"A what now?"
"Yes sir, a portal. A doorway if you will; from my house to this place. I stepped through it and ended up here."
"You will pay a fine of 500 euros and be processed at the station for leaving your home during martial law without the proper papers or motives."
"No please wait I know how this looks but I swear it's the truth."
"Sir you're only digging a deeper hole for yourself. Lying to an officer of the law will land you-"
"No no, please. Listen...I was home watching a rerun of Ferris Bueller Gets Off when I got the munchies and checked the fridge…"
The policeman sized up the guy, took one step back and reached for his handcuffs.
"Put your hands on your head and cross your fingers. Do it now!
His voice was gravel. The man swiftly complied.
"Turn around and back up till I say so. Good, now hold still."
The cuffs snapped into place.
"Watch your head. Now we are going for a ride downtown. You have the right to remain silent. And I advise you to exert that privilege."
The man complied with the officer's demands. He nervously tapped his foot and twitched in the backseat.
"I'm not lying."
He dropped his gaze and loudly sucked in air, while the policeman drove on.
"It's like nothing you've ever seen-"
"I said SHUT. IT."
A hard break in the middle of the empty road tore the night's silence. With white knuckles choking the steering wheel, the policeman glared in his rearview mirror. His eyes fixed the younger man in the back seat.
"Ah, my nose. I'm bleeding. Why did you do that?"
The cop slowly parked the car under the bridge a couple of meters away from the skid marks.
"Why? WHY? Listen to me dumbass. I'm out there every day trying to stop fuckboys like you from roaming the streets. You don't comprehend the danger you expose others by scurrying about. It's martial law and that means stay inside! "
The terrorist wiped the blood on his shoulder. He still had a bewildered expression on his face. Like someone who ate one too many paint chips as a kid.
"But I did stay inside, I was chilling."
The cop forcefully opened the door and slammed his body into the concrete wall. He pushed hard with his forearm against the anarchist's neck nearly popping his eyeballs out.
"It's punks like you who are responsible for this situation. Because of you, we're forced to walk the streets day and night. I have a family, I have a baby boy at home waiting for me. If I catch Z-30 who will support him? Who will bring in money? My wife is sick from inhaling chemical shit they use to make hand sanitizer. No one will hire her now because she has health problems. So you tell me, what am I supposed to do?
Bent over and out of breath, Satan's Spawn leaned against the wall shielding his face. The cop lifted his golden N95 respirator, stepped back and breathed heavily.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'll never go outside again. Please stop hurting me. Just lock me up, I don't care."
"Why don't you people understand? Why must you disobey the authorities? This whole situation could have been averted if you didn't wander out. "
"I promise I'll have a good reason next time. I'll carry a form one on me at all times, even inside the home. And fuck that fridge, I'm getting a new one."
"Still at it, huh?"
"I know I sound crazy but it's the truth. God, what a year this has been. Can't wait for 2021. That's the year of the sloth, my spirit animal."
"Haha, you stoners are something! What did you smoke? Maybe I should get some, take the edge off. But then I'd start jumping into fridge portals too."
Lucifer Himself shrugged
"I'm not high."
"Yeah, I can see the appeal of living in the past, back in the good old days. Just drift away, take a trip on memory lane."
"You're being very scary right now. What's this about the past."
"Son, it's the year 2030. Get a grip."
The man reached for a device.
He scanned the young man's eyes.
"Wow, what's that?"
"This? This will tell me everything I need to know about you. Hm, no sign of fever. T cell count looks fine. Your blood sugar is low… wait where is the virus?"
"What virus? Corona?"
"No, Z-30. There should be antibodies in your system from coming into contact with it."
"I feel fine, no symptoms whatsoever."
"You can have it and not get sick. But all people have either disease or antibodies. You on the other hand lack both…"
"So, what do we do now?"
The cop reached into his glove compartment and handed the guy a mask.
"I'm a carrier myself, but the mask I wear inhibits its distribution. And don't worry my gloves were soaked with sanitizer when I roughed you up."
"Wow, it's golden. What's it made from?"
"It's layered with gold. That's the only thing stopping the infection."
"Like real gold? That's crazy!"
"Owning a mask like this is a privilege reserved for the elite, military and law enforcement. Don't dick around with it, it's the only thing that will keep you safe. Consider yourself lucky."
"Wow, thanks, man. I don't even know your name."
"It's officer Whiteguy. Where do you live?"
"Just three blocks away. But someone else must live there now. It's not home anymore. "
"You're still on that stuff huh?"
"Hey, I'm scared! I'm stuck in the future."
"Don't push your luck hippie. I'm only setting you free because you're not infected. You somehow evaded the virus. I don't know how you managed it. Looks like you're the most responsible citizen of us all, not coming into contact with anyone for the last five years or so. It's the only explanation I can come up with."
The policeman closed his door and drove off. A long sigh came from the young man. He put on his fabulous mask then wandered the empty streets.
Well, this is just great. I don't have my phone on me. How am I to post a selfie with this mask? Oh, it would have been lit, #goldenboy, #futureself.