Birds of a Feather

Two long time neighbors met over the backyard fence.

“So how's things down at the mill?”

“Oh, you know how we millers are. We keep grinding them down and spitting them out. What about at the winery? Any good news there?”

“Heard some good ones through the grapevine just yesterday.”

“I can't wait to hear but I'll let you tell all of us at once when we get together over at the park. We plan on meeting between the telephone poles. We'll have a bird's eye view of the lay of the land and won't get our wires crossed.”

“Sure, everyone can listen closely the first time so no unnecessary repeating.”

“Oh, hey, can you see that second to the lowest branch in the tree there? Some little hummers are feathering their nest. It's no bigger than half a walnut shell.”

“They sure are cute little buggers but they can be so annoying with that constant buzzing.”

“That helps them protect what's theirs. Notice the buzz chases all the bigger birds away.”

“Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.”

“Did you hear what that little birdie told me?”

“Yeah, that's a good one, all right. We'll have to remember to tell the others. Let's go before they start without us.”

=>=>=>

“Look, they are already here. There are a couple of openings at the end. Can't wait to tell them what we heard.”

“You are never gonna believe this! A little birdie told us 'buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz'!”

“Oh, you don't say!”

“Hey, I couldn't hear. What did that neighbor just say?”

“'Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep'. Can you believe it?”

“No, I don't believe it! Who does that old coot think he is?”

“A fox in the hen house, I guess.”

“He'll be a sitting duck if the rooster finds him there.”

“More likely a lame duck.”

“He'll be singing a swan song to be sure.”

“What's all this tweeting about over here?”

“Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!”

“Well, I'll be! Sounds like a wild goose chase.”

“What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I always say.”

“He'll have his goose cooked if those birds of a feather stick together. Let me tell Wren. She is the twitter expert.”

“Twit, twit, twit, twit, twit, twit, twit, twit.”

“When did you hear that? Somebody better eat crow if that's true. Bet someone's only having a lark.”

“Someone calling for me?”

“Hi, Lark. Just heard it through the grapevine. Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.”

“But she was always such a home bird. You telling me she really did fly the coop? Hey, Lovey Dovey, listen to this. Coo, coo, coo, coo, coo, coo, coo, coo.”

“Do, tell. That's a little coo-coo! He'll be sick as a parrot when he finds out. Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk.”

“No, that's nothing to squawk about! He's always the early bird that gets the worm.”

“Well, if he doesn't get all his ducks in a row it will be like killing two birds with one stone.”

“Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.”

“Now that's nothing but a box of quackers. We're talking about him feeling like an ugly duckling and looking like a rare bird.”

“He's becoming more of a night owl anyway. Hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot.”

“Yeah, she thinks he hung the moon.”

“Now who you talking about? Caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw.”

“It's kind of a May-December romance after-all. She's just a young chicken. And he could put legs under a chicken. Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck.”

“What's that supposed to mean? They have been head over heels forever. Try to keep your eagle-eye focused and maybe you can find love at first sight like them. Eagle eye? Oh, you're...”

“Yep, I'm him, my Little Chickadee. And you are the little birdie that's been spreading nasty rumors about me all over the airways. I've come to put a stop to it. Cancel your twitter account, if you know what I mean. Keep you from spewing misinformation. I've got a regal reputation to uphold, don't ya know.”

“Oh, oh, oooh!... But I never... I, I...”

“Ah, you're cute when you get your feathers ruffled. You want to be my main squeeze?”

“I've seen what happens when you sink your claws into someone. No thank you.”

“You got to put your heart and soul into it if you want a match made in heaven.”

“Well, I don't have the hots for you!”

“Still carrying the torch for your old flame? Talk about a cooked goose! Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

“Don't worry. I'm not as bad as you think. Those ladies wanted to be liberated. They were getting themselves into hot water anyway cutting down on production as they were. What guy doesn't like a bit of succulent white chicken breast in his diet once in a while? Can't blame me.

“Come on, let's really give them something to talk about. I'd like to get you out of that plumage and see what you're made of. Not enough privacy here, though. Come on up to my place. Got a knock-out view of the lake. We could go fishing together. I've fallen for you hook, line and sinker.”

“Sorry, there's no love lost between us.”

“Not even a little puppy love, I've seen you strutting your tail feathers around. You tantalizing, teasing little titmouse. I bet that grape size brain of yours will be just as juicy as the lies you hear through the grape vine. Mm, mm, tit mouse between tongue and cheek. I'll savor the flavor, for sure.”

“Keep your talons off of me, you, you love rat!”

“I've got a crush on you and am quite smitten. I'm blinded by love and hungry for you. Let's kiss and make up. I promise you'll be my one and only... light snack tonight. Can't help myself, Kitten. We will become one. Let's talk turkey! Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble gobble.”

Up and down the telephone line the others carry on not noticing the carnage at the end of the line. No excuse for it. What hath their wanton rumor mongering wrought?

'Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little,

cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more

Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little,

cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more

Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little,

Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep

Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep...'

“Who invited the tall, bald guy? Was he using a feather for a toothpick?”

“And what happened to little Tootsie, the titmouse? She must have left early. She always brings us the best tidbits of gossip. Saw the big guy whispering sweet nothings in her ear.”

“Yep, she's got him under her spell, all right. Wouldn't be surprised if they become an item. Maybe she left with him?”

“Oh, well, good to see you Wren, Lark, Oriole, Finch, and Cardinal, Jay and Woody, Robin and Dovey. Meet you all here tomorrow evening for another telephone party line. Come along, Sparrow and Swallow. We old crows gotta go.”

And they all rose up and flew away.