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Romance Creative Nonfiction

This story contains sensitive content

Language Warning: A few expletives.

Listen with your heart not your head. Understand these words like the lyrics of an artist that's dead. Ain't asking for much just forgiveness that ain’t ever said. Exposing thoughts as I tolerate empathy with lead.

Read this out loud like a presentation. Evaluate the pain like a burning sensation. I was your radio, but you changed the station. Regardless of what was said you never paid attention. Kept you on me like a phone, but you faded. Adjusting feelings that can't be calibrated.

Interrupted by a cloud like going after a squid. Confused, and determined I was willing to fix because what we had was saturated emotion. A river of patience aware of it frozen. Choking on devotion, pride that was swollen. Obsessed with regret. A night that went broken.

Eyes wide open yet still not focusing. Up, and stable then knocked down like the pins in bowling. Love starts when you don't need it, and ends when you do. Shit was perfect as passion blew. Stuck like glue, a feeling that wasn't new. I gave you my better half like a person split in two.

I'm trying not to show that I'm sensitive, but I am that's real. The thing with being a man is you can't express, but if you can't show emotion then what's the purpose to feel? Girl you don't understand what it means to be a guy. The shit he does for his girl, and all she does is deny. Live as a monster or die a good man. Stuck in between drinking what's black and tan.

Dead inside, but smiling on the out. The good die young is pure bull, explain what life is about. I can say I don't care, but time was invested. Plus that would be a lie since my feelings kept you protected. Having things to mention just not having the guts to say them. Love is a bumpy road, but with you I had suspension.

I was looking for a quarter, and found a dollar. You were as wet as Niagara Falls, like a hoe from tinder, but I loved you like a sad song about her. Giving it my all like a drill bit cutting through steel that couldn't go any further. These words aren't to get back although I'm still trying to pull through. I'm not the devil plus karma has no menu. Hesitation causes your worst nightmare to come true. Which is exactly what occurred with me, and you.

Dreams are distractions from tomorrow. Haven't had any. Is it my time to go? I still have that sheet of paper like I'm practicing for Oprah. You know what I'm saying I kept it as a memory of ya.

That paper is me visiting college to visualize perfection in your dorm. A guest pass through laminated glass, a routine like summer, and shorts. I’m giving it back to prove I kept it. A memory of agony as you spark pain from what you did. Your presence was borrowed. I'm no longer in your view, admit it. No matter how many times I ponder, and spin. You left without warning, not even left a mist.

Time passes unlike the cars in traffic. I still care about you like any mother, and her kid, but you're ignoring it all like a husband when he's sick. If I'm in a car I'm totaled. Shit!

You can burn a photo, but can't replace the memory. I'm not asking for you to dance back, just a bit of sympathy. I was always down to talk to you to make my heart bounce more than the lines of frequency. Hope is a disguise as our bond grows faster than the average tree. Growing pains of thee. Getting greener than salad that ain't free. Lust is not a choice, it's a deed. Your lips are so memorable the taste that led to a need. Comfort was so good I pushed away family.

Mind what you see like metal through me. Bullets of self worth shot with dignity. Blood dripping on asphalt moving faster than a centipede. Sadly trust was given not earned so affection was gone like good weed.

I still think back at it like a hangover since it was my fault. Nothing on you it's me I screwed it all up like DeWalt, but damn shit happens your toilet can say the same. Let me spit some facts though like a pissed teacher trying to explain. You know my intentions, you can practically read my brain, but you brought distance that led to silence which hurts more than migraines.

I still have feelings I won't lie like a kid. Yet again lies are facts that haven't happened. I wrote two songs when I was on the edge of death, but let's set that aside like holding something before sex. I was dying to speak like music at a low tune. I felt the hatred, and annoyed vibe I'd get so I swallowed the pill of reality like a sip of hot soup.

I'm sorry I'm worthless like a pile of leaves don't lie it's true. Moving on with life wielding pain onto my wall of memories I had from you. You probably forgot it all like amnesia, but hey I'm willing to start over like a caterpillar after two weeks of that idea. Now listen if your happy, your happy fuck it sadness is tamed. I tried to walk in, and bring joy, but your emotions don't change. Speak of how great you are, but my name remains. Life is a lemon I guess so we squeeze the bitch so we don't live the same.

Love is such a hard word to digest. Like water it's a type not of itself I guess. Deleted memories are forbidden, but out of respect. Yet again you don't recall our pride as one the Mandela Effect.

Bring it back to when things were sincere. Doing without thinking as our view of struggle starts to clear. Apparently the guys you've been with are dicks, but hey you won. Just because I have one doesn't mean I am one. You went missing like a 10 millimeter socket. I looked around like an irritated boss. Where have you been?

If you are still single, be patient. You're just right, like the perfect arrangement. Your ocean colored eyes that shine like the moon. Hair so stunning, so blond, and smooth. Personality is hard to describe, but it can be manipulated. Yeah, you fucked me up, but you still deserve what comes your way. Playing those games that I've bought put them on display, but oh I'm shady like the color gray.

I'm giving thanks like the end of a prayer. Wish I've fucked you though like dog when he's spots the one to go. Fantasizing on making your legs shake, and vibrate. Cum, and moan while you're smiling with a tomato face. Wish you've seen plus it would have destroyed you. Pressure that will roll your eyes, and make your back go obtuse.

I still don't understand how you can be so cold to someone who tries. Hey, you know what's best. I can't change a mind that's not mine. I wanted us to never stop like a running nose, but you ignored me, and jumped onto someone else since their weight is apparently more valuable than your own.

I saw Harry Potter by the way, and love the series. Seen all the movies, it was more expensive than Beaufort cheese. Could have seen it with you unravel your passions while we sit. Apparently I'm not your type though you prefer the average bitch.

I missed our love before a feeling that's been tossed. Onto the abyss ripped up, and lost. In a block of ice that is enforced, but won't defrost. Releasing stress like an average exhaust. Yet here I go all innocent without desire. A lack of intimacy that catches on fire. Climbing a rope that was acquired. To then balance myself on barbed wire.

Yet inside I'm shattered like the screen of an iphone. So torn to know I ruined what was built, and grown. Our future was destroyed like a ripped condom. Second chances are nice, but like the feds you gave no fucks so you get what's coming then some. Love is hard to find, just stay on your grind. You gave me hope, but stabbed me with rejections as silence was intertwined. That's fine shit happens I stretched pain through time. Plus an eye for an eye, and the world would go blind.

March 03, 2023 16:34

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33 comments

Patrick H
23:50 May 17, 2023

Lots of passion in this story. Very well done!

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Daniel Fernandes
12:36 May 18, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I try to put a ton of passion in all that I write. I appreciate the kind words.

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Joe Smallwood
04:35 Apr 26, 2023

"Let me spit some facts though like a pissed teacher trying to explain." LOL on this! Thanks a lot for your take on stream of conciousness writing. Why we rhyme? It helps us stay sane and make sense of what writing this way makes us feel. The rhythm is a rocking chair, soothing or a launchpad, to help us catch our breath for the next raw feeling. Anyway, still trying to understand.

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Daniel Fernandes
13:10 Apr 26, 2023

Thank you for replying to another work of mine. That line made me laugh for a while after I wrote it. Thanks for pointing it out. Stream of consciousness Is cool but not for everyone for sure. I completely agree with you. I have been writing for over a decade and still trying to understand. Some things are just beyond our understanding. I love rhyming and sometimes I don't include them but those are in my book and don't fit the 1000 word limit to post on this page.

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Viga Boland
15:37 Mar 12, 2023

Hi Daniel Once again you impress me with your incredible talent for internal rhyming and the rap-style tone of this piece. Your skill in this type of musical art is undeniable. But, I am curious about how many words in this piece. It seems very long, the sign of the artist caught up in the joy of creation, but perhaps a bit too long to sustain interest in print readers, unlike rap music listeners. What do you think?

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Daniel Fernandes
14:15 Mar 13, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate the kind words. I am happy you enjoy my work. Yeah this one is a long one I won't deny that. Sometimes when I write I stop then everything gets vented out. All of the emotions need to be said then bleed away. The ink switches places with my heart and does what it needs to do. Which is why I can post in these contests every week. It's just enough to fit the 1000 minimum limit. I feel that if a person starts reading they may not mind the length of the poem/story due to how hooke...

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Viga Boland
14:30 Mar 13, 2023

The writer in you comes through even in your comment here e.g. “the ink switches places with my heart”. LOVE that! Good luck with the book. Writing it is the easy part. Promoting it, just like in the music industry, is the hardest part. Wearying if there’s only you doing it. All the best.

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Daniel Fernandes
15:47 Mar 13, 2023

Thanks for catching that. It's the best way to describe it for me. Yeah I am pretty much promoting it myself because I can't afford the marketing aspect of publication. I will go to open mics and perform whenever I can and let my voice be heard. Thanks for your support.

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Gosia Smelcerz
13:29 Mar 11, 2023

I loved this story very much.

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Daniel Fernandes
14:00 Mar 13, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am actually releasing a book with stories/poems likes these. This one is in there actually, I am happy that you enjoy my work.

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Stevie Burges
12:21 Mar 11, 2023

Daniel, It is very poetic, and god knows how you've managed to write it! I did read it out loud to get the rhythm. I won't lie; some of it I got completely lost on - but equally, some of it was as clear as a day. I am amazed that you managed to get this written in time for the deadline. If I had to write something poetic, you'd still be waiting for it! Thanks Daniel.

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Daniel Fernandes
14:20 Mar 13, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Thank you for reading it out loud. Some of the lines would have to be read over to understand i just explain the reason for why It's written. Some lines have double meanings and it's easy to get lost just by reading. It is difficult to write, but I have been writing this way for over 10 years. Sometimes it's natural and only takes a couple hours and sometimes it takes days. It helps heal a damaged heart venting it all out. Have a great one and glad you took the time to read my work.

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David Sweet
05:05 Mar 11, 2023

I think you start off really strong with both emotion and style, but it breaks down in places. I think this could be so strong with some edits and attention to more structured rhythm throughout. Props for trying to sustain it for such a long piece. I hate that this is your heart breaking. It's tough to put your personal feelings out there. I can tell how deeply you feel this. Keep writing!

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Daniel Fernandes
14:04 Mar 13, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. This is my closure and helped me move on from a relationship that started off beautiful and indestructible. Sad how things such as feelings fade with time, Thank you for your honesty. It is hard to put personal feelings on paper, (or online in this case) but that is how I have been venting out my emotions for years.

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Martin Ross
16:58 Mar 10, 2023

Damn, I’ve read stories that tell like poetry, but this is lyrical, like an epic song or modern opera. I was practically melodizing it as I moved along. The flow snaps and the metaphors are dead-on perfect. And you made me feel how even one stabbing hurt can “stretch pain through time.” “Climbing a rope that was acquired. To then balance myself on barbed wire.” — that’s some perceptive emotional truth.

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Daniel Fernandes
13:58 Mar 13, 2023

Thank you for taking the time too read and comment. Thank you for enjoying my work. I wanted to make music long before so that may explain the rhythm. I am pleased that you had fun with the metaphors. It's a story that takes a lot of time to write and for someone to read carefully and soap up the lines or dissect them it's interesting what everyone catches.

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3i Writer
00:18 Mar 10, 2023

I'm amazed at how you are able to write so many words in a poetic manner. But there are some parts that doesn't work for me, like "Time passes unlike the cars in traffic. I still care about you like any mother, and her kid". That doesn't sound romantic. And bringing in Harry Potter...

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Daniel Fernandes
02:03 Mar 10, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Thank you for your honesty. Everyone catches different lines. "Time passes unlike the cars in traffic." Doesn't really stick with some people but I like the thought. It's one of those ambiguous lines I come across when I write. "I still care about you like any mother and her kid." Wasn't supposed to be romantic just show how the care for the person is ideal. Harry Potter was thrown in there because it was her favorite thing to watch. Due to that I ended up watching the whole collection ...

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Simone J Fry
22:12 Mar 09, 2023

Wow Daniel, I think this is amazing! So much meaning, so deep, I have to keep reading again and again to get it all and, I did read it out loud! I read your bio, go for it, don't hide any more. Keep writing from the heart! You have a gift! :) I particularly liked this line: I'm not the devil plus karma has no menu.

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Daniel Fernandes
20:09 Mar 16, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am pleased that you enjoy my work. I have just finished self publish a book with poems like these. This poem is in there as well. I am throwing my soul into writing and hoping for the best. I appreciate you saying I have a gift. Comments like these gives me the drive to keep writing. That line is one of my favorites as well. Happy you pointed that out. Much love. write on!

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Simone J Fry
17:50 Mar 17, 2023

Yes I do enjoy your work Daniel! And congratulations on the book of poems! :) Where can I buy a copy? Maybe you could put a link in your bio? I'm just thinking if others are interested too. Lovely connecting with you :) Much love back!

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Daniel Fernandes
22:50 Mar 17, 2023

Thank you for the nice words. The link is now in my bio. It just launched today. It's exciting since it is a dream of mine since middle school. It's also scary because it's my soul in those pages. I appreciate the support from the bottom of my heart.

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Simone J Fry
23:13 Mar 17, 2023

Wow! Well done you!!! You're very brave and yes, I can imagine how scary it is, but it's a beautiful way to connect with others, move hearts, and to help, and by being yourself, some people will relate to your experiences and feel that they are not alone, as you said, "your soul is in the those pages." :) Just ordered a copy. It should arrive in a week!

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Daniel Fernandes
11:11 Mar 20, 2023

Thank you. Yes it is scary putting your soul out there. Thank you for ordering a copy. Much love. I appreciate your support.

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Douglas W. Carr
20:46 Mar 09, 2023

Therapeutic. Nicely done.

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Daniel Fernandes
21:09 Mar 09, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It's indeed therapeutic.

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Susan Catucci
19:17 Mar 09, 2023

I like your style, Daniel - at first I felt a rap pattern and found the rhythm captivating, entertaining and creative. The tale you tell is all there in the verse and visuals, on more than one level. The title is especially good because there is so much more to listen to beyond the words. Well done. I'll be reading more.

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Daniel Fernandes
20:14 Mar 16, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and provide feedback. I wanted to make music before which may explain the rhythm. I appreciate the kind words. I enjoy squeezing so much into one line that crates a double meaning. Ambiguous poems. I felt like the title is perfect. Thanks for reading and feel free to take a look at more whenever you can. I just finished publishing a book which will release either tomorrow or Monday with poems/stories like these. This poem is also there. Thanks again for reading and enjoying my work.

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Susan Catucci
20:33 Mar 16, 2023

Oh my, that's wonderful, Daniel. Congratulations. Please send me the information and I would enjoy seeing your work. I have a children's book being published this year also. I know how excited you must be!

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Marisa Billions
21:41 Mar 06, 2023

Just. wow. I loved this! Poetic. Moving. I loved the flow of this.

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Daniel Fernandes
13:51 Mar 07, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am pleased that you enjoy my work. Most of my poems have the same style and flow you may like some of the other stories. Whenever you can of course. Thanks for reading once again. Much appreciated.

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Marisa Billions
17:45 Mar 07, 2023

I will take some time this weekend to read more!

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Glenda Toews
15:51 Mar 30, 2023

What great style Daniel! I enjoyed reading this! Spoken as one who knows it, sorry for you loss but it sounds like you might have dodged a bullet there. poignant sentence; "Love starts when you don't need it, and ends when you do." Well done.

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