246 comments

Drama Romance Sad

TW: suicide

He sang, he sang again; he sang how much he loved her, and she felt his tears rushing down into her grave.

 

***

 

“I’m sorry,” said Dan; as he held her close to his chest, giving her his temperateness, but she didn’t need any; because even at the termination of her life she was much tenderer than he could invariably be.

 

“I love you…” said Kate, and they were the last words that arose from of her mouth.

With a side gander, she saw her. Standing over her, glancing down at her, was Katrina looking remorseful. Besides, Kate couldn’t even endure paying attention to her because the ultimate person she would look at would be Dan.

 

“Go in Katrina,” said Dan, and she did so.

 

Dying can be fast or slow, painless or painful, nevertheless, no matter how I go, I’ll be unscathed, thought Kate. Regardless, this was a painful process; She didn’t reminisce how she was lying underneath this car as battered and bruised as her heart in front of his house

 

Then she realized it was the vial.

 

***

 

As she traversed through the suburbs, she remembered earlier to that day. Kate reminisced, seeing that blonde girl with Dan after she unfalteringly followed them. That girl looked familiar, which made her cynical. She was older than she was, and everything Kate wanted to be. She had a thick concrete of makeup that hid her snake-like skin; her clothes were barely covering the essentials and her mascara was thicker than the tips of lead pencil. This is what Kate should’ve been, she should’ve worn crop tops and skinny jeans instead of wearing her gargantuan hoodies and shapeless joggers. Then she remembered her: Katrina; their senior and Dan's mentor.

 

Kate could recall the time when Dan was observing her in the canteen. When Kate asked him what he was looking at, he looked away. He revealed that she was a "JUST HIS MENTOR". Kate couldn’t apprehend that he lied blatantly to her.

 

She has to amputate the bullet from her wound. She must let the sorrow come out. It hurts like hell because it does; but with her despondency, there was another intertwining sentiment: anger. The anger in her eyes showed the petrified child within. Anyone could see the agony beneath it, and her soul was drowning in this persona.

 

Dan pulled Katrina closer and kissed her vigorously as if he would never let go of her. Just like he used to do with me Kate thought

 

Her love was a unicorn, but Dan never believed in unicorns. So that was both the start and end of their story, and their story had ended even before she could realize it. Some things are merely real if you believe they are, and this love story wasn’t real. Even if Kate believed it was.

 

There she saw it: the bracelet with the letter K on it, on Katrina’s wrist. He purchased it for her, not for me. Tears started streaming down her eyes like a river escaping a dam. Their salinity burned her and etched marks into her skin, but she didn’t care anymore.

 

She had to tell him that this was over; she would not be his mannequin anymore. If

this was a video, now would be the instance to delete and not pause. Taking a picture of them, she sent it to him, telling him that this relationship was over.

 

Going into the dispensary, she bought some medicine in the vial. ‘50ml a day’ was written on the label. Just there she held the poison to her lips, ingesting it all at once. The others in the store watched impetuously, waiting for her to wither and die. But she discarded the vial and stared at the mirror, and saw people on the other side. “So, what are you waiting for?” 

 

What have I done? Thought Kate; as she went out of the store. I should’ve thought this through. I should’ve …

 

***

 

Whilst she drove past Dan’s house, Kate saw him and Katrina going inside. They both looked exultant. Kate couldn’t comprehend that he was content with another girl who wasn’t her. How could she grasp this because he did promise to love her everlastingly?

 

Feeling vertiginous, she left the steering wheel and fell forward. Her skin was as pallid as her eyes and she knew she was clocking out. The medicine was having its effect. Her lips were barely there, and her body puckered like a puppet abruptly released from their strings. Colliding with a lamppost, she lay stone-cold in her grave. Suddenly, blackness submerged her, and she gave out whilst being interchanged with some kind of black- hole. Nausea sidled from her abdomen and the world went black.

 

Seeing Dan walk towards her, she recalled yesterday when they were together. It was mid-afternoon and a blazing furnace of swirls warmed the colours painted. The sky was a faucet, progressively draining the vibrant colours into non-existence. Her heart had never felt more loved, her immense adoration for him was unparalleled. It was her “forever home” and it gave her the capability to fly so freely; but his love wasn’t like that, he didn’t even love her.

 

She saw something whilst examining his jacket: a bracelet with the letter K on it. There was an inaudible blooming of her soul. This was for me, she thought. Feelings of elation and ecstasy were penetrating her and filling her up to the brim, but he did not mean this to be for her…

 

Not K for Kate. NO. It was K for Katrina, but she didn’t know that yet.

 

As Dan came back with ice cream, Kate let go of the bracelet and gazed at him. Whilst he cupped her chin, Dan told her he would love her eternally, and she told him she would love him until the day she died.

 

***

 

She sang, she sang again; she sang how much she loved him, and he felt her tears rushing down with rain whilst she was in her grave.

 

April 15, 2021 09:37

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

246 comments

Marianna Mills
12:52 Apr 15, 2021

That was so sad, I loved it, the depression from the broken love triangle, how she crashed into the lampost. I would have said "Suddenly, blackness engulfed her" or something a bit more dramatic, yhou forgot a period at the end of black as well. whilst could have been replaced with "as she lay stone cold in her grave." but just little things, nice work Palak, glad to see you still writing. Also some italics on the Kate's thinking so we knew what was happening as the reader to take us into her feelings, the inner voice. cheers good work

Reply

Palak Shah
21:16 Apr 15, 2021

I have tried to edit my stories with your suggestions so please let me know if it is okay and thank you for all your feedback :))

Reply

Marianna Mills
23:26 Apr 15, 2021

I am not an expert and still learning but glad to see you open minded. You def have some strong talent for a young person. I just posted a new story too today, I wrote it quickly but I wanted to work on dialogue tags and using present to past prompt idea. cheers

Reply

Palak Shah
09:47 Apr 16, 2021

Well, I am coming right over to look at your story. That's fine, you have given me constructive feedback because your feedback made my writing so much better and gave it that flow which it needed, so thanks again.

Reply

Marianna Mills
11:27 Apr 16, 2021

My pleasure and thanks for liking my stories too.

Reply

Palak Shah
22:22 Apr 16, 2021

No problem :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Palak Shah
14:14 Apr 15, 2021

Thank you so much Abigail :))

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
12:10 Apr 15, 2021

I love your repetition, and how you cut up everything perfectly. It was all done in such well portions that I felt it was easy to read and didn't drone on. Good job!

Reply

Palak Shah
14:14 Apr 15, 2021

Thank you so much Ethan :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Nainika Gupta
11:20 Apr 15, 2021

Oh goodness, this was a really powerful story. I think my favorite line was: [Her love was a unicorn, but Dan never believed in unicorns, and so that was both the start and end of their story, their story had ended even before she could realize. ] It just...hits me right in the heart. Anyway, this was a fantastic story about the power of love and how even with lots of love, there are still obstacles to overcome with relationships. I really loved the creativeness of this story. Again, like someone said, you switched tenses a little bit - wh...

Reply

Palak Shah
11:57 Apr 15, 2021

Thank you so much for your feedback. I will try with my tense and try not to mess it up. Also that was my favourite line :))

Reply

Nainika Gupta
12:04 Apr 15, 2021

Of course! :) And honestly, it just gets better with practice, so keep churning out amazing stories! And yes, it was a beautiful line!

Reply

Palak Shah
12:07 Apr 15, 2021

Yeah I have tried to edit my story. I think just proofreading will get the job done and I think reading out loud will also help Anyway, thank you so much for all your feedback :))

Reply

Nainika Gupta
12:44 Apr 15, 2021

Yeah it will! again, my pleasure :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Zelda C. Thorne
10:30 Apr 15, 2021

Hi Palak, I thought you did a good job with this. I enjoyed your descriptions, some of which I found impressively creative. E.g. "Tears started streaming down her eyes like a river escaping a dam, their salinity burned her and etched marks into her skin but she didn’t care anymore." Although, I found it a little confusing in places where you switch tenses (between third person past and first person present). Sometimes you write 'she thought' and sometimes you don't. I think you need to be consistent with the tense and the way you choos...

Reply

Palak Shah
21:20 Apr 15, 2021

I have tried to make the edits that you have suggested so can you tell me whether this is okay or not. Thank you so much for all your feedback :))

Reply

Zelda C. Thorne
03:06 Apr 16, 2021

Hey, My comments are only my opinion, by the way, (I'm learning too!). I think it is definitely clearer and flows better so well done 🙂

Reply

Palak Shah
09:41 Apr 16, 2021

Yeah, don't worry about giving me feedback. Your feedback especially has taught me a lot about my own writing and what you said was true so it is fine. Again, thanks for that fab feedback :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Dhwani Jain
10:10 Aug 08, 2021

I am going to be taking a break from Reedsy...check my bio for more.

Reply

Palak Shah
12:02 Aug 08, 2021

Oh okay, I'll miss talking to you and I hope you stay well :)))

Reply

Dhwani Jain
12:07 Aug 08, 2021

Yes, same to you! Stay healthy!

Reply

Palak Shah
12:18 Aug 08, 2021

Thank you so much :))))))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Dhwani Jain
09:32 Aug 03, 2021

I did up-vote you, di!!!!!!!

Reply

Palak Shah
08:46 Aug 04, 2021

Thank you so much :)))

Reply

Dhwani Jain
08:55 Aug 04, 2021

Welcome!

Reply

Palak Shah
08:42 Aug 05, 2021

:))))))))

Reply

Dhwani Jain
10:32 Aug 05, 2021

=D Anything new going on?

Reply

Palak Shah
11:57 Aug 05, 2021

No not really just the summer holidays Hbu?

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Dhwani Jain
12:07 Jul 31, 2021

🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 Thank you very much for commenting on my poem. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Did you like my blog? What are the things I can improve on? Also, what is your religion (if you want to tell, I am curious as 'Shahs' are mostly Jain.....just asking for that.)

Reply

Palak Shah
19:01 Jul 31, 2021

No worries Yes, I did, it is very nice and your poem was great. Yes I am a Jain Welldone Hbu?

Reply

Dhwani Jain
04:58 Aug 01, 2021

Thanks! I am flattered! :) Cool! You're the first Jain I have met here. As my surname says, I am a Jain too!

Reply

Palak Shah
13:48 Aug 01, 2021

That's nice you are also the first Jain I have met here.

Reply

Dhwani Jain
16:37 Aug 01, 2021

Yeah...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
J B
06:55 Jun 26, 2021

I like the story, and how you showed the two realities of love. Very sad though: she chose to end her life instead of her love.

Reply

Palak Shah
13:43 Jun 26, 2021

Thank you so much Jessica for this wonderful feedback :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Maci Currey
22:57 Jun 01, 2021

I usually don't read stories/books of this genre but I think that this was a really well-written story! I liked the part when you talk about what dying can be like and I like your writing style! I also thought the way you opened it and ended it was really good! I was wondering if you could leave feedback on a couple of my stories? :)

Reply

Palak Shah
09:40 Jun 02, 2021

Thank you so much Maci for your wonderful feedback, I am glad that you liked my writing style. I am coming over right now :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Writer Maniac
03:14 May 15, 2021

I'm really sorry for being so late to read your story, I had a lot of classes. Coming to your story, I thought it was beautifully woven, and the love and grief poured through the words. You have a very dizzying writing style, which just pulled me in immediately. Looking forward to reading more from you :)

Reply

Palak Shah
09:53 May 15, 2021

That is fine, I know how you feel :)) Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and I will keep you posted on my next stories :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Radhika Diksha
07:51 May 06, 2021

New story out. Would love your feedback.

Reply

Palak Shah
10:11 May 08, 2021

I am coming right over :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ant Man 🐜
16:17 May 03, 2021

Hi! I saw you looked at my stories, so I decided to take a look at yours, and I'm really glad I did! This is an amazing, sad, touching story, and you wrote it so beautifully!!! 🍫 Also, I have read one of us is lying, and it is a very good book. It has lots of plot twists, and it took me a long time to figure out who killed who. Also, I LOVE Pjo!!!!😱🤓

Reply

Palak Shah
15:44 May 04, 2021

Thank you so much for your feedback :)) I really want to read one of us is lying because a lot of my friends have read it and have loved it like you. Yayyyyyy, who is your favorite character in PJO?

Reply

Ant Man 🐜
16:01 May 04, 2021

Of course! Yes, if you find it in a library, you should read it! :DDD ooh, Hazel's my favorite! And you?

Reply

Palak Shah
14:08 May 05, 2021

I will read it soon :)) I love Annabeth Chase and Nico. I really like the God Hades mainly because he is so underrated and I feel like he is a good character but is not portrayed as one. Anyway, do you have a favorite God?

Reply

Ant Man 🐜
18:19 May 05, 2021

Yess!!! Yes!!! Annabeth and Nico are super good characters too!!! 🤓 ooh, good point! Well, none of the gods are really too great... But if I had to choose one, I would choose Hestia bc she's pretty calm and independent🤔😁

Reply

Palak Shah
10:06 May 08, 2021

YESSSSSS Hestia is also amazing but I always forget her for some reason because she isn't classed as the major Gods but she still is so powerful and as you said calm and independent :)) I also like Artemis because she is such an inspiration character an totally opposite to her twin brother lol :))

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Valerie June
00:44 May 03, 2021

Sorry that it took so long for me to comment on this. Anyway, the first and last lines were so poetic and lovely! Bittersweet would be a great way to describe how I felt during the entire time I read your story. It made me cry internally, something I've been doing more often on here because everyone's sad stories are turning out amazing! :)

Reply

Palak Shah
08:37 May 03, 2021

Thank you so much, Jose, for this amazing feedback :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
✨Abby ✨
18:49 Apr 30, 2021

This is so good!! It's so sad but in a good way. I love it! Also, Love Story is one of my favorite songs too lol.

Reply

Palak Shah
22:51 May 01, 2021

Thank you so much for your feedback It is an amazing song and yes also one of my favourites too :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Part 12 is out and you're featured!!!!!! GO CHECK IT OUT (please read previous parts first) Ik you're dead it's just a small mention but still :)

Reply

Palak Shah
17:44 Apr 29, 2021

That is fine, I am going over right now yay !!!

Reply

Palak Shah
17:53 Apr 29, 2021

It nearly made me cry :((

Reply

Palak Shah
21:10 Apr 29, 2021

:))))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

Hey, just letting you know Part 11 of the Adapters is out! Unfortunately, you are not featured and the few people that are only have small mentions. This story is revolved around the Battle of the All-Beasts, go check it out! :D

Reply

Show 0 replies

Heyyy! Part 10 is out and you are featured! WARNING: a lot of people die in this part and you may be one of them. Please read previous parts first!

Reply

Palak Shah
19:52 Apr 26, 2021

Yh I will. You are such a fast writer OMG :))

Reply

yeah XD #speedwriter lol warning: some ppl die and... you may... be one of them XD

Reply

Palak Shah
19:57 Apr 26, 2021

Yeah I am one of them lol :)) but I don't mind

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply

Part 9 of the Adapters is out and you are featured! Please read previous parts first!

Reply

Palak Shah
16:07 Apr 26, 2021

Yayyyyyyyyyy I'm coming :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ran Ahmed
14:17 Apr 25, 2021

Brilliant. 👏

Reply

Palak Shah
14:52 Apr 25, 2021

Thank you so much :))

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply