Powerless Prince

Submitted into Contest #58 in response to: Write a story about someone feeling powerless.... view prompt

27 comments

Fantasy Drama

“Where have you been?” says a gravelly voice from behind.

Cyrus turns around, surprised to see his father standing between him and the door he just came through. His heart beats faster, but his expression stays the same.

“Missed me much?” Cyrus asks carelessly.

“You’re seeing a girl” he drawls. The son steps back, fear fighting to take over his mind. He has always felt powerless, but Sierra’s the only thing keeping him sane. She’s his hope for a better life, his light through the utter darkness. If his father, the King, knows about her, she needs to run from Elpida.

“I must admit, she is pretty, but she might be a threat. I told you not to build any relationships. You disobeyed.” His Majesty lifts his right hand and he smiles. “You need to be punished.” Cyrus feels the magic creeping inside him and pain bursts in his head. He stumbles on his knees and screams until the pain leaves.

“Sierra. Beautiful name.” His father comes to him, only to hit him and leave the room afterwards. Cyrus spits blood on the white marble floor. He needs to be faster than his father to find Sierra or she’ll end up dead. He stands up and runs outside, into the rain.

Elpida is a beautiful hidden island where magic blossoms, but evil sits on the throne. Every practitioner has a talent; the King can read minds and Cyrus is what they call an illusionist. Unfortunately, his talent isn’t much help since he does not control it very well.

As he runs through the forest, he thinks about Sierra’s favorite spot and heads towards it. Luckily, his father does not know her very well.

When he reaches the lake, a woman with long golden hair is swimming underneath the water. Her head breaks the surface in an elegant manner and a smile brightens her purple eyes. She joins him on the edge of the lake, circled by trees. The stars and the moon reflect on water, and fireflies give a mystical glow to the scene.

“Sierra.” Cyrus speaks her name in a low whisper, sadness darkening his blue eyes. Her smile fades. “You need to leave.” He gazes at the horizon, ignoring her pleading and beautiful visage.

“Cyrus, I won’t leave you, I love you” she says, her voice on the verge of breaking.

“No, you don’t know what I’ve done. I’m a monster” he responds, shame and guilt filling his mind.

She raises her tone. “I don’t believe you. You’re not your father, Cyrus.”

“Here’s where you’re wrong. When it comes to him, I’m powerless. I have done horrible things.” His words seem to have drained him of hope. “And he knows about you. He’ll destroy you.”

Sierra is about to reply when a cold and hard voice interrupts her. “There you are, son.” The King. The word “son” seems filled with hatred. Sierra stands right in front of Cyrus, hidden from his father’s sight. Cyrus turns to face him, fear nearly paralyzing him. He feels sweat trickling down on his back and he fails to answer his father.

Sierra steps aside. Yet, his Majesty asks “Where is your beautiful lover?”

Cyrus almost frowns, but he resists, and replies “She is long gone.” In a whisper, he adds “Run.” She almost missed it, his voice carried by the wind. She whispers back, “Meet me later.” And she runs as fast as she can. When she is far enough, a tiny part of an invisible weight disappears. However, he feels drained; he unknowingly used an illusion to keep Sierra hidden from his father’s sight.

“She can’t be far.” His father steps forward until he is one foot away. “I figured your punishment. You’ll be the one who kills her.” He smiles, madness darkening his eyes until they are almost as black as ebony. Cyrus realizes how little humanity his father still has. Or maybe he never had humanity at all. Memories float back up in his head.

***

18 years old Cyrus had lunch planned with his older brother, Philippe. Their parents wouldn’t eat with them; the King did not acknowledge Philippe’s existence. He thought he was a humiliation to the royal family because of his paralyzed body. But Cyrus loved his brother.

Before lunch, his father gave him two cups, one filled with wine and the other filled with water. “The wine’s for you, and the water’s for your brother. Wine isn’t good for his health” he explained.

Cyrus should have known better. The water was poisoned and Philippe died during the night. By Cyrus’s hand.

Over a year, his mother, too much affected by her husband’s terrible actions, started going crazy. She would tell everyone nonsense. Ashamed of herself and unable to bear it anymore, she killed herself. She left Cyrus alone with his cruel dad.

***

Back to the present, Cyrus remembers how powerless his father has always made him feel. He is definitely tired of it, and only one thing can be done. Hatred towards his father exceeds fear and reason. A guttural sound escapes his throat and he unsheathes his sword. The King laughs without humor. He lifts his hand to take his son by the neck, but Cyrus is faster. His sword draws an arc and cuts clean his father’s hand. He does not wait to see the astonished look on his Majesty’s face. With no hesitation, he pierces his father’s heart with his sword. When he staggers back, the King crumbles to the cold ground, lifeless.

He thought he would feel better, but, right now, he feels dirty. Blood is already drying on his hands and nausea submerges him. He looks away from the body to empty his stomach, and then runs into the lake.

Once clean, he brings the body and back to the palace. He is now King of Elpida, he couldn’t be more powerful. However, he still isn’t happy. He cannot admit to Sierra what happened, and she might always be in danger.

When manages to find her, he looks at her hidden in the shadows and does what he knows is best for her. He walks up to her and blows memory dust towards her. She faints, slowly crumbling to the ground. He kneels beside her and kiss her forehead, tears sliding down his cheeks. “You’ll forget everything about Elpida and me. You had a normal mundane life and have never left Great Britain.” She’ll wake up later in London.

Cyrus finally has the power he has always hoped for, he is crowned King. But at what cost? He might have control and power, but he has lost hope and love. He guesses he can’t have everything after all. 

September 12, 2020 02:06

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27 comments

Charles Stucker
00:37 Sep 23, 2020

I had to backtrack to find out how the second part started. This is very readable. Smooth, clean scene shifts, clearly defined characters. You created a good solid magical system where each practitioner has their own 'superpower' while including alchemical recipes (memory dust) as a general purpose utility craft. This begs to be turned into a full novel about them being reunited. Start with Sierra as a somewhat frustrated nurse going to middle age who finally finds love, only to have it turn sideways.

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Dalyane Deblois
01:44 Sep 23, 2020

Your feedback is helpful and apreciated as always! Thank you for taking the time to read another one of my stories. I am really grateful for the advice and the ideas! I worked a lot on this magical system, so it’s very nice to hear that the time I put in it was worth it!

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Daniel K
21:03 Sep 17, 2020

I like how original the premise of the story is, you never know what's going to happen next. The characters are detailed and they all feel like you want to know more about them. Especially what goes on between Cyrus and Sierra. My favorite part was "Elpida is a beautiful hidden island where magic blossoms, but evil sits on the throne." It really set the tone well. One thing, though, is maybe you could talk more about the location/setting a little earlier in the story. It mentions London at the end, so it could be brought up once towards the...

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Dalyane Deblois
23:40 Sep 17, 2020

Thank you very much for the nice comment and the advice! I really appreciate it and I'm really glad you liked the story! I would love to write more about this universe and those characters actually. And you're totally right, I should have mentioned that Elpida is in the Bay of Biscay kind of near France, Great Britain, and Spain. Again, thank you!:)

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15:40 Sep 17, 2020

This is a beautiful mythical story filled with the potential for a great novel! My only critique would be to use other phrases to explain Cyrus' powerless feeling so as not to saturate parts of the story with the prompt. Well done Dalyane!!

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Dalyane Deblois
19:02 Sep 17, 2020

Thank you, this is very nice! I do hope to write a novel on Cyrus eventually! And you're right, I understand what you mean, thank you for the advice!:)

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Paige Mackey
21:10 Sep 16, 2020

I love this! The story is so incredible ❤️ The only critique I might have, would be a little more description!! I would love to see more of what Cyrus is seeing and feeing!! I love this so so much!! Have a great day!!!

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Dalyane Deblois
23:55 Sep 16, 2020

thank you so much, it's very nice of you ❤ and you're totally right, it's lacking some details! Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it! I'll remember your advice next time I write about him! Have a great day too!!!

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Elizabeth Inkim
16:24 Sep 26, 2020

Hey Dalyane! Loved the subject matter and overall theme of this story; I think you defined the characters and world well. I too also love reading and writing fantasy and I think that you would really enjoy some of my stories, particularly 'Enigmas of the Shadow Sea' and 'Auditorium Antics'. I would love to know what you think, so be sure to leave a comment! I'll definitely be following along with your stories; great work! P.S. If/when you decide to read any of my stories just know that all of the characters and locations belong to the sam...

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Dalyane Deblois
14:28 Sep 28, 2020

Thanks a lot Elizabeth! I'll make sure to go check them out!:)

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Ariadne .
20:55 Sep 21, 2020

Wow. Stunning story - had me captivated from the first line. I guessed that the story would end like this! I feel like you could work a bit more on descriptions, though. Cyrus's character is so interesting - going a bit more into it would be fascinating to read. And, I've got to agree with Andrew, I am so stealing that gorgeous name of yours for a character in a future story! (I'll dedicate it to you, though) Keep writing! Also, would you mind checking out my latest story? Thanks! ~Adrienne

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Dalyane Deblois
13:37 Sep 22, 2020

Thanks a lot for the feedback! You're right, my description is pretty brief and I will definitely work on that! My story "Cyrus's Trip to a Strange London" is set five years later, if you're interested. Thank you, I wouldn't mind at all if you used it:) I'll go check it out right away!

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Andrew Krey
12:23 Sep 19, 2020

Hi Delyane (great name, I may have to steal it for a story :) ) I really liked your story, it's a strong universe that you quickly demonstrate to the reader with magic, good/evil, and a tyranical ruler. I especially liked that when Cyrus hides Sierra with magic, this isn't confirmed till after the event. I thought that was a powerful sequence; the tension of what the king will do, the assumption that Cyrus may be using his power, then the confirmation. I also like the way that there's no immediate happy ending, and a new hurdle is pla...

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Dalyane Deblois
13:34 Sep 19, 2020

Hi Andrew! I surely wouldn't mind if you use my name for one of your stories.😊 I plan on writing a novel with this universe and those characters, so they are pretty developed. It made it easier to write short stories about it. Thank you for the time you put into writing a feedback! I'm really glad to hear that you liked my story and your suggestions are definitely helpful. I will look into it!😊

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Andrew Krey
17:56 Sep 19, 2020

You're welcome, and I'm glad they were helpful. That's a win win, easier to create great stories, and the short stories should help develop the characters even further too :) on Reedsy they had an article with a list of questions to answer about your characters to create a character Bible, and I've found hat quite helpful. I've not used any of he characters from the novel I'm working on as Reedsy has specific guidelines on these stories, so keeping it separate.

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Dalyane Deblois
18:44 Sep 19, 2020

Thanks, I will definitely check this out!:) And I'll also make sure to follow Reedsy's guidelines.

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Andrew Krey
20:13 Sep 19, 2020

Yeah the story and characters are still your copyright, but if you publish you have to acknowledge it was their prompt that inspired the story and character. So for example, if I wanted to use the story as a chapter/scene in my novel, I weren't sure where I would stand...so just avoided it lol

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Dalyane Deblois
21:22 Sep 19, 2020

Right, I wasn’t going to use those scenes for sure, but only the characters! Thanks for reminding me about that!

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B. W.
15:53 Oct 24, 2020

Hm, i'm a little bit curious about this ^^ what made ya decide to join Reedsy/write stories in general if ya don't mind me asking? ^^

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Dalyane Deblois
16:56 Oct 24, 2020

I guess writing stories makes me feel better because I can express feelings and create! I love creating and I'd love to write a novel. Reedsy's helpful to improve my writing> How about you?

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B. W.
17:09 Oct 24, 2020

well short story to how it started and before i joined, it was a long time ago (maybe 4th grade or something) when i got sick and so i was in the hospital, i had papers there and so i was always writing short stuff there, i guess that's when i started to like writing.

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Dalyane Deblois
21:56 Oct 24, 2020

Oh that's nice, you found something to do and it stayed with you after!:)

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B. W.
21:59 Oct 24, 2020

Yeah, i guess it is ^^ i hope this isn't bugging you or anything but, will you be able to do the thing now that i've been talking to you about?

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Dalyane Deblois
22:15 Oct 24, 2020

I started it actually, and I'll finish it during the evening after dinner and reading your latest story!

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