My name is Selina Chan and I’m a mother of two boys. My oldest boy, Jamal, is a ten-year-old who loves to play basketball and video games with his dad. My oldest boy looks more like his handsome father and my youngest boy, Isaiah, looks more like his mom. My youngest boy has his mom’s high cheekbones and her small chin. He’s six years old and he loves to collect superhero comic books, especially Spider-Man comics.
Yesterday was nice. My husband was at work, and I was at home with the boys making scarecrow decorations out of construction paper. We made a mess out of everything, but we were having so much fun. My boys had paint and glue on their fingers and faces. There were pieces of construction paper scattered on the floor. I had paint on my orange sweatshirt and my tie-dye shorts. We had a blast throwing construction paper scraps at each other.
It was Saturday, so my boys had the day off from school and I didn't have to be in my office. After we made our scarecrows, we cleaned up the mess. I took my boys into the kitchen and I used a washcloth to clean the paint off their faces and hands. We swept up the shreds of construction paper and we put our scarecrow decorations on the dining room table. We watched our favorite superhero movie, Black Panther. It felt so nice to sit on the sofa and watch a movie with my boys. The wind was blowing softly outside and I could hear the autumn wind rustling the leaves around on my porch. After the movie ended, my oldest boy played his video games and my youngest boy read his new Spider-Man comic book. I was in the kitchen baking chocolate chip cookies and listening to the music playlist on my phone.
Everything seemed fine and I was in the kitchen shaking my butt to Snoop Dogg. I was taking the second batch of cookies out of the oven when I heard my youngest boy crying in the living room. I thought he had hurt himself, and that panicked mother mode came over me. I bolted out of the kitchen to see what was wrong.
What’s the matter, babe? I could barely get the question out of my mouth. Isaiah had his Spider-Man comic book in my face, showing me the nemesis who killed Spider-Man. My kid loves Spider-Man to the point of obsession. He has every Spider-Man toy, video game, and poster in his room. We’ve watched every Spider-Man movie with the different young actors. Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, and Tom Holland all had my son’s blessing. So when he found out that a villain named Kraven the Hunter killed Spider-Man, he almost lost it. I had to calm him down.
He killed Spider-Man! He shouted with tears in his eyes. I held him and he finally calmed down. We were sitting on the sofa and I had him on my lap with my lips buried in his curly hair. My oldest boy kept playing his Need for Speed video game, and he didn’t let his little brother distract him.
Seeing tears in my youngest boy’s eyes made me sad. He laid his head on my chest after letting his comic book fall to the floor.
While I was wiping the tears off his face, he told me how Spider-Man died. A villain who called himself Kraven the Hunter tricked Spider-Man into believing he was his wife, Mary Jane Watson, by drinking a potion that gave him the ability to shape-shift. Spider-Man went to rescue who he thought was Mary Jane. He heard her screaming and he swung through the window of an abandoned building to see the imposter Mary Jane lying on the floor with her hands and feet chained together. Spidey set the imposter free and when he tried to carry her out of the building, she transformed into Kraven the Hunter. Kraven hurled Spider-Man through a brick wall before stabbing him through the heart with a poison coated dagger made from the tooth of a lion. Whoever wrote this Spider-Man comic book was an asshole. Why would you kill Spider-Man knowing a child would read the comic and find out that their hero dies at the end? What the fu—? Never mind.
Anyway, I tried to do something that would make my little angel happy again. I offered him a chocolate chip cookie, but he turned me down. I held him in my lap for a while, and my oldest boy glanced around at us with an amused look on his face. I asked my oldest boy if he wanted a cookie and he shook his head at me. Damn, it seemed like nobody wanted a cookie.
Isaiah drifted off to sleep, using my chest as a pillow. When I saw he was asleep, I slowly stood up from the sofa, trying my best not to wake him up. I preferred to see him sleeping, not crying.
My oldest boy looked around at me again. He gave me a puzzled look when I bent down to pick up his brother’s comic book. I smiled at him and blew him a kiss. He blew a kiss back at me before returning to his video game. I gave my youngest boy one last look to make sure he was still asleep. Without being noticed, I tiptoed out of the living room, holding Isaiah’s comic book in both of my hands. I grabbed my phone and made my way up the stairs. The stairs creaked beneath my feet, which annoyed me. Years passed before I finally made it to the top of the stairway. We have a long-ass stairway in our home, and I burn a few calories every time I walk up and down the stairs.
I walked into the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. I laid the comic book down on the bathroom sink while taking a deep breath. Smartphones come in handy when you need to research something. I did an internet search on this Kraven the Hunter guy. He was born in Volgograd, Russia, and his actual name was Sergei Kravinoff. I read that he was a Soviet immigrant, and his father was an aristocrat. He first appeared in The Amazing Spider-Man comic, issue number 15 in August 1964. Legendary Marvel Comics writer, Stan Lee created him and the artist who drew his design was Steve Ditko. He was a frequent Spider-Man villain. Kraven the Hunter was a big game hunter and he would seek to defeat Spider-Man to prove he was the greatest hunter in the world. He didn’t use guns and his weapons of choice were spears, darts, axes, nets, whips, poisons, and gases. He consumed a witch doctor’s herbal potion to enhance his physical power. I know what you’re thinking. Why the hell would I need to know all this information about a comic book villain? You’ll find out in a second.
I needed to channel my spiritual gifts, and I needed to insert my spirit into the Spider-Man comic book. I know that what I just said sounded insane. Gathering information about Kraven the Hunter would help me defeat him. After shutting my eyes, I went into a deep meditative trance while chanting an ancient Chinese language under my breath. I tied my hair back and I removed my earrings. War entered my mind. This Kraven the Hunter guy needed to pay for what he did. He killed Spider-Man and he made my kid cry. It was kick-ass time.
Time turned inside out for me. My body went into warp drive. My cells, my fingernails, my skin all regenerated at supersonic speed. I kept my eyes closed until I heard the revving engine of a motorcycle and thunder above my head. When I opened my eyes, I was on a motorcycle and I almost ran into the back of a car. I swerved while punching the throttle. Rainwater was beating down on my motorcycle helmet. Flashes of lightning stretched out across the night sky. I was wearing a black leather catsuit and it hugged my curvy figure. I had two gas-operated, semi-automatic handguns strapped to my waist. I had a Samurai sword strapped to my back. Hearing the motorcycle’s growling turbocharged engine sent a wave of hypnotic euphoria through my body. I was shooting between cars like a bullet. Judging from my surroundings, I could tell that I was on the Brooklyn Bridge. My eyes caught a dark figure swinging from the bridge’s cables above me. I knew that the figure was Spider-Man. This meant that my magic successfully inserted me into the comic book.
Never get in an Asian mother’s way. No car could stop me. Every time a car would turn into my path, I’d swerve out of the way while punching the brake. I had to keep up with Spider-Man. He was moving faster than the lightning in the heavens. A streetlight would illuminate his suit. His web would shoot out, attaching itself to every streetlight pole. My motorcycle left the bridge and I didn’t even notice. I felt like Trinity in The Matrix. My motorcycle was my black stallion. I forced my motorcycle to do a 360 degree swerve and my back tire was spinning out of control. After I parked my bike, I removed my helmet, letting the rain wash my face.
I shut off my motorcycle’s engine while looking up to see Spider-Man sitting on top of a streetlight. Lightning flashes would illuminate his silhouette every second. I was about to yell out to him, but he saw me. He swung down from the streetlight and he landed on the roof of an abandoned car. He moved with breakneck speed. A loud thud echoed through the air when his feet slammed down on the car’s hood. He landed so hard on the car that he blew out its windows and its tires. It scared me, but I still approached him. He had a slender, muscular definition, but he also had a pre-pubescent appearance. I knew Spider-Man was a teenager in the early comics but I remembered that he had a wife, which meant that he was an adult by now. We slowly approached each other with the rain falling in our faces. The rain caused the black spider logo on his chest to glisten. His suit was a dark sapphire-blue combined with a crimson red. The spider web designs on his mask and suit gave him that distinct edgy appearance that separated him from other superheroes.
When I heard this adorable squeaky voice emerge from behind his mask, I almost giggled. He was so polite, but he kept a cautious distance between himself and me. I guess his Spidey sense told him I wasn’t a threat because he stepped closer to me after he asked me who I was. He called me, ma’am. As he got closer to me, I had to look up at the teardrop mirror-like eyes attached to his mask. The silver eyes on his mask reminded me of mirrored wrap-around sunglasses. It was mesmerizing to see the burst of lightning in the night sky reflecting in his silver eyes. He was so tall, and I wanted to see his face because I knew he’d be cute. I already knew about his Peter Parker identity. I almost told him to remove his mask so I could see his cute boyish face, but I kept it professional. When he asked me who I was, I told him my superhero name which was Kill Girl. It was a crappy name, but it was the best I could do.
The situation got funny when I told him that Kraven the Hunter was going to kill him. I explained everything to him, including my son crying over his death. I even told him he was in a comic book. Seems like superheroes don’t know they’re a character in a comic book until you tell them. As I was talking to Spidey we both heard screaming coming from the building we were standing in front of. I told Spider-Man again that it was Kraven the Hunter pretending to be his wife, and that it was a trap. I told him I wanted to be his sidekick and that I would help him defeat Kraven the Hunter. I said to him in these exact words, I’m sorry sweetheart, but Kraven’s gonna kill your ass if you try to fight him without my help. He listened to me and before I knew it he had his arm around my waist, whisking me up into the air using his web-slinging ability. I’m afraid of heights. I had my arms wrapped around him and I was screaming at him, telling him that if he dropped me, I was gonna kill him.
In seconds, he swung me into the building through a broken window and we both landed hard on our feet. Knowing what would happen, I wasted no time pulling out my guns and aiming them at the Mary Jane imposter that was lying on the floor. Spider-Man stood behind me and we watched as the fake ass Mary Jane slowly rose to her feet before transforming into Kraven.
I finally got to see Kraven the Hunter up close and personal. He had barbaric muscles in his arms and tattoos decorated his dirty skin. He had on a vest that looked like a sleeveless tiger fur coat. He wore a choker that had bony spikes attached to it. His height overshadowed me and I could see a beastly rage in his eyes. A thick bushy mustache concealed part of his lips, and his ex-convict facial features looked sort of handsome to me in a caveman way. When he spoke to me, his voice sounded like thunder and it vibrated the surrounding air. He never asked who I was and he assumed I was Catwoman because of my black leather suit. What an idiot. I knew he’d be misogynistic. He looked like the womanizing type. It offended me when he said that I reminded him of a hot stripper he saw at a gentlemen’s club a few weeks ago. He called me his little Asian flower, which sounded racist. And he loved my long platinum blonde pigtails, which reminded him of Harley Quinn. Kraven is from the Marvel Universe, so I didn't understand why he kept mentioning characters from the DC Universe, such as Catwoman and Harley Quinn. This guy was so stupid that he didn't even know what comic book universe he was in. He wanted to see my eyes, but my black mask was covering the top half of my face. He told me not to hide my beauty behind a mask. He also kept staring at my cleavage, saying that my boobs would make a lot of men salivate. He said a few other things to me that I can’t say out loud. While he was talking dirty to me, he reached into his vest to pull out something and that’s when I pulled the trigger. One bullet clipped his shoulder, but it didn’t phase him. He tried to throw a poison dart at me, but Spider-Man shot a string of web in his face. He cussed at Spider-Man while trying to get the sticky web out of his eyes. I tried to shoot him again, but both of my guns jammed. That pissed me off. Out of my rage, I threw my guns down and I ran toward him, jumping up in the air and kicking him in his chest. His big lumbering physique went tumbling backward. He tried to throw a few punches at me, but he kept missing. A fist would swing past my face, missing my nose by an inch. I didn’t want those heavy hands to hit my face, because I knew they’d do some damage. I had fun kicking him in his stomach and kicking him in his back. He’d throw a punch at me and I’d punish him with a few sidekicks to his face. Even Spider-Man punched him around a few times.
Mr. Kraven the Hunter didn’t have a chance. He made my kid cry and I killed his ass within a few seconds. I did a handstand while kicking him in his face. I kicked him as hard as I could, knocking his ass through a plate-glass window. The last thing I heard was his screams exiting the building and becoming more distant. When I peered through the shattered window, I saw what happens when you fall from a five-story building. You go splat on a concrete sidewalk. Spider-Man peeked over my shoulder, and I heard him gasp when he looked down to see a bloody pancake that used to be Mr. Kraven.
I thanked Spidey for his heroic service. We hugged each other and I told him how much my son idolized him. I reached up to touch his mask and I wanted to see his face, but a child’s voice and a loud knock in my head sucked me out of the comic book like a vacuum cleaner. Just like that, I was standing in the bathroom in my sweatshirt and shorts again. My youngest boy was banging on the bathroom door asking for his comic book. I opened the door to see a cute, curly-haired, pint-sized man in a Spider-Man T-shirt and shorts looking up at me. His pitiful doll-like eyes still had tears in them. His little pink lips were upside down. Without hesitation, I handed my son his comic book while smirking at him. I folded my arms and giggled when my little angel flipped to the end of his comic book to see a beautiful, mysterious female superhero in a black costume rescuing Spider-Man. His mouth dropped open when he saw how Kill Girl annihilated Kraven the Hunter by throwing him out of a five-story window. I watched as a smile slowly bloomed across my little boy’s lips. I saw those dimples again and his eyes lit up. My youngest boy was happy…. But something told me that I had some explaining to do.