40 comments

Adventure Drama Romance

It was a cold afternoon, looking out the window, all I could notice were the thick trees and bushes along the path, the road wet and filled with mud, I looked through the rear mirror; I could see we were the only ones on this path, and I had this heavy feeling in my chest that all was not well. “Charles, are you sure we shouldn’t turn back?” I asked my husband. He ignored and kept on driving. The sounds of thunder clapping could only but remind me of the argument we had earlier this morning. “Allahhhhu Akbarrrrr”, the sounds of morning prayers from the nearby mosque had just gone off, it was still dark. I felt his hand tight around my waist, while he kissed my cheeks from behind. ”Good Morning”, he said, while squeezing my breast, I could feel he was in the mood, as he moved gently while rubbing his lower abdomen on my buttocks. I went to shower after our morning session, he walked in to join me in the shower, and then all our troubles began. ”Vivian, I got a call from mama yesterday, uncle Daniel has passed away, you know he was the general head of our family, we have to travel to the village today for his funeral arrangements and to choose his successor”, he said. “What! The village? Was it not the same Uncle Daniel that fought against you and your brothers over your father’s property?  The same man that tried to kick me out of your life after the accident, when you were in a coma for 6 months?” I replied in an angry tone. “I am tired of this, why must you always make a big deal out of everything, can’t you just accept and do what I say? Must you always be against me?” he said while walking away from the shower. I walked up to him and handed him a towel  “My love, I know our relationship has had a lot of issues due to our families involvement, but what I am trying to say is uncle Daniel was not a good person, but if you insist on us going to the village, then fine. I am willing to go for you”. *Thunder Claps* “you seem to be lost in thoughts”, he asks. “I am fine, keep driving”, I replied.

As we got closer to my village, memories of my childhood came back rushing. The times I spent with my friends playing ball in the field, swimming in the river. And most especially papa, oh! What a great man he was. My father was a man of kindness and love whom took care of everyone first without considering himself. He was the head of my extended family up until his passing. I can write a book and still not finish listing all the good he did for people, was it the time he fought militants that tried to take his sisters land, or the time he helped settle the issues of his brothers marriage, or the time he sponsored my cousins through school, or the time he helped his brother, Daniel become financially stable. These were but a few things he did. I have really missed the village, going back is such a happy moment for me even though it’s for a funeral, and may Uncle Daniels soul rest in peace. I can’t wait to see mama after so long; I don’t know why she has decided to live in the village for the past 4 years now. “Charles, watch out for the pot hole” Vivian shouted. “I can see it” I replied her, knowing full well my thought were not on the road. I wondered what was going through her mind; we used to be so happy. Now, all she does is complain. It was only 5 years ago the accident occurred, we were returning from a party, if only I had not drank too much I would have been able to see the trailer coming on time. “Could she still be blaming me for that accident that resulted to the loss of our unborn son, and what occurred the next six months?” I asked myself in deep thoughts.

On getting to the house in the village, I could feel the negative emotions everyone had towards me; I could tell I wasn’t welcome. “My son how was your journey?” my mother-in-law asked her son. “Mama, you won’t ask how I am doing?” I asked her, she ignores me acting like I wasn’t even present. I know she has always wanted a grandchild, but is it my fault I can no longer bear children, is it? I could see how happy Charles was to see his mother again, but I could not wait for all these to be over, so we can return home. His siblings welcomed him in such a pleasing manner, they really love him. I did not feel comfortable, remembering how much I always wanted children. he was shown so much love, while I was shunned. I felt angry and jealous.

“Darling, come greet mama” I said to Vivian. She slightly turned to us and said “hello, good evening”. How I wish she would stop feeling like a villain and enjoy the moments we have. “My son how was your journey?” my mother asked. “Aunt Aunt Welcome” my little siblings said while excited to see my wife, she stylishly pushed their hands away from her and asked how they were. My siblings, excited, came to say hello to me, and I was excited to see them as well. Plans for the funerals started

Weeks later, the funeral day came, it was a big party, two cows were killed, canopies rented, masquerade dancers hired. This was the tradition of his village. The head of a family was to be celebrated and buried in grand style. Time came for all the family members to vote and select the next head of the family, the votes were taken and the announcements made, to my greatest surprise my husband was chosen as the head, although he was not the oldest in the family. All that ran through my mind was the thought of having his family members intrude more in our lives and we would have to visit his village more often, Oh! How I hate it here.

September 18, 2020 02:05

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40 comments

Elizabeth Inkim
16:11 Sep 26, 2020

I really enjoyed the storyline/plot of this, but I think it would have been more readable if the paragraphs had been shorter. Other than that, I look forward to your next story. I also think that you would really enjoy some of my stories, particularly 'Enigmas of the Shadow Sea' and 'Auditorium Antics'. I would love to know what you think, so be sure to leave a comment!

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Charles Stucker
07:07 Sep 25, 2020

his sisters land- sister's -this is a habit. When a noun is changed to be possessive, to show ownership, then it needs an apostrophe. "It was a cold afternoon, looking out the window, all I could notice were the thick trees and bushes along the path, the road wet and filled with mud, I looked through the rear mirror; I could see we were the only ones on this path, and I had this heavy feeling in my chest that all was not well." The temptation to make the first sentence set a scene and incite tension can make it too long. "Looking out ...

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Francis Izuogu
07:35 Sep 25, 2020

Thank you, will look into this and make improvements on my next story

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Leilani Lane
03:01 Sep 25, 2020

Hi, Francis! Thought I'd drop in. I like to comment more than "great job" as I don't feel like that helps you in any way, so here are some productive critiques. 1. I'm not sure if you were going for more of a poetic style, but some of these sentences are run-on and awkward. Let's take a look at the first sentence. It was a cold afternoon, looking out the window, all I could notice were the thick trees and bushes along the path, the road wet and filled with mud, I looked through the rear mirror; I could see we were the only ones on this...

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Francis Izuogu
07:33 Sep 25, 2020

Thank you so much, I appreciate..will definitely take the corrections seriously

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Leilani Lane
12:32 Sep 25, 2020

Of course! Keep writing!!

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B. W.
02:50 Sep 25, 2020

Hey this is really good and i think ya did a great job with it ^^ so ya know what? 10/10 :)

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Francis Izuogu
07:33 Sep 25, 2020

Thanks B.W.

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B. W.
12:39 Sep 25, 2020

No problem ^^ could you actually help me with something?

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Maurice Mullen
03:49 Sep 24, 2020

Good story. Like that you show both points of view.

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Francis Izuogu
02:14 Sep 25, 2020

Thank you

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Urmee Care
14:43 Sep 23, 2020

I was thinking , a male as main character. How it should be he saying " my husband chosen as the head "!!!!

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Francis Izuogu
02:15 Sep 25, 2020

Both the man and woman are the main characters, also it's an African based story

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Mandy Kehoe
02:34 Sep 23, 2020

I love this so much. You had fantastic word choice, and I am so invested in this story. Great work!

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Francis Izuogu
02:15 Sep 25, 2020

Thank you so much

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Davies Albert
00:39 Sep 19, 2020

I can't get enough of it. So interesting!

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Francis Izuogu
02:16 Sep 25, 2020

Thank you

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Aditi Abha
00:36 Sep 19, 2020

This is quite interesting I must say

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Francis Izuogu
02:16 Sep 25, 2020

Thanks Aditi

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Harry Son
00:36 Sep 19, 2020

So interesting. I love it

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Orton Sam
00:33 Sep 19, 2020

Wonderful story.. I know you'll win

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Francis Izuogu
02:17 Sep 25, 2020

Fingers crossed

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Anthony Isaiah
00:30 Sep 19, 2020

Great🔥🔥🔥

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Max John
00:23 Sep 19, 2020

I felt like it was real.. I'm became curious. Great piece!

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Isaac Jude
00:18 Sep 19, 2020

Great work! I'm gonna to read to over and over!

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Promise Praise
00:16 Sep 19, 2020

You structured it perfectly well...good work

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Zachariah Water
00:13 Sep 19, 2020

This story is a Gem💎💎

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Joe Thompson
01:26 Sep 19, 2020

Exactly a gem.

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Andy Mukolo
00:11 Sep 19, 2020

Nice story dude.

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Gideon Peter
23:51 Sep 18, 2020

A masterpiece, sounds like you're a copywriter.

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Olivia Wilde
23:47 Sep 18, 2020

Thanks, i just love it.

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Birdie Leigh
23:44 Sep 18, 2020

I didn't want it to finish!

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