400 comments

Crime Suspense Thriller

She saw him.

She saw him get killed.

She saw the life drain out of his eyes.

She heard his screams of pain.

She heard the footsteps of the murderer as they ran away.

She felt a tingly sensation course through her.

She felt a tight knot form in her chest.

She witnessed it all.

But no one believed her. Not a soul.

But she knew it had happened. Her eyes couldn’t have betrayed her. She wasn't dreaming nor was she hallucinating. The rasping of the man’s finals breaths and the crimson blood were all too vivid for it to be a figment of her imagination. She was there. She was watching. She was witnessing.

She had approached the body, hands trembling. The man lay in a pool of his own blood beneath her feet, his body peppered with bullet wounds. His glassy eyes were rolled back, showing only the bloodshot sclera of his eyes. 

Her fingers were numb as she had dialed the number of the police. Her breath was shaky, and her voice was uncertain. She told the officer on the phone what had happened.

"May I ask what your name is?" The officer had questioned.

She responded softly. A moment went by. Her eyes widened as the officer started to laugh.

"Nice try. Don't joke that much. We all know murders are implausible." The officer had drawled before ending the call.

The phone fell out of her hand and landed with a thud on the ground. What was the officer talking about? She clutched her heart with both of her hands and fell to her knees. What is going on? Her head was spinning. The ground around her started to spin as well. The lifeless body was still in front of her, her clothes and hands now soaked with blood.

No. Something was wrong. Something was missing. Why did the officer hang up so abruptly? Why was the officer so ignorant? She stood up and started to walk away from the body. She needed help. She needed to ask someone else. As she turned around she saw a young man walking by. Her feet dragged her towards him.

"Please help! Please help me!" Her cries were loud, and she collapsed onto her knees. The man immediately turned his head.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his eyebrows cocked in annoyance.

"Please! There has been a murder. Someone has been killed! I saw it all!" She begged, her voice desperate and cracking.

The man's eyes lingered over her for a moment. He scoffed. "This isn't funny. Joking about death is despicable." He shook his head as he walked away.

“...Please!” She called out weakly, grasping for the man’s hand. But it was out of reach, and her hand fell to her side.

Tears streamed down her face. They tasted like salt and regret. Stop. Stop it. Stop crying. She kept scolding herself as she slowly stood up. Stop being weak. Make them believe you. They must believe you. She hurried back to the scene of the crime. The knot in her chest tightened even harder each time she saw those lifeless eyes. It was as if they were chiding her, tormenting her. She grabbed her phone from the ground, making sure it was still functional.

She wanted to call the police. She should call the police. But what if she got in trouble. What if they didn’t believe her again. She shut her eyes as pain filled her body. Her words had failed her once again. Her mouth refused to open. Refused to fight back. How weak she was.

She crumbled to the floor in tears. After all, that was what she was best at. Crying. All she could do was cry. She couldn't even stand up for herself. Couldn't even prove something. And she hated herself for being so useless.

Her mind was swirling with thoughts. She couldn't swallow nor could she speak, her throat was dry and hoarse. She still knew she wasn't dreaming. This is real. She is real. It had to be real. But why didn't anyone believe her? Why was she never given a chance? Her breathing started to slow down. Her tears lessened. 

What if it is a dream? But in my dreams, who am I? Where am I? Her reality felt distorted and warped, nothing seemed real yet nothing seemed fake. She reached up, trying to grasp something, trying to find something tangible to provide her some certainty.

Maybe she was nothing. Nothing at all. Maybe she was as thin as air. No, thinner than air. As unreachable as the heavens, as unbelievable as the gaping chasm of hell. No. No, she had to stop. No, she knew this was real. She couldn't push the truth away. She still had to face the truth, truth is something no one can evade.

What was wrong with these people? Were they just merely stupid? Or oblivious? Or did they just not care? Why did they not believe her? What had she done to make them so against the thought of murder? She had so many questions but no answers. But there was only one way to elucidate these questions.

Slowly, she dialed the police again with trembling, frail, bloodied fingers. They picked up.

“Hello? I’d like to report a murder,” She begins once more, telling her story.

“Alright. What’s your name, miss?” The officer asks. But before she can respond, the man cuts her off with a chuckle. “Just kidding. We don’t need your name for a prank.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but the call ended. Slowly, she pushed herself up, wobbling a bit. She took a moment to stabilize herself, then inhaled sharply. Her eyes were closed and her face was pointed towards the blue, blue sky. Her eyes slowly opened after a brief pause, glimmering under warm rays of sunlight.

“My name,” she began quietly, swaying gently with the wind. “Is Elora Bathory.” She giggled, then disappeared into the shadows of an alleyway, twirling a gun in her hands.

November 08, 2020 00:37

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400 comments

Ananya Kabir
05:51 Jun 20, 2021

So she was the murderer the entire time. But ... why did the police not believe her when she reported?

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Shreshta Writer
00:25 Jun 01, 2021

OH NO! Don't leave! Your stories are awesome!

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Simran Hirani
18:34 May 14, 2021

Amazing story!! My heart kept racing the whole time reading this. Great job👍👍

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14:05 May 14, 2021

i'm about to read your other stories i loved this one and i like how she was talking about the not being real subject also it was an amazing way to add a twist to a story also sorry if some of this doesn't make since because of the way i worded it

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Charvi Gupta
05:54 May 08, 2021

Well, its so well written that I never got a hint that she was the murderer. Great.

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Ardent Blare
09:24 Apr 15, 2021

Wow!! What a nice Plot Twist...It's very wonderful....Keep up the Good Job!

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Jam Aboy
09:18 Apr 15, 2021

Wow .. I did not expect that one. What a nice plot twist.

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What a great story! We will miss you a lot!

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15:28 Mar 30, 2021

It's okay if you need to leave for personal reasons, but keep your lovely stories up and never stop writing. You have a gift.

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Baby Crayons
20:41 Feb 27, 2021

THIS IS SO GOOD! i really felt elora's emotions throughout the entire story. nice job! :)

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Cookie Chris
06:10 Feb 23, 2021

I read this just now and I think it is really well written and the plot twist is definitely not expected, however one thing I don't understand is how her feelings can change so quickly from one moment panic to suddenly accepting that she's the killer. You described how her tears were filled with regret earlier however in the end she seemed to have no remorse so I just don't quite understand how her emotions does a complete 180 so suddenly. You're an amazing writer though! I truly enjoyed this story!

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Ramsey Smith
16:01 Feb 11, 2021

This is truly an amazing story.... The twist was a jaw dropper... would really want you to teach me pls. Am ready to learn.

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Mila Van Niekerk
14:50 Feb 11, 2021

AAAAaaaand I just read your bio. Oh well, the more comments you get the more karma points

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Mila Van Niekerk
14:49 Feb 11, 2021

I LOOOOVVEEEEE this story! The end was so unexpected!! This is soooo well written. Keep it up!! PS: I know this is probably an older story, but I searched up thriller and suspense prompts cuz I felt like writing something like a horror, and I came across this story. BUT I HAVE NO REGRETS

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. .
00:17 Jan 15, 2021

Two new stories. One a message, the other a story.

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Sandra Brooks
19:26 Jan 14, 2021

Wow, I loved your story. Kept me hooked till the end. Definitely did not expect that twist. Mainly your writing is really good. Love the way you formatted your words.

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Riddhi Shedge
01:13 Jan 14, 2021

Heyyyy!! How are you doing?

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Riddhi Shedge
03:13 Jan 14, 2021

Pretty good!!

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Riddhi Shedge
23:07 Jan 14, 2021

Hey!! I'm going to be more active on this account :) Hope we can continue chatting lol :DD

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Riddhi Shedge
19:07 Jan 12, 2021

hEy tHeRe guRL...*smirks*

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Riddhi Shedge
19:09 Jan 12, 2021

Hehehehehe *wiggles eyebrows* So, tell me a bit about yourself :DD

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*XD* Like my wot? Sorry XDdDdDdDd

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Riddhi Shedge
19:10 Jan 12, 2021

Idk?? *hee hee* Interests, hobbies, and stuff?

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REEdSy, reading, writing, eating flaming Cheetos(lime), watching tv, YouTube, among us, rEEdSy, writing.

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B. W.
17:45 Dec 26, 2020

new thread?

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Riddhi Shedge
19:39 Dec 26, 2020

sure! How was your Christmas?

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B. W.
19:50 Dec 26, 2020

I guess it was good

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Riddhi Shedge
21:13 Dec 26, 2020

that's nice! Did you get any interesting presents?

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B. W.
21:27 Dec 26, 2020

I mostly got games and books, also I just got a new story out ^^

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Riddhi Shedge
22:08 Dec 26, 2020

Ooo, that's great!

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Riddhi Shedge
00:28 Dec 27, 2020

so, how are you doing today?

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B. W.
17:15 Dec 22, 2020

new thread?

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Riddhi Shedge
22:06 Dec 22, 2020

sure! how are you doing today?

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B. W.
22:06 Dec 22, 2020

eh, im kinda bored and tired as usual

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Riddhi Shedge
22:25 Dec 22, 2020

oh, I see. How are your novels coming along?

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B. W.
22:40 Dec 22, 2020

I'm on chapter 14 with one

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Riddhi Shedge
22:46 Dec 22, 2020

ooh, that's great!

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