You Two Make Horrible Nurses

A dragon flew from his nest atop an island mountain to do a little fishing. He reached into the waves and snagged a big one with his back claw, and ascended into the sky. As he did, he saw an odd stick floating in the water. What made it odd was that it was vertical instead of the more acceptable horizontal position. However, his attention quickly returned to his catch as it fiercely struggled to escape. He flew back to his clan's nest, securing the fish with both claws and forgot all about the strange stick in the sea.

He would have known it wasn't a stick if the dragon had used half an ounce of his one-ounce brain. It was a spyglass. The spyglass slowly sped through the choppy sea into a small cove. As the cove became more shallow, the spyglass arose from the water, revealing an underwater boat made from a hollowed-out tree with a cork in its bow. It ran aground and stuck. The cork popped out, and three exited.

Lady Nimmo, her father, and the spirit of Trungen made their way through the island to a cave using a map provided by spies from Selwyn. What those spies discovered on this island is the reason the three were here.

Once in the cave, they set up shop. Lady Nimmo pulled out her carving knives and arranged them on a flat rock. Jor and Trungen retrieved a few trunks.

Unable to sit and do nothing, Lady Nimmo tidied up the cave while waiting for them to return. She found the spies' campfire, reached in, and lifted out a half-burnt log. She immediately dropped it. Her heart pounding quicker. She looked around, half expecting to see shadow elves. The log was warm. Somebody has used this campfire recently.

The vast cave had felt inviting and safe a few moments ago, but now, every dark corner concealed unknown dangers. She wished she had already carved a few of her magic stumpers or that her father and Trungen were back.

She returned to her flat rock and grabbed a carving knife and a torch. She searched one dark spot at a time. The torchlight ran over stones that, at first glance, appeared to be murderous elves but proved to be ordinary rocks too friendly-looking to murder anyone. She began to feel a little more at ease as she eliminated almost all potential hiding places until her light revealed an out-of-place object. It was so out of place that she hardly believed what she saw.

She reached down and picked up the leather-bound, dusty book. She shook it and opened it. Someone had written in it. She flipped through the pages and found half written on and the other half blank. Jor and Trungen entered carrying a stump, and Lady Nimmo dropped the book.

"Oh, my! You startled me," Lady Nimmo said.

"What do you have there?" Jor asked.

She picked it back up. "I found this book lying over there. I was about to read some before you came in."

Jor and Trungen put the stump down and headed out to get another. "You don't have time for reading," Jor said as he exited.

She ignored him and opened to the title page:

"My Really Exciting Adventures That Normal Boring People Don't Have by Captain Arrow James

This book isn't based on a true story or actual events. My memory is far too foggy for that. Instead, I'm calling this a creative, not fiction book. It is much easier to fill in my memory gaps with unverifiable ones."

Jor and Trungen carried in another stump. She closed the book. She could read later, but now she needed to carve. A magical stumper army wasn't going to happen by itself.

A dozen carved stumpers lay lifeless in a row, their faces frozen. They looked like stumpers but were just pretty faces on lifeless stumps. Lady Nimmo carved, but her magic didn't work. It didn't bring the stumps to life.

"I want this army. I want to get the Eye of Duran back for King Moreland. Why won't my magic work?" Lady Nimmo sat near the campfire with her head hung low. She felt helpless.

"Give it some time," Jor said. "Perhaps your heart will be in it tomorrow."

The next day, Jor and Trungen left to get more stumps. Lady Nimmo picked up the book:

"I was fighting for my life. The sailors didn't understand that I only wanted their treasure. They mistook me for a regular pirate. However, I don't know how since I clearly have two legs."

She continued reading more about Captain Arrow James. He never killed or even beheaded anyone. He did make a poor guy walk the plank once. But since the ship had wrecked, the plank reached out over an inviting lagoon, only leading to the poor guy getting a good swim.

She was starting to feel like she knew this captain, but unfortunately, Jor and Trungen returned with more work.

Day after day, Lady Nimmo carved. The row of lifeless stumpers grew, along with her frustration.

"How will we overrun the Keep if I can't carve one stumper to life?" Lady Nimmo allowed her frustration and anger to spill out. "I mean, what good am I? Why am I here?"

"Keep calm and carve on," Jor said. "It'll happen. They'll come to life."

"What if they don't?"

"Then we'll find another way to get the Eye of Duran."

Suddenly, Trungen stood, her green light illuminated brighter. She grabbed her staff and looked to the cave entrance.

"What is it?" Jor asked. He stood and drew his sword.

"The trees are warning me of danger."

They were on their feet, staring at the mouth of the cave when shadow elves began to pour in. They filled the cave. The elves were dressed in black from head to toe, armed with whips and swords. They attacked en masse.

Trungen spun her staff so fast it sounded like a windmill in a tornado. She knocked out two elves and parried the thrust of a sword in one fluid motion. A few elves used their whips around Trungen's legs, but she cut the straps in two with her greenish fiery staff and face-punched them as quickly as Muhammad Ali on his third Monster Energy drink.

Some elves charged Jor. His sword glowed deep red when they pulled out their swords. They paused in shock when they saw Jor's eyes catch fire. One of the elves thought to himself, "This isn't good," right before Jor's sword sliced his puny boring unlit sword in two.

Lady Nimmo screamed in shock and fear when she saw her father. She had never seen this side of him before. She had questions, but it wasn't like they could talk about it over a cup of hot tea. She shook off her dismay and grabbed her bow.

Trungen was also taken back but had better command of her emotions than Lady Nimmo. She never stopped cracking heads and dodging blows.

The elves' numbers increased, eventually subduing Jor and Trungen with dozens of whips. Lady Nimmo stood with her bow, but none of the elves approached her. One of the shadow elves pulled a knife and placed it on Jor's cheek.

"We've been ordered not to harm the lady. However, we have no orders about you two," the elf said. He slid his knife slowly down Jor's cheek, opening a trail of blood.

Lady Nimmo screamed, "Stop it!" She aimed her bow and released her arrow. The reflexes of an elf are amazingly quick. He grabbed Jor and turned his back to the flying arrow, using him as a shield. It struck Jor.

"Noooo!" Lady Nimmo fell to her knees. The elf laughed as he let Jor slide to the ground. The cave echoed with her cries of anguish. Tears streamed down her face. Her only thought was how she killed her father. She saw him lying on the floor with her arrow in his back. The pain increased beyond her control. "Father!"

The elf responsible relished in her pain. He stepped on Jor, "Look here, lady." He ordered the elves surrounding Trungen to remove her head. One apprehensive elf took his sword and walked to Trungen, who was bound from head to foot with whips but made no attempt to free herself. She only stared at the approaching elf.

Lady Nimmo saw what was about to happen, and something snapped inside. She jumped to her feet. White flames burned in her eyes. The shadow elves stopped and looked at her. She stretched out her arms, and a gust of wind filled the cave, knocking elves off their feet. It bellowed and howled. While the elves kept trying to stay on their feet, the eyes of the lifeless stumpers burned white. Over a hundred stumpers stood in unison, and Lady Nimmo spoke in their language, "Attack the shadow elves!" Her words sounded like dried leaves rustling in the wind.

They rose and seized the swords and whips of the off-balanced elves. The wind continued blowing but did not affect the stumpers, as if the wind allied with them. They rounded up the entire lot, securing them with whips. Once they were all tied, the wind died.

Lady Nimmo lowered her arms. Her eyes returned to normal. She ran to her father and tried to turn him over, but she realized the arrow wouldn't allow it, so she held him half-turned and cried. Trungen bent down and felt his arm.

"His blood flows," Trungen said. She asked some stumpers to get water. They returned, and Trungen washed the wound. Jor was unconscious. They agreed this would be the best time to remove the arrow. So, Trungen did.

"Ow! Xer-Bane, Almighty! What did you go and do a thing like that for?" Jor yelled and cursed. "Give a man a drink first!"

Lady Nimmo hugged him and sobbed.

"There, there. I'm alright. It's just a shoulder wound. I've had worse than that."

She hugged him tighter.

"Lighten up! Too hard! By Xer-Bane, you two make horrible nurses."

She quickly let go and laughed, repeatedly telling him she was sorry but so happy to see him alive.

She bound his wound and made a bed for him to rest. After caring for her father, she organized the stumpers to build crude cages for the captured shadow elves. Then she armed the stumpers with their enemy's weapons and began to plan how they would storm the Keep holding the Eye of Duran.

She figured most of the shadow elves were in cages, but there could be more in the Keep than she expected. She chose several stumpers to spy on it.

"So, what is your plan?" Trungen asked.

"I don't want to make a move until our spies return."

"That's very wise. I'll walk among the trees. It is very therapeutic for me."

"Good idea. I think I'll do some reading. I want to see if Captain Arrow James has better exciting adventures than we do."