“How are you?”
Sitting at the grass, enjoying the blue sky slowly turning orange, I turn my head at the familiar sound. In front of me, a man stands with a white short-sleeve shirt and khaki pants. Black rectangular-framed glasses sit on the bridge of his nose, covering his dark brown eyes.
I blink my eyes twice, making sure he is the same man that I know. “Kevin?”
The man flashes a wide smile. “You still remember me?”
“Of course!” I answer, still feeling surprised. I did wish to meet him, yet it never occurred to me that we could ever meet again.
“Here, flowers for you,” Kevin stretches his hand, putting a red-coloured bouquet in front of me, along with a white plastic bag.
“Oh, thank you! Rose? It doesn't match the vibe here, though,” I peek at the bouquet while gesturing him to sit in front of me.
“Whatever with vibes. I just know for sure that you'll like it,” Kevin answers as he crosses his legs to sit down beside me.
Beaming with joy, I nod at his statement. This behaviour of him never stops to make my heart flutter.
“You look the same as I last saw you,” Kevin states.
“Still pretty?” I jokingly ask as I put my palms under my chin, moving my fingers playfully to resemble the flower petals.
Kevin lets out a chuckle at my action. “Yeah, yeah.”
“You look different,” stopping my fingers from moving, I reply.
“Different like, how?” Kevin gets his face closer to mine.
“Like, these lines at the corner of your eyes weren't there last time,” I stretch my hands, trying to reach his facial features.
Kevin lets out a faint smile, moving his head backwards to avoid the touch of my hands. “Well, ten years have passed by.”
Understanding the uncomfortableness that the guy in front of me is feeling, I pull back my hand, suppressing the wish to caress his face.
Avoiding the awkward situation, Kevin grabs the plastic bag that he brought and takes out the two white-coloured cans. “Your favourite drink.”
My eyes widen at the familiar-looking logo pasted on the can. “You still remember.”
Kevin pops the can, letting the fizz out, “How can I forget when you always bought the same drink over and over again?”
“You'll drink it?” I ask while observing the man beside me.
“I have bought it, so might as well,” Kevin gulps the soft drink, letting my jaw drops in surprise by the action.
“I thought you hated this drink? Remember back then in high school?"
“That was then. At this time, I have grown quite a liking to this beverage,” Kevin excuses himself, then turns around and lets gas out from his mouth.
I mouth 'WOW' in silence as I watch Kevin pour the liquid and swallows the beverage once again. “Since when, though?”
“Since you were gone, I guess?” Kevin replies in a playful tone.
“Oh come on, I know you have already moved on,” I throw another question to corner him.
“No?” I could see Kevin avoids looking at me when he states his replies. The habit that he always does when he is lying.
I cross my arms, about to ask him to spill out his life story for the past ten years, when he pulls out a white envelope from the back pocket of his pants. “Anyway, I've got a letter for you,” Kevin stretches out, “From your parents.”
I nod my head a couple of times as I observe Kevin opening up the envelope, putting the piece of paper in front of me, ready to be read. “How are they?” I ask as I skim through the writing on the paper.
“Healthy and well. From time to time, I drop by your house and have a chat with them,” Kevin puts his left hand under his chin, waiting for me to finish reading the letter.
“Oh, that's good to hear. I feel better knowing that someone is caring for them in my stead,” I lift my head from the letter, looking at the guy in front of me once again.
“That's the least that I can do,” Kevin forces a smile.
“Is this the only letter for me?” I ask abruptly.
The guy in front of me is taken aback by my question. He opens his mouth, but he chooses to close it again. Instead, his hand reaches out to the white plastic bag, pulling out another envelope. This time, a golden-coloured one with his name embedded on the front.
Along with a girl’s name beside his.
“This is what you come here for, isn’t it?” I observe the decoration on the corner, as well as the heart ornament in between the two names.
“I’m sorry,” Kevin says in a soft voice. He averts his eyes from mine, and I could see that smile no longer exists in his face.
“Don’t be,” I shake my head, trying hard to push back the tears from falling. All the memories when I spent the time with him comes flooding back.
And silence falls between the two of us for a good few minutes. I am drowning in my thoughts, and so is Kevin.
Until a ringtone from Kevin’s phone breaks it.
Kevin answers the video call, displaying a girl in a red dotted dress on the screen. “Babe, I am here. Where are you?”
“Oh, I’m still inside,” Kevin replies. He glances at me, with a pained expression.
“Are you done? I am at the gate. Come on out please, this place is rather creepy,” the girl ends the call.
Kevin bits his lip as his phone screen turns black. “I feel bad about leaving you.”
“Go, Kevin. Be happy.”
---
“Babe!” the girl in the red dress waves her hands to Kevin.
Kevin turns around to look back at me. “Can I ever meet you again?”
“I don’t think you can. I am leaving. My wish has been fulfilled, after all.”
Kevin nods his head. “Move on, Bella. You deserve to be happy too.” Kevin gives me another smile before walking closer to the girl who is standing near the reddish brick gate.
From afar, I could see the girl wraps her fingers around Kevin’s arms.
From afar, I could see the diamond ring on her finger that shines brightly under the sun’s reflection.
From afar, I could see the two walk side by side, chatting at each other happily.
---
“Who did you meet, Babe?”
“My ex.”
The girl in the red dress frowns. “Here? What a weird place to talk with your ex.”
Kevin lets out a chuckle as the girl turns her head, looking around between the countless tombstones, trying to take a glance at his so-called ex.
“Don’t be jealous. She already died a long time ago.”
---
It was one Sunday evening when Kevin drove his father's car. We were eighteen, did not even have a driving licence, yet we courageously took off for our date.
The beautiful views on the way to the observatory on the mountaintop distracted our eyes from the road. But during one of the sharp turns, without quick reflex behind the wheel, our car skidded and fell off the cliff.
And I could remember the sunset that I watched with pain all over my body, up until the last moment I closed my eyes.
And today, under the same orange-coloured sky, after meeting the love of my life for the last time, my soul can finally rest.
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195 comments
Very good! I will be honest, I usually find it annoying when people comment on my piece advertising their own, but I did really like this story.
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Glad that the story can meet up to your expectation, Keri! :)
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I liked the beginning and the end. I enjoyed the specificity of the descriptions at the beginning. I also enjoyed the juxtaposition of the two sunsets. However, the there was too much dialogue and the dialogue had too many adverbs. Tell the reader what’s going on in each of their heads with specificity.
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Thank you for the feedback, James! Will keep that in mind when writing my next piece :).
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Great twist! You're really good with dialogue! -A.
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Thank you for reading it :D
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You got me! beautiful story. So sad 😭 well written and just enough dialogue 👍🏼
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Glad that you liked the story, Sarah! :)
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Wow this story was amazing! I was certainly surprised by the ending and I enjoyed reading it all. Great job :)
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Glad that you enjoyed reading it, Natalie! :)
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“My soul can finally rest” this was such an entertaining story!! Well done:D
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Glad that you liked it! :D
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:D
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OMG! This story is amazing! First, your descriptions are incredible, and the ending?? I haven't expected that at all!! Great job, I am blown away ❤
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Glad that I can surprise people with the ending! Thank you for reading it :D
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That was a beautiful story with a quite unexpected ending. I really liked it. Good job.
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Thank you for reading it, Catherine! :)
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Hiya, lovely story again and nice twist for the ending. There were a couple of sentences that had little errors in (e.g.i did wish to meet him) so you might want to do a little proofreading but I enjoyed this!nice way to reveal the twist as well. Good writing!
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Thank you for the feedback, Laura! Will smooth it out :o
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Such a bittersweet story idea :) I don’t think all the dialogue needed descriptors, it made it feel very heavy. Just having the what they said would’ve made the conversation flow better.
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Thank you for the feedback, Iona! Will keep that in mind for my next submission! :D
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The story was sad but sweet. However, you may want to start using a grammar app such as Grammarly to correct your typos, sentence structure and grammatical errors. A few of the sentences could have been reworded for a more effective statement.
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Funny you mentioned Grammarly because I have been using it since the start and weirdly, it didn't even pick up singular and plural nouns :(
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Excellent story, Deborah. Loved the ending. a few grammar issues. Otherwise, good flow.
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Thank you for reading it, Roland! :)
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Great twist at the end. I didn't see it coming at all. Those last four paragraphs were beautifully done. I think the ending is the strongest part of your story. Writing is good, but I think there are some things you could do to make it flow better. Cut out filter words when you can (Things like 'I felt' and 'I saw') and cut back on unneeded description. for example: "I blink my eyes twice" You could just say: "I blink twice" It says the exact same thing in fewer words. Overall, great story. :D
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After reading your comment, I realize that I did write those filter words :O. Thank you; would not have noticed it by myself!
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Hey Deborah! I remember you asking me to read this story, so here is what I think! I loved the plot twist at the end, I've always liked stories like that! It's interesting to see how, even though Kevin is talking to a gravestone, he knows exactly what she's saying/wants to say and responds to it. Great story!
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That is part of the twist too, Laiba! This Kevin can see and communicate with the ghost, unlike other people :D
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Oh, okay! That makes more sense! It adds depth to the story, as their connection still lasted from their previous relationship that ended when she died. Nice!!
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Hey Deborah, you asked me to read your story so here I am. This is a brilliant piece of writing I must say. The ending was very unpredictable. Great job❤😍
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Thank you for the review, Khizra! :)
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Hey Deborah, you asked, I answered ;) You had me at Kevin. That's my real name, so yeah, had to read the story asap! The conversation flowed easily and the gestures the characters did helped to empower the words being said. I actually clapped at the twist, as it was just so unexpected. I loved it! Excelent story! As for feedback, there were some of those plural vs. singular nouns, like folks mentioned in your elevator story. I also noticed a few awkwardly structured sentences, example: "All the memories when I spent the time with him ...
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I had trouble choosing names for the character, and the first one that popped out was Kevin! Thank you for the feedback, Harken! I guess I need continuous practise to make into a habit :').
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Wow magnificent story did not expect that , Good job :O
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Glad that I can surprise you. Thank you for reading! :)
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Hi Deborah! This is the kind of story I wish I had written! Love the ending. There are some minor editing issues (ex. is it a bottle or a can?) - I know the time is short on these weekly prompts but I find letting the text rest for a day or two before reading it again with fresh eyes will solve most of those problems. Looking forward to reading more from you!
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Ooooh, totally missed that! I started imagining the drink in a bottle, but then changed direction to cans and edited just one sentence! Thank you for mentioning that!
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No problem :)
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I was completely clueless about the twist, I thought Kevin would get back with the girl and I was happy haha....loved the plot twist.. and something to note, there are some typos...so keep an eye when you're editing and try to reduce the usage of <that> well, it depends on the context. Good Job, this story made me happy as well as sad.
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Thank you for reading it and for the feedback, Sunny! :D
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Anytime, friend:))
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Loved it! Just one thing I think you can improve: take the easy way out and put <said> after they talk.
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Thank you for the review, Miles; will do! :)
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