Part 1
Don’t you just love the summer break? You can just sit on the beach with an ice-cream in your hand, soaking in the morning rays with your besties. It’s so refreshing. Unless of course, you’re like me that is a super omega klutz, who sees Travis Mulligan (a.k.a. the man of my dreams) and drops whatever they’re holding at the time. In this case a chocolate ripple ice-cream. Yeah. Sounds soo relaxing, doesn’t it? I think not. Especially when you had to go and buy a new pair of bathers last week because the same thing happened to your old pair, only last time it was raspberry limeade now there’s a big, pink, blotchy stains on your $150 bikini set, that won’t wash out. But yeah, summer break is going so well.
“Sarah” I turn to face my friend. She’s already searching in her bag for some wet wipes.
“Sorry Jodi,” she says after a few minutes of sifting through her endless supply of make-up. “I’m all out of wipes.” She glanced back into her bag, and then at the now melting dessert, sliding down the front of my top.
“Please Sarah. You gotta have something. Even a make-up wipe will do. This is important. Travis is over there, and if he sees me like this, he’ll never want to go out with me.” She had to have a make-up wipe. She was always changing it to suit the occasion.
“That would mean we’ll never get married, have our three kids, a nice big house and a hamster named Mr Piggles.” I could see her resolve slowly breaking.
“Please Sarah. If you’re not going to do it for me, do it for Mr Piggles.” I beg with the aid of puppy dog eyes.
“Fine. You can have ONE packet. But this time don’t go using them all. Last time, I didn’t have any left, and I seriously needed them.”
Taking the packet from her I remember last time I had to use her make-up wipes. There was such a big stain that I unknowingly used them all trying to get it out. She had wanted them for later that night as it was her boyfriend Michael’s 19th birthday and they were going to the movies together to celebrate. She had made it so her make-up made her look sweet and innocent, later they had planned to go back to his place. She was hoping to make Michael’s birthday a night to remember. But apparently, to do that, you have to change your make-up, which involves taking off the make-up you already have on. I had gotten a call later that night from Sarah saying that it was because of me that she almost missed out on the chance of a lifetime.
“Yeah, that was life or death that was,” I reply, returning to my bather top.
“Okay, I think I’m just about done. What do you think?” I ask pushing out my chest so she could see better.
“Yeah, I think you got it. Wow, I thought that was another one that wouldn’t come out.”
“Yeah, me too,” I replied glancing over at Travis. He was shirtless and holding a red and black surfboard. The sun shoe off his tanned chest. I looked at his arms they looked strong yet somehow I felt they could be as gentle as a butterflies wing when he wished. As he turned to run into the surf, I couldn’t help but stare at his long blonde hair. It was the classic surfer hair cut; long but not so long that it was in his face. I force myself to look away. I can see Sarah looking at me with a bemused expression on her face.
“What? What’s that look for?” I ask.
“Nothing. Just contemplating if I’m gonna be a good friend or not. That’s all.” I just sit there and glare at her. After a while, my eyes begin to get sore, I lay back and close them.
I must have fallen asleep because when I next open my eyes most of the people were gone.
I can hear hushed voices coming from where I last remember Sarah was sitting. I Glance over and see her talking to Travis and Michael.
“What are you guys talking about?” I ask a smidgeon of fear leaking into my voice. “You guys better not be talking about me.”
“Nah we’re not. We’re talking about Travis actually.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Travis give Sarah a dark look which I can’t quite grasp the meaning of.
“oh, what was it?” Travis shakes his head and says something to Michael under his breath.
“Nothing Jodi. Go back to sleep” he says with a yawn.
“Yeah. You know it’s not like you’re the one yawning at all is it?” I say with raised eyebrows.
“Good point. I’m gonna go get a burger and some booze. You can come over if you want. See you guys later.” He and Michael got up and grabbed their things. Michael pecked Sarah on the cheek and whispered something in her ear. She giggled and nodded a sly grin on her face.
“Yeah, I think I might go too.” She said after
“What for? What time is it.” I ask trying to look at her watch.
“It’s almost 4:30. We’ve been here all day.”
“Okay. But first, spill the beans. Come on. What was that about?”
“Nothing. Travis was just telling me about something.” She said playing with the necklace Michael had given her for their 1-year anniversary.
“Please Sarah. You know I hate being left in the dark.”
“Okay, but one quick thing.”
“Yes, anything, just tell me.”
“You gotta promise not to freak out or make a big fuss.”
“Yes, yes just tell me. I’m dying here.”
“No. You need to promise me. Not just because you want to hear what we were talking about, because you mean it.”
“Okay.”
“Can you keep a secret?”
***
author's note
***
Although this story may not make sense to some at the moment, once I have finished the whole story/ novel, things will start to make a little bit more sense. Just like everyone, I had to meet a deadline, only, for me, that was not very long at all. I have spent most of the week trying to come up with essays and letters for school. It takes a lot out of you. Especially in remote learning. So please try not to be too harsh with your comments.
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116 comments
Okay, this is for the writer of the week votes. please write who you think should win and why you think they deserve it. And remember; NO voting for yourself. -CJ
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I would like to vote for Aerin B. 🌈 She is such a kind person selfless person who always helps her fellow readers. (like by up voting, checking out their stories, following them etc) She's so easy to make friends with and pretty silly! She lights up the... comment section, and her stories are so creative!! She is so talented for someone so young, (and just in general) She deserves to win.
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I know this happened 3 weeks ago but I just saw it now and THANK YOU!
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Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it
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Make sure to put it into the forms thing. I will be announcing the winner this afternoon... -CJ
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I would like to vote for 🌻 άm𝒶𝕟ƴ 🌻 for being a downright lovely person and making my day countless times with her wonderful stories
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Oh, wow.... Words cannot express the way I felt when I read this... I could possibly write an entire story based on the way my hand flew to my mouth when the words registered in my mind. THIS is why I write. To make people's days, to bring light to the world. I'm over the moon that you enjoy my stories. Thank you so much for your support.
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your welcome just writing how I feel
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😊🌺
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😁
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Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it
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Oh, and I vote for Rhondalize Mitza whose stories are very amazing. I recommend her stories. If you thought MINE was good, hers will blow you away!
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Hey guys, I've been wanting to write a romance/ college type book for a while now. This isn't my usual type of story so please, do tell me what you think of it. Like my other stories, this is apart of a series so watch out for the next part Hope you enjoy my story. If you do please leave a like and comment. -CJ
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I really enjoyed it! I really love writing romances... somehow I manage to incorporate into almost every one of my stories! I think you did a great job, CJ! I'm a young author like you and I'm loving your writing style. The only thing that makes me nervous is the secret Sarah's going to tell!😬 Otherwise, I would love to read the part 2 to this!
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No need to be nervous. I'll give you a hint: This secret will change everything. For better or for worse. Thanks -CJ
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oooo! I'm so excited! glad I'm following you now. I can't wait to see what happens next!
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Yeah, I can't wait either. I do hope you like the next part
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Hey, do you know if there is a language limit/ certain words we are not allowed to use on this in the story I kind of need to use "big" words. Do you also know if there is a umm... well is there certain content we are not allowed to have. I just need to know so I don't get into trouble. The story plan has a few things that might need to be changed if so. -CJ
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I enjoyed this story. Waiting for more of yours.. Keep writing. I would recommend Charles Stickers for the upvotes. He gives amazing comments and his stories are so well woven. Would you mind reading my new story "The adventurous tragedy?"
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Sure thing I would love to read your story. Thank you. -CJ
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Hey girl! Congrats on 200 points!! You’ll be on the leaderboard in no time!
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Thanks! I was on like 210 but someone downvoted me or something😟 You'll be first place before I get into the top 100 though I bet appreciate your support tho. No wonder you won writer of the week :) -CJ
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Ohhh no! 🤗 Aw, thanks! -A
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I'm enjoying this, CJ! I can't wait for the secret getting revealed... P.S: would you mind checking my recent story out, "The Purple Sash"? Thank you :D
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Sure thing. I would love to check out your story. -CJ
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Gahhh! I really wanna know the secret..maybe just like whisper it here..you know I won't tell anyone. I'm just playing😂 But I really liked this the ending was really one of a catching moments for me and I want to know more. I also like that group of friends..they look close. And I can also relate when I'm the only one in the group who doesn't know whats going on.. Loved thiss!!
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Thank you so much. The secret is told in the next chapter but not in full. You will slowly find out more about the characters as the story progresses. All I need is to find the right prompt.
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Hey Ugochi Nwauwa, I was just wondering if it was you who put in 19 submissions for yourself on the writer of the week thing. There have been more votes for you alone than there have been all together for the first 2 weeks. I would just like to remind you that you are only allowed 1 vote and that vote can not be for yourself. You are also not allowed to ask your friends to vote for you. Please Keep this in mind as this is not the first time someone has cheated. If this wasn't you I apologise for accusing you. I made this vote so that ...
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??? Wait, wait, wait, wait.....What writers of the week thingy are you talking about?? I don't know anything about that, is it that thing you posted on your BIO? Cause I never voted for anyone...not in your comments... not anywhere.(Is there even another place??) Can explain from the beginning please... 19 submissions for me??!! Me???! Seriously I do not know what you are talking about so can you explain..?
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Okay, so I had the idea to have a writer of the week thing so then people could vote for their favourite writer/ person on reedsy. Someone really wants you to win and has been cheating so that you do. I know it is the same person because they were all at 5-6 second intervals to each other. This is the second time someone has cheated this week alone. I have already had to restart the votes once because of cheating. You seriously had no clue about this??? Someone really likes you. Lucky you. -CJ p.s. Do you have any clue who might ha...
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That last sentence was funny(no not the actual last sentence the one before -CJ) ..but not the time or situation.. Honestly don't know who it is..or nothing about it. omg I can try asking around I guess. Seriously I am sooooo sorry..I wrote that whole paragraph..👇like before I saw this notification.. Okay well the first step would be which of my followers follow you..and I think I should start with the people who comment on my stories the most..
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Well I follow over 400 people soo...
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OHHHHHH nevermind I'm stupid..I just read your full bio. Okay so correct me if I'm wrong you have this thing where people vote for other people..and you suspect someone voted for me 19 times(not 19 different people)...and your only allowed to vote once..so your asking me whether I did it..? Right? Oh well no..I would never vote for myself in the first place..and I won't purposely break your rules. I personally have never been on the website where you vote so I haven't participated.. Although I am honored..that someone felt the need to vote...
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Okay, I was just asking. I didn't think you had done it I just wanted to double-check first tho.
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Hey, CJ I noticed you added me in your Bio..like below. THANK You! Also do you follow me??? cause I'm trying to get my Followers and Following to be equal...so I'm asking. If you don't can you please follow me..if you don't want to its fine..thanks again!
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Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it
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Oh yay! I will read after school!! Thanks for letting me know.
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Welcome, please tell me what you think about it
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I'm intrigued already!🙃 The beginning says it would be a lovely story! (This is the beginning, right?) I love the way it ended especially. The "Can you keep a secret?" part. This was really nice Cj. Well done!! (P.S. do you mind checking our some of my recents. Feedback would be nice too. Thanks!!!)
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Yeah, this is the beginning. Thank you so much I love to hear when I've done something right. Yes, I would love to check out some of your recent stories.😊 -CJ
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:D
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I liked your story and especially loved your author's note at the end. Very relatable and honest! I hope to read more of your work soon!
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I am part of the way through writing the next part just gotta find the right prompt. -CJ
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You can do it!
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Thanks for the encouragement 😄 -CJ
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This was really cool! You established the characters well, especially Sarah, I felt like I couldn't fully trust her. I liked the fast-pace, it made the story fun to read. That cliffhanger! Can't wait for part 2. If you get the chance please check out some of my new stories.
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Thank you so much. I would love to read some of your stories -CJ
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I can't wait to see what happens next! Part 2, here I come... A few critiques: "I looked at his arms they looked strong yet somehow I felt they could be as gentle as a butterflies wing when he wished." You should add a period after "arms" (capitalize "they", too). Add a comma after "strong". "Butterflies" should be "butterfly's". Overall--great story! It was engaging, and the make-up wipes discussion made me smile. :)
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I really enjoyed this story. It was amazing.
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Thank you ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ
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Welcome!!!:)
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I think this is great, C.J.! I am so intrigued. I think you have a fast-paced plot set up, a mysterious cliffhanger....and I love the narrator's voice. I could see this all unfolding. This line made me laugh: I just sit there and glare at her. After a while, my eyes begin to get sore, I lay back and close them. Looking forward to the next part!
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Thank you I just need to find a prompt I can submit it for. I prefer to choose the prompt t match the story instead of the story to match the prompt. I really appreciate the feedback -CJ
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Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it
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Beautifully written! It doesn't seem like you have writer's block, it was that awesome ;) The title is appropriately interesting! Please check out my stories too :)
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Thanks so much:) I would love to check out some of your stories -CJ
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Wow. This was amazing! I loved it! Great job!
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Thank you so much!
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You're welcome!
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This was such a nice start to what I assume will be a much longer story. I really enjoyed reading about characters and the exchanges they have, it was so fun! Amazing work. :)
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thanks
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So, this certainly fulfills the requirement to have it end/begin with "can you keep a secret?" but it has some other problems. The grammar, sentence structure and basic line editing is superb. I did not notice any of the little errors which typically plague rough drafts. You kept it short, which helps keep readers interested until the end. The two scenes are both fine, with excellent descriptions and not bogging down anywhere. But, your opening is slow and the plot sort of goes nowhere because of trying to put the question at the end. It...
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Yeah, sorry. I wrote this story in like 30mins because I was trying to get things out of my head if I had more time I obviously would have fixed it but I didn't. thanks for the feedback -CJ
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I've had things I wrote quickly before. It's why I don't generally post on Reedsy before Wednesday. And If I don't have something by Wednesday (giving me a day to let it rest and then Friday to edit) I don't submit. To each their own.
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Yeah, I've just been extremely busy with school work lately. I've had to write at least 3 different stories and/ or essays this week! I wanted to start earlier though. Just finding it harder to keep up with life in restrictions. I'm gonna be stuck at home forever 😖
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Some days I feel the very same- stuck in quarantine forever. And I'm not trying to go to school. Just pay bills, which can be a lot harder.
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Yeah.
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Good story! Definitely want to know the secret! And Sarah is not someone I trust at all. If you do a follow up I’m looking forward to reading it!
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Thanks!
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Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it
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nice <3
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Hey, C.j would you be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time, This my first time to edit video
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yeah I can
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Wait that was your first edit?! OMG that was awesome
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Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it
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Ok sure, I would really love to check it
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Hey, would you be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time, I would ready your story
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Yeah sure Harry Potter is awesome why not?
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