There was a small town named PresentVille in which lived a 12 year old boy, (Thin, wears dull clothes and glasses) his name was Larry who lives in a small room in the backyard of a house. He was adopted when he was 5 by a couple who was hoping a strong, brilliant and handsome child but he turned out to be a disappointment for them. They decided not to spend much money on him instead his father makes him to help him in his wood cutting work and his mother makes him do all the household work like laundry, dusting and cleaning. He was quite a positive fellow. He never holds a grudge or gets angry at her parents as he saw some other kids in the town going to school, playing in the evening. One day he said to his mother that he wanted to go to school, his father listened and scolded him that they don't have enough money and its a waste of money and time to send you to school as we can earn selling woods at that time. He couldn't argue. He has a friend named Mark, who lives right around the corner. No one else on the street wanted to play or talk to Larry because of his shy and boring nature but Mark never judged him for that. He always meets him in his backyards with his toys and let Larry play with them as Larry was not allowed to leave home. One day Mark bought two small perfume bottles from market and gave one to Larry. Larry was very happy that day. He started to wear it every morning and went to work with his dad in the forest to help him cut trees. He even started to wear that small bottle like a pendant in his neck. Mark's dad was a government officer who got transfer after few months. He was not able to say goodbye to his friend Larry as he was with his father in jungle cutting trees. So he told Larry's mother to tell him that he said goodbye but she doesn't seem to care to pass that information to his son. Days passed by, Larry started to get depressed about the fact that his only friend has not met him for a week. He asked his mother to go around the corner to see Mark to which she replied, "I forgot to tell you that they left and he said goodbye. would you go cut the grass in the backyard, it seems to have overgrown". It broke Larry from inside, now he was feeling lonely inside as the only one closer to him is not with him anymore. He went to his room and cried all night. Years passed by, Larry is 25 now. He grows to be taller and stronger than other guys of his age. His father started a lumber business few years back. Now he takes care of it and they makes a lot of money as there were a lot of demand for furniture at that time. Sometimes the profits were quite high. They were counted in rich people of PresentVille. He left town to start a new branch in another town which also has a good demand for wood. It was few miles away from his town. Now he is the man of his own life. No restrictions, No orders from his parents. It was like a new world, a new life for him. He never felt much happier in his life to be such an independent. He was still a shy guy. In few months he started a firm there which turns out to be quite a success for him. He has everything in his life but still something seems off to him. He has no friends to talk, to celebrate, to roam or anyone to spend time with. He has lived his 29 years of life alone. Everyday in the morning he urges to go to the coffee shop in the corner, sitting outside, drinking coffee and reading his daily newspaper. The Coffee Shop owner was a girl of same age as him. Her name was Martha,29, Average height and blonde hairs. She sees him everyday drinking coffee and leave. not talking or making social contact with anyone. She kinds of like Larry. One day she decided to serve his coffee herself. She went to his table and says, "Good morning, Gentleman, here's your coffee" to which Larry just said Thank you with a smile by making a minimum eye contact with her. She was a very talkative and friendly woman. She started talking little by little everyday with Larry. In few days there talks became bigger and bigger. They started to wait for each other and spent time with each other more and more. One day Larry told her that he does not want to lose her and wants to spend rest of his life with her. She couldn't agree more. She asked him if its fine with him to meet her family first to which he agrees. She told him to meet at her place on Saturday. Larry wore his best suit on that day, perfectly combed his hairs. He wants his first impression to be best. He reached at her place at 9 pm. Martha opened the door and invited him in. He went in. It was Dinner time. Her parents were in the dining room. He greeted them and they all started talking. A voice came from the door approaching to the room, it was her brother, "Am i late" to which Martha replied, "you are just on time." Her brother came inside. Larry was sitting on the chair facing opposite direction. A strange fragrance suddenly hits his nose. He was frozen there for a moment. It was the smell of same perfume that his childhood friend Mark gave him. All the memories of past srikes back to him. He remembers the exact day and moment when his friend Mark gave him that same smelled perfume. He stood and turned behind and saw it was his friend Mark standing on the door. They both looked at each other for a second. Tears started to roll down Larry's eyes. Tears of joy with a smile. The only thing that Larry was able to say was his name Mark. He hugged him very tight. All of them sat on the Dining table and talked all night. Larry got a new family that night. It was from that day Larry never felt lonely again.
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20 comments
I see a number of comments below that talk about grammar and paragraph structure, so I will focus my comment on the story itself. This is a heartwarming story, and one that feels very timely in a world where we are separated more than reunited. Thank you for sharing this. You've got the story and the heart behind it; as you continue to develop the mechanical skills to present it, you're going to have some great fiction presented well!
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Thank you Ray Dyer. It means a lot to me.
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I like one thing about your writing and that is that the tone you used is very suitable for your target audience which are children. You gave it that fable kind of expository vibe. From your bio you said english is a second language for you and so I understand why some grammar may be out of place but overall you did a good job. I do face the problems you face sometimes with grammar as I am also from a country like yours. My country even has a lower average toefl score when compared to yours (16 points lower) but I digress. Let me give ...
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Thank you so much Princemark Okibe. I love the way you wrote the comment and i will surely keep it in my mind before writing my next story. I very much appreciate thay you read full story even with so much grammar mistakes and taught me some valuable points to keep in mind for my further stories. Have a nice day and truly thanks for the last paragraph you wrote as i am reading her Harry potter novels for improving literature and learning new words.
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The first thing I notice is your story is all one paragraph. He never holds a grudge or gets angry at her- it should be his. Male gives he, him and his. Female gives she, her and hers. Your English is fair for a second language. Far better than my command of German, which is the only other language I know at all (required at my university for physics majors). This reads like "once upon a time there lived" which is OK if that is the style you want. Although the protagonist Larry certainly earns his good fortune, he seems to have li...
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Thank you Charles. I appreciate you noticed and pointed out my mistakes. I need comments like yours to improve my skills for writing a story. I will keep that in my mind before writing my next story.
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Just be sure to tag me- use a reply to one of my stories and just ask. Then I'll know to come and comment on the next one.
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I like how the story had a writting style similar to a traditional fable. Grammar will come with time and practice. It is not a easy skill to learn but looks like you have a good start.
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Thank you very much
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Hm, i enjoyed this story a lot and i think that you did a really good job with it. I think that you should continue to make more stories on here, though only when you aren't busy or something. 10/10 :)
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Thank you B.W. I am working on my english grammar still need a lot to learn and surely will write regulary on reedsy.
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No problem ^^ that's fine you'll get better at your grammar as it goes on. if it's alright could ya check out "A savior?" and leave some feedback?
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Sure👍
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Thanks ^^ i'm excited to see what ya think
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Cute story, I likes it a lot.
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Thanks
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Such a heartfelt, and heartwarming story! The emotion in this is beautiful! The story is wonderful.
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Thank you
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A lovely, heartwarming story. I really enjoyed it.
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Thanks Rebeka Tairi
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