Which place is real? The breathless world of pain, or the calm mysterious other?

Submitted into Contest #89 in response to: Start your story with a character taking a leap of faith.... view prompt

34 comments

Fiction Drama Sad

MY stomach drops, I’m falling. I can see myself through my body! I’m a ghost witnessing my own death. My eyes are glued open and I see my cream white skin getting pale. I can feel my stomach and my lungs bursting, but I can’t grab the pain. I’m dying.


My eyes open wide again, and I feel the air as it trickles into my lungs feeling like a feather. 


“Dan, you really have us worrying.” A miniature-sized lady says. Her voice sounds like honey. She looks at me up and down. I look down to find myself drenched in my own sweat. Eww. 


It slaps me in the face, I had been dying! 


I feel it again, the surge of my twisted stomach, and diving for air desperately but, can’t find a single breath. I see my dying body crashing down hard, but never hitting the ground. I look up and see the sun explode and then the earth explodes with a firing heap. My body still falls over the exploding earth and no matter how much I want to move my body and try to run or float, I’m stuck. I can’t move and I can’t breathe. 


My dying body, stomach, and the exploding earth drift away as if I’m trying to find that dream with the miniature-sized woman. She called me… what was it again? Dan?


This time I see a dude, he has black hair and freckles. He’s tall and buff, “Daniel, you have us worrying. Are you feeling alright?” 


I look at my hands, they look hard and stiff. I look at the man’s facial features and find some sort of calmness. 


Again, the sweat all over gives me a shiver. No, never shall I think about my reality while I’m at ease in my dreams. 


Back to the twistedness of my life. I’m in a different scene. I’m watching myself in a bathroom with people who look like teenagers, we’re singing in the bathtub. I can’t breathe and my guts tighten. The tub is filled with drugs and alcohol. What are we singing? Well, you would’ve never known, it’s the wheels on the bus. I find the music that we’re singing cringe and giving me a worse sensation of unease just to add with the air that never seems to come. The wheels on the bus song fizzle into nothing so does the view of the drugs and alcohol killing my body, and mind. What did that freckled guy call me? Daniel?


I feel the air in my lungs and the sweat trickling down my spine again. I’m in a new room, with a new set of people hovering over me. 3 boys and 2 girls. 


“He’s here, quick! Before he’s out again!” a muscled man orders. 


“Dan, do you know where you are? Who you are?” The blonde-haired dude says.


This is a strange dream. Of course, I know where I am, I’m in my dream, dude.


“No! He’s losing us!” The ordering guy yelps. “Sorry Gracey, we don’t know if your brother is going to make it. This medical condition is serious. He might never wake up.” 


I wake from that weird dream and I find it mixing with my thoughts. Gracey? Who’s that? I didn’t even notice the girl he was talking to. As always my pipe hole closes and I no longer have the ability to breathe. I’m falling again, not just falling this time. I hit the ground with a thud. Pain aches throughout my body and I’m drenched with sweat here too! It’s burning where I landed and there’s no moving away to feel the coolness of the air that I can’t breathe. Medical condition? Never wake up? Huh, wouldn’t that be amazing? Be able to breathe forever. Amazing!


“Dan? Buddy? I know you’re awake. And I know you can hear us. You were mumbling stuff I said a few years ago, now. I’m here to explain,” The same ordering dude says. We’re in a different room and there’s no one else hovering over.

“There’s no easy way to say this but, you have Psychosis... It’s described as a loss of reality or a break from reality because it makes you experience things or believe things that aren't real. It can change the way you think, act, feel or sense things.”


“Thus...is..a….dream.” I say, but my words break up, the words are cracking and hard to spit out.


“No Daniel, this isn’t a dream, this is help to pull you back into reality.”


Back in the desert laying there, helpless. I watch my body lay and start to blister. POP! OUCH!!! It stings my skin and as much as I want to scream. I have no life. I am dying, and soon I’ll be dead. I get dizzy and my body spins on the ground. My head surges with pain. Everything that my life contains, is pain. There is no freedom. Except for the weird dreams that keep happening. Psychosis? Loss of reality? Controls the way I think, act, feel, and sense? What if this is true. The weird dreams are pulling me away from my unpleasant reality? That makes lots of sense.


“Dan? It’s me… again,” The guy who told me about Psychosis was saying. “We have made these pills, but you need to be here for longer than usual and swallow it.” 


I understand. But Psychosis is pulling me away from my pain. Hmm? Should I listen to this man? I’ll try if I can. The man leaves the room in a rush and grabs pills. He gets back and basically shoved the pill down my throat with water. Ahh water, I’ve never seemed to feel the sensation of the cool water washing away the bitter feelings of my life.


Back in the desert. I’m guessing I didn’t have water? My throat is dry and bitter. I can’t swallow and my lungs just can’t reach the air. My stomach rumbles and twists. 


“We are evil! You fell for it and you’ll never dream again! Haha!” The Psychosis man sneers as he’s towering over my rigid body. 

No that’s just wrong! How? Why would he do such a thing? I…trusted him. 


I sit upright and breathe heavily. I’m fine. Uh oh! The Psychosis man is standing right there. Somehow my body manages to fly backward away from the man. 


“Hold up Daniel. Why so jumpy? We cured you for the most part. All you have to do is take these pills a few times a day and do some self-care exercises. We’ll get back to you on which exercises are most necessary to do.”



I don’t trust him, but I do. I always thought my reality was in that awful (still very real) place. People don’t know what I saw. It’s not proved what I saw was true. My leap of faith was believing everything that I saw in my “dream” and I still can’t prove if it was real or not, but whether I have to deal with either place. I can handle it.


April 11, 2021 01:35

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34 comments

00:54 Apr 18, 2021

You can tell that you put thought and effort into your story. A lot of stories on here feel like the author's just rambling. It's always great to find the hidden gems like this one. I love endings that aren't completely explained by the author and allow or force the reader to decide what the truth is. I look forward to reading more of your work.

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16:40 Apr 12, 2021

Your profile is adorable and your story is great!

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Rose Valerie
17:55 Apr 12, 2021

Thanks! your profile is also amazing! =) Also in your bio it said you got down-voted, I don't even know how people get down-voted in the first place. Can you explain?????

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20:01 Apr 12, 2021

See the little arrows by your comment? One points up, the other points down, next to your name. If you click the up one they'll will get a point, but if you click down they'll lose a point. If you downvote by accident click the up arrow and it'll restore the point you took off. Sometimes it'll take off an extra point, and I'm not sure why. It's basically jsut something you don't do, downvoting.

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Rose Valerie
21:50 Apr 12, 2021

Ohh, okay. I didn't even know what those arrows were there! Thanks for the explanation.

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17:58 Apr 13, 2021

:) Upvote!

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Terran Dowling
21:15 May 05, 2021

W o a h. That was wild!!

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Corbin Sage
04:08 Apr 11, 2021

Nice, it's confusing, but in the way that it's supposed to be, if that makes any sense. The reader is confused along with Dan. Nice job!

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Rose Valerie
14:30 Apr 11, 2021

Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it.

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Corbin Sage
15:47 Apr 11, 2021

Of course! :)

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Rose Valerie
16:14 Apr 11, 2021

I really agree with when you answered upvoting and downvoting are bad, reedsy should just get rid of the point system/leaderboard completely. And Thank you so much for doing the form! =)

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Corbin Sage
16:17 Apr 11, 2021

Yeah! I see so many people focusing on upvoting, but the downvoter(s) just keep going. There's a lot of suspicion about who is the downvoter or why someone didn't upvote etc. Plus, the leaderboard creates a kind of rift between the people on it and the people who aren't. Because of the point system and leaderboard, a lot of people who deserve recognition aren't getting any. It might have been a good idea at first, but now it's just used to make people feel bad about themselves.

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Rose Valerie
16:27 Apr 11, 2021

I agree. I know I have some problems just following people because I don't want to get the title "Down-Voter" The people who have good stories now might not be noticed and no one really recognizes the amazing job they've done. The people on the leaderboard have been writing for so long and it's almost impossible to catch up. That egar feeling that you get when you get a like, comment, follow, or get on the leaderboard kind of fades after awhile and then it doesn't even seem like they actually like your stuff, it seems like they're just "Up-V...

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=) noice bio, and interesting story title!

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Maraika!!! 😎
18:28 May 28, 2021

OMG I love Brooklyn Nine nine! It's one of my favourite TV shows!!! It's soooooo funnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyy. I also have never met anyone who has read Out of My Mind but me. I read it last year and it was really good. I love how Melody has so much attactment to words and just how smart she is. I've alway wondered what it's like to have a photographic memory. It seems super awesome, but also super annoying at the same time...

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Madge Cameron
00:22 May 27, 2021

Please un follow me. I don't think your follows are honest.

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Danika :)
17:07 May 26, 2021

=) I've read your bio.

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Francis Daisy
00:34 May 26, 2021

Wait, I just read your bio and you don't like vegetables. I don't think this is going to work out. I am a vegetarian... Did you know you can be a food lover and an animal lover AT THE SAME TIME? True fact.

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Rose Valerie
13:16 May 26, 2021

Yeah, I don't like vegetables, but I still eat them. And I love animals but I still eat meat. Carbs are so much better tho ;)

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Francis Daisy
23:17 May 26, 2021

Yummmm....carbs....the forbidden food group that is the most delicious of all! So delicious and yummy they even sneak their way into vegetables! :)

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Francis Daisy
00:31 May 26, 2021

"I don't trust him, but I do." - great line!

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Cole Lane
23:44 May 21, 2021

The cool thing is you can never be sure of anything. It seemed in the end that all was right, reality was back in play, and pills and exercise were the cure, but Psychosis man was there, that seems a bit sinister. Was he there after the pills kicked in? Were the pills a figment? This is a crazy ride!

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E.C. Nickelson
20:07 May 21, 2021

Different from what I usually read. I love that the reader is actually confused alongside the main character and that you leave the ending open for reader interpretation.

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Charli Britton
17:18 May 20, 2021

I really liked that. It felt original, and it was a good read. I read your bio, and I have to agree with you. Some stories on Reedsy are just... not that great. I liked your story a lot. I wouldn't say I LOVED it, like most amazing story I have read on here, but it was definitely great. You seem like an honest person, so I hope if you decide to read any of my stories that you will comment honestly. I promise, I can take criticism. However, warning. DO NOT READ "Like Glass" from me. It is the worst piece of garbage I have ever written. May...

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Rose Valerie
17:24 May 20, 2021

Thanks for your comment. I will look at some of those stories for sure! =)

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Monica June
14:09 May 11, 2021

This was really interesting! It ended with a mysterious note, which gives you room to make a second part if you wanted to. Some people I've known don't like onomatopoeias like the ones that you incorporated throughout, but I thought that they added nice color to the story. Keep up the good work!

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Devils Dare
07:32 May 10, 2021

I saw ur profile and I was wondering is ur full name is Valerisha by any chance?

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Rose Valerie
13:26 May 10, 2021

My full name is not Valerisha. Do you know anyone named Valerisha?

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Devils Dare
02:42 May 11, 2021

Sorry about that i know someone named valerisha and ur bio is similar to her,so i was wondering....

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Angelina Jeong
18:36 May 09, 2021

I love this storyyyyyyy !!!!!!

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19:35 Apr 14, 2021

=)

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