29 comments

Fantasy Funny

"A what now?" 

"Yes sir, a portal. A doorway if you will; from my house to this place. I stepped through it and ended up here."

"You will pay a fine of 500 euros and be processed at the station for leaving your home during martial law without the proper papers or motives."

"No please wait I know how this looks but I swear it's the truth."

"Sir you're only digging a deeper hole for yourself. Lying to an officer of the law will land you-"

"No no, please. Listen...I was home watching a rerun of Ferris Bueller Gets Off when I got the munchies and checked the fridge…" 

The policeman sized up the guy, took one step back and reached for his handcuffs.

"Put your hands on your head and cross your fingers. Do it now! 

His voice was gravel. The man swiftly complied.

"Turn around and back up till I say so. Good, now hold still."

The cuffs snapped into place.

"Watch your head. Now we are going for a ride downtown. You have the right to remain silent. And I advise you to exert that privilege."

The man complied with the officer's demands. He nervously tapped his foot and twitched in the backseat.

"I'm not lying." 

"Shut it." 

He dropped his gaze and loudly sucked in air, while the policeman drove on. 

"It's like nothing you've ever seen-"

"I said SHUT. IT." 

Silence. 

"The-" 

A hard break in the middle of the empty road tore the night's silence. With white knuckles choking the steering wheel, the policeman glared in his rearview mirror. His eyes fixed the younger man in the back seat. 

"Ah, my nose. I'm bleeding. Why did you do that?" 

The cop slowly parked the car under the bridge a couple of meters away from the skid marks. 

"Why? WHY? Listen to me dumbass. I'm out there every day trying to stop fuckboys like you from roaming the streets. You don't comprehend the danger you expose others by scurrying about. It's martial law and that means stay inside! "

The terrorist wiped the blood on his shoulder. He still had a bewildered expression on his face. Like someone who ate one too many paint chips as a kid. 

"But I did stay inside, I was chilling."

"Motherfucker!" 

The cop forcefully opened the door and slammed his body into the concrete wall. He pushed hard with his forearm against the anarchist's neck nearly popping his eyeballs out. 

"It's punks like you who are responsible for this situation. Because of you, we're forced to walk the streets day and night. I have a family, I have a baby boy at home waiting for me. If I catch Z-30 who will support him? Who will bring in money? My wife is sick from inhaling chemical shit they use to make hand sanitizer. No one will hire her now because she has health problems. So you tell me, what am I supposed to do? 

Bent over and out of breath, Satan's Spawn leaned against the wall shielding his face. The cop lifted his golden N95 respirator, stepped back and breathed heavily. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'll never go outside again. Please stop hurting me. Just lock me up, I don't care."

"Why don't you people understand? Why must you disobey the authorities? This whole situation could have been averted if you didn't wander out. " 

"I promise I'll have a good reason next time. I'll carry a form one on me at all times, even inside the home. And fuck that fridge, I'm getting a new one." 

"Still at it, huh?" 

"I know I sound crazy but it's the truth. God, what a year this has been. Can't wait for 2021. That's the year of the sloth, my spirit animal."

"Haha, you stoners are something! What did you smoke? Maybe I should get some, take the edge off. But then I'd start jumping into fridge portals too." 

Lucifer Himself shrugged 

"I'm not high."

"Yeah, I can see the appeal of living in the past, back in the good old days. Just drift away, take a trip on memory lane." 

"You're being very scary right now. What's this about the past." 

"Son, it's the year 2030. Get a grip." 

The man reached for a device. 

"Hold still." 

He scanned the young man's eyes. 

"Wow, what's that?"

"This? This will tell me everything I need to know about you. Hm, no sign of fever. T cell count looks fine. Your blood sugar is low… wait where is the virus?" 

"What virus? Corona?" 

"No, Z-30. There should be antibodies in your system from coming into contact with it." 

"I feel fine, no symptoms whatsoever." 

"You can have it and not get sick. But all people have either disease or antibodies. You on the other hand lack both…" 

"So, what do we do now?" 

The cop reached into his glove compartment and handed the guy a mask. 

"I'm a carrier myself, but the mask I wear inhibits its distribution. And don't worry my gloves were soaked with sanitizer when I roughed you up." 

"Wow, it's golden. What's it made from?" 

"It's layered with gold. That's the only thing stopping the infection." 

"Like real gold? That's crazy!" 

"Owning a mask like this is a privilege reserved for the elite, military and law enforcement. Don't dick around with it, it's the only thing that will keep you safe. Consider yourself lucky."

"Wow, thanks, man. I don't even know your name." 

"It's officer Whiteguy. Where do you live?"

"Just three blocks away. But someone else must live there now. It's not home anymore. " 

"You're still on that stuff huh?" 

"Hey, I'm scared! I'm stuck in the future."

"Don't push your luck hippie. I'm only setting you free because you're not infected. You somehow evaded the virus. I don't know how you managed it. Looks like you're the most responsible citizen of us all, not coming into contact with anyone for the last five years or so. It's the only explanation I can come up with."

The policeman closed his door and drove off. A long sigh came from the young man. He put on his fabulous mask then wandered the empty streets. 

Well, this is just great. I don't have my phone on me. How am I to post a selfie with this mask? Oh, it would have been lit, #goldenboy, #futureself. 



April 22, 2020 08:28

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29 comments

Adrie Byman
18:42 May 04, 2020

I love your writing style! It's inspiring. :) great story, keep writing!!!

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Miles Gatling
23:57 May 04, 2020

Thank you very much!

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Adrie Byman
15:42 May 18, 2020

No problem! stay safe 😎

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Avani G
18:07 May 02, 2020

I loved the story, Miles! It was short and sweet. I especially loved the twist at the end with the time travel thing. One thing that I wanted to ask though... were those people officers or terrorists? I remember, at one point, reading that they were a terrorist and at another point, that they were officers. Maybe it was the time travel... I think. I am sorry if the concept was clear and I missed the message, LMAO! But overall, great story and stay safe out there! 😁

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Miles Gatling
22:44 May 02, 2020

Thank you so much Avani! One guy is an officer, his name is Whiteguy. The other is a civilian who doesn't respect the "stay home" indication. He is named in this order: anarchist, terrorist, Satan's spawn, Lucifer himself. That's how his actions are viewed by the authorities, pure evil for roaming the streets.

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Avani G
23:02 May 02, 2020

Hey, Miles! Thanks for replying! I didn't get the civilian part, though. Could you please explain that to me?

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Miles Gatling
04:14 May 03, 2020

I am all-knowing, I know what's inside the policeman's mind and inside the stoner's mind. The cop really hates this guy that's why he initially is named <anarchist>. As the cop gets pissed-off more and more, I attribute other horrible names to the civilian. A<terrorist> is bad, but being called the <spawn of Satan> is worse. The last one is <Lucifer>, the father of all lies, you know? the embodiment of evil. That's how much the cop hates this guy for breaking Marshall law and stepping outside his home.

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Avani G
16:53 May 03, 2020

Ohh... OK, now I get it. Thanks so much, Miles! I know it must have been annoying for you to have to explain your story's character's twice, LMAO! I'm definitely looking forward to reading more of your stories!

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Miles Gatling
22:58 May 03, 2020

No problem 😀 Thank you for reading.

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Carille Durbin
15:01 Apr 29, 2020

Great story!

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Miles Gatling
15:09 Apr 29, 2020

Thank you Carille! Much appreciated

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Harken Void
14:22 Apr 29, 2020

Haha this was great! Very clever concept and both characters felt real. Cool twist at the end with the time travel; I'm still not sure if this whole story is just that guy's trip or if it realy happened to him haha. Though at the beginning it was a little confusing, as we were thrown in the middle of hteir conversation, without knowing where we are (setting).

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Miles Gatling
14:45 Apr 29, 2020

Thank you Harken! You have a such a cool name! I like dialog a lot and prefer jumping into the action. I try not to pass 1000 words that's why my stories lack background.

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Harken Void
19:57 Apr 29, 2020

Hehe, spoiler alert: it's a pen name ;) Well, even with lots of dialogue there are ways of sneaking in some exposition information and it helps bring the conversation down to earth. But that's just my opinion, you do you man!

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Miles Gatling
20:56 Apr 29, 2020

I will take that advice and try to improve. Thank you!

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Harken Void
07:55 Apr 30, 2020

Good luck!

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Maureen J Poutoa
09:24 Apr 29, 2020

Hey this is such a out this world story talking about a disease in the 2020 year and then looking into the future of 2030, wow amazing how you captured your imagination of something that could be real but not sure of the outcome until he is on the street.

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Sebastian Ehlke
00:39 Apr 29, 2020

That dude went from "ordinary person" to "terrorist" real quick. Like Jesus what. Fun story, but very confusing

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Miles Gatling
10:05 Apr 29, 2020

Oh that guy?! Don't feel sorry for him, he's a hippie 🤣. Thank you for reading.

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09:51 Apr 28, 2020

Love it! Made me laugh whilst having an interesting plot.

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Sg Kubrak
17:58 Apr 26, 2020

Miles, I had almost the exact same concept. Nicely executed!

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Gloria Salazar
13:16 Apr 26, 2020

Good one, it gave me chuckle.

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Miles Gatling
14:11 Apr 26, 2020

Thank you so much for everything, Gloria. You are legendary!

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Amruta Var
02:06 Apr 24, 2020

Great concept. I liked your story very much☺️

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Miles Gatling
05:39 Apr 24, 2020

Thank you, Amruta 😀

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Blane Britt
07:22 Jun 03, 2020

Interesting Story.

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Miles Gatling
10:40 Jun 03, 2020

Thank you Blane!

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04:34 Aug 20, 2021

Woah so nicely written. Keep up the good work.

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