problem! Do let me know when the next sequel comes out! I'll be the first to read it! Can't wait!
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Yeah, sure!
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"with her pinkish magic stick with magic." once you say magic stick, you don't need to say she did it with magic. "Rudra takes some breath." This should be takes a deep breath, or breathes deeply. Takes some breath sounds more like you are taking something tangible. You can't really measure breath, so you can't just take 'some'. I know it's too late to edit, but for the future. I like how you told the story mostly in dialogue, and how you used Reedsy characters, which seems to be an upward trend. This is a very creative plot-line, an...
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Thank you so much! I still have time to edit and I edited them. Thank you again. I totally love dialogue! I won't keep you waiting! Thank you! That was a nice explanation! Thank you for reading! Thank you so much!
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I'm glad you were able to fix it. I just noticed one more thing: "The book slowly drifted in the air and goes towards Rudra" drifted should be drifts, because your story is in present tense. No problem!
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Oh sorry. I will change it. Thank you for your help...
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Don't apologize to me, it's your story. I only offer corrections because I know you want them. It's not like I have some strange disease that makes mistakes hurt me. I haven't had an asthma attack from a grammar error in over five years, and that was only because it was intentional and repeated. You've come a long way since your second Reedsy story (I didn't actually read your first), and I am glad to see that you are able to take the criticism/advice that's given to you. You're very welcome for the help, Keep it up!
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Yeah, thank you for that! I know you don't have some strange disease lol. My second story is my favourite and my best till now. Glad you didn't read the first... And thanks for the help! I will!
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Hello Keerththan! A couple of mistakes to point out to you! 1. "white dressed" Perhaps white-dressed would be better? Add a hyphen between those words. 2. "14 year old boy" 14-year-old boy is better. Hyphens work in phrases like these. 3. Spelling error! :) "Snatchs" should be "snatches" 4. "Practice makes man perfect" "Probably practice makes a man perfect" will work out. 5. "Believer of hard work" Did you mean to say "believer in hard work"? Or was that deliberate? 6. "Its" should be "It's" 7. "oath taking" nee...
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Thanks! I have changed everything you said! But it had be nice if you commented on the story and not just on the mistakes. But, that's okay. Thank you for the feedback!
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No problem. Hmm, yes, but I'd thought I'd already commented on the story over here... Ah, nevermind, I'll write another comment. ;)
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Okay, thanks..
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:)
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pinkish magic stick.Β Β - pinkish? google shades of pink and pick a color. Or just say pink. And...it's not clear, from the writing, that she uses magic of the stick to levitate the book. Ram catches the heavy encyclopedia with a little jump. With a little jump, Ram catches the heavy encyclopedia. As you wrote it Ram caught a little jump with his encyclopedia. "He knows he is going to be the king of the world at birth. But isn't sure of it, or believes it." How about, "He's unsure if the omens of his birth were true. They said he would...
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Changed everything you said. I am gonna answer the 8th para. Oh no! I have a larger problem! If I write a bit fast, itβs going too fast. If I write it a little slower, it goes a whole lot slower. I will try to change it. I will change that too! Yeah, I always do that! π€I still have more than a 1200 words! I can still complete the ending. But I actually donβt like finishing a story. I will write a part 2. You know Deepshikha!? Yeah, I have a lot running in my mind about that. But I actually donβt wanna end This here. Thanks for the...
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Title Suggests "The King and Chai" as a riff on the famous musical, "The King and I" Which presumes Chai rhymes with I- which sound a lot like Chai tea. "Fit to be Chai-ed" again off a phrase "fit to be tied" which means "very angry" "Let Them Eat Cake" "Royal Fork" - a play on the chess term when someone outmaneuvers you with the queen or king, as well as eating to decide who will be king.
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Wow! The royal fork is really wonderful! I am gonna keep it as the title! And just for your information I changed the name "Ram" to "Rudra". Thank you for reading!
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Just asking if u can submit me a story under 1200 words. Any topic for my podcast. https://forms.gle/mwRfwtLvKxjAz3tw9
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Wow! In awe with your writing! I've just created an account and was reading the stories written by the top 10 authors in the score board, and I must say, your story was really impressive.
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Thank you so much!
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Hey MI in finals
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Yea, I want mi to win. Because its my second favourite Team.
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Yes Mi should win Hardik Pandya is firing guns
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Mi should win ipl. Final with dc
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Yes today is the final
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Yea
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Just asking if u can submit me a story under 1200 words. Any topic for my podcast. https://forms.gle/RjBkEn46koL2ip7N9
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Okay, There are gonna 10 teams in ipl this year probably
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Okay, There are gonna 10 teams in ipl this year probably
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Okay, There are gonna 10 teams in ipl this year probably
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Good.
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Thanks
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Would you mind reading my new story? "Childish dream?"
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I loved the humour in this story. The element of fairies was nice, I always love reading about fairies. For suggestions, some of the dialogue is a bit stiff, a few rewrites here and there and it should flow like water. Great job overall, I did enjoy it.
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Glad you loved the humour. Okay, I will try to rewrite some dialogues. Thank you for reading. And glad you enjoyed it .
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Riffling is the word i meant. I think i spelled it as "rifling" before, but it has two fs i believe. Just wanted to make sure i am guiding you right in terms of that, so i looked it up. π
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Thank you for your guidance. But you could have just changed the 'rifling' into 'riffling' in the other comment. There is an edit option.
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Hi Keerththan, Thanks for the invitation to read your story. It's a creative one. As i read it, it made me think of a fairytale. However, I had some difficulty getting through it because some the dialogue felt a little exaggerated on the part of the character Rudra and didn't really pull me into the story. My suggestions are to focus more on using dialogue to move the story along, as well as avoiding dialogue that seems overly emotional in relation to the circumstances the character is in at the time unless the character is experiencing a...
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Welcome! I still have editing time. If you have some corrections, please say and I will make it. Thank you for reading!
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One thing you could do to quickly improve things without changing the dialogue would be to let the reader know at the beginning of the story why the characters are in such a rush and why the MP is so impatient. Are they late for the competition or is the character always hasty and easily irritated? Another smaller suggestion is to change the phrase about the character flipping through the pages to "rifling through" them. Flipping sounds somewhat like browsing at a bookstore. I think rifling seems more in tune with your intended meaning, but...
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Yeah, thank you! But, you won't see these changes in the main copy. I have lost the time to edit. I will do it in the google docs of mine. Thank you for the suggestion!
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Wow this is really nice! I liked how it was told through dialogue between the characters and it was SUPER engaging. You did good with this :)
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Thank you! Glad you liked the story!
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I would love it if you could read someone of my stories, I'm new to writing :)
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Sure!
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Thank you, I try to get feedback from my friends but they all say the same thing -.-
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I loved your story like and your characters! I definitely am no expert but I know what I like and I LOVE this! Seriously great job!
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I am glad you loved my story. Thank you for reading.(would you mind liking my story? Thanks)
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First of all, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Then about the story, the plot was awesome, and the eating competition? Lol, I LOVED IT!! And Orenda and Clara are also in the story, amazing!! I loved the name Rudra. And Bro, your punctuation has improved too. I would say that just listen to Charles' and Claraβs advice and youβll improve even more. This story also could have ended by Rudra finding me, I mean finding Deepshikha. But then it wonβt have left anything for part-2...so itβs good that it didnβt end. I would love to read part...
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Welcome! Glad you loved it! Yeah! That's what you liked! Thank you for the high praise and I am always trying to improve. Okay, I don't like finished stories personally. And I always make you wait for part 2 in every story. Welcome! And thank you for reading!
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Hey you, Read my new story(demanddddd!!!) Lol. Please read my new story.
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Helloooooooooooo. Just asking if u can submit me a story under 1200 words. Any topic for my podcast. https://forms.gle/mwRfwtLvKxjAz3tw9
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