174 comments

Funny Friendship Drama

Hurry up! 

It was Saturday morning and the chickens were arising,

Feathers ruffled and beaks slapped with bright- 

Croissant,

 NO, 

Crescent, 

NO

Cerulean?

Certainly not, 

Oh! the word is- 

CRIMSON 

red lipstick 

Because these chickens were ready 

And they were ready to party. 

They had been planning this trip since the beginning of time, whether that meant they were first chickens or first eggs, mind you, and the day was finally, brilliantly and beautifully here. What good was sitting alone in the chicken coop when there was a world awaiting them?

The geese went away for the winter, 

SO 

Why not the chickens?

There were three of them, see. 

The one with two feet was Lola and she sat at the far right of the coop. She was the queen. She ruled the land with a steel dose of gossip and an attitude of sarcastic tendencies so strong it would beat even the most savage of villains. Lola was the one with the ideas. 

The one with a broken wing and no left eyeball was Ruby and she was smack dab in the middle of the coop. She was, to put it quite simply, the sniveling coward of the coop, but only because she’d been torn to pieces near about by a coyote last January. Wouldn’t you be scared of every midnight noise after a thing like that? Yes, Ruby was the frightened one, but she had a mind sharper than two toothpicks at a welding shop and she was very keen on helping Lola, since Lola was the one who had ripped into that coyote and dragged Ruby away from most certain death. 

At the left of the coop was Tequila Cartini, and she was the unloveable skunk of the three. You would think that would be Lola, but NO. It was Tequila Cartini. She was wild and charismatic and the prettiest darn chicken you ever set a pair of eyes on, but she wouldn’t hesitate to cut the pen gate out and leap into town, disregarding everyone she left behind. That was how the coyote got to Ruby, anyhow. Tequila Cartini woke up with the Roosters every morning just so she could show them she was louder than they could ever hope to be. 

Yes, yes, and yes, there were three special chickens in that coop. The rest were regular old squabble heads, so pay them no mind. They don’t matter. They are not going to Florida for the winter. 

But our chickens?

Lola and Ruby and that treacherous Tequila Cartini? 

They were already headed towards what they imagined would be the best clucking weekend of their entire lives. 

You stupid cow! 

Lola tripped over Ruby and they both knocked forward into Tequila Cartini, who turned and gave them the meanest look since Farmer Bumps ran out of hair spray and poured orange juice down his scalp. Tequila Cartini called Lola and Ruby stupid cows all the time, which honestly didn’t bother them because they weren’t cows, they were chickens. And Lola and Ruby paid no heed to untrue labels, unless they were slapping them down on other folks in the coop, like poor Esmerelda when Ruby told Yolanda that she had seen the old girl listening to Liberace, not Bach. 

Bach, Bach, Bach! 

All chickens listened to it. 

It was common knowledge. 

The cows listened to Mozart, but of course with their accents it was pronounced MOO-zart and the insects all were terrific fans of the Beatles. 

Old MacDonald had a farm, 

Do re mi fa so la ti do

Back to the chicken churls, though, because they do get so upset when their narrator (hallo, gorgeous) gets off track. 

They were walking a bit off Highway Seven, where the gas stations rose to meet the top of the sky and the pickup trucks provided a new kind of thunder, what with all their incessant rumbling and roaring. Tequila Cartini thought trucks were stupid. She much preferred the other natural forces of the highway; motorcycles. 

There was a whole flock (Tequila didn’t know the correct terminology for a group of motorcycles) of them barreling by and she was enthralled by the sleek bodies and powerful engines. This, Tequila Cartini thought under her breath, was the new way to fly.

Hey Lola!

Tequila Cartini held out her wings to stop her friends from going any further. She turned around and did the face chickens do for smiling, which has a lot more to do with eyes than it does with lips. 

Why did the chickens cross the road? 

Lola clucked and said she didn’t know, but Ruby said, in her timid, whisper wash voice, 

To get to the vacation rental they found on Airbnbarnyard? 

YES! 

Tequila Cartini picked up Ruby and spun her around so violently that they both swung into a bush and collapsed into a fit of squawking giggles. My word, if you have ever heard a bush full of chickens giggling, bless you, sweet child. You will never forget that sound. It will resonate with you always; resound from the tips of your toes straight up to the cartilage of your nose.  (What a fine pair of eyes sit above that nose, young Padawan...never before have I seen such a- oh, never mind, the chickens told me to quit flirting with the readers. Shame, bloody shame.) 

What was I getting around to say? 

Oh right! Chickens cackling. Don’t set it as your alarm sound or you’ll be so shocked you’ll never leave the bed. Forget evil witch laughs, Jeff Bezos needs to giggle like Lola the Chicken. That, in my book, would earn him the spot as ultimate villain once and for all. 

When the horror movie soundtrack ended, the chickens emerged from the overgrown houseplant by the highway and continued walking. They didn’t know where they were going despite their Airbnbarnyard reservations. 

What a confusing life a chicken leads. 

Lola led the trio like a peacock with her head screwed on backwards, all high and mighty but having not a clue where she was taking her life. Like many college students and people in the midst of a mid-life crisis, she was stressed and drowning in it but all the same was managing to keep her neck above the slashing, tiring waters. She wasn’t struggling against the weight of student loans or the weight of student loans later in life once you have five kids and a house, though. She was a chicken migrating for the winter in hopes of finding somewhere warmer, more fun and free and tropically inclined. 

She wanted to be where the grass was so full of pesticides the worms in the soil would be considered poison. 

She wanted to settle down, but only for a night filled with sparkling corn cider and artificial palm tree filtered moonlight. 

Lola wanted it all. 

Soon they had walked over seventeen hours, and those hours were filled with banter and more wicked chicken chortling. I don’t want to go on and on about it though, because I’m only getting paid three coupons an hour to translate for these cluckheads and most of the coupons are for crappy toothpaste. Who needs toothpaste when my teeth are naturally glorious? 

I’m skipping to the good part. 

The signs in the city were all aglow with the shine of a neon moon; basking in the simmering multicolored lettering spelling out the best places to, well, to whatever the baked bleach beans you felt like doing. There was so much to do and see and feel and not feel and Lola, Tequila Cartini, and Ruby were elated to be smack bub in the middle of it all. There were cars zipping by at a speed so fast that if the chickens weren’t so lively, they’d be fried for sure. They danced in and out of the wheels like ballerinas trained by gazelles. It was very graceful. 

The CITY! 

Ruby threw one wing, the not shattered one, in the air and hopped crookedly. She was so excited for this vacation she could hardly keep herself (what was left) together. 

Lola beamed because it was all her idea. She pushed her friends forward until they reached a giant billboard. 

EAT MOR CHIKIN 

Maybe the cold was better than facing this reality. 

Cows… they weren’t friends. They were cannibals of a nature so drastically atrocious, it caused even Tequila Cartini to weep. 

The chickens had escaped the coop, but it was a jump out of the oven and into the meat processor. 

So much for a vacation 

Tequila Cartini sighed 

We paid eighty dollars in toothpaste coupons for a rental home in the most viciously anti chicken, or chikin, I guess, place in the whole USA. 

But it wasn’t just this city.

It was everywhere. 

The cows were oppressing the chickens with their propaganda, but the chickens were uprising. 

It was time for the cows,

To go home. 

October 12, 2020 22:41

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174 comments

B. W.
14:33 Oct 14, 2020

Hey, what do you think of this new update?

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Rhondalise Mitza
14:48 Oct 14, 2020

Oh it's kind of weird, but that's okay!

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B. W.
14:52 Oct 14, 2020

Do you like it? I'm not sure about it

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Rhondalise Mitza
15:00 Oct 14, 2020

I mean, I like it because it's easier to keep track of comments this way.

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B. W.
15:15 Oct 14, 2020

It is?

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Oki so I started daily memes...🤷🏼‍♀️ https://forms.gle/AmTwc5ZSEhZ8iSut9

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B. W.
22:32 Oct 18, 2020

I could use some help again

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Rhondalise Mitza
23:43 Oct 18, 2020

Go for it, what can I do?

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B. W.
23:45 Oct 18, 2020

Well it's about my most recent story, you read "A strange place" Already, right?

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Rhondalise Mitza
23:55 Oct 18, 2020

Shoot for the stars.

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B. W.
23:55 Oct 18, 2020

what?

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Rhondalise Mitza
23:57 Oct 18, 2020

I just mean, yeah, talk.

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B. W.
15:11 Oct 17, 2020

Hey, what do you think of the new prompts?

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Rhondalise Mitza
15:14 Oct 17, 2020

I think they're cool and moody enough for how I'm feeling lately! What do you think of them?

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B. W.
15:37 Oct 17, 2020

Some of them or all of them are actually really good for the spooky month

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Rhondalise Mitza
16:05 Oct 17, 2020

And my birthday month, of course! :)

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B. W.
16:18 Oct 17, 2020

oh yeah ^^

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B. W.
01:25 Oct 20, 2020

ya wanna hear a joke?

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Okay, so, not to ruin Operation Shared Valentine or anything (although I was pretty nice...😉), but I left a note to the downvoter in my bio...😂 Check it out, maybe? Lol...

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Rhondalise Mitza
00:21 Oct 20, 2020

ADORABLE!!!

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Haha thanks :) Inspired by your old one ;D

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Ooh, love the freeverse in your biooooo! AND AH I WANNA KNOW WHAT PROJECT VALENTINE ISSSSSSS but ahem Anyways, hope to see you back soon! (I’m a hypocrite, I know,:

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Rhondalise Mitza
00:00 Oct 20, 2020

Project Shared Valentine is where we're madly in love with the downvoter(s) but we're actually just pretending so we can break their heart(s) into a billion tiny fragments hahaha!

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HA! Lol, that’s awesome 😂😂

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B. W.
02:32 Oct 19, 2020

Oh gosh, i realized that i just passed you on the leader board a bit ago. sorry about that

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Rhondalise Mitza
02:47 Oct 19, 2020

😂don’t be sorry! Own your winnings while they last, madam.

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B. W.
03:03 Oct 19, 2020

well alright

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Molly Leasure
04:59 Oct 17, 2020

This was an absolute HOOT to read, or should it be cluck? I enjoyed the off-the-wall humor you incorporated here, and I'm always a big fan of sassy narrators. The poor chickens didn't know what was coming to them...cows are an evil breed, indeed. :P

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00:59 Oct 17, 2020

Rhonnnnnyyyyyy!!!! That note is PRICELESS!! Well done. 👌 So, some updates: Op. SV slides: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1Qzq8wD4gcYlAvDVHFRS_bE3HvHaOXj3eeCOo22TCmY4/edit?usp=sharing P.S. New story out! not my best, but I'd appreciate it if you could take a look!

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Rhondalise Mitza
01:57 Oct 17, 2020

We are way too involved with this plot and it's one of the best things I've done this year. :D Also of course I'll check it out!

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02:57 Oct 17, 2020

IKRRR!!! 🤣🤣🤣 It's way too fun to let go of. I can't wait until Valentine's Day though...

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B. W.
17:02 Oct 16, 2020

I made a new story :D could you check out "a strange place" and leave some feedback?

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He!Do I.A.P.N
23:30 Oct 15, 2020

HAHA what a good story. I'm like kinda new here, so if you have like an explanation or like recommendations on how to kinda work Reedsy I would be really grateful if you could let me know lol. Also would you mind reading and giving feedback on one of my stories..? Thank youuuu

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B. W.
22:31 Oct 15, 2020

Seriously, why is the down-voter even still doing this? It still get's me a bit mad but at the moment it's more of just annoying. It had stopped for a while (i don't know for how long i just know that i thought it had finally stopped) but nope, one day i come on to see some friend's and other people's along with some of my points going down and even now it's still going on. I don't get why they can't just ask us all to read their his/her stories or they don't even need to be acting like this, if they don't like one of our stories they could ...

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21:29 Oct 13, 2020

This story is Amazing!!! (Btw what's everyone talking bout I'm kinda lost here😭)

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Rhondalise Mitza
22:17 Oct 13, 2020

Hi! We’re talking about our operations to take down the downvoter, Lord Misanthropist. 💖

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10:19 Oct 14, 2020

Ohh okay, 🤗 good luck then‼‼‼‼

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B. W.
16:43 Oct 13, 2020

Hey, whats this 'shared valentine' thing some people have been talking about a little bit? and could i maybe join?

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Rhondalise Mitza
16:48 Oct 13, 2020

So basically it's a joke, but we're pretending that we're all in love with the downvoter and we have an operation to infiltrate his house by getting hired to work as pool boys, gardeners, blah blah blah, and ultimately break his heart into a million pieces when he finds out we were only use his love to ruin his life and show him how hurtful it is when someone takes something from you.

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B. W.
16:51 Oct 13, 2020

Oh wow- wait is that why some of you have those notes in your Bio's thats kind of like a love thing towards them? I was always wondering for a little while why those stuff were there. Could i still maybe join?

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Rhondalise Mitza
16:52 Oct 13, 2020

Uh sure, you can join. We just kind of chat about it whenever. :)

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B. W.
17:39 Oct 13, 2020

Yay :) also whats your profile picture?

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Rhondalise Mitza
17:59 Oct 13, 2020

That's me, I was modeling for something and I liked the picture haha.

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Scout Tahoe
22:59 Oct 12, 2020

Haha, the narrator is hilarious. You've done such a great job writing this that after my long day I'm cackling aloud. A work of art. ;)

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Rhondalise Mitza
01:28 Oct 13, 2020

Yay! I just was inspired by Animal Farm.

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02:06 Oct 13, 2020

Blegh, I hated that book! I had to read it for school last year. How such a masterpiece was inspired by that - actually, I can see the connection. Well, one point for Orwell, I suppose. Thanks a bunch, Rhonny. :)

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B. W.
02:17 Oct 13, 2020

The heck is that? i've never heard of that before, and yes i'm just here because i want to exist.

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02:23 Oct 13, 2020

Animal Farm? It's a book about these animals on a farm who can talk. Well, it's actually about totalitarianism, but it's all symbolic. It's by George Orwell.

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B. W.
02:25 Oct 13, 2020

About what? I have never heard of that word thing before or i'm just being stupid honestly.

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B. W.
22:19 Oct 30, 2020

ya wanna do an upvote spree?

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B. W.
20:56 Oct 30, 2020

sorry

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Rhondalise Mitza
21:02 Oct 30, 2020

?? why??

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B. W.
21:04 Oct 30, 2020

I just wanna apologize because lately i just feel like I've been really annoying to you and some other friends, maybe even rude but I ain't sure. I'm really sorry if I've ever been anything like that.

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Rhondalise Mitza
21:11 Oct 30, 2020

Aw, dude, no. If anything I'M sorry on behalf of whoever made you feel like you were annoying. You're just, as you always like to say, existing and I love that. I may not always answer but that's not because I don't want to talk. Comments get lost on my page and I can't answer them all but as many times as I can, I love chatting with you! Please don't feel bad. :( I appreciate you, your writing, and our friendship a lot, B.

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B. W.
21:14 Oct 30, 2020

for a while when no one responds for a few days or longer without telling me I end up always thinking "what if they don't like you anymore??" or something, but I always try to stop that. Though its fine ^^

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B. W.
18:12 Oct 27, 2020

Maybe ill try and make you a quick story for your B-Day :)

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B. W.
02:23 Oct 26, 2020

upvote spree for upvote spree?

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Rhondalise Mitza
02:28 Oct 26, 2020

Aw I can't right now, working on a story!

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B. W.
02:29 Oct 26, 2020

thats alright, if your working on a story then I know it'll be great ^^

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B. W.
20:08 Oct 24, 2020

I made a new story ^^ could you check out "A strange night" and leave some feedback?

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