Khione's snowy surprise (Part 3 of next gen)

Submitted into Contest #77 in response to: Write a story set in the summer, when suddenly it starts to snow.... view prompt

168 comments

Fantasy Teens & Young Adult

Cleo had fallen asleep a few hours ago and was halfway off the bed and wasn't even covered by a blanket. "Jeez, how does she sleep like that?" Ace asked while peaking through the window.

Gray shoved Ace away from the window so that he could look inside, Harper was behind the two of them and rolled her eyes a bit. "Nevermind that, how could she sleep in that position?"

She awkwardly coughed to get the two's attention. "Alright stop it, we just have to wake her up and show her what's going on. What if it all goes away before she wakes up?"

"How are we gonna get in though? I'm pretty sure the door is locked and we-"

He was interrupted when Gray had jumped through the window and landed into the cabin. The glass shattered into thousands of tiny pieces and landed on the ground next to Harper and Ace.

The window that he had jumped through was right next to the bed Cleo was asleep on, and luckily he didn't fall onto her. And luckily none of the glass that was in the cabin did either.

How in the world did she not even wake up from that? I didn't think she was a heavy sleeper... Ace wondered as he could faintly hear Harper shout-whispering at Gray, though he was too deep in thought to hear what they were saying.

The only things he had managed to hear from the two of them were:

"Gray, what the heck is wrong with you?!" he knew she said something else after that, though he didn't know what.

He wasn't sure if this was exactly right, though he had heard Gray say something like, "Well it at least worked, right? Now come on let's get her."

Harper grabbed Ace's hand while mumbling to herself and walked over to the door. He watched as she managed to open the door and walk inside the cabin, followed by Ace who didn't want to stay out in the cold.

She looked at her somehow sleeping sister and turned to look at Gray, "Oh would you look at that? The door was unlocked the whole time and you broke the window for nothing..." She proceeded to give him a small death-glare.

"Um...oh...come on let's just wake her up!"

The other two were just going to simply shake her awake, though Ace got an idea. "Hold on, I want to see if this actually works or not..."

He grabbed a nearby pen that Cleo luckily had with her for writing in her Diary. Harper rolled her eyes, "Oh come on, seriously? Ace that's..."

He got near the bed where the sleeping Cleo lay, and then he proceeded to drop it right next to her. Within a few seconds, her eyes shot open and she sat up.

He had a large smile on his face as he turned to look at the two, "See? I knew it would work."

She stared at the broken window and then at Gray who was trying to ignore it. Her ears twitched in annoyance as she then asked, "Did you seriously have to do that? That's gonna take a while to fix."

He chuckled awkwardly and then spoke, "Look nevermind that, but have you looked outside yet? It's the middle of June and its sn-"

She cut him off by shushing him with her tail, "It's snowing at a strange time, I know." She started to smile. "And I think I know why this is happening."

"You do?" all three of them happened to ask in unison.

She nodded as she motioned for them to follow her as she quickly ran out of the door. "Where do you think she's taking us?" Gray asked, and the two just shrugged.

Cleo was walking barefoot in the deep snow and wasn't even really wearing something to keep her from getting cold and was only wearing a tank top and shorts.

Ace stared at himself and then at the other two, who were at least wearing jackets and sweaters. That wasn't the best, though he felt at least a little bit warm. How is she not bothered by all of this? Is she even cold?

When they finally reached the area she had been leading them to, that's when they saw who was causing all of the snow. Eros was in the middle of talking to the Goddess of snow, Khione.

Those two weren't the only ones there though, there was another girl about Cleo's age sitting next to Khione. "Koi, how have you been??" Cleo happily ran over to her.

Eros looked at Cleo with a small smile and asked, "Ah, I guess the two of you already know each other?"

"Yep, we do! My mother went to talk with Khione one day and I joined her, then that's when me and Koi ended up meeting."

Eros turned to look at the other three, "Have you been enjoying the snow? Khione and Koi decided to come to visit and let us have a little snow day."

"That's not the only reason," Khione then spoke. "I've finally decided that Koi will be staying here now for some obvious reasons, I'll be leaving soon."

Harper walked over to the demigod and then spoke while extending her hand, "Hi there, it's nice to meet you, My name is-"

She shook her hand and told her with a small smile, "Oh, I already know! Your name is Harper and those two over there are Gray and Ace. Cleo told me a lot about you all."

How come I never knew about this until now? Did she not want to tell me for some reason? Harper thought to herself.

She turned away from the three of them and walked back over to Cleo, who was attempting to try and make a snowball but failing miserably. She tapped her shoulder and then said "Come on, why don't you and I go have some fun?"

Cleo turned to look at her sister and two friends as she waved and then said, "Bye! Why don't we go meet up somewhere in a few hours?"

Harper thought that she had said something else after that, though the two of them had already gotten far away in a matter of seconds. That's a little odd...

Gray started to go back the other way as he then called out, "Come on, while we wait why don't we try to fix the window I broke?"

January 16, 2021 00:26

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168 comments

I really enjoyed this story B! I think you made the plot work out very nicely with the sequel! :)

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B. W.
20:19 Jan 16, 2021

Thanks ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or character in this one? And whats something you'd wanna see in the next part?

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I like the way you built up Cleo.

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B. W.
20:31 Jan 16, 2021

What do ya think of the other characters?

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Honestly Koi was also one of the character where I liked your build-up.

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B. W.
20:33 Jan 16, 2021

Would ya wanna see more of her?

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01:44 Jan 17, 2021

Oo nice story! I love Khione and Koi's names! Great job! :D

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B. W.
02:45 Jan 17, 2021

Thanks ^^ did ya have a favorite part?

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07:06 Jan 17, 2021

Probably when he broke the window 🤣

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B. W.
07:14 Jan 17, 2021

I'm actually making another story at the moment ^^

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19:01 Jan 17, 2021

Nice! What's it about?

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B. W.
21:11 Jan 17, 2021

It's already out actually, maybe you could check out "The search for Reboot" and leave some feedback?

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Laiba M
00:06 Jan 17, 2021

Great story! I loved Cleo's and Khione's characters, and I liked the part about Cleo attempting to make a snowball :) Interesting!! I think the end is great, haha. Good story overall~!~

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B. W.
02:44 Jan 17, 2021

Thanks, I'm glad that you liked this one ^^ What's something that you would wanna see happen in the next part?

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Laiba M
19:11 Jan 17, 2021

Definitely the characters bonding more with Khione :D

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B. W.
21:14 Jan 17, 2021

Hm, I also just got another story out ^^ Could ya check out "The search for Reboot"

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Laiba M
15:56 Jan 18, 2021

Sure!~

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B. W.
19:19 Jan 18, 2021

Thanks ^^ What else did ya like with this?

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Amaya .
20:32 Jan 16, 2021

hey B!

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B. W.
20:33 Jan 16, 2021

Hey, how are you doing?

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Amaya .
20:44 Jan 16, 2021

good! how are you? I'm writing a story this week (finally)!

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B. W.
23:05 Jan 16, 2021

I guess I'm fine, what prompt are you doing?

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Amaya .
23:06 Jan 16, 2021

aw :/ well I hope you start feeling better soon i'm doing the winter cabin one! what about you, what prompts are you thinking of doing?

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B. W.
18:50 Jan 17, 2021

That's an interesting one, when do you think it'll be out?

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Amaya .
20:55 Jan 16, 2021

good! how are you? I'm writing a story this week (finally)!

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Kylie Rudolf
20:12 Jan 25, 2021

Khonie, the Greek goddess of snow, love it!

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B. W.
00:57 Jan 26, 2021

Thanks ^^

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17:44 Jan 23, 2021

Hi, B! I need to know ASAP what you want your spirit animal to be in my Reedsy cast story. Your friend, Kiwi Kelsey

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21:28 Jan 18, 2021

Hi, Bri! So, I am going to write a story that uses a Reedsy friend cast, and I want you to be in it. If you also want to be in it, fill this out: Name: Power: Spirit animal: Eye: Hair: Favorite color: Weakness: Thanks if you do this! If not, that's okay, too. :D Your friend, Brooke

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B. W.
22:33 Jan 18, 2021

Well question real quick, how many powers are we allowed to have in it?

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22:34 Jan 18, 2021

A limit of three. :)

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B. W.
02:16 Jan 19, 2021

How's this? Name: B Power(s): She/me can control wind/air, just kind of think of airbenders from Avatar the last airbender. She/me could switch bodies with someone, she would just kind of have to tap them. She's not that good at this one but she's good at the other two, she can shape-shift into animals (even fantasy ones) though she can't shape-shift into humans. Spirit animal: I'm thinking that she could have either a spirit chinchilla or a spirit dragon, because why not? Eye's: Dark purple Hair: Short brown hair with lighter purple in it F...

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20:19 Jan 19, 2021

That sounds good! Hm... maybe for your weakness it could be cute animals...food...books...?

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B. W.
21:33 Jan 19, 2021

Actually, what if her weakness is that she just can't use her powers when feeling a certain high emotion? It could just be stated or something, though maybe if shes hurt (not physically) then she has a hard time using them?

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Maya W.
18:07 Jan 18, 2021

Aww, shucks, I was gonna do a story with Khione.

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B. W.
19:20 Jan 18, 2021

Really?

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Maya W.
19:31 Jan 18, 2021

Yeah. But I'm working on my novella and don't really have the time. Maybe I will, though.

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B. W.
22:28 Jan 18, 2021

Novella? Are you gonna publish it somewhere?

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Maya W.
23:03 Jan 18, 2021

Yeah! I'm self publishing with Amazon and Barnes and Noble. It's a collection of myth retellings.

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B. W.
02:19 Jan 19, 2021

Hm, maybe you could tell me whenever its on Amazon?

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Megan Sutherland
23:16 Jan 16, 2021

LOL ending :) I thought this was really good! I love the name Eros, for some reason. Super creative. Where did you find it? :DDD I do have some critique, and I'm going to say it as gently as I can. A lot of your writing seems a bit... shallow. You skim over how much the plot really could be. If it wouldn't be too much for the word limit, I would add on at the end, explaining why the goddess Khione (another amazing name!!!) is there, and why she's making it snow. This story could be so much deeper and involved. I hope that isn't offensive...

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B. W.
02:39 Jan 17, 2021

Eros is a greek god and he happens to be the one who made the camp place, I didn't really make up a character with the name. Khione is also an actual greek Goddess and not someone who I just thought of, though Koi is a character I made up for this. I don't know what you mean by shallow, are my stories or at least this one not that good or something? And her reasons are already in it though, she was there because she decided Koi needed to go there finally, and because she just wanted the demi-gods to have some fun and made it snow for them. M...

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Megan Sutherland
02:47 Jan 17, 2021

B. SHUT UP. NOW. <3 Listen to me, okay? Your stories are not bad. I probably just didn't have a good understanding of the story. Thank you for explaining!!! I just mean that you could pour so much more detail in and make it more enticing. I do not think your stories are bad, so please do not say that. You are an amazing writer. Everyone has room for improvement, including myself. I struggle with showing, not telling my story. We all have things we struggle with. Don't get down on yourself!!!!! <3 <3 <3

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B. W.
02:51 Jan 17, 2021

I don't know how to do some of the stuff though, I've tried to be descriptive a few times but Ive always been terrible at it and i don't know what to do, the showing and not telling is another thing im bad at doing. I'm going to work on a second story soon to finally continue another series, though i don't want that stuff to make it look a bit bad or something. It's kind of for my otherworldly repairs series.

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Megan Sutherland
04:48 Jan 17, 2021

Oh, I remember that story! I'll be excited to read it! What I usually do for that is I focus on body language and using words that end in -ly. Here, this is completely random, but which sounds better? A- She crossed her arms, scowling. "I don't want to go to the coffee shop," she said irritably. B- "I don't want to go to the coffee shop," she said, annoyed. Which one gets more details across? Obviously A. You get a more vivid picture in your head.

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B. W.
06:46 Jan 17, 2021

I guess I could try to do that then with the new story and the other ones after it. I've been wanting to continue Otherworldly repairs ever since i first got it out, but none of the prompts have been that good for it. These ones are at least decent and i decided to finally do it.

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15:57 Jan 16, 2021

Great job, Bri! My favorite part was at the end when Gray said "Come on, while we wait why don't we try to fix the window I broke?". That made me laugh! My favorite character is Cleo. She's kinda mysterious... :D Once again, good job! -Brooke P.S. I've always wondered... is Bri your full name or is that just a nickname?

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B. W.
18:05 Jan 16, 2021

Bri is just my nickname, it isn't my full name. And thanks, I'm glad that you liked the story and all that ^^ Is there anything that you'd wanna see in the next part?

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18:57 Jan 16, 2021

Gotcha. My pleasure! ^^ Just more of your good writing! (;

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B. W.
20:21 Jan 16, 2021

You think Cleo is mysterious?

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22:51 Jan 16, 2021

Yes! Something about her just seems plain shady to me...

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B. W.
18:50 Jan 17, 2021

Do you have an idea on what makes her seem shady and stuff, or is it just a feeling you have?

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Megan Sutherland
16:46 Jan 16, 2021

Heyyy, B! I submitted my Reedsy friends story! Check it out if ya can, please!! -Meg

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B. W.
18:05 Jan 16, 2021

Sure ^^ though could you leave some feedback about this story?

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Coco Longstaff
02:52 Jan 16, 2021

Hey! WOW I LIKE IT A LOT the characters are so unique and amazing, and the ending was a little funny. Also, would u mind doing my quiz? It’s on my bio. Again, great job!

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B. W.
03:55 Jan 16, 2021

Thanks ^^ Did you maybe have a favorite part or anything like that? And sure, I'll do that soon.

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Coco Longstaff
23:50 Jan 16, 2021

Oh my fave part was trying to wake Cleo up I think. It was funny too P.S. NEW STORY OUT!

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B. W.
02:42 Jan 17, 2021

Anything else? And I'll check it out soon ^^

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Coco Longstaff
03:16 Jan 17, 2021

Mmm not really ps i know its not u but someone downvoted me like 600 pts do you have any idea who????

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B. W.
06:30 Jan 17, 2021

The only downvoter who I found out about is Jane Plane, it could really be her or any of the unknown ones :/

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Maya
00:44 Jan 16, 2021

Yay! New characters! I love how each character has a distinct personality, so when they're all together interacting it's fun to read. The story flowed really well like your writing always does, which was enjoyable. I also loved all the names, they were so sweet! This is a perfect story for the prompt and a goddess of snow sounds so cool. My favorite part was probably when they went outside in the snow and saw Khione, and my favorite characters were Cleo, Khione, and Koi. I loved this story, B! Nice job! :)

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B. W.
02:04 Jan 16, 2021

Thanks, I'm really glad that you liked this part ^^ I wasn't sure if I would be able to make a story for this or any of my other things with these prompts, but I got a bit curious to see if there was a snow goddess and luckily there was, and I like her a lot. I don't like having really regular names, that's why I decide to use more unique ones most of the time, so I'm glad ya liked these ones ^^ Is there anything you'd wanna see in the next part?

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Maya
05:13 Jan 16, 2021

Maybe I'd like to see more of the snow goddess since she seemed really cool like you said. :)

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B. W.
05:28 Jan 16, 2021

Anything else or is that it?

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Maya
05:37 Jan 16, 2021

Maybe more about Cleo and Koi, I also really liked their characters.

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B. W.
06:57 Jan 16, 2021

What did ya think of the others besides them?

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