Contest #37 winner 🏆

177 comments

Mystery

This is a story about the man who wants to kill you. I have my doubts, not about the man or about the story, but about you. I fear I do all this for nothing.

Listen: I would scream if I had a mouth. I have a story. So that is what I will use.

You have seen him before. He might as well live in your periphery. He is tall and seems to carry his weight in his chest and shoulders. He has a narrow waist and legs that taper down to small leather shoes. 

Not that you've noticed any of this before. You've been distracted, haven't you? If I told you this same man walked by your home every day, paused to peer into your window, you wouldn't want to believe me. But you couldn't say for certain that I'm wrong.

I'm not wrong. 

He might be very close right now. He might even be in your house. After all, there are so many excellent hiding places, aren't there? The back of a closet, behind the shower curtain, inside a cabinet…

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I promised you a story. And perhaps we still have time for it.

Understand: This man is not from your time. Spare me your disbelief. There are things beyond your comprehension. You are too old to think you know the universe.

Twenty years from now, this man lives on the coast with his five-year-old daughter. Their house, a patchwork creation of driftwood and corrugated metal, clings to the side of a rocky cliff. When the tide crashes in, the salt spray splashes against the windows. The sky is the color of steel, and the water is foam-flecked black. 

Everything is cold, harsh, and wet—except for inside the house. Warm yellow light spills out from a window, and a steady finger of smoke curls up from a slanted chimney.

Inside, the man reads to his daughter. He sits in a faded orange armchair by the fire, and she lays on her stomach in front of him, alternating her focus on the flames and the pages turning in her father's hands. 

"When you finish this story, can you read another?" 

He makes a show of looking at half the book that's still remaining and then looking back at her. "Already tired of this one?"

She shakes her head. "No, I just don't want this one to be over. I don't want them to ever end."

He smiles and agrees, even though he knows she'll be asleep long before he'll have to pick out a new book. He knows how she feels. He doesn't want any of this to be over. He wants to hold onto every second, close his fingers around them and keep them safe, keep them from marching on.

And it is at that moment that everything goes white—a blast of blinding light that disintegrates the scene into dust—and then fades.

When the man comes to, he is wedged into the cliff's face, soaked, hanging a few feet above the waves. Above him, the remains of his house: a couple stumpy wooden beams and one amputated orange limb of his armchair. Below him, inky black ocean.

His daughter is gone. He will search for her for a long, long time. 

What he finally finds is not what he is looking for. He discovers a way to go back. But innovation is never as neat as any of us would like. He can only travel back a set number of years, way before his daughter is born.

So before he goes back, he does his homework. He researches. He spends hours in the archives of war museums, flipping through files, searching for someone new.

Searching for you.

And then he makes the leap, jumps back a few decades, emerges the same, if a little nauseous for a spell, into a world transformed. The colors seem brighter here, the smiles wider, flashing ferociously, the eyes emptier and hungrier.

But of course that's what he would see. Him, an interloper. Here, a brave old world.

On his third day back, he finds you, speaks to you. He asks you for the time. His hands are trembling; his eyes never leave yours. Do you remember? It was a year or so ago. 

Your paths keep crossing, but he gets more cautious, becomes a flickering shadow, in and out of the corners of your life. Waiting. Watching.

So where is he now? Soon you might know better than me. 

He is tightening his resolve now, like a noose. 

Listen: You killed this man’s daughter. Not yet, not now. Twenty years in the future. Will it make you feel better if I say it was for a “cause”? Or for the “greater good”? It’s true. At least it’s true that you’ll tell yourself that when the time comes.

I understand you are not a killer. Neither is this man with the wide shoulders and tiny shoes who may be in your house right now. But the years change us. Stories change us. You will be protecting your family, your friends, when you send bombs across the sea. And he thinks, by killing you, he’ll be avenging the memory of his daughter.

Maybe you still don’t believe me. But think: Is there a limit to what you would do for love? Is any price too high to pay? You will have an answer for that soon, in the trying years ahead, whether you can face it now or not.

You two are very similar. Do you find that interesting? Relevant? Perhaps not. You both love words and tales and the drama, mystery, and madness of being alive. 

See: His story is partly your story, too. 

But no more of this. I fear it may be too late, and I’ve done all I can. Please, listen

Not to me.

A sound. Can you hear it? It’s inside your home. Maybe the creak of a door or a soft muffled step on the carpet. Or a shallow inhale of breath that’s not yours...

He is there, right now. Do not run. Do not call for help.

Remember the story. He doesn’t want this one to end, not like this—and not deep down, not where it counts. Do you? 

The shadow in the corner. It’s not a shadow.

Okay. Your move.

April 15, 2020 02:39

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

177 comments

Laurentz Baker
01:12 Apr 19, 2020

"This is a story about the man who wants to kill you. I have my doubts, not about the man or about the story, but about you. I fear I do all this for nothing." Great opening lines, Hayley. As I continued to read the story became more chilling, as well as descriptive. Immediately it makes you ask...why. "Your Move" ultimately makes one ponder the price of waging war. And the ultimate revenge for the loss of a loved one. Keep up the good work.

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
16:01 Apr 20, 2020

Thanks for reading, Elliott! What a warm welcome to the Reedsy community. :) I've always been intrigued by our own untested moral limits, and I'm so glad that came across for you. Looking forward to reading your own work!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Zilla Babbitt
16:08 Apr 24, 2020

Wow, this is really good. I love that you incorporated both 2nd and 1st person. 2nd person is a delight to read when it's done well, like this story.

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
19:24 Apr 26, 2020

This is such a big deal to me, Zilla—thank you! Halfway through writing it, I worried I bit off more than I could chew with the 2nd person POV. (Also, your vibrant, lyrical stories were some of the first I read on Reedsy, and I can't wait to read more!)

Reply

Zilla Babbitt
21:02 Apr 26, 2020

You're welcome! I thought you used 2nd person to near perfection. I love 2nd person but writing it myself is so hard I prefer to read others' works. Anyway, well done :)

Reply

Aqsa Jadalowen
01:54 May 10, 2022

I always write in 2nd person and find it rather hard not to. interesting how people are very different

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Unknown User
17:06 Apr 24, 2020

<removed by user>

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
12:15 Apr 27, 2020

Ahaha thank you, Waverley! I don't usually write suspense, so I think not scaring you again is a promise I can make.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Sunny 🌼
23:36 Oct 25, 2020

SAME! I'm in a room all alone right now I'm kinda terrified...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 2 replies
Em P.W.
16:28 Apr 24, 2020

Can I just say, I was in the living room with both my parents as I read this. BUT I STILL FELT SO FRIGTHENED FOR MY LIFE. Honestly, this is amazing writing. Congrats on winning! :D

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
19:26 Apr 26, 2020

This is the BEST, Em. I'm sorry I frightened you, but I'm so happy to hear this story connected with you in such a real way!

Reply

Em P.W.
15:04 Sep 20, 2020

Pfft, pleeeeease. I live on fear. *flips hair nonchalantly. :'''D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Avani G
18:42 Jul 17, 2020

Why am I not surprised you won? lol.

Reply

Tvisha Yerra
03:09 Sep 26, 2020

Wait... you meant to say "Why am I not surprised you won? lol." right? I hope you did :P

Reply

Avani G
12:13 Sep 26, 2020

Oh. Oops! :/

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
22:50 Apr 30, 2020

That is very, very clever. And, I hasten to add, I am reading it at about midnight, alone in my living room. So thanks for that.

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
21:54 May 17, 2020

Thank you so much! You always hope a story can provoke real chills, but you never know.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
14:29 May 07, 2020

Great job winning on your first submission!

Reply

Show 0 replies
21:20 May 05, 2020

I mean when I post my story

Reply

21:21 May 05, 2020

I have none so far :(

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
21:17 May 05, 2020

WOW! I love a good thriller story, but I rarely see a good one. his is the good one that I have just come across. Beautiful and intriguing! Keep writing, for I love a goof thriller! Great job Hayley!

Reply

21:18 May 05, 2020

I would also like if you read my story

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Amany Sayed
18:03 Apr 24, 2020

This was such an intriuging story! I can definetly see why you won. I could not stop reading until the end. I can't wait to read more of your stories!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Anou S
16:19 Apr 24, 2020

OMG! Wow Hailey, that story was amazing! It pulled me in and I just had to keep reading. It also really made me question human values. Keep it up!

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
19:38 Apr 26, 2020

That means a lot to me, Anou. Thank you! I'm a big philosophy nut, but I've struggled with how to weave those themes into my stories.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Grace M'mbone
16:06 Apr 24, 2020

Well deserved win.Wow. I love it.Great great work.

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
19:44 Apr 26, 2020

Thank you so much, Grace! On my way to read one of your stories. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Hanan Nafeh
15:39 Apr 24, 2020

Great story and congrats! Well deserved Would love if you could check my story ! Thanks

Reply

Hayley Igarashi
19:51 Apr 26, 2020

I really appreciate that, Hanan! And of course I'd be happy to read your story. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Thom With An H
15:20 Sep 03, 2020

Should I call you Orson Wells? You write one story, you win, and then nothing? Wait you can't be Orson Wells. His first movie is considered the greatest of all time but he did make more, just none to match "Citizen Kane". No you are A-ha and this is your "Take on Me". No that's not right eaither. A-ha was a one hit wonder in the States but was very successful in Europe. Wait I have it you are Hayley Igarashi and that is more than enough. This was fantastic. The story was great. The writing was great. The imagery was great. Even t...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Akshat .
15:54 Jul 29, 2020

Love how you kept on dividing the story into minuscule paragraphs!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Jade Young
00:01 Jul 12, 2020

It's 1am right now and you've successfully managed to scare me. Your writing is amazing. I was hooked from the first sentence. I loved the underlying urgency throughout your short story. Even your spacing and the way that your sentences got shorter towards the end added towards the urgency and suspense. This was really well written, and I can't wait to read more of your work in the future :D

Reply

Show 0 replies
23:17 Jun 19, 2020

WOW WOW WOW!!! I know I'm super late to this, but WOW! I missed this contest. This is amazing! I'm so glad this week's contest linked your story! I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said...just an amazing story. You're a brilliant writer.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Sara C.
03:26 May 03, 2020

I'm definitely not a very "Shh, did you hear that?"/"What's that over there?!"/"I'm sleeping with the lights on" type of person. But reading this alone in my apartment, in silence, at night definitely made me uneasy, especially with narrator's insistence. Made me look over my shoulder at least once. And the plausibility of parts of it is genius! DO I have any idea what the world will be like in 20 years? WAS there a trembling man who asked me for the time a year ago? This one will stick with me, and not just for the shiver favor. And t...

Reply

Show 0 replies
X Y
20:45 Apr 30, 2020

Wow. Just wow. This is such a unique story that is brilliantly written. I can totally see why you won!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Aubrey Maria ✌
21:47 Apr 28, 2020

This is a well crafted story with an unlikely set-up. Good job!

Reply

Show 0 replies
RBE | We made a writing app for you (photo) | 2023-02

We made a writing app for you

Yes, you! Write. Format. Export for ebook and print. 100% free, always.