Worst Toy Ever

The townspeople fled in terror. 

Their homes ablaze like hell incarnate, their fellow men and neighbors slaughtered, king skinned and beheaded - in that order - there was not a drop of defiance or bravery left. They all scrambled for their lives before the Dark Prince’s destruction.

“Flee, pathetic insects,” bellowed Merciless, the Dark Prince. “Flee and spread the word of my great power!”

His mighty form loomed over the mortal town like a monolith of doom; a crown of lightning adorning his head, a shroud of dying clouds his cloak, fear, and despair his armor. Merciless was a demi-god, an heir to the throne of darkness and he was having a field day.

“Let it be known that there is no one great enough to oppose me…” He laughed as he waved a hand at the fleeing people. Half of them burst into flames, their bodies burning away in a flash, leaving only clothes and shoes behind.

Merciless reveled in his power, laughing. The people ran faster. “Yes, feel the doom I bring-”

“Merciless!” 

A sudden voice boomed across the skies, shaking the land. “Come, lunch is ready!”

Merciless stopped his manic laughter and turned towards the black clouds in the sky. “Coming, poppa!” 

His voice changed from a demonic growl to a child’s excited babbling. His form also shifted from an incomprehensible avatar of destruction to that of a boy with a sparkle in his eyes. He dropped from a few hundred feet in the air, where his massive form was just a moment ago, and landed in the middle of a fiery street in a three-point landing, sending cobblestone and firewood flying. He ran past the fleeing people, who looked at him with a mix of horror and confusion.

“Later, mortals!” Merciless snapped his fingers, opening a swirling vortex of a magical portal in front of him and jumped inside. 

He came out at the other end, followed by some debris and a stray dog. The portal opened straight to the kitchen where his father, Dark Lord Devastatus, was managing several pots and pans over a hearth’s fire. 

“What’s to eat, poppa?”

“Hey, what did we say?” Devastatus groaned. “Wipe your feet and wash your hands! Damnation knows what you’ve been up to in the mortal realm!”

Merciless sighed. “Yes, poppa.” He rolled his eyes and shuffled his feet across the tiled floor.

“On the rug, boy!”

“Sunshine!” Merciless cursed and walked to the door where a rug lay on the floor. “Why bother wiping my feet when I can just flick a finger and clean the whole house with my power?”

Devastatus, wearing a white apron and a cooking hat, lifted a finger while shaking a frying pan, back toward his son. “First, we do not curse in this house. I don’t want to hear any words related to positivity, beauty, or the divine source of illumination in the mortal realm. Got it? Second,” he flipped something in the pan, evoking cries of mercy from the food, “if you rely on your powers too much, pretty soon you won’t know how to wipe your hiney without them. You’ll be Lord one day, son, and as such, you should learn to be independent.” Devastatus finally turned around, giving his son a meaningful look.

“Yes, poppa,” Merciless said, head bowing. He looked at his father’s majestic cloak and quietly wished his would be as cool. Skulls from various beasts and races hung from it, metal spikes, chains, blood-red embroidery, and bone-white horns. Looking at his cloak Merciless found only some dried leaves and broken twigs stuck to it, dirty from running through the woods.

“You brought a dog?”

“It followed me through the portal,” Merciless said, only now noticing the four-legged creature running around and barking. 

“Sloppy.”

“You called for me.”

“You shouldn’t be opening portals when someone can follow you,” Devastatus said. “What if it was an Archmage? Or a renowned Hero? One of the - ugh - the good guys?”

“Poppa, eww!”

“You made me say it, boy!”

“That’s disgusting!”

“If you’re not careful, they can sneak through the portal and crawl in your bed, whispering positive affirmations in your ears.”

Merciless’s breath caught in his throat. “Poppa, I’m losing my appetite!”

Devastatus smiled. “Too bad. Maybe you’ll be more careful next time.”

Merciless walked to the table and climbed on a chair - which was some thirty feet tall, made for a more majestic form than the one he was currently wearing. The table was likewise high up in the air, like a tower for feasting.

“Why do we have to be like this,” he said, feet dangling. “This form that the mortals use. Why can't we be big and awesome all the time?”

Devastatus sighed from below. “Did you not listen? You shouldn’t rely on your powers all the time! Like me, I’m cooking this lunch, instead of imagining it into existence. It’s quite a relaxing activity.”

Merciless sniffed. “What are you making?”

“Deepest darkest secrets, seasoned with a pinch of coriander and misery. Mother’s favorite.”

Merciless heard his stomach growl. That sounded delicious.

“After you’re done eating,” Devastatus said, voice shaking the whole kitchen, “I have a surprise for you. A gift for your first fully grown fang.”

Merciless’s eyes widened at that. A gift! What could it be?

“Ooo, is it a hydra’s egg? Ooo, or a pocket planet? Ooo, ooo, or maybe-”

“You’ll see. Eat your secrets. You need the nutrition.”

Devastatus hovered up to the table with a tray of food in his hands. Merciless could hardly pay attention to the meal as he was eating it, the anticipation of a gift too great.

“Did you find a Titan and brought it back to life?”

“Don’t eat with your mouth full, son. Also, chew your food, don’t just absorb it into your being. As Dark Lord, you’ll need to learn the customs of mortals if you are to reign dominance over them.”

Merciless chewed, then swallowed. “What is it then?”

Devastatus smiled. “It’s a toy.”

Merciless nearly dropped the fork.

“Not just any toy. A very special toy. One that I got when I was about your age and played with it throughout my whole childhood.”

“Is it a void? Empty, dark, and cold as death itself?” Merciless crossed his fingers.

Devastatus chuckled. “You’ll see. Eat.”

Merciless dug into the food, devouring it as fast as the mortal conventions allowed. He bit down on a piece that wasn’t cooked enough, still a bit raw, and not wanting to insult Father he spat it out under the table, hoping the Dark Lord wouldn’t notice. 

The braking below stopped. Merciless glanced down and again remembered that the dog was still there. It sniffed the bit of food, then ate it.

The dog’s whole body transformed. It started to grow, both in size as well as in the number of limbs, heads, and tails. Wings sprouted from its back, its eyes rolled backward and were replaced by mouths with razor-sharp teeth.

Merciless observed in silence as the creature rose behind his father’s back. Devastatus raised a fork to his mouth, then paused. 

“Merciless?”

“Hm?”

“Did you feed the dog your food?”

“Um… no.”

“Merciless…”

“It accidentally fell from my plate.”

“You know our food isn’t for mortal creatures.”

The monstrosity behind Father opened it’s many mouths and roared, breathing fire from some mouths, spitting acid from others.

“Can we keep him, please?”

Devastatus didn’t seem amused.

“Oh, but look at him! He’s literally eating his own limb!”

“Fine,” said Devastatus. “You brought him here, you take care of him. If I find but one pile of poo…”

“You won’t, I promise!”

“We’ll see.”

“May I go now? I ate everything.”

“You may. Your toy is waiting for you in your room. Have fun!”

Merciless jumped from his chair, three-point landing on the floor, and opened the portal to his room. He ushered the dog monster to follow.

“For the last time, Merciless, use the door-”

Merciless already jumped through the portal.

Devastatus sighed. “That boy is pure evil.” Then he smiled. “I’m such a fortunate dad.”

***

“What, in the name of warmth and happiness, is that?” 

Merciless stared at a small metal cage resting on his bed. There was a tiny hut inside it - obviously shrunk - some dirty hay, rocks, and a few dried up trees. Amongst all that, a pathetic-looking creature sat on a stone, misshapen clump of hair flowing down its back, a bushy grey beard covering most of its face. The creature sat with hands on its knees, legs crossed, eyes closed. A human, the size of a fork, only much thinner.

“Is this some joke?” Merciless approached the cage and crouched to inspect the human up close. It didn’t smell that well.

“Hey, human. Are you alive?”

The creature didn’t move. Merciless shook the cage, toppling the dried trees. “Hey! Answer me!”

Silence. The human sat on his stone, motionless.

Merciless sighed. “Dad always had the weirdest sense of humor. Dog, look, your first treat.” He reached to open the cage door. The human suddenly opened his eyes and spoke in a raspy voice.

“You don’t want to do that.”

Merciless yelped and backed up. The dog-monster roared behind him.

“You’re alive, then,” Merciless said, frowning. “I can fix that.” His hands ignited with a black flame.

“I know where your mother is,” the human said, his voice calm.

Merciless blinked, the fire vanishing from his fingers. “What did you say?”

“I’m the one that imprisoned her. I almost brought peace to the world… if only I hadn’t forgotten about your father. And his wrath.”

Meciless’s heart began pounding. “You know where my mom is?” He could barely remember her from his father’s memory transfer. He never met her for himself, she was taken away when Merciless was but a young, unconscious blob of evil, floating in the Pool of Desolation.

His face darkened. “What have you done to her?”

“I rid the world of pain and suffering,” the human said, shrugging. “But evil’s roots are deep and I only made things worse. Now, your father rules the lands.”

“Sunshine!” Merciless cursed, clenching fists. “Who are you, human? My father never spoke of what happened to Mother, why should I believe you?”

The human jumped up on his stone all of a sudden, slamming a hand at his chest, eyes fixed on Merciless. “I am Antonio the Handsome, hero of the free people, vanquisher of darkness, the bringer of light! I am the one destined to rid the world of all evil, bringing an era of peace and prosperity! I-”

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Merciless waved a hand. “You’re one of those, then. Ugh, no wonder you smell so bad.” He pinched his nose, waving a palm.

Antonio ground his teeth. “Just as pompous as the Dark Lord himself.”

“Thank you,” Merciless said, grinning. “You know, you are the stupidest human I’ve ever met. Do you know why?”

“Amuse me.”

“Because you thought you could defeat my father. Now, look at you! Cramped up in that cage, old and overgrown with… whatever those are-”

“-hair-”

“-with no hope of escaping. Antonio the Handsome? I know humans are pathetic, but I didn’t know you are such poor liars.”

“I’ve been locked up in here for fifty years, boy!” The man stomped a foot on his stone, pointing a finger at Merciless. “Let me out and give me my armor and weapon back, and I’ll show you just how pathetic I am!”

“Alright,” Merciless said.

Antonio blinked. “What? Really?”

“Sure. You’re my new toy and I want to play with you.”

“Just like that, you’ll let me out and give me back my stuff?”

“On one condition,” said Merciless. “You’ll tell me where Mother is first.”

Antonio chuckled. “I’d rather die.”

“I’m sure you would, but this is the realm of the gods. Here, you are immortal. You’ll spend eternity in that little cage, amusing my whims and playing fetch with the dog over there.” Merciless threw a thumb pointing at the dog-monster, whose heads barked at each other.

“I can endure it.”

“Are you sure? Humans aren’t meant to live forever. Your body is already decaying after fifty years, pretty soon you won’t have one anymore.”

“But, you said that I’m immortal here…”

“Exactly. But your body isn’t. So you’ll spend eternity as a cloud of thought, unable to do or say anything, just floating around in your tiny cage, watching the bars rust. Sounds cool, huh?”

Antonio didn’t answer, but his eyes glared at Merciless.

“You said you imprisoned my mother. Where is she held?” Merciless placed a hand on the cage, as to squish it. “Where?”

Antonio smiled. “You won’t like the answer, boy.”

“I don’t like you, human.”

“First, release me. And return to me my armor and weapon.”

Merciless studied the man’s eyes. He considered going to father and asking him about Mother and Antonio and everything that happened before his birth. But then again, Father gave him this man as a toy for a reason. Perhaps he wanted Merciless to discover the truth on his own.

“Fine. You can’t escape unless I open a portal, anyway. Dog, watch him. If he tries anything, eat him.”

The dog-monster roared in agreement. Merciless opened the cage door. Antonio stepped out and onto the bedsheets.

“My stuff,” the man said.

Merciless snapped his fingers. Antonio’s rags transformed into a shiny set of armor and a beautiful two-handed sword appeared in his hands. The man’s face bore an expression of disbelief and awe.

“Now tell me,” Merciless said.

Antonio seemed lost in awe for a moment. “I thought I’d never again be-”

“Tell me where my mother is!”

Antonio jumped into a defensive pose, meeting Merciless’s eyes. “She is in the heart of every man. The only way to imprison her and keep her from destroying the world was to merge her soul with that of all humankind. I robbed us of our innocence and purity, planting the seed of evil within. But a little poison is a good thing, as it helps you fight off a snake bite.”

“What?” Merciless frowned. “That makes no sense. There’s no seed of evil in humans, they’re just pathetic.”

“That’s the truth, boy,” Antonio said, slamming his visor down. “As I’ve promised, I will now show you just how pathetic I am!” He jumped up in the air, armor starting to glow, the sword blazing with white fire. For a moment, his form seemed to grow larger, becoming a fully-sized human again.

But the moment was cut short, as a bolt of black lightning struck Antonio down and burned him in a pile of ashes. Merciless turned around, noticing Father standing behind him.

“Good work, son,” Devastatus said. “I tried getting that information out of the man for fifty damn years! The bastard refused to speak!”

“Poppa, I’m confused,” said Merciless, looking at the smoldering ashes. “Is what he said true? Is he the hero who defeated and imprisoned my mother?”

“It’s true, my son,” Devastatus said, placing a hand on Mercielss’s shoulder. “Please forgive me for not telling you, but it was best you didn’t know until you were old enough.”

“I’m old enough now,” he said, looking up at his father, jaw tightening.

“You are. And now we know where your mother is.”

“In the hearts of every man,” Merciless whispered. Father nodded absently. How in the blazes are they going to get her out from there? Would they have to collect all the hearts from all the humans and cold-press the evil out of them, concentrating it in a barrel, sculpting Mother out of the mass? Or did that mean that every human was actually his mother now?

Those were some disturbing thoughts.

Merciless crossed his arms and frowned. “Worst toy ever.”