187 comments

Mystery Thriller

Starla- 

What seemed to me like a sudden thump,

entered my spine like a hole inside a heart

Aghast

I felt awoken by a surprise

Colour pouring down, 

Limbs full of pain

A canvas that only held the darkness of blood.

Sweet noises evoked.

Yet only danger hid within,

‘Death is like the coal that fire leaves behind’. Like I had always told myself.


‘Time passes like a horse’s gallop.

Their hooves hitting the ground like waves overlapping sand. The waves like a bride’s dress as she dances in the moonlight.’

Whispered a voice from behind. 

I was in a room. It scared me to realise that I went to sleep in my bedroom. Yet, I woke up here. 

My chest pounding hard, rawness awoke.

My shoulders felt slumped and sore,

‘I’m here, here to help’ whispered a person to my ear.

Wrapping their hand around my face, stroking it like the fur of a pliable bunny.

‘Here to help the world see you once again, we as humans must remember that time goes fast, and every fairy tale has an ending’. 

I shivered, my heart beating faster than a drum. Moments of my past went flashing through my head, images of my mother, father and sister surrounding me.

Out the corner of my eye, I saw my mum rush through the door, tears running through her eyes. 

‘Please, please don’t take my baby girl. I love her, just please.’ My mum screamed tears flooding the room as my eight-year-old self-stood waiting.

‘Time has come’ the person said. 

'Mummy I love you too' I smiled. I looked over at my mum as she hung her head through the door, the saddest I had ever seen her.

The person held tight to my head cackling, as the room flashed red.

And I saw nothing.


Medar-

The day my sister died, haunted many. My mum still remembered poking her head into the pantry seeing a woman holding Starla's head. I wasn't home that time, but when I arrived home along with my dad all I could see was my sister dead on the ground. Along with my mum crying the life out of her. 

The killer had left, leaving no trace behind. 

Only fear sadness,

anger,

tears

had left themselves behind.

No money could make me forget her smile.

no words could fix the damage.

My sister's life ended short, 

But she is safe now and so am I.


Arden- 

I looked up at the stars, remembering my presence

My teeth and jaw, sore of smiling 

‘Stars are the light of imagination,

But nothing could retain my pain.’ 

Tears of sadness lifted me up.

I felt Starla’s presence,

Beside me.

The death of Starla was unknown, her body was taken away the night after. 

It was all across the news, she was an angel 

‘Fly high Starla, you are the star that let out my inner stout’ I cried 

I looked up to the stars,

Pure grace and elegance left my heart shuttered to the ground.


Starla’s mother-

I was never wrong, never right.

I commemorate the time she left us, but it was me.

I was the reason she left us.

I still remember that day.

Third of September.

‘Please, it’s not hard,’ I begged as I looked straight into Mary’s eyes.

Ocean’s waves sailing, like a leaf floating across a river.

Glittering in the moonlight, leaving a trail of shells to wonder.

Sun beaming, shooting rays of light.

Light brighter than a star.


Mary’s eyes pondered across the room, 

She placed her hand on mine, I could feel the softness spreading through my hand. ‘I could, I know you’ve only wanted one child. I understand she was a mistake, but she’s your daughter.’ 

I gulped as I could feel the sweat drip through my lungs, lungs protecting a cold, dark heart. 

‘Not loving your daughter is one thing but hiring someone to kill them is yet another. 

You were blessed with a beautiful daughter, why waste it?’ Mary looked into my eyes with concern, but her voice was so soft, yet so sweet. I scratched my head in regret, as I opened my mouth to speak. 

‘She was a mistake; I had the perfect life without her. You’re my friend and killing someone is fine by me. I promise I promise I’ll make you famous.’ I saw the spark of joy light up in her eyes, like pearl lighting up in an ocean.

‘But how? I would be a criminal’ asked Mary softly, I knew deep down it was bad, but she was a mistake. 

‘I’ll tell everyone you caught the killer, the ‘’real’’ killer. I’ll tell them you saw the murderer run across the street. I promise you will become famous, and when you do kill her I’ll pretend to cry, pretend to miss her’ I smiled coldly.

I could see the fear in Mary's eyes.

The ocean was dark and stormy,

birds crashing, sinking, dying,

clouds dark, fading, decaying.

No waves leaving trails of shells, only piles of plastic.


'i'll do it for fame' Mary replied coldly,

 just that second I could see the last bird dying, as it disintegrates into the air.


It's been years now, Mary was across every newspaper. The rumour went from her seeing the murderer to her apparently saving Starla's life. Mary's an actor now, living a celebrity life. I still remember when we were still children. I watched her eyes as seagulls danced in the ocean.

I watched as the waves overlapped the sand, like a beautiful painting. 


I still look into Mary's eyes,

all I see is dead birds floating across the water,

dull, gloomy skies filled with pollution and smoke. 

Bottles scattering the sand.

Bottles filled with death and coal, coal left over from the life-changing fires. The fires like the lives we'd ruined, but more like the lives, I've ruined.


I still remember that day, I was a selfish, self-centred devil.

For not only is the reason for my daughter's death my fault but for turning an angel into a devil.

I can imagine looking into my eyes, only seeing darkness because all my oceans died. 

September 02, 2020 06:08

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187 comments

The Cold Ice
04:27 Sep 16, 2020

Sad story.The murdering of her was so rude.I loved this story.Great job keep it up. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior par 2?”

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. .
06:39 Sep 16, 2020

Thanks, will do!

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C.j 🤍
22:33 Sep 15, 2020

Really good story.can you please read my new story:-) ?

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. .
22:53 Sep 15, 2020

Sure

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Evelyn ⭐️
00:06 Sep 13, 2020

Beautiful story Sarah! (Even if it was a little dark)You are so talented and I can tell you have a real gift in writing. I loved the detail you added. I didn't find myself wandering in the middle of it, which is good. I also thought the plot was really well put and very creative. You worked in the prompt very nicely and I think you did a great job. I have to give you a 10/10 on this great story. Also LOVE THE TITLE!!!!!!!! If you have free time could you read my new story? No pressure, just looking for some feedback!!

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. .
02:39 Sep 13, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm a little busy at the moment but once I get enough time I'll check out your new story!

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Evelyn ⭐️
14:35 Sep 13, 2020

ok thanks

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Pooja Lathwal
06:41 Sep 12, 2020

The story is very good . besides from this - the tittle remind me Billie eilish song the ocean eyes.

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. .
08:28 Sep 12, 2020

Thanks, I didn't notice until after it was a song. But yeah thanks

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Daniel Munoz
05:38 Sep 11, 2020

I have seen your bio... it's full of hearts... I imagine you're a lovely person... And you could write something this twisted and crazy... I am (positively) surprised. Congrats. As others have mentioned, the format is a little hard to read. I would recommend to try to make it a little more consistent. If after writing the story, it is difficult to read, do not hesitate to edit it as many times as you need. The story is great, it would be greater if it can be delivered in a more fluid way. Keep up the good work.

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. .
07:36 Sep 11, 2020

Thank you so much! I'll keep that in mind for my next story, once again thank you so much. I would imagine you're a wonderful person 😊

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Rayhan Hidayat
02:42 Sep 11, 2020

Wow, the beautiful, flowing way the story was written made me think this was anything BUT a thriller. Like, seriously, whoa, killing your daughter? Messed up, but I enjoyed the read. All the descriptions had a poetic essence to them and they were gorgeous. Keep it up! 😙

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. .
23:31 Sep 16, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Avery G.
16:59 Sep 10, 2020

Wow, this was amazing. I could vision the story in my head. Great job!

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. .
23:04 Sep 10, 2020

Thank you

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Avery G.
01:09 Sep 11, 2020

You're welcome!

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S. Asad
19:51 Sep 08, 2020

Just when I started the story, it clasped me and I read it till the end. I don't know why but it gave me "We Were Liars" vibe. But anyways, the words you used to define the situation were really nice. P.S. would you mind read in my stories?

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. .
23:03 Sep 08, 2020

Thanks, and no problem!

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Rebecca Lee
12:17 Sep 07, 2020

As with everyone else, i encourage three things - 1. Write for yourself don't worry about what the rest of us say. 2. Write understandably, clearly and lastly, 3. Don't write just to submit a piece, write with purpose. And have fun with it. Make sure you read through it several times before you hit submit - and check for typos, verb agreement/tense and long sentences. Sometimes on the second run through you can catch that sentence that could be shortened better than I can tell you or suggest how to do it. Good job.

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. .
23:01 Sep 07, 2020

Thanks, I'll keep it in mind

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07:58 Sep 07, 2020

Omg, I'm blown away with your poetry, I don't know if you aimed to rhyme it - especially at the start - but it definitely rhymed! Also, in your last story, you rhymed the start! Great job and keep up the good work! ~Rachel

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. .
08:04 Sep 07, 2020

Thank you so much. I can't remember if I rhymed it on purpose XD it feels like o long ago. Once again thanks

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08:12 Sep 07, 2020

Np! Great story ;)

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Ola Hotchpotch
16:13 Sep 05, 2020

This story is sad. Something in the lines touched me. The last words of daughter? "I love you too"!. What a betrayal.

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. .
23:10 Sep 05, 2020

Thanks

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The Cold Ice
03:40 Dec 05, 2020

Hi

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. .
08:53 Dec 07, 2020

Hi

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The Cold Ice
10:04 Dec 07, 2020

Wyd

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. .
21:57 Dec 09, 2020

Hi! Sorry I didn't see ur message till now

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. .
21:57 Dec 09, 2020

I was judging a poem for ap

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The Cold Ice
01:25 Dec 10, 2020

Ok wyd

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The Cold Ice
01:25 Dec 10, 2020

It’s ok

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Unknown User
03:16 Nov 24, 2020

<removed by user>

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. .
08:46 Nov 24, 2020

Thank you so much! I wasn't sure how to end it but I'm glad it made sense to you. I'm still not sure how old Starla would be but I would guess she would be young. Thanks for the feedback I'll try to use it in my next story! Once again thanks! -Chrissy

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Fern M.
00:14 Nov 14, 2020

Hi lemon

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. .
00:14 Nov 14, 2020

Hi

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. .
00:15 Nov 14, 2020

wyd?

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Fern M.
00:15 Nov 14, 2020

Not much

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. .
00:16 Nov 14, 2020

Same.... I'm thinking of starting a new thing

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. .
00:16 Nov 14, 2020

Underatted author of the week

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Adith MS
06:03 Oct 18, 2020

Good one❤️

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. .
06:23 Oct 18, 2020

Thanks

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23:12 Oct 05, 2020

Oh my goodness I loved this story! So unique and awesome! If you need any help navigating allpoetry I also just joined and can show you how to work things out. Tell me your profile and we can chat! Great story Eleny!

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. .
02:17 Oct 06, 2020

Thank you so much! I'm literally the worst with tech. Here's the link- https://allpoetry.com/Eleny-Mal I pressed something and I think I made a contest and then a random poem showed up.

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11:55 Oct 06, 2020

I hear you Eleny...I was so confused the first couple days, but I sent you a message on allpoetry that'll hopefully explain a few things! Chat with me on allpoetry and I'll definitely try to help :)

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. .
21:31 Oct 06, 2020

Thank you so much! I'll check rn

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Raquel Rodriguez
15:40 Oct 01, 2020

Hey, Eleny. Wow, this is like a dark poem. The ending is the. Freaking. Best. I swear, this is great! '...all my oceans died.' Oh em gosh, I love that part! Great job, keep writing! :) Could you check out my story?

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. .
23:56 Oct 01, 2020

Thank you so much! Sure, I'll go check it out rn

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Raquel Rodriguez
00:37 Oct 02, 2020

:)

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06:53 Sep 24, 2020

Hey, Eleny would you be kind to watch the first video it's on Harry potter. https://youtu.be/KxfnREWgN14 Sorry for asking your time

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. .
00:32 Sep 25, 2020

Sure

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VJ Hamilton
19:55 Sep 19, 2020

Lovely lyricism, ex. "Ocean’s waves sailing, like a leaf floating across a river."

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. .
23:30 Sep 19, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Keerththan 😀
08:35 Sep 10, 2020

Very sad story. The murdering of her was so rude. Emotions were conveyed beautifully. Keep writing. Would you mind reading my new story? Thanks.

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. .
23:04 Sep 10, 2020

Thanks and sure once I get a bit of time

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