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246 comments
TW: suicide
He sang, he sang again; he sang how much he loved her, and she felt his tears rushing down into her grave.
***
“I’m sorry,” said Dan; as he held her close to his chest, giving her his temperateness, but she didn’t need any; because even at the termination of her life she was much tenderer than he could invariably be.
“I love you…” said Kate, and they were the last words that arose from of her mouth.
With a side gander, she saw her. Standing over her, glancing down at her, was Katrina looking remorseful. Besides, Kate couldn’t even endure paying attention to her because the ultimate person she would look at would be Dan.
“Go in Katrina,” said Dan, and she did so.
Dying can be fast or slow, painless or painful, nevertheless, no matter how I go, I’ll be unscathed, thought Kate. Regardless, this was a painful process; She didn’t reminisce how she was lying underneath this car as battered and bruised as her heart in front of his house
Then she realized it was the vial.
***
As she traversed through the suburbs, she remembered earlier to that day. Kate reminisced, seeing that blonde girl with Dan after she unfalteringly followed them. That girl looked familiar, which made her cynical. She was older than she was, and everything Kate wanted to be. She had a thick concrete of makeup that hid her snake-like skin; her clothes were barely covering the essentials and her mascara was thicker than the tips of lead pencil. This is what Kate should’ve been, she should’ve worn crop tops and skinny jeans instead of wearing her gargantuan hoodies and shapeless joggers. Then she remembered her: Katrina; their senior and Dan's mentor.
Kate could recall the time when Dan was observing her in the canteen. When Kate asked him what he was looking at, he looked away. He revealed that she was a "JUST HIS MENTOR". Kate couldn’t apprehend that he lied blatantly to her.
She has to amputate the bullet from her wound. She must let the sorrow come out. It hurts like hell because it does; but with her despondency, there was another intertwining sentiment: anger. The anger in her eyes showed the petrified child within. Anyone could see the agony beneath it, and her soul was drowning in this persona.
Dan pulled Katrina closer and kissed her vigorously as if he would never let go of her. Just like he used to do with me Kate thought
Her love was a unicorn, but Dan never believed in unicorns. So that was both the start and end of their story, and their story had ended even before she could realize it. Some things are merely real if you believe they are, and this love story wasn’t real. Even if Kate believed it was.
There she saw it: the bracelet with the letter K on it, on Katrina’s wrist. He purchased it for her, not for me. Tears started streaming down her eyes like a river escaping a dam. Their salinity burned her and etched marks into her skin, but she didn’t care anymore.
She had to tell him that this was over; she would not be his mannequin anymore. If
this was a video, now would be the instance to delete and not pause. Taking a picture of them, she sent it to him, telling him that this relationship was over.
Going into the dispensary, she bought some medicine in the vial. ‘50ml a day’ was written on the label. Just there she held the poison to her lips, ingesting it all at once. The others in the store watched impetuously, waiting for her to wither and die. But she discarded the vial and stared at the mirror, and saw people on the other side. “So, what are you waiting for?”
What have I done? Thought Kate; as she went out of the store. I should’ve thought this through. I should’ve …
***
Whilst she drove past Dan’s house, Kate saw him and Katrina going inside. They both looked exultant. Kate couldn’t comprehend that he was content with another girl who wasn’t her. How could she grasp this because he did promise to love her everlastingly?
Feeling vertiginous, she left the steering wheel and fell forward. Her skin was as pallid as her eyes and she knew she was clocking out. The medicine was having its effect. Her lips were barely there, and her body puckered like a puppet abruptly released from their strings. Colliding with a lamppost, she lay stone-cold in her grave. Suddenly, blackness submerged her, and she gave out whilst being interchanged with some kind of black- hole. Nausea sidled from her abdomen and the world went black.
Seeing Dan walk towards her, she recalled yesterday when they were together. It was mid-afternoon and a blazing furnace of swirls warmed the colours painted. The sky was a faucet, progressively draining the vibrant colours into non-existence. Her heart had never felt more loved, her immense adoration for him was unparalleled. It was her “forever home” and it gave her the capability to fly so freely; but his love wasn’t like that, he didn’t even love her.
She saw something whilst examining his jacket: a bracelet with the letter K on it. There was an inaudible blooming of her soul. This was for me, she thought. Feelings of elation and ecstasy were penetrating her and filling her up to the brim, but he did not mean this to be for her…
Not K for Kate. NO. It was K for Katrina, but she didn’t know that yet.
As Dan came back with ice cream, Kate let go of the bracelet and gazed at him. Whilst he cupped her chin, Dan told her he would love her eternally, and she told him she would love him until the day she died.
***
She sang, she sang again; she sang how much she loved him, and he felt her tears rushing down with rain whilst she was in her grave.
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I have just edited my story and thank you so much to everyone who has given me such wonderful feedback on my story and please do not be hesitant to share your opinions with me. Normally, I don't write romantic stories and I really want to see how this one turned out :))
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I really liked this story! The way you started and finished we’re really good and beautifully written!
A few grammatical critiques:
~* Dying can be fast or slow, painless or painful, yet lover, no matter how I go, I'll be okay. Heaven comes after, and we remember these things not. I'll be there. Our journey is ever onward together, you are my eternal lover thought Kate. This is a painful process, She doesn’t know how she is lying underneath this car which is as battered and bruised as her heart, she doesn’t remember how she got here. she doesn’t know how she got in front of his house. Then it struck her: the vial.* This paragraph confused me a little until I figured out that the first half was telling us what Kate was thinking. One way you could make the transition easier is if you use italics to write her thoughts, like this: *start italics* Dying can be fast or slow, painless or painful, yet lover, no matter how I go, I'll be okay. Heaven comes after, and we remember these things not. I'll be there. Our journey is ever onward together, you are my eternal lover, *end italics* thought Kate. This is a painful process, She {she} doesn’t know how she is lying underneath this car which is as battered and bruised as her heart, she doesn’t remember how she got here.{,} she doesn’t know how she got in front of his house. Then it struck her: the vial.
~Same here: *Pulling Katrina closer, Dan kissed her vigorously and held her like he was never going to let go of her; like he did with me thought Kate.*
~And here: *What have I done? thought Kate as she went out of the store. I should’ve thought this through. I should’ve …*
~How could you love someone else? Kate thought{.} (again, maybe use italics?)
~ Nausea crept from her abdomen and the world went black{.}
Comments on Reedsy are annoying in the way they won’t let you type words in italics. I think if you made Kate’s thoughts in italics, it would make the story flow better and make it less confusing for the reader.
Another possible way you could do Kate’s thoughts is if you just used ‘ ‘ around them, like so: ‘I don’t believe it,’ Kate thought. (Okay, I know that’s not a line in the story, but you get my point.)
All in all, great story, Palak! :)
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Thank you for this,
I think I deleted the comment thread lol :)) sorry
Anyway, how are you?
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Woah. That was beautiful, heartbreaking and visceral. The imagery was vivid and the story well done. The prompt was well handled too, I wouldn’t have known where to start, but you did so well. Loved it!
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Thank you so much Ana :)))
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No problem!
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Hi Palak, very powerful story. I have a few critiques:
1). When you're trying to convey a character's thoughts, use italics
2). Be careful where you put those strong, metaphorical lines. They have to be placed just right, or it makes the story a little cheesy.
3). You had a couple grammatical errors, (tense switches, missing periods/commas, etc.) so be sure to use spell check or Grammarly before submitting a story.
That's all! Overall, well done! You're really growing as a writer! :)
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Oh okay thank you for all these suggestions. I have never actually used grammarly before so I never knew that it could help with tense and stuff. Thanks for telling me.
Thank you for reading my story.
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Of course, happy to help!
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:))
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I have edited my story with your suggestions so please let me know if it is okay now. Thanks :))
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Eek, sorry, I'm so late! Yes, everything looks good.
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I like this, even though it was confusing at times.
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Thank you Graham, I appreciate you reading my story :))
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Hey Palak! How are you? :)
🍿
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Hey I am good
Hbu?
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I'm good too!
Do you remember our Gilmore convos XD
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Yes, I do, I loved them and I have the same convos with my friend at school.
Do you want to start again? :))
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Yes we should!
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Sooooooooo how are you?
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New Story!
Reviews are appreciated!!!
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Yep I am coming
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:)
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I HAVE BEEN DOWNVOTED!!!!!!!
I HAD ABOUT 1100+ POINTS, AND NOW I AM LEFT AT 660+....
PLEASE HELP ME, MY REEDSY FRIENDS
STOP DOWNVOTING NOW!!!!!
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Yh I was also downvoted to 666 around 6 months ago
I will try to upvote our conversions and just keep on writing.
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Yeah...so do you want me to spam or what?
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I don't mind but can you also upvote me if possible?
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Sure, I'll do that.
(although I don't have time right now. Can I do it tomorrow?)
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Yh sure :))
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🍿
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Yay,
Hey Aerin how are you doing?
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The emotions in this story were so loud! I know that's a funny way to describe it, but your character's emotions sang this story off the page. Her love is so unbridled, unrestrained. Even after being betrayed, she sings of her love. Great writing!
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Thank you so much Anneliya for the awesome feedback :))
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This was such a great story. It was sad but I really liked it. Thank you so much for recommending it :) :)
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Thank you so much Daniel :))
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🍿
how's it going?
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Yay
It's great
Hbu ?
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doing alright, a bit blah but yeah :)
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Yh yh :))
Read anything good lately?
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yeah actually, the first book of The Threshold series. It's super interesting :)
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Oooooo I haven't read that series yet, ill have to check it out lol :))
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What a beautifully tragic tale. Your descriptions in here were masterful and through the subtle unfolding of events, you really captured her heartbreak.
This line though was so good..
"Her love was a unicorn, but Dan never believed in unicorns. So that was both the start and end of their story" <-- I LOVE this!
WELL DONE!! Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you so much, Kelly.
That was also my favourite line :))
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Not the kind of story I would normally choose to read. But you asked if I could read it and comment on it. So I did.
To say that it was sad is putting it mildly. Whether the "love" Kate felt for Dan was real or not, her reaction was definitely a bit extreme.
Rather like in "Romeo and Juliet", when Romeo thinks Juliet is dead and buys some poison. He goes to her tomb, speaks to her supposedly dead body, and then drinks the poison. But Dan isn't like Romeo; he's more like Paris. Paris never really loved Juliet; at least not as intensely as Romeo did. For Paris, his marriage with Juliet isn't based on love; it's based on bringing two families together, consolidating their wealth, power, and status.
For Kate, her love for Dan feels real. But if he'd really loved her, he would never have dumped her in favor of Katrina.
Still, even at the end, Kate celebrates her love for Dan. Does he just walk away, hand-in-hand with Katrina, or does he mourn Kate's death? The former seems more likely to me.
Or maybe the first half of "Wuthering Heights" would be a better comparison. Kate is Heathcliff, Dan is Catherine Earnshaw, and Katrina is Edgar Linton. But, even then, in this analogy, "Catherine" doesn't love "Heathcliff" as much as "Heathcliff" loves "Catherine".
I don't know what else to say. On to the Editing section, I guess.
Editing commentary:
“I’m sorry” whispered Dan; as he held her close to his chest, giving her his warmth, but she didn’t need any because even at the end of her life she was much warmer than he could ever be. [I would delete the semicolon; then change the second comma to a period and start a new sentence with "But she"; I hope this makes sense]
With a side glance, she saw her. Standing over her looking down at her was Katrina looking guilty; but Kate couldn’t even bear to look at her because the last person she would look at would be Dan. [The first half of this sentence doesn't make sense. Earlier in the story, Dan held Kate close to his chest. But then you say that Kate sees someone with a side glance. Someone who is *above* her. Is she lying on her side when Dan holds her? Btw, is Dan the singer? You say "he" in the first paragraph and then suddenly "Dan" is there. Also, who is Katrina? And why would Katrina be giving Kate a guilty look?]
“Go in Katrina” [two commas are missing here: after "in" and before the close quotes]
Dying can be fast or slow, painless or painful, yet lover, no matter how I go, I'll be okay thought Kate This was a painful process for her, she didn't know how she was lying underneath this car which was as battered and bruised as her heart, she didn't remember how she got here. she didn't know how she got in front of his house. Then it struck her: the vial. [This sounds like it could be divided into at least three or four sentences. Maybe write it this way: Dying can be fast or slow, painless or painful, thought Kate. Yet, my love, no matter which way I go, I'll be okay. [Then you say, "This was a painful process." I really don't know where this could fit. Not where it is, in my opinion. Maybe just delete it?] [next sentence] She didn't know how she'd ended up underneath this car [first mention that Kate is lying under a car; how can Katrina see her under a car?], which was battered and bruised as her heart. [How do you bruise a car? You probably didn't mean it literally, but I don't know if "bruised" is the right word in this context.] Then she remembered: the vial.]
Driving home from the pharmaceutical store, she remembered earlier that day. [For clarity, I would switch the sentence around: Earlier that day, she remembered driving home from the pharmaceutical store.]
She saw Dan with that blonde girl opposite the pharmaceutical store [maybe change "saw" to "had seen"; also, I would change "opposite" to "across the street from"]
She was older than she was, and everything Kate wanted to be. [More confusion: Who is older than who? I'm guessing that the blond girl was the older one? Maybe say instead: The blond girl was older than Kate was and everything that Kate wanted to be.]
A thick concrete of makeup [I would change "concrete" to "layer"]
and her mascara was thicker than the tips of lead pencil [this really should've followed "snake-like skin" (before the semicolon that follows "skin"]
; but this is what Kate should’ve been, she should’ve worn crop tops and skinny jeans instead of wearing her oversized hoodies and baggy joggers. Then she remembered her: Katrina; their senior and Dans mentor; that is who she was. [I would change the first semicolon to a period. The next sentence should've started with "But this". I would change the comma after "been" to a colon. The next sentence should be a separate paragraph, and maybe rewrite it was: Then she remembered her. Katrina. Dan's mentor and their senior. ["; that is who she was" is redundant; I would delete it. The narrator has already identified who Katrina is.]]
Kate could remember the time when Dan was looking at her in the canteen, just as Kate asked him, he looked away and told her that she was ‘JUST HIS MENTOR’. Kate couldn’t believe that he lied blatantly at her face. What audacity did he have to do this? [In the first sentence, is "her" Katrina? It seems like it, but it's unclear as is. Then: "just as Kate asked him"? Asked him what? About the fact that he was looking at Katrina? Maybe rewrite this paragraph as: Kate remembered the time when she caught Dan looking at Katrina. Kate asked him why he was looking at Katrina. He just said, "Why do you care? She's only my mentor. Not someone I'm attracted to." Kate couldn't believe that he would lie about it so blatantly. Of *course* he was attracted to her, or he wouldn't have been staring at her. ["What audacity did he have to do this?" didn't make sense. He's already shown that he can stare at Katrina if he wants to and that it shouldn't matter to Kate.]]
She must remove the bullet from her wound and she must let sadness come out, it hurts like hell because it just does; but with her sadness there was another intertwining emotion: anger. ["bullet" is figurative here, not "literal" - Dan didn't shoot at her; instead, he lied to her.] [I would change "sadness" to either "the sadness" or "her sadness".] [I would change the comma after "out" to a period and start the next sentence with "It hurts"] [I would change the semicolon after "does" to a period and start the next sentence with "But with"]
Anyone could see the pain beneath it and her soul was drowning in this persona. [I would change "beneath it" to "behind the facade"] [the rest doesn't make sense to me. Maybe change "drowning" to "feeling smothered" and delete "in this persona"?]
; like he did with me thought Kate. [I would change the semicolon to a period. Then say: Like he did with me, thought Kate.]
, their story had ended even before she could realise. Somethings are only real if you believe that they are, and this love story wasn’t real even if Kate believed it was. [I would change the first comma to a period and start the next sentence with "Their story". I would change the period after "realise" to a colon.]
There she saw it: the bracelet with the letter K on it, on Katrina’s wrist. [I would delete the comma]
Tears started streaming down her eyes like a river escaping a dam, their salinity burned her and etched marks into her skin but she didn’t care anymore. [I would make this a new paragraph. Then I would change the comma to a period and start the next sentence with "Their salinity". Then I would add a period after "skin" and then say: But she just didn't care anymore.]
, she wasn’t going to be his puppet anymore. [I would change the comma to a period and start the next sentence with "She wasn't"]
If this was a video now would be the time to delete and not pause. Taking a picture of them, she sends it to him telling him that ‘IT'S OVER’. [I would say: If this was a video, now would be the time to delete it, rather than pausing it. She took a picture of them and sent it to Dan, telling him: "IT'S OVER".]
Going into the pharmacy [Was Kate anywhere near it? Did she walk down the pavement to it? Did she cross the street to reach it? I think a basic sketch of the town's geography would help you orient where places should be compared with your characters.]
Just there [I'm guessing this means that she's still in the pharmacy - after buying the vial - when she drinks the vial's contents. But it's not clear as is.]
The others in the store watched unexpectedly waiting for her to shrivel and die, but she dropped the vial and stared at the mirror and saw people on the other side. “So” she added with a menacing smile growing on her lips. “What are you waiting for?” [Were her actions that overt that the other customers could see what she was doing? Maybe say instead: The customers nearest her watched her empty the vial. They expected something to happen, but did they know it was poison? How would they react if she collapsed onto the floor and died?] ["people on the other side" - reflected in the mirror? or, like Alice through the Looking Glass, they're in the mirror universe, looking at her?] [I would start a separate paragraph with: "So," she added [and the rest of the sentence]]
What have I done? thought Kate as she went out of the store. I should’ve thought this through. I should’ve … [I would say: As she left the pharmacy, she suddenly had second thoughts. What have I done? I should've thought this through. I should've ...]
Nevertheless, everything looked so normal, everything felt so normal but nothing was normal. He was gone, with HER. However, she had just drank a whole bottle of medicine, so why wasn’t anything happening to her… [This sounds like two paragraphs, not just one.] [First paragraph, I would say: Nevertheless, everything looked so normal. Everything felt so normal. But nothing was normal, she knew. He was gone. With HER.] [Second paragraph, I would say: However, she had just drunk a whole bottle of medicine [was it poison or not?], so why wasn't anything happening to her?]
How could you love someone else? Kate thought [As she got into her car, Kate thought: How could you possibly love someone else, Dan?]
, they both looked happy. [I would change the comma to a period and start the next sentence with "They both"]
Kate couldn’t comprehend that he was content with another girl, who wasn’t her. How could she comprehend because he did promised to love her forever? [I would make this a separate paragraph. Then I would say: Kate couldn't understand how he could be content with another girl, a girl who wasn't herself? It didn't make sense. He promised to love her forever. And now he'd broken that promise.]
she left the steering wheel and fell forward. [I would change "left" to "let go of", and change "fell forward" to "leaned against it."]
; the medicine is having its effect; her lips were barely there are her body crumpled like a puppet suddenly released of their strings. [I would change the first semicolon to a period and start the next sentence with: "The medicine was". I would change the second semicolon to a period, and rewrite the next sentence as: "Her lips were going numb." Then the next sentence as: "Her crumpled, like a marionette whose strings were cut."]
Crashing into a lamppost, she lay there and, on her stomach, and gave out whilst being replaced with some kind of black- hole. Nausea crept from her abdomen and the world went black [I would say: No longer under her control, her car crashed into a lamppost. She lay there, her stomach resting against the steering wheel.] [The rest is a little confusing at times. Maybe say instead: As she slipped into unconsciousness, she felt nausea spreading outward from her abdomen. Then everything went black.]
Seeing Dan walk towards her, she remembered yesterday when they were together, a blazing furnace of swirls warmed the colours painted. [maybe change the second comma to "as if it was] [after "of", maybe say: warm, swirling colours.]
; but his love wasn’t like that, he didn’t even love her. [I would change the semicolon to a period and start the next sentence with "But his love"] [I would change the comma to a period and start the next sentence with "He didn't"]
This was for me she thought, feelings of elation and ecstasy were penetrating her and filling her up to the brim; but this wasn’t meant to be for her… [I would add a comma after "me". Then I would change the semicolon to a period and start the next sentence with "But this wasn't"]
It was K for Katrina but she didn’t know that yet. [I would add a comma after "Katrina"]
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Btw, for reasons I gave above the Editing section, I didn't click on "like" for this story. I hope that's okay with you.
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You know what. I never thought my story was sorta like Romeo and Juliet.
Thank you so much for all your feedback and it is fine that you didn't like my story everyone has their own taste. To be honest mine isn't really sappy romance lol :))
Thank you so much for all your feedback. I have edited my work and put it in and now thanks to you it flows so much better.
I have been using software like Grammarly they have really helped me in my grammar and punctuation so I think I will keep on using these and hopefully in a few years, I will not even need to use them :))
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This is weird. I got a reply from Natasha Romanoff that was the same as yours, but now I can't find her reply at all. Are you and Natasha the same person (with different user accounts on this website)? I don't think I was imagining her reply. But if I was, maybe it's from watching YouTube videos about the "Rocky and Bullwinkle Show" (where Natasha is one of the Russian characters). Anyway...
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Nothing wrong with that. I've read at least two books that were strongly inspired by "Romeo and Juliet". Both were written by the late Tanith Lee: "The Silver Metal Lover" and "Sung in Shadow" (the latter is far more like the play than the former). I recommend both books (and any other books written by Tanith Lee prior to 1990 or so; after that, she went heavily in the horror direction and I'm not a big horror fan).
You're welcome. I hope my stories aren't "sappy". I try to make them as realistic and plausible as possible. Sometimes to the point where they're probably a little too autobiographical.
Again, you're welcome. I try to be fair with feedback and I'm grateful that writers on this website have been just as fair with me (though, I confess that "Really good story!" isn't quite as useful as "I really liked your story, but here are some things that you might want to look at and see if you want to change them or not."). It's rare that I only find a few problems or just one problem in stories on this website (my own stories almost *never* have so few problems; some are a big pain to edit, others are just a little pain, and most of them fall in between the two extremes). I think this is the case because some writers simply submit a story before doing a thorough proofreading and editing of their story. They're probably hoping someone like me will say, "Um, you've got more than a few problems with your story. Here are the problems I found." If only I were paid for the editing I do on this website ... *sigh*.
I've used Grammarly. Mainly to double-check my spelling, but sometimes also to look for missing words ("a", "an", "the", etc.). It won't replace my organic spell-checker and grammar-checker (my brain), though. I've learned the hard way over the years that just because a word is spelled correctly it doesn't mean that the word itself is correct in the context it's in. Which is why I try to read carefully and make sure that I've done the best I can.
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Yeah, I use that to upvote people when they have been downvoted. No one was meant to know oops.
I think mine a sorta realistic but then I sometimes want them not to be so that the reader can escape into a different dimension.
Yeah, I will make sure next time to proofread my work.
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The only place I've seen a downvote symbol is in response threads. The stories only allow for upvotes (unless one chooses not to upvote a story, which I sometimes do).
Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to spill the beans (picks them up and puts them back in their bowl). I honestly thought I was losing my mind for a moment there. Glad to know that my mind was found and not lost after all.
Nothing wrong with "escaping" via reading. Sometimes, as Neil Gaiman put it, it's the only we can escape an intolerable reality into a reality where we feel safer, stronger, accepted, tolerated, etc. Maybe that's what I did when I was growing up, when I spent so much time in libraries or "with my nose buried in a book" (as someone once told me). Grade school and college had times that weren't happy and books provided a way of escaping those unhappy times, if only for a little while. Books never judged me, books never teased me, books never bullied me, books never broke into my school locker and stole stuff, books were like the junior high school guidance counselor I wished I'd had instead of the stupid one I was stuck with, books were like nice teachers instead of the not-nice teachers I had, books accepted me and tolerated me as I was, etc.
And I'll try to do better when proofreading/editing my own stories. It's hard sometimes (like when I'm tired and/or in pain) to make myself proofread thoroughly enough. If it were just laziness, I would probably be more self-critical: "Oh, come on. That was definitely *not* your best. At least proofread and edit like you do with other writers on this website."
I wish I felt more inspired to write stories this month. I don't think I can fault the story prompts; I think it's me. I just feel like an empty bottle waiting to be filled and I can't find anything worthwhile to fill it. Though I really shouldn't complain about it. After all, I've written 44 short stories over the last 8 1/2 months. Which is more than I've written (story-wise) in a very long time. I just miss how it feels when I'm writing a story and it carries me away with it. When the ideas are flowing, it feels like almost anything is possible. It's a wonderful feeling. I miss it.
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I have been downvoted so many times. Once I got downvoted to 666 and today I got downvoted around 20 points. It is so annoying and so many of my friends are leaving Reedsy because of it.
Yeah same, I do have some good stories in mind nevertheless I cannot find a suitable prompt for them and I am busy with classes and everything.
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Exactly, I totally agree with that, there should be a way to track these downvoters and with some guilt and shame, they will not do it anymore. This should not be tolerated and Reedsy should do something about it.
I think my ideas are normally influenced a lot by what I watch on TV and social media and mainly my own life sometimes. Sometimes it takes me a long time to write mine so I ask my dad and he gives me some ideas but I have never actually used any of his. How do you get your ideas?
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I wouldn't say "with some guilt and shame". But at least remind them that what they didn't *wasn't* funny to the receivers and that maybe they should apologize to the receivers. The problem with a website that doesn't insist on real names (I'm using mine on this website and I usually use my real name on other websites) is that people can hide behind fake names and anonymously attack other users. I've seen it happen before ... in fact, it happened to me. I never went back to the website that it happened on, and I was actually happy there up until that point. I thought it was a place of tolerance and acceptance ... only to find out that there were those who apparently didn't think like I did. I don't think that the people running that website ever tracked down the user responsible or apologized to me. I hoped that they would, but when it became obvious that they weren't going to, I left it and never returned.
My ideas primarily come from books, things that I search for online while doing research for possible topics, and other writers on this website. Sometimes, not often, from dreams. As far as *why* I'll choose one topic to write about over another ... sometimes it's a deliberate choice even before I start writing a story, sometimes it comes while I'm doing online research, and sometimes it just grows as I write the story and I look back afterwards and think, "If only I'd known it would turn out like that, but I didn't." Sometimes I'll start searching online via Google and gradually build up a possible topic to write about. "Chocolate and Vanilla" was like that. I had no clue initially that I was going to write about possible lesbian relationships in Shakespeare's plays. But somehow my online searches aimed me in that direction and I thought, "Well, why not? After all, Bonnie and Grace are friends. Maybe I could discuss both them *and* Shakespeare in a short story. Let's go for it." Sometimes I still find it amazing what I can manage to do with a story prompt and a 3000-word limit. Just when I think that certain topics probably can't be written about in just 3000 words, I go and prove that yes, they *can* be written about in so few words (maybe not easily, and the editing process might be lengthy and not always easy). However, if someone said, "Okay, you only have 500-1000 words," I'd probably have more trouble finding a topic I could squeeze down to that size. I can't imagine writing a short story that's only that long (or 500 words or less like in flash fiction). A poem? Maybe. But a short story? I don't think so.
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I understand what you are saying and maybe they should feel guilty about what they have done because it is wrong in my opinion, but a lot of people are jealous of the good writers and that is so annoying because at the end of the day we have to make ourselves write better.
Same, mine also comes from research for example some of my Sci-Fi stories. I would like to write more Sci-Fi stories but I haven't gotten a good prompt for it lol :))
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I just noticed that I made a goof in my previous message to you. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, I should've typed "did" instead of "didn't". Oops. Hope that didn't cause any unintentional confusion.
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Jealousy is a strange emotion. I tried once to imagine what jealousy felt like and burst out laughing. My mother asked me, "What's so funny?" And I explained what I was trying to do and concluded, "Jealousy has to be one of the dumbest human emotions ever." Envy, on the other hand, can be harmless: you can envy someone or something without wanting to ruin it. Hypothetical example: "I envy . He or she can write at least a dozen brilliant short stories every week. I really wish I were as good as he or she is." As long as it doesn't completely dominate one's thoughts and feelings, that sort of envy won't do any harm to anyone.
I'm not sure *what* the reasoning is of the jerks who downvote response messages. I wish that there was some way to ignore them and/or discourage them. I know I changed my bio in defense of what happened to Aerinnn B and maybe I shouldn't have. Some jerks thrive on attention. If their selfish behavior gets attention (even negative responses), that's good enough for them. But I wanted to take a stand and say what I thought was wrong and why I thought it was wrong. I just didn't know at the time that it was happening to more users on here than just Aerinnn B.
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Another good source (if you have a good visual imagination) is artwork. I sometimes will search (via Google) for certain types of art. I also sometimes look for certain types of photographs. Something that shows what I'm trying to describe or at least approximates what I'm trying to describe. Since I'm not much of an artist (unlike my two older brothers, our late father, his late sister, their brother, etc.), I try to "sketch" and "paint" when I'm writing poems and stories and when I'm playing music (not just mine, but also other composers/musicians). It's also nice having "mood music" playing while I'm working on a poem or story. It doesn't have to be dramatic music; just something that helps set the mood and maybe expresses the thoughts and/or emotions of one or more characters. Once I really get into the flow of writing, I often forget that the music has stopped playing.
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Yeah, I get some ideas but they aren't as good as I would want them to be, I have tried to read online so that I don't have to actually buy my books nevertheless I like reading paper copies more than online. Maybe it's just a personal preference lol :))
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Ideas can be like that. I guess one needs to have faith in them that they'll turn out all right at least once every three or four attempts at converting them into stories or poems.
I prefer hardbacks and paperbacks over e-books, too. They're not as convenient if you want to take a dozen or more on a trip with you, but they're also less prone to having technological problems. They can get wet and soggy, though (which is one situation where an e-reader would be an advantage).
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I prefer hardbacks or paperbacks mainly because they are good for your eyes. Also, I think they are better to read :))
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Unless you're 53 years old like me and in need of reading glasses. I have to push my glasses until they're almost on the tip of my nose before the text is clear enough to read ... and that's when reading a hardback, not the much smaller print in a paperback. Unfortunately, I don't think there are any inexpensive reading glasses strong enough for my eyes (and I can't currently afford to get farsighted glasses any more than I can afford a new pair of nearsighted glasses).
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Yh, I am shortsighted so I can read without my glasses but I prefer to just have them on :))
I just got downvoted again to 666 ugggggg that is so annoying, I hate being downvoted because everything I just do goes to waste
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This was a really nice story! I loved the descriptions!
One error: "I'll be okay thought Kate This was a painful process..."
Correction: "I'll be okay, thought Kate. This was a painful process..."
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Thank you so much for your feedback.
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Np!
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Hi Palak
I agree with keya M’s comments below. I’m working on the same prompt and find it extremely challenging. Good for you to have taken this on!
Keep writing!
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Thank you so much, Cathryn :))
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you are most welcome! I am not making a lot of progress on this backward story thing. Hard to do!
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Yeah, it is. There is a lot of change in tense and a lot of flashbacks involved. It is hard to get into grips with. I had to write out my draft about 3 times for it all to make sense lol :))
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TOTALLY!
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All the imagery in the story were so good. Great command on words. ❤
The ending confused me a little bit. Coming back with ice-cream to her car? Was it a flashback?
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That was a flashback and I have tried editing it a bit more to make it sound a bit more like a flash-back.
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I think it's good then.
Also. Do read my new story. Thank you. ❤
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Of course :))
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I really like it, I just feel like the grammar wasn't necessarily checked. There just wasn't some punctuation, and some parts needed to be italicized.
Other than a few mistakes, it was a very good story
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Thank you for your feedback. I will get right on to fixing my grammar :))
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:D
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I have tried to fix my grammar so please tell me if it is okay or not. Thanks :))
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I can tell that you changed your grammar, good job!
Can you check out my latest story, Wishing?
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Thanks.
Of course, I am going over there right now :))
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oml so sad.
I LOVE IT! beautiful details and I adore every word of it.
A few grammatical mistakes but keep up the good work, Palak!
-Timber <33
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Thank you so much :))
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Np!
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That was so sad, I loved it, the depression from the broken love triangle, how she crashed into the lampost. I would have said "Suddenly, blackness engulfed her" or something a bit more dramatic, yhou forgot a period at the end of black as well. whilst could have been replaced with "as she lay stone cold in her grave." but just little things, nice work Palak, glad to see you still writing. Also some italics on the Kate's thinking so we knew what was happening as the reader to take us into her feelings, the inner voice. cheers good work
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I have tried to edit my stories with your suggestions so please let me know if it is okay and thank you for all your feedback :))
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I am not an expert and still learning but glad to see you open minded. You def have some strong talent for a young person. I just posted a new story too today, I wrote it quickly but I wanted to work on dialogue tags and using present to past prompt idea. cheers
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Well, I am coming right over to look at your story.
That's fine, you have given me constructive feedback because your feedback made my writing so much better and gave it that flow which it needed, so thanks again.
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My pleasure and thanks for liking my stories too.
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No problem :))
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