No I Am Not Ok

"Are you ok?"

No. No I am not ok. Being black in America is not ok. Getting gunned down in the street, unarmed if I may add, is not ok. Showing pride in the black community is not ok. Getting the same treatment as white people, apparently, is not ok. 

But I wouldn't expect you to understand though. Your privilege allows you to walk around invincible. You're practically bulletproof. 

No one blames you for your existence. No one really blames you at all. We're just worried about how now the world sees how cruel people treat us. We're worried how you couldn't have seen it sooner. I mean, the idea of George Floyd's murder happens every day. But no one cared because it wasn't broadcasted on every news station all across America. And no one ever saw so they got by. And you have the nerve to ask if I'm ok.

No I am not ok. 

You don't have to worry about getting turned away because of the pigment in your skin. You don't have to always look over your shoulder when police are around. You'll never have to sit back and let white people tell you how to live your life. You won't.

It's written in history for us. We grew up learning that in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And when he sailed that ocean blue he told people who had been living there for 15,000 years before him to get out or become slaves. There was no negotiation, just another white person using their foreign privilege to belittle another race.

So now we live in a world tailored to white supremacy. It's tailored to white people living free while people who look like me get treated like dirt.

No I am not ok.

We live in a world where one race hates the other, and that race hates another, and that race hates another. It's an endless cycle. How come we are the land of the free when we can't even get treated equally? It doesn't make any sense to me. Make it make sense.

No I am not ok.

Everywhere I turn, another colored person is dead. Although we aren't in a full-out war, mentally, we've already been there. We're still in that mental war. We have to fight and stand our ground against people who look just like you. 

A police officer said on the news today, "If a person is charging at me with what looks like a weapon, do you think I'm caring what color they are?" No you shouldn't care what color they are, but you should pay more attention to this "supposed weapon" you saw. A bag of skittles is not a weapon. A cell phone is not a weapon. A wallet, for Christ's sake, is not a weapon. 

So no. I am not ok. 

Tell me something. Why do we have to fight? Why did Chauvin hold his knee on the neck of an unarmed, struggling to breathe man? Why am I eight minutes away from being George Floyd?

Why do we have to say her name? Why did those police officers have to break down a door? Why do I have to wait for the police to knock down my door before they announce who they are?

Why can't I own a nice car and not get a raised eyebrow? Get a good job that pays me well? Why can't I feel safe on the road at night? Why can't I get the same treatment as you do? 

No I am not ok.

I am a person. I have feelings, emotions, a brain, time. I have a family who raised me to be caring and loving to all. If I wanted, I could start my own family. But why do I have to raise a kid, prepare him or her for the world, when I have to turn back around and tell him that the world doesn't want them in return? Being a person shouldn't have to have a bullet with my name on it. 

No I am not ok. 

And I never will be ok. I get that. I understand that. Nothing will ever get better. After all, we're just playing a chess game of life. We'll all just keep pushing the pieces across the board until we win, or lose as the government is trying so hard to make happen.

No I am not ok.

Because another black person lost their life at the hands of police. And guess what? No one did a thing to him. He still gets to walk free as if nothing ever happened. I guess it's just another win for the devil, isn't it?

So the next time you ask if I'm ok, think about what I said. Look in the mirror, then look at me. See the differences in both of us and ask the police if they care.