Glorious author

"And that's how you write a novel. Ok guys, as always, I love you. Please click that bell and subscribe for more videos. I'm your host, Jailbait15, thanks for watching. XOXO…"

He placed the half-eaten drumstick on the armrest and licked his fingers clean. The word "foreshadowing" was added to a list titled "novel things."

"Hey guys, it's Nerdgasm, coming at you with another writing tutorial. Today I want to talk about social media presence."

After a few minutes, he opened a new Facebook account, with the "author" tagline next to his name.

"Instagram is a very powerful tool when it comes to marketing your book-"

He paused and created a new Instagram account. Took a selfie with his fat cat and uploaded it as a profile picture.

"What's shaking, booktube? I'm your host, SecretlyABro, bringing you grammar lessons over calm elevator music and wearing a Bill Cosby-sweater."

He wrote down something about past continuous tense. Furiously he clicked "skip add", tired of the same "let me give you some advice… The process of writing your second draft-." He never heard the end of that sentence.

"Hey, guys it's BustyOwl! Let me lean forward so you can get a better look at my tits. Also, notice the bookshelf: it's colored-coded, yaaay."

"Dear betas, welcome to my channel. I'm your friend, Soccer-Mom Rose™, and I wrote my book in first person. "

"Welcome, authors, to Book Drama. This week we trash talk well-known, successful writers so you and your indie friends feel safe. I'm wearing a lumberjack shirt but my hair and makeup took three hours and required a team of professionals. I look like a goddamn swimsuit model with my gorgeous face and tight body."

He watched the lengthy thirty-minute video, going back a few times to re-watch her bounce and giggle.

"Hi, my name is-"

The normal-looking girl swiftly disappeared with a click of the mouse. After spending the afternoon watching YouTube videos he finally opened his draft. Editing one or two lines invigorated the author. Just as he was about to try out the past continuous skill, his iPhone rang.

What Josh? I'm writing…Of course, I've been at it since morning. You know I don't like being asked that. You can't rush this process, Josh! It takes months for writers to draft their work.

He sighed.

I told you already: no one can read it until it's ready. Fuck you, who are you calling a beta? Oh, I thought you said...Nevermind, Of course, I know that. What do you take me for?!

He picks at the drumstick.

It was a joke, you fucking asshole! I was reading other people's work when you were still majoring in social studies. Yeah, don't worry I dropped out because I wanted to focus on my writing. All of the most powerful people in the world dropped out. Yes, they fucking did, Josh!

The author sighed again.

What do you want anyway? Oh God, not this again… Because your writing sucks dude that's why. Haha second draft, that's funny. I told you to scratch that pile of garbage. It's going nowhere. Do you call that fantasy?

He chuckled.

Oh man, that's rich. Your protagonist is so bland. What was his name? Ah yeah, Donovan; what a nerd's name. Irish!? Irish for what? Oh, piss off with that… No badass hero would be named fucking Donovan. Who the fuck speaks Irish anyway… Oh yeah dark lord, so edgy…Look Josh I've told you not to bother me with your shitty book again. If you want my help then listen to my advice once in a while.

He quickly opened his notes.

Any good story has foreshadowing. Ever heard of that? Yeah, I bet you have… Listen carefully because I'm giving you this for free. Those writing courses I've told you about, yeah. You idiot, I don't leave my house because they're online courses. God, do you want my wisdom or what? Ok, listen carefully: you hint in the very first paragraph the way Edgelord or whatever is going to die. Eh!? That's something, right? You're welcome. Hey come to think of it, you could do me a favor. Buy me a burger, I'm starving. Oh come on man, have a heart. I told you I'm in between jobs now. Great, drive over as soon as possible. Oh and Josh...Bring that manuscript of yours. I'll take a look at it, but I can't promise you anything. You're welcome, now hurry up, I'm starving.

He smacked his lips eagerly awaiting his prized burger. Struggling to stand he restocked on fizzy drinks from the kitchen. The fly-infested pile of dishes kept him from spending more than a minute at a time in there. The notification popped up and sent jolts through his heart. He checked the calendar, it was time. Tapping the freshly uploaded video the author hunched over his phone. Just as he was about to enjoy more Jailbait15 content, his mom texted.

What, mom? I'm busy. Writing. It was going well until you interrupted me. When you come home you have to do the dishes. No, you do it. So what, I'm your son.

The last line of text enraged him.

I've sent my resume to four places. No. You go out. They'll call me soon, don't worry. Stop it. I'm a writer, I don't work lame jobs. Shut up, don't text me anymore. We'll talk when you get home. Buy soda.

The author finally was able to relax, listening to the girl's soft voice, staring intensely at her face. He followed her channel for over two years now, never missed a video. She even liked his comment one time. The author couldn't help notice how her body changed over the years. The way her satin blouse gently touched those newly formed tits stirred wild emotions inside his pants. She probably was the first to inspire him to start writing. Because of her videos, he was able to spew out a draft; something about a detective who could talk to the dead and had a black belt in karate.

He locked the door, closed the blinds, checked the time. He still had five to ten minutes until Josh would arrive.

Let's see if you foreshadowed this, babe…